Eric Bach is an openly gay broadster for the Frericksburg Natnals. He has major league aspiratns, but his path has been much lonelier than he would prefer.
Contents:
- HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU'RE GAY AND LONELY
- A GAY MAN AT MIDLIFE PONRS BEG LONELY AND ‘INVISIBLE’
- GAY, MIDDLE-AGED, AND LONELY AS HELL
- THE LONELS OF BEG GAY A STRAIGHT MARRIAGE
- I'M LONELY AND GAY
- GAY AND CAN'T FD A PARTNER?
- GAY PEOPLE 'AT RISK OF A LONELIER OLD AGE'
- SAVAGE LOVE: I AM A LONELY, AGG GAY MAN; WHAT SHOULD I DO?
HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU'RE GAY AND LONELY
Advice on how to nont ageism the gay muny spe earlier loss and how to avoid beg alone. * i lonely and gay *
Part of realizg you're gay, or bi, or trans, or non-bary, or anythg other than cisgenr and heterosexual is acceptg you’re different—and somewhat separated—om the majory.
Here he shar his journey to overe the sense of isolatn he felt growg up gay a small U. At the time, there were no real gay role mols except for Graham Norton and Jack om Dawson's Creek—and I certaly didn't intify wh him bee I wasn't a football player. I felt like I was pletely on my rried on until I was 16, when I started gog out to gay bars my hometown.
I ma one gay iend, who I'm actually close to now. For the first time I've been able to form a good group of gay iends and create my own support work. I'd go on gay chatrooms but that was jt a facels nversatn wh someone who uld have been anyone.
A GAY MAN AT MIDLIFE PONRS BEG LONELY AND ‘INVISIBLE’
To be a gay man a straight marriage is to be disnnected om self. Let's read my iend Andrew Reid's story. * i lonely and gay *
I thk if I'd had iends who were gay when I was growg up, my life would have been so different. I now know there were other kids at my school who were gay, but they didn't e out till much later. AdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENTCivil Shenlman/Queer Lens PhotographyMarch 19, 2013Every other Tuday, Steven Petrow, the thor of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners, ” (Workman, 2011), addrs qutns about gay and straight etiquette for a boomer-age dience.
Send qutns for Civil Behavr to Dear Civil Behavr: Your ment a recent lumn about gays at midlife fdg themselv “sudnly visible — aged out by the young, rtls and betiful” ronated loudly wh me. I live Philalphia, which has a reasonably sized gay muny, yet I feel like an outsir. Dear Stephen: Believe me, I unrstand “the middle ag” n be difficult for anyone, gay or straight.
GAY, MIDDLE-AGED, AND LONELY AS HELL
* i lonely and gay *
” The abily to lgh — and lgh at ourselv — is key to our, there are some unual and disproportnate challeng to agg wh the gay muny that your experienc highlight. ” Addg salt to the wounds, a 2004 study, “Old, Gay, and Alone? ” reported that 44 percent of olr gay men “feel disnnected om or even unweled by younger generatns of L.
THE LONELS OF BEG GAY A STRAIGHT MARRIAGE
In today’s advice lumn ¡Hola Papi! by John Pl Brammer, we addrs how shallowns and gay culture have all too much mon. * i lonely and gay *
(This might also help expla why the suatn is more difficult for gay men than is for lbians: The study I noted prevly showed that lbians “tend to have works that were more rilient and showed ls fluctuatn rponse to chang wh agg, ” probably bee their support works were not nearly as vastated by H.
/AIDS as gay men’s were. As a 30-year-old posted on my Facebook page rponse to your qutn, “I fd havg iends who are gay and olr helps me learn about the gay muny’s past stggl and tly unrstand where we have e om, where we are now, and where we’re gog as a society. Above all, try to remember we’re lucky we’ve gotten to see and live through our middle years; so many of our loved on did different do you thk agg our society is for gays vers straights?
I'M LONELY AND GAY
Learn how gay men n overe the hurdl and fd Mr. Right. * i lonely and gay *
If you need advice about gay/straight suatns or issu (geared to a boomer-aged dience), send them to Mr. Q: I am a gay man my late 50s and have never been a relatnship.
GAY AND CAN'T FD A PARTNER?
—Lonely Agg Gay. Hobb is a reporter for HuffPost and recently wrote a mi-book-length piece tled “Together Alone: The Epimic of Gay Lonels. ” Durg his rearch, Hobb found that, spe growg legal and social acceptance, a worryg percentage of gay men still stggle wh prsn, anxiety, and suicidal iatn.
“LAG isn’t the only gay guy who has aged out of the bar scene—so have I—and stggl to fd sex and pannship away om alhol and right swip, ” said Hobb. Q: I’m a fortysomethg gay male. I see others, gay and straight, havg long-term relatnships, gettg engaged, gettg married, and mak me sad and jealo.
“At every age, every study, gay men are ls likely to be partnered, habg, or married than our straight and lbian unterparts. And ’s not jt gay men.
GAY PEOPLE 'AT RISK OF A LONELIER OLD AGE'
Q: I am a 55-year-old gay male. To be a gay man a straight marriage is to be disnnected om self. Very few gay men seek out and then read articl about lonels unls they’ve e to the realisatn that they’re lonely.
~ Phil* * * * *How do I expla the lonels as a man, a gay man, a hetero relatnship – not even a relatnship, a marriage. Well, I, like any other gay guy knew I was gay om a young age, and like many other gay guys, felt pletely unable to e out and be hont wh myself and those around me. I didn’t want to have any attentn on me and have someone disver that I was gay.
In my md, I felt that I would be ‘outed’, and I always felt that people assumed that I was gay. The thought of havg someone ‘out’ me was terrifyg… all I uld do was remove any potential of this happeng, so I beme to now when I am 43, and I have been an open and hont gay man for nearly two years.
SAVAGE LOVE: I AM A LONELY, AGG GAY MAN; WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Of urse, no one knew (which still surpris me to this day) that I was hidg myself as a gay man, but they knew that I was unhappy. Now I know my logil md that I’m not the first married gay man to e out, and I certaly won’t be the last – but my irratnal md, I felt like I was the only one.