Do You Wanna Funk wh Me?: A Begner’s Gui to Gay Nightclubs | PopMatters

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* IS IT WEIRD TO GO TO A GAY CLUB ALONE

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emProp="em" href="/liftyle/health/advice/a56398/too-old-for-club/" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="How Old Is Too Old to Be at the Club?" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10e6ywj e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">How Old Is Too Old to Be at the Club?</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="3" /></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css g4r5va">{font-fay:Glanz,Glanz-fallback,Tim,Serif;font-weight:normal;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:2rem;le-height:1.25;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.625rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.125rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.37499rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><h1 class="css-g4r5va exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>How Old Is Too Old to Be at the Club?<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 2qf7xf">{lor:#515150;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;marg-bottom:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.0625rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.3125rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.3125rem;le-height:1.3;}} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:#000000;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-2qf7xf exadjwu8"><p>Our rint Old Guys™ discs.</p></div><style data-emotn="css d04ng2">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}} span{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0rem;text-transform:palize;}@media(max-width: 48rem){ span{font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){ span{font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){ span{font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.4;}}</style><div class="css-d04ng2 exadjwu7"><style data-emotn="css 1eqkg5m">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-style:normal;letter-spacg:0.02rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;-webk-text-stroke:0.005rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><addrs class="css-1eqkg5m ehvvd9m2"><style data-emotn="css 19e0noj">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;-webk-text-stroke:0.005rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><span class="css-19e0noj ehvvd9m1">By <style data-emotn="css 7l5upj">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><a href="/thor/1739/le-oneil/" class="css-7l5upj e1c1bym14">Le O'Neil</a> and <a href="/thor/9774/dave-holm/" class="css-7l5upj e1c1bym14">Dave Holm</a></span><style data-emotn="css 1bcsdhu">{display:le-block;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;marg-left:0.625rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><time class="css-1bcsdhu exadjwu6">Published: Jul 18, 2017</time></addrs></div><style data-emotn="css 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e5f9kgu1"><style data-emotn="css p7qblm">{posn:relative;--posn:absolute;height:to;} img{max-width:100%;height:to;} a{posn:absolute;}</style><div class="css-p7qblm ewcw41w0"><style data-emotn="css 335qep">{posn:relative;width:100%;height:100%;object-f:ver;vertil-align:top;}</style><img fetchPrry="high" alt="Face, Nose, Mouth, Fun, Eye, Happy, Costume accsory, Celebratg, Party, Tooth, " tle="Face, Nose, Mouth, Fun, Eye, Happy, Costume accsory, Celebratg, Party, Tooth, " width="2000" height="1000" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-335qep exi4f7p0" /><style data-emotn="css 1i6sckr">{background:#c92228;bottom:0;paddg:.5rem;right:0;}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg:0.39rem;}}</style><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="//" class="ptert css-1i6sckr e1c1bym14"><style data-emotn="css 1l3i1cl">{display:block;height:1rem;width:1rem;}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:1.063rem;height:1.063rem;}}</style><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div></div></div></div><style data-emotn="css z6i669">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.5rem;paddg-right:3.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:45.25rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body standard-body-ntent css-z6i669 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css 1nhwtgm">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;}{float:left;text-transform:upperse;font-weight:bold;marg-right:0.9375rem;marg-bottom:-0.625rem;marg-top:0;}{font-fay:Glanz,Glanz-fallback,Tim,Serif;font-size:6.25rem;font-weight:normal;le-height:0.75;marg-right:0;paddg:0.6rem 0.75rem 0 0;}@-moz-document url-prefix(){{marg-top:0.625rem;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-right:0.3125rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{le-height:0.75;}} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="dropp css-1nhwtgm et3p2gv0">There a moment when you fd yourself jostled around a sea of wasted partiers, the mic blastg too loudly, and you thk to yourself: <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">Ok, that's enough for me. I thk I'll stay tomorrow and tch up on some Netflix</em>. And then you stay the next night. And all of the rt of the nights.</p><style data-emotn="css 18vfmjb">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}</style><p data-no-id="2" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><span data-redactor-tag="span" data-verified="redactor" id="docs-ternal-guid-1faace6e-56d6-0d19-21da-0d83fcda0460"></span></p><p data-no-id="4" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">We each reach this sad epiphany our own time, but general, tends to e one's early thirti, when startg a fay and takg your job more serly—not to mentn the length of haners—beg to take precence. A recent <style data-emotn="css umdwtv">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:background 0.4s;transn:background 0.4s;background:lear-gradient(#ffffff, #ffffff 50%, #d5dbe3 50%, #d5dbe3);-webk-background-size:100% 200%;background-size:100% 200%;}{lor:#000000;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;-webk-background-posn:100% 100%;background-posn:100% 100%;}</style><a href=" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="survey" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">survey</a> om U.K. pany Currys & PC World found as much. They asked over five thoand people qutns about their gog out habs, and 46 percent of rponnts said they actually dread the ia of gog out and prefer to stay home ont of their TVs or laptops. (Of urse, this is g om a <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">puter</em> pany, so take wh a gra of salt.)</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="6" data-embed="edorial-lk" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1643r8a">{borr:none;marg-top:1.875rem;marg-bottom:1.875rem;paddg:0rem;}</style><asi class="css-1643r8a e6pr2lz5"><style data-emotn="css l3w2xc">{display:le-block;font-weight:normal;marg:0rem;borr-top:0.25rem solid #15263D;paddg-right:1.1rem;paddg-top:0.4375rem;text-transform:lowerse;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.3;}</style><h6 class="css-l3w2xc e6pr2lz3"><style data-emotn="css 156fvc1">{borr-bottom:0.4375rem solid #FF3A30;borr-right:0.4375rem solid transparent;ntent:'';display:le-block;height:0;marg-right:0.5rem;width:0;}</style><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-156fvc1 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 8lle59">{max-width:lc(100% - 120px - .625rem);}</style><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Related Story</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css c4s2gi">{paddg:0rem;marg:0rem;list-style:none;}</style><ul class="css-c4s2gi e6pr2lz4"><style data-emotn="css 79zw4t">{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:1rem;le-height:2rem;paddg-top:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.9375rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{le-height:1.4;}} a{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;}</style><li class="css-79zw4t e6pr2lz2"><style data-emotn="css 1bn7a5e">{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-box-flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-wrap:wrap;-ms-flex-wrap:wrap;flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-directn:row;-ms-flex-directn:row;flex-directn:row;-webk-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webk-jtify-ntent:flex-start;jtify-ntent:flex-start;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><a href="/food-drk/bars/a53316/bar-l-are-bad/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="You Should Never Wa Le for a Bar. Ever." data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 1l0u1">{marg-right:0.625rem;height:to;}</style><img src="" alt="Head, Nose, Mouth, People, Crowd, Audience, " tle="Head, Nose, Mouth, People, Crowd, Audience, " width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">You Should Never Wa Le for a Bar. Ever.</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li></ul></asi></div><p data-no-id="8" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">There are all sorts of reasons people give for hangg up their nightlife spurs, om expens, to the hassle of fdg somethg to wear, to arrangg a babyster. But by and large, they agreed, there is an age cut off for when 's time to give up: 37. But what's worse for those of on the wrong si of the appropriate clubbg age equator, 37 percent of rponnts said, "There is nothg more tragic than seeg adults their forti and fifti surround by twenty-somethgs pubs and bars." Yik.</p><p data-no-id="10" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">In orr to procs this rmatn, certified Esquire Old Guys™ Le O'Neil and Dave Holm talked about how feels to have one foot the gog-out grave.</p><style data-emotn="css 6s2y3d">{background-lor:#F5F6F8;borr:none;borr-radi:0.625rem;box-shadow:0.4rem 0.4rem 0 #15263D;clear:both;lor:#000;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;marg-bottom:1.875rem;marg-top:1.875rem;paddg:1.875rem 1.25rem;text-align:center;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.4;paddg:1.25rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.25rem;le-height:1.4;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}</style><p data-no-id="12" class="tip css-6s2y3d et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">The Debate</strong></p><p data-no-id="14" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Le: </strong>Hello Dave. Apparently we're the rint old guys, and I'm not exactly sure if that's an sult or an honor to be hont, so has fallen upon to tangle wh this thorny matter. How old is too old to be at the club?</p><p data-no-id="16" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Dave:</strong> Hello Le! Y, ed we are the token olds at Esquire, which is neher an sult nor an honor, but jt a fact. (Though happened much more quickly than I ever uld have imaged, and I take great pleasure sendg this msage to the young people of this office and the world: <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">It will happen to you, too</em>.)</p><p data-no-id="18" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Le: </strong>Normally I wouldn't pay attentn to this sort of survey, which isn't scientific and seems to be some sort of brandg thg for a U.K. puter pany, but was somethg that was on my md this week. I had a moment the other night where I felt a ltle self-nscns kick . I went to see Every Time I Die, who absolutely rip, and I was there outsi of the circle p, drkg my beer like a perfectly normal 40-year-old at the all ag hardre show, and I was thkg: <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">The floor is so wet wh beer, someone's gonna slip and get hurt!</em> But after a few songs I thought, fuck , I'm gog .</p><p data-no-id="20" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Dave:</strong> I am lighted at the thought of you—any old person, actually— a mosh p. Please don't stop.</p><p data-no-id="22" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Le:</strong> I bumped to a iend of me who's 24, we hugged, and then I got sucked to the crowd. It was exhilaratg. Of urse, I didn't stay too long, bee I have a bad back and no way I am gonna let some dumbass crowd surf to my spe, but remd me how ltle really matters how old you are when to mic like that. Or gog out general. Have you felt self-nsc about beg out lately? </p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="24" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1eiql25">{text-align:center;marg:0rem;paddg-top:0.9375rem;paddg-bottom:0.9375rem;}</style><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><style data-emotn="css ow0dpz">{borr:0.3125rem solid #FF3A30;borr-radi:100%;ntent:'';display:block;height:2.1875rem;left:50%;marg:-0.99rem to 0 -1.33rem;posn:absolute;width:2.1875rem;}</style><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css la9czl">{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:1.625rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.75rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.375rem;le-height:1.2;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}{ntent:'＂';display:block;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:3.4375rem;le-height:0.72;font-style:alic;paddg:0.3125rem 0.875rem 0 0;}</style><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">"It remd me how ltle really matters how old you are when to mic like that. Or gog out general." —Le</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="26" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Dave:</strong> I have felt too old to be clubs sce I was 22 years old. Now, when I say "clubs," I mean dancey plac: DJs and lasers and women biki tops sellg brightly-lored shots tt tub. Plac where people e om the hterlands their shit gog-out shirt and most lacquered hair to pump a fist and do a twirl. I gave that life a good old shake for about one year and then I cid wasn't for me. After the club life end, I hung out wh iends bars. But about 10 years ago, I took a look around, saw that everyone was a good younger than me, and felt a wave of shame and nsea.</p><p data-no-id="28" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Le: </strong>How often are you still gog out anyway?</p><p data-no-id="30" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Dave: </strong>At 46, I am too old to be anywhere after dark. My iends and I meet on Saturdays at 4 p.m. We have a lol gastropub where we drk we and graze on fancy b, and we get as dnk as we would have our twenti, but we are home soft clothg watchg <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">Chef's Table</em> by 8 p.m. at the latt. We are the people who are leavg when our former selv are arrivg, and we see the wherg looks they give , and we jt do not re, bee, aga: <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">It will happen to them too.</em></p><p data-no-id="32" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Le: </strong>I'm lghg at the ia that 's illegal for you to be out after dark. Cops drivg around directg anyone who remembers the Dead Kennedys back to their hom to power down.</p><p data-no-id="34" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Dave: </strong>Is there an age at which you thk you might be too old?</p><p data-no-id="36" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Le:</strong> I have this memory that hnts me to this day om llege. Some iends and I were at a gas statn parkg lot, and some guy was drivg like a dick, and we exchanged words. I pulled out the big guns to roast him:<em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"> Du, </em><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">what are you, 30</em>? That will probably be the last thought that go through my md when I'm layg on my ath bed, succumbg to juri staed a mosh p at 65 years old.</p><p data-no-id="38" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Dave: </strong>Here is a memory that hnts <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">me</em>: When I turned 30, a slightly younger iend asked me how I was feelg about . I said, "Good. I thk I was born to be my 30s." He replied, "So what are you gog to do when you're 40?" I don't talk to that guy anymore, but his words ronate. I'm gog to be 50 about a half hour, and I'm still gog to want to go out om time to time. I don't know what I'm gog to do about , but I spect I'll do what every 50-year-old at the rock show do: Jt not notice how fuckg old I am.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="40" data-embed="edorial-lk" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><asi class="css-1643r8a e6pr2lz5"><h6 class="css-l3w2xc e6pr2lz3"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-156fvc1 eagam8p0"></span><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Related Story</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><ul class="css-c4s2gi e6pr2lz4"><li class="css-79zw4t e6pr2lz2"><a href="/liftyle/health/a54883/advice-for-turng-40/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Am I Really 40?" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><img src="" alt="Font, Gam, " tle="Font, Gam, " width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Am I Really 40?</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li></ul></asi></div><p data-no-id="42" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Le: </strong>I have noticed a sharp cle the number of nights a week I go out lately. For most of my life, I was gog to two to three shows a week, every week. Part of that was beg a mician and a mic journalist, but to be hont, 's really the place I feel more fortable than anywhere else the world. I actually feel olr when I'm normal pole society, a place I really don't know how to act . I gus sounds like a cliché, but I still believe the welg muny aspect of die and punk mic scen. That don't mean when I'm at an all ag show and I'm old enough to be the entire crowd's (very young and ol) father I don't get a twge of weirdns.</p><p data-no-id="44" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">I have always been too old for the stereotypil club scene, too. Or maybe jt not horny enough? Feel like you have to be operatg on a horny level that's outsi of my wheelhoe to be able to spend too much time a Miami or Vegas-style bottle service jizz-pool club. I did have a pretty good e phase gog there for a while my twenti, but all that ever ma me want to do was go s someone's ty kchen next to the t sh box and talk about dog more e.</p><p data-no-id="46" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Dave:</strong> Luckily, I was largely able to avoid e, which is what allows people to last longer than I did, and why the streets of our major metropolan areas are filled wh ad-eyed middle-aged men tank tops.</p><p data-no-id="48" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Le: </strong>I've been to plenty of smaller, more mic-foced die dance clubs well to my late thirti where 's more about enjoyg the mic and actually dancg and there's still no feelg like the energy when go off and a room full of people are movg together.</p><p data-no-id="50" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Dave: </strong>As for rock shows, I have never felt too old bee I have always had the mil taste of a middle-aged man. My first signifint show was Tommy Keene at Mississippi Nights St. Louis when I was 15. Everyone else the crowd was a power-pop guy his 30s, and if you thk ic book guys are bad, you have not met power-pop guys. Now, I see acts like The Hold Steady and Frank Turner, and the crowd is mostly guys my age, on their one night out a month, howlg like wolv. I feel very much at home.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="52" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">"We are the people who are leavg when our former selv are arrivg, and we see the wherg looks they give , and we jt do not re."—Dave</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="54" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Le: </strong>That is a geni workaround, havg lifelong Dad Rock taste. I thk I might have stalled a self-stct button to my whole suatn by havg the taste of a 17-year-old sad mall teen my entire life. Should have planned this thg out better. Although that's sort of changg sce Dad Emo and Divorcere are kd of havg a big moment right now.</p><p data-no-id="56" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Do you thk there's any difference the gay clubbg scene than the straight one?</p><p data-no-id="58" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Dave: </strong>Oh, I've been too old to hang out gay clubs sce I was 17. And that's okay, bee the mic most gay clubs is abysmal. Did you know that every Brney Spears song has about 42 remix? I DO.</p><p data-no-id="60" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">When I was navigatg gay nightlife my early twenti, there were few middle-aged men the clubs, but a lot of that is bee <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">there were few middle-aged men</em>; AIDS cimated the generatn jt ahead of me. My peers are really the first to reach middle age as openly gay men large numbers, and as such, we have no blueprt for our nightlife. There is now a large and growg "bear" muny, which embrac olr men and higher body-mass dic, and the mic there is slightly better, but there's a lot of flannel, and the guys say "woof" every fifth word, so I engage wh utly.</p><p data-no-id="62" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Le: </strong>Do seem like there's more or ls acceptance of beg the olr du lurkg around?</p><p data-no-id="64" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Dave:</strong> Young or old, gay or straight, there is very ltle acceptance of beg the du <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">lurkg around</em>. Lurkg general is owned upon. Are the people terviewed this study <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">lurkg?</em> Is that the problem? Maybe don't lurk. Maybe jt hang out and have fun and talk to strangers nfintly, bee who r if they reject you? They'll be old and weird sooner than they thk.</p><style data-emotn="css 2ok9l4">{marg-top:1.875rem;borr-top:th solid #595959;}</style><div data-jam-id="thor-b" class="css-2ok9l4 e13rjwo40"><style data-emotn="css f0b5z8">{display:grid;grid-template-lumns:to 1;grid-lumn-gap:0.625rem;paddg-top:1.25rem;paddg-bottom:1.25rem;clear:both;}</style><div class="css-f0b5z8 e19xk9rq8"><style data-emotn="css irehmq">{borr-radi:50%;height:60px;width:60px;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{width:40px;height:40px;}}</style><span class="css-irehmq e19xk9rq1"><style data-emotn="css o0wq4v">{width:100%;height:100%;borr-radi:50%;vertil-align:middle;object-f:ver;}</style><img src="" alt="Headshot of Le O'Neil" tle="Headshot of Le O'Neil" width="100%" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" class="css-o0wq4v e19xk9rq3" /></span><div><style data-emotn="css 3sqxrq">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;grid-gap:4px;-webk-align-ems:basele;-webk-box-align:basele;-ms-flex-align:basele;align-ems:basele;-webk-box-flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-wrap:wrap;-ms-flex-wrap:wrap;flex-wrap:wrap;}</style><div class="css-3sqxrq e19xk9rq7"><span class="css-0 e19xk9rq5"><style data-emotn="css 1yunoig">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-lor:her;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-transform:upperse;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><style data-emotn="css 1kgdfad">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;text-transform:upperse;lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-lor:her;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-transform:upperse;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><a href="/thor/1739/le-oneil/" class="e1c1bym13 css-1kgdfad e1c1bym14"><span>Le O'Neil</span></a></span></div><style data-emotn="css 1b1navg">{display:-webk-box;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1rem;le-height:1.4;overflow:hidn;paddg-top:0.3125rem;-webk-box-orient:vertil;-webk-le-clamp:5;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{-webk-le-clamp:10;}}>*{display:le;} em{font-fay:CharterItalic,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} p{marg:0rem;} p a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;} p a:hover{text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-1b1navg e19xk9rq4"><p>Le is a wrer om Boston who wr the newsletter Wele to Hell World and <a href=">thor of a book</a> of the same <a href=" ">name</a>.</p></div></div></div><div class="css-f0b5z8 e19xk9rq8"><span class="css-irehmq e19xk9rq1"><img src="" alt="Headshot of Dave Holm" tle="Headshot of Dave Holm" width="100%" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" class="css-o0wq4v e19xk9rq3" /></span><div><div class="css-3sqxrq e19xk9rq7"><span class="css-0 e19xk9rq5"><a href="/thor/9774/dave-holm/" class="e1c1bym13 css-1kgdfad e1c1bym14"><span>Dave Holm</span></a></span></div><style data-emotn="css pqlu">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;marg-top:0.625rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><div class="css-pqlu e19xk9rq6">Edor-at-Large</div><div class="css-1b1navg e19xk9rq4"><p>Dave Holm is Esquire's L.A.-based edor-at-large. His first book, "Party of One," is out now. </p></div></div></div></div><style data-emotn="css ciejky">{clear:both;marg-top:1.25rem;}</style><div id="journey-le" class="css-ciejky e1cslvxz0"></div></div></div><div></div><style data-emotn="css 6b9rfj">{display:block;-webk-flex-basis:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);-ms-flex-preferred-size:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);flex-basis:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);-webk-box-flex:0;-webk-flex-grow:0;-ms-flex-posive:0;flex-grow:0;-webk-flex-shrk:0;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrk:0;}@media(max-width: 61.25rem){{display:none;}}</style><div class="no-prt css-6b9rfj ewisyje1"><div><style data-emotn="css 1tuodqg">{width:330px;paddg-left:30px;}</style><div id="ad-article-rail-flt-wrapper" class="vertil-ad css-1tuodqg eqm02p30"><style data-emotn="css w0cuw4">{display:block;posn:-webk-sticky;posn:sticky;top:5rem;}@media(max-width: 61.25rem){{display:none;}}</style><div class="vertilAdSticky css-w0cuw4 eqm02p32"><style data-emotn="css 9fasmy">{m-height:523px;top:5rem;}@media(max-width: 61.25rem){{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;-webk-box-pack:jtify;-webk-jtify-ntent:space-between;jtify-ntent:space-between;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{m-height:138px;}}@media(max-width: 61.25rem){{ntent:"";display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;borr-bottom:th solid #E8E8E8;}}</style><div class="standard-article-vertil-ad css-9fasmy eqm02p31"><style data-emotn="css 14b96eg">{m-width:18.75rem;text-align:center;}</style><div id="gpt-ad-vertil-top" class="ad-ntaer css-14b96eg e1hka4w80"></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div data-teractive="WatchNext-1" class="css-0 e10xr3vp6"><style data-emotn="css 1pqv15d">{marg-bottom:1.875rem;marg-top:1.875rem;paddg:0 0.938rem;}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg:0 2.5rem;}}</style><div data-embed="watch-next" class="css-1pqv15d e10xr3vp5"><style data-emotn="css 604vx7">{text-align:center;marg:0 to;max-width:60rem;borr-top:0.125rem solid #15263D;}</style><div class="css-604vx7 e10xr3vp4"><style data-emotn="css 1sowyjy">{marg-bottom:1.25rem;}</style><div class="css-1sowyjy e10xr3vp3"><style data-emotn="css ju94x7">{marg:0rem;font-weight:normal;background-lor:#ffffff;lor:#000;borr:0.125rem solid #15263D;text-align:left;width:-webk-f-ntent;width:-moz-f-ntent;width:f-ntent;borr-radi:2rem;display:block;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;letter-spacg:0.04rem;marg-top:-1rem;paddg:0.5rem 0.9375rem 0.25rem;text-transform:upperse;}</style><h6 class="css-ju94x7 e10xr3vp2"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><span class="css-0 e10xr3vp1">Watch Next</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css un61">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;marg:0rem;m-height:to;paddg-top:1rem;text-align:left;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.5rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.875rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.125rem;le-height:1.2;}}</style><h6 class="css-un61 e10xr3vp0"> </h6></div><style data-emotn="css b3y6x">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;--aspect-rat:56.25%;} {posn:absolute;marg:0rem;}{ntent:"";display:block;height:0rem;width:100%;}@media(max-width: 30rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((45% / 1.16) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 30rem) and (max-width: 48rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((45% / 1.43) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem) and (max-width: 64rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((33% / 1.40) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((25% / 1.36) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((25% / 1.46) + 20px + 1.66em);}}</style><div class="__rp-ntaer css-b3y6x e6l0f0"><style data-emotn="css 1yu8e3d">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;width:100%;height:100%;} .__rp-ntaer{height:to;}</style><div data-embed="embed-vio" class="vio-player css-1yu8e3d e1ou1fny0"><style data-emotn="css 1uds6oo">{height:100%;width:100%;posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><style data-emotn="css w2pm9t">{background-lor:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.4);borr:.1875rem solid whe;borr-radi:50%;lor:#fff;cursor:poter;height:3.75rem;left:50%;posn:absolute;-webk-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-moz-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-ms-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-webk-transn:all 0.4s;transn:all 0.4s;width:3.75rem;z-x:1;}.e1f7ylgd6:hover {background-lor:rgba(33, 150, 245, 0.8);lor:#ffffff;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{top:26%;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{top:29.5%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{top:32.5%;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{top:34.5%;height:5.625rem;width:5.625rem;borr:.28125rem solid whe;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{top:35%;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{top:35.8%;}}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-w2pm9t e1f7ylgd1"><style data-emotn="css 1lhf7lq">{fill:#ffffff;height:1.4rem;vertil-align:middle;width:1.45rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:2.3125rem;height:3rem;}}</style><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" style="fill: var(--primary, #000);" role="img" tle="Play" class="css-1lhf7lq e1f7ylgd2"><tle>play in .