What to Do When Your Child Says: "I'm Gay" | Psychology Today

what would you do gay kid

High school is a challengg time for most teens. It n be even more so for lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr stunts. Judy Chiasson of the Los Angel Unified School District and Eliza Byard, executive director of the Gay, Lbian and Straight Edutn Network talk about beg openly LGBT school.

Contents:

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

All gay have been raised to share some tras wh a mon source. Some hered behavrs for survival have been eply programmed our bras. However tim are changg, so are we. A tailed look at how current kids are raised and how we are livg for the first time a full generatn of openly gay people. * what would you do gay kid *

While navigatg sexualy and genr inty has typilly been difficult for most lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, or queer (LGBTQ) youth, dog so durg a global panmic may be tensified by other mental health issu. None of the parents approached me wh fear or embarrassment, nor sadns or anger; rather, they turned to me for any salient advice that I — as an LGBTQ expert, queer iend, and gay parent — uld give to them.

They immediately clocked as gay, while we immediately clocked them as we warmed up to another, one mom anxly said: "I have a qutn: I am pretty sure my son is gay, but I don't know what to do. "For example, if someone the word "gay" place of "stupid, " remd them that the two are not terchangeable, and suggt they should say what they actually mean stead.

"The rourc n help:PFLAG: The untry’s largt anizatn ung parents, fai, and alli wh people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and Spectm: Offers groups, trag, and rourc promotg genr sensivy and cln for all youthGLBT Natnal Rource Database: LGBTQ+ digal directory of rourcNatnal Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: Directory of therapists/unselors who are people of lorNatnal LGBTQ Task Force: The progrsive advocy arm of the LGBTQ+ movementDurg LGBTQ Pri Month, TODAY is sharg the muny’s history, pa, joy and what’s next for the movement. So your child jt me out as lbian, gay, bisexual or transgenr.

WHAT IS LIKE GROWG UP GAY?

* what would you do gay kid *

"How you react to your gay or transgenr children has a ep and lastg impact on their liv, " the Fay Acceptance Project says an rmatn gui. Project director Cal Ryan utns parents agast exprsg shame that their child me out or preventg them om fdg an LGBT support Montgomery of Chandler, Ariz., wasn’t sure what to do when she realized her then-13-year-old son Jordan might be gay. "Comg om a very nservative, very Orthodox, multigeneratnal Mormon home, I didn’t know any gay people, " she says.

If I knew gay people, I didn’t know they were gay.

YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

" The three of them did rearch together to learn more about homosexualy and to try to fd lol LGBT anizatns and rourc. Comg out, fdg a good therapist and attendg gathergs wh other LGBT teens and those who are acceptg “really helped get me to where I am now, where I feel like I’ve never been more mentally healthy, ” said Jordan, now 18 and who jt fished his first year of also helped Jordan is when his mom troduced him to happy, succsful gay upl. Fay Acceptance Project rearch shows that the average age that kids realize they were gay was a a ltle over age 13.

"I’m a better person for havg a gay child, " she says. The group (formerly Parents, Fai, and Friends of Lbians and Gays) has 400 chapters across the untry.

WHAT'S LIFE LIKE FOR GAY KIDS IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS?

But providg support isn't always easy — pecially if you are the parent of a lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr or qutng (LGBTQ) child.

Advote for a gay-straight alliance (GSA), which has been shown to make schools safer and boost amic performance among LGBTQ stunts.

GAY PARENTS RAISG KIDS: HOW WILL THEY FARE?

Team up wh a pediatrician, a unselor at school, close fay members and even muny anizatns — for example, Parents, Fai and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG) — if you’re havg trouble gog alone. Parents, Fai and Friends of Lbian and Gays (PFLAG). I intified as bi for years before I realized I was gay.

Reev also -found a California chapter of PFLAG (formerly known as, “Parents, Fai, and Friends of Lbians and Gays”), an anizatn wh 200, 000 members natnwi. ” The ial rponse offered by Jumel Howard, 25, who me out as gay at 13, go a step further: “No matter what, you are still my child and I am always gog to love you. Consir gettg volved and makg a donatn to GLSEN (an tnal anizatn workg to end discrimatn and promote cln for LBTQ+ stunts K-12), GLAAD (an LGBTQ+ media advocy formerly known as the “Gay & Lbian Alliance Agast Defamatn”) or the Human Rights Campaign (the largt LGBTQ+ advocy and polil lobbyg anizatn the untry).

When parents learn that their child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, they n experience a range of emotns.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* WHAT WOULD YOU DO GAY KID

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qemy">{visibily:hidn;ntent-visibily:hidn;background-lor:#f6e5;lor:#000;width:20rem;max-width:20rem;height:100%;overflow-x:hidn;overflow-y:scroll;posn:fixed;top:0rem;z-x:5999998;-webk-transn:-webk-transform 0.2s lear;transn:transform 0.2s lear;-webk-transform:translateX(-20rem);-moz-transform:translateX(-20rem);-ms-transform:translateX(-20rem);transform:translateX(-20rem);} >div{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;m-height:100%;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;} ~.sipanelToggleable{-webk-transform:ial;-moz-transform:ial;-ms-transform:ial;transform:ial;-webk-transn:-webk-transform 0.2s lear;transn:transform 0.2s lear;}{-webk-transform:translateX(0);-moz-transform:translateX(0);-ms-transform:translateX(0);transform:translateX(0);visibily:visible;ntent-visibily:to;} ~.sipanelToggleable{-webk-transform:translateX(20rem);-moz-transform:translateX(20rem);-ms-transform:translateX(20rem);transform:translateX(20rem);}@media(m-width: 90rem){ ~.sipanelToggleable{-webk-transform:translateX(7rem);-moz-transform:translateX(7rem);-ms-transform:translateX(7rem);transform:translateX(7rem);}}</style><nav id="sipanel" aria-hidn="te" class="new-sipanel-menu hidn css-qemy eqt11jm15"><div data-foc-lock-disabled="disabled" data-foc-lock="ma"><style data-emotn="css 3uwsu9">{marg:1rem 1rem 0 1rem;paddg:0 0.6rem;width:-webk-m-ntent;width:-moz-m-ntent;width:m-ntent;height:2.1875rem;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;} svg{fill:#000000;}</style><a href="/search/" class="css-3uwsu9 e1c1bym14"><style data-emotn="css fpbvzc">{height:1rem;width:1rem;}</style><svg alt="Search" tle="Search" data-dynamic-svg class="css-fpbvzc 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pjjyzu">{posn:absolute;right:1.4rem;top:1.2rem;borr-lor:#000000;borr-style:solid;borr-width:0 0.0625rem 0.0625rem 0;paddg:0.2rem;-webk-transn:-webk-transform 0.25s ease--out;transn:transform 0.25s ease--out;cursor:poter;background-lor:transparent;lor:#fff;}.submenu-open {-webk-transform:rotate(45g);-moz-transform:rotate(45g);-ms-transform:rotate(45g);transform:rotate(45g);}.submenu-closed {-webk-transform:rotate(-45g);-moz-transform:rotate(-45g);-ms-transform:rotate(-45g);transform:rotate(-45g);}</style><button role="button" tabInx="0" aria-expand="false" class="css-pjjyzu eqt11jm7"></button><style data-emotn="css 1knzpdr animatn-1dfsy">{posn:relative;list-style:none;marg:0rem;paddg:0rem;max-height:0rem;-webk-transn:max-height 0.3s cubic-bezier(0, 1, 0, 1),opacy 0.2s lear 0.15s,marg 0.3s lear;transn:max-height 0.3s cubic-bezier(0, 1, 0, 1),opacy 0.2s lear 0.15s,marg 0.3s lear;height:unset;overflow:hidn;opacy:0;visibily:hidn;-webk-animatn:1s animatn-1dfsy;animatn:1s animatn-1dfsy;-webk-animatn-fill-mo:forwards;animatn-fill-mo:forwards;width:lc(100% + 2rem);marg-left:-1rem;background-lor:#f9b9b6;lor:#000000;}.submenu-open {max-height:27rem;overflow-y:scroll;height:to;opacy:1;visibily:visible;marg-top:0.75rem;}.submenu-closed {max-height:0rem;}@-webk-keyam animatn-1dfsy{99%{visibily:hidn;display:none;}100%{visibily:visible;display:block;}}@keyam animatn-1dfsy{99%{visibily:hidn;display:none;}100%{visibily:visible;display:block;}}</style><ul class="css-1knzpdr eqt11jm10"><style data-emotn="css eqhohi">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;cursor:poter;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;height:2.5rem;paddg:0 1rem;} {-webk-transn:background-lor 0.2s lear;transn:background-lor 0.2s lear;} {background-lor:#f6e5;lor:#000;} a{opacy:0.8;}{background-lor:#f9b9b6;lor:#ffffff;}</style><li class="nav-em css-eqhohi eqt11jm8"><a href="/applianc/" class="css-cv3h5u 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73.75rem){{font-size:3.25rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><h1 class="css-rdayf9 exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>How to Support Your LGBTQ+ Kid When He, She or They Come Out<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 14lpaao">{font-fay:Archer,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1rem;le-height:1.3;font-weight:normal;marg-bottom:0.625rem;} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-14lpaao exadjwu8"><p>Even if 's unexpected, parents need to be the emotnal safe harbor. </p></div><style data-emotn="css 1hf6p7y">{lor:#323232;font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;paddg-top:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 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48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><span class="css-19eokd0 e6iqd1">Getty Imag</span></figptn></div></div><style data-emotn="css z6i669">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.5rem;paddg-right:3.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:45.25rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body standard-body-ntent css-z6i669 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css 18vfmjb">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Even though there's more visibily than ever for the LGBTQ+ muny, g out n still be difficult. If you're a parent of someone who recently me out, here's what you should know and how you n offer your support.</p><style data-emotn="css 1y767x5">{font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:bold;marg-bottom:1rem;marg-top:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.875rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.875rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.1875rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.5rem;le-height:1.1;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}</style><h2 data-no-id="1" class="body-h2 css-1y767x5 et3p2gv0"><strong>The average age of g out gets younger each generatn</strong><strong>, but the LGBTQ+ muny still experienc discrimatn.</strong></h2><p data-no-id="2" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Rearch suggts that children and young adults are g out <style data-emotn="css 1me6ynq">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#125C68;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:#125C68;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:#595959;}</style><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="at younger ag" class="body-lk css-1me6ynq et3p2gv0">at younger ag</a> and <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn=" greater numbers" class="body-lk css-1me6ynq et3p2gv0"> greater numbers</a> than earlier generatns. Acrdg to a 2013 Pew Rearch Study, the median age LGBTQ+ people reported g out to others is <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="20 years old" class="body-lk css-1me6ynq et3p2gv0">20 years old</a>. Individuals who are transgenr (those whose genr inty is different om the genr they were assigned at birth) and non-bary (those whose genr inty isn’t exclively male or female) reported g out at <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="an average of 18.5 years old" class="body-lk css-1me6ynq et3p2gv0">an average of 18.5 years old</a>, acrdg to the Amerin Amy of Pediatrics. </p><p data-no-id="3" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">“Our culture is openg up a ltle b certa areas so children feel safer g out earlier,” says Lda K. Reev, LMFT, a licensed marriage and fay therapist and <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="World Profsnal Associatn for Transgenr Health" class="body-lk css-1me6ynq et3p2gv0">World Profsnal Associatn for Transgenr Health</a> (WPATH) Certified Genr Specialist. Reev also -found a California chapter of <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="PFLAG" class="body-lk css-1me6ynq et3p2gv0">PFLAG</a> (formerly known as, “Parents, Fai, and Friends of Lbians and Gays”), an anizatn wh 200,000 members natnwi. </p><div data-no-id="4" data-teractive="WatchNext-1" class="journey-unblur-ntent css-0 e10xr3vp6"><style data-emotn="css 1ujafpv">{clear:both;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;paddg:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:25rem;float:left;marg-right:1.25rem;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{marg-left:0;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{marg-left:max(512px - 50vw, -5%);paddg:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{marg-left:max(590px - 50vw, -20%);}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{marg-left:-40%;}}</style><div data-embed="watch-next" class="css-1ujafpv e10xr3vp5"><style data-emotn="css llfhfh">{text-align:left;marg:0 to;max-width:60rem;borr:th solid #CDCDCD;borr-width:0.0625rem 0 0;}</style><div class="css-llfhfh e10xr3vp4"><style data-emotn="css 1ocka91">{marg-bottom:0rem;paddg:0.625rem;}</style><div class="css-1ocka91 e10xr3vp3"><style data-emotn="css 1u752e8">{marg:0rem;font-weight:normal;font-fay:Archer,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.125rem;le-height:1.3;letter-spacg:0.05rem;text-transform:upperse;}</style><h6 class="css-1u752e8 e10xr3vp2"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><span class="css-0 e10xr3vp1">More From Good Hoekeepg</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css 8ivsrn">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:bold;-webk-box-pack:left;-ms-flex-pack:left;-webk-jtify-ntent:left;jtify-ntent:left;letter-spacg:0.02rem;marg:0rem;m-height:2.4rem;paddg:0.625rem 0;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:1rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.125rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><h6 class="css-8ivsrn e10xr3vp0"> </h6></div><style data-emotn="css 1ui7hop">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;--aspect-rat:56.25%;}</style><div class="__rp-ntaer css-1ui7hop e6l0f0"><style data-emotn="css 1yu8e3d">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;width:100%;height:100%;} .__rp-ntaer{height:to;}</style><div data-embed="embed-vio" class="vio-player css-1yu8e3d e1ou1fny0"><style data-emotn="css 1uds6oo">{height:100%;width:100%;posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><style data-emotn="css w2pm9t">{background-lor:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.4);borr:.1875rem solid whe;borr-radi:50%;lor:#fff;cursor:poter;height:3.75rem;left:50%;posn:absolute;-webk-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-moz-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-ms-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-webk-transn:all 0.4s;transn:all 0.4s;width:3.75rem;z-x:1;}.e1f7ylgd6:hover {background-lor:rgba(33, 150, 245, 0.8);lor:#ffffff;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{top:26%;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{top:29.5%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{top:32.5%;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{top:34.5%;height:5.625rem;width:5.625rem;borr:.28125rem solid whe;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{top:35%;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{top:35.8%;}}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-w2pm9t e1f7ylgd1"><style data-emotn="css 1lhf7lq">{fill:#ffffff;height:1.4rem;vertil-align:middle;width:1.45rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:2.3125rem;height:3rem;}}</style><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" style="fill: var(--primary, #000);" role="img" tle="Play" class="css-1lhf7lq e1f7ylgd2"><tle>play in .

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