Your Child Jt Told You He's Gay. Now What? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• WHEN YOUR CHILD IS GAY
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOUR CHILD IS GAY, LBIAN OR BISEXUAL
• HELP! I THK MY KID IS GAY
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR KID IS GAY
• EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAYTIMOFDIATHE DIFFICULT JOURNEYUNRSTANDG, ACKNOWLEDGG, AND SHARG ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN WH THE WORLD, IS EASY FOR SOME, WHILE FOR OTHERS THE JOURNEY IS LONG AND DIFFICULT.GETTY-IMAGCOMG OUT ISN'T EASYGAY YOUTH OFTEN FACE THEIR SET OF CHALLENG AFTER G OUT ABOUT THEIR GENR PREFERENC.GETTY-IMAGTHE ROLE OF PARENTSAS PARENTS, ALL YOU N DO IS PROVI THEM WH LOVE AND SUPPORT. THIS N START OM AN EARLY AGE IF YOU N INTIFY THE SIGNS OF YOUR CHILD'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN.GETTY-IMAG​DRSG UPIT MAY SEEM STEREOTYPIL, BUT SOME REARCH SUGGTS THAT KIDS SHOW THEIR CLATN BY THE WAY THEY DRS UP. GETTY-IMAG​SPEECHAS PER A STUDY, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE SPEECH OF KIDS WHO ARE CLED TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. THE CHANGE THE TONE N EASILY BE TECTED EVEN WHEN THEY ARE FIVE YEARS OLD. GETTY-IMAG​TOYS PREFERENCEWHEN ROLE-PLAYG, IF A BOY OFTEN TAK THE FEME ROLE OR THE GIRL LIK TO PLAY ROUGH GAM, THEN YOU NEED TO PAY A LTLE ATTENTN. GETTY-IMAGYOU MAY ALSO LIKECOVID: WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR KID'S IMM...
• DEFG: GAY
• YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
• WHAT IF YOUR CHILD IS GAY?
• WHEN DO GAY KIDS START “ACTG GAY”?
• IS MY CHILD GAY, AND IF SO, HOW DO I GET HIM TO BEAT UP OUR NEIGHBOR?
• IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?
• I’M 43 – BUT I’M MA TO FEEL LIKE A DOSR BY YOUNGER GAY MEN

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

When parents learn that their child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, they n experience a range of emotns. As a matter of fact, you might someday look back and fd that you are grateful for the experience of havg a gay or lbian child.

WHEN YOUR CHILD IS GAY

Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups. If you jt found out your child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, you may be thkg that such ias are prepostero. The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOUR CHILD IS GAY, LBIAN OR BISEXUAL

Contact Parents, Fay, and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG). List of Helpful Books for Parents of Gay and Lbian Children. Straight Parents Gay Children: Keepg Fai Together (revised edn).

Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lbians, and Gays Talk About Their Experienc. Somethg to Tell You: The Road Fai Travel when a Child is Gay. Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child.

They immediately clocked as gay, while we immediately clocked them as tipsy.After we warmed up to another, one mom anxly said: "I have a qutn: I am pretty sure my son is gay, but I don't know what to do.

HELP! I THK MY KID IS GAY

You mt not allow hateful speech, whether subtle or overt, of any kd to be tolerated."For example, if someone the word "gay" place of "stupid," remd them that the two are not terchangeable, and suggt they should say what they actually mean stead.3.

The bt thg you n do is to make the nversatn wele by creatg a warm and safe environment where open munitn is the norm."And when they fally are ready to talk, Owen adds, "Really listen."The rourc n help:PFLAG: The untry’s largt anizatn ung parents, fai, and alli wh people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and queer.Genr Spectm: Offers groups, trag, and rourc promotg genr sensivy and cln for all youthGLBT Natnal Rource Database: LGBTQ+ digal directory of rourcNatnal Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: Directory of therapists/unselors who are people of lorNatnal LGBTQ Task Force: The progrsive advocy arm of the LGBTQ+ movementDurg LGBTQ Pri Month, TODAY is sharg the muny’s history, pa, joy and what’s next for the movement.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR KID IS GAY

As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart. Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would have fensively said "No!

San Berland, the mother of a gay son who ach parents of LGBTQ kids, utn, "It's not a good ia to ask. Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this.

EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAYTIMOFDIATHE DIFFICULT JOURNEYUNRSTANDG, ACKNOWLEDGG, AND SHARG ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN WH THE WORLD, IS EASY FOR SOME, WHILE FOR OTHERS THE JOURNEY IS LONG AND DIFFICULT.GETTY-IMAGCOMG OUT ISN'T EASYGAY YOUTH OFTEN FACE THEIR SET OF CHALLENG AFTER G OUT ABOUT THEIR GENR PREFERENC.GETTY-IMAGTHE ROLE OF PARENTSAS PARENTS, ALL YOU N DO IS PROVI THEM WH LOVE AND SUPPORT. THIS N START OM AN EARLY AGE IF YOU N INTIFY THE SIGNS OF YOUR CHILD'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN.GETTY-IMAG​DRSG UPIT MAY SEEM STEREOTYPIL, BUT SOME REARCH SUGGTS THAT KIDS SHOW THEIR CLATN BY THE WAY THEY DRS UP. GETTY-IMAG​SPEECHAS PER A STUDY, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE SPEECH OF KIDS WHO ARE CLED TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. THE CHANGE THE TONE N EASILY BE TECTED EVEN WHEN THEY ARE FIVE YEARS OLD. GETTY-IMAG​TOYS PREFERENCEWHEN ROLE-PLAYG, IF A BOY OFTEN TAK THE FEME ROLE OR THE GIRL LIK TO PLAY ROUGH GAM, THEN YOU NEED TO PAY A LTLE ATTENTN. GETTY-IMAGYOU MAY ALSO LIKECOVID: WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR KID'S IMM...

Watch gay-themed shows together such as "The Fosters" and "Will and Grace.

In a way, you have an advantage by not knowg; giv you more time to prepare for the day (if ever) when he do reveal he's gay. When your kid out as transgenr AND gay, approach the topic wh an open md, and leave behd your ias about what is “right” or “wrong” when to who we are and who we love based on genr.

A long list of helpful rourc—both here at My Kid Is Gay and beyond—to help teachers everywhere learn about the LGBTQ muny and how to create classrooms that are clive of LGBTQ inti. But if your child out as gay, lbian, or bisexual, might e as a shock—many parents feel unprepared, upset, or even a ltle nfed.

DEFG: GAY

Bisexual people often hear that their sexualy is “jt a phase, ” and that they’ll eventually be eher straight or gay. Try lookg at s like Advot for Youth, The Fay Acceptance Project, and Parents, Fai, Friends, and Alli of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG). If your child says she's homosexual, regardls of her age, be acceptg and show love and support.

Article SummaryXTo accept that your child is homosexual or bisexual, the first and most important thg is to make sure your child knows that you love them. For more rmatn on how to talk your child after learng they are homosexual or bisexual, see below. Stunts may want to seek out the Gay Straight Alliance (GSA) at school, and parents may benef greatly om lookg to the lol PFLAG anizatn.

I have had a number of stunts tell me that after my class, they would be okay if one day, they have a child who is gay—this is hugely transformative nsirg that they entered the class admtedly homophobic.

YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

Acrdg to this ndown by (gay) psychologist Jse Berg, recent studi dite that "genr-variant behavr" (i.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

Girls who play wh tcks and boys who play wh dolls) is a good predictor of whether or not a child will turn out to be a practicg homosexual. Berg, who works at Queen's Universy (serly) Belfast, says that not all children who take up the stereotypil behavr of members of the oppose sex will end up wantg to go to bed wh members of the same sex, but is a good this talk of "pre-homosexuals" and "sexed-type behavr" is way too scientific and plited, so we're gog to break down for you. )No matter what your gay party planner iends tell you, a boy askg for Broadway legend Betty Buckley to perform at his nth birthday party is not mon at dghter sists on sleepg on top of her Dora the Explorer bed spread, not unr your dghter plays "Hoe, " she pretends to be an annoyg doctor wh a pill-addictn and a though 's football, if your son has an obssn wh eher Tom Brady or Mark Sanchez, then he's totally a 'mo.

Fdg your son wearg his mother's high heels don't mean he's gay. Jt say' you ever voted for a homophobic Republin polil ndidate, your child is gay.

What have you seen that clearly signified a child was gay? The difficult journeyUnrstandg, acknowledgg, and sharg one's sexual orientatn wh the world, is easy for some, while for others the journey is long and out isn't easyGay youth often face their set of challeng after g out about their genr role of parentsAs parents, all you n do is provi them wh love and support.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

Getty-imag​Word of utnWhile the signs are generally nsired as an ditn, not all boys who play wh dolls are gay or not all girls who like to play rough are lbians. Defe It:“Gay, ” at s most basic level, refers to someone who is attracted to people of the same genr.

WHAT IF YOUR CHILD IS GAY?

The genr of the gay person is irrelevant: you n be a gay cis-man, a gay cis-woman, a gay non-bary person, a gay trans woman, a gay trans man, and on and on and on! Expla It:So, we’ve tablished what “gay” means on the most basic level.

WHEN DO GAY KIDS START “ACTG GAY”?

The word “gay” is also monly ed as a tch-all term to refer to anyone who isn’t straight and/or cisgenr, cludg queer people, bisexual people, asexual people, and more! If someone is talkg about “the gay muny, ” they very well might actually be talkg about the LGBTQIA muny as a whole, and not jt people who intify as gay. Our webse is lled My Kid Is Gay, but our se is actually for all parents, not jt parents of gay kids.

(You n read even more about our e of the word “gay” our name right here! )It’s important to note that not everyone the LGBTQIA muny is fortable wh “gay” beg ed as a tch-all term. For example: A bisexual person may not want to be referred to as gay, bee eras a re part of their inty: the fact that they are attracted to more than one genr gets erased when someone lls them gay, bee that evok the ia that they are only attracted to the same genr, which isn’t te for them!

IS MY CHILD GAY, AND IF SO, HOW DO I GET HIM TO BEAT UP OUR NEIGHBOR?

“Gay” may seem like a straight-forward (no pun tend) word, but realy gay ntas fe multus, jt like humans themselv. Especially for those of who intify as women, we may have a preference between the terms “lbian”—which refers to a gay woman specifilly— and “gay, ” or are fortable g them more terchangeably.

IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

The only way to know for sure is to rpectfully ask your child what their inty means to an add bon, if you’re unsure of how to expla the word “gay” to young children, our iend Ldsay ma a brilliant episo of “Queer Kid Stuff” for that exact purpose!

Debunk It:Gay is the oppose of straight:Sexualy is not a bary, but a spectm. However, gay is such a wily fed, dynamic word that serv s own tegory all on s own! Gay scrib an aspect of a person, but a person is so much more beyond their beg gay, too!

For this reason, rea om referrg to a group of gay people as “the gays. ” Instead, you n talk about a gay person, or the gay is wrong and sful: We have wrten extensively about this here on My Kid Is Gay, but warrants beg said aga.

I’M 43 – BUT I’M MA TO FEEL LIKE A DOSR BY YOUNGER GAY MEN

It is not wrong, is not sful, and is nothg to be ashamed term your hobbi and how you like to drs: While there are some gay women who play softball, fix motorcycl, and wear flannel shirts, and some gay men that do mil theater, there are plenty of people who do not f perfectly to the box. For straight parents, havg a child reveal that he is gay n be a jolt. You might ask how long he or she has known, and why he feels he is gay, bi, or trans, suggts Jonathan Tobk, M.

D., a psychiatrist private practice New York Cy and the -thor of When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need to Know. You n fd one through the Associatn of Gay and Lbian Psychiatrists. Take the extra step and show your child that you are terted beg the parent of a gay child.