Three sgle, gay dads talk about their journeys. : NPR

Contents:

• GAY FATHERS WHO COME OUT MID-LIFE
• TOUCHG VIO SHOWS SON E OUT AS GAY TO MORMON DAD
• HOW A SON AND DGHTER RPOND TO A GAY DAD COMG OUT
• MY DAD COMG OUT AS GAY CHANGED OUR LIV — AND GAVE ME THE COURAGE TO BE MYSELF
• GROWG UP WH A GAY FATHER – CONFSNS OM A STRAIGHT SON
• DAD FULLY ACCEPTS GAY SON AFTER G-OUT — UNR ONE NDN
• AFTER 20 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, MY DAD CAME OUT AS GAY
• DAD'S GAY FRIENDS 
• THREE SGLE, GAY DADS REFLECT ON FATHERHOOD, SURROGACY JOURNEYS

GAY FATHERS WHO COME OUT MID-LIFE

I recently met a woman whose son had told her grandson, “I will not have a gay son, ” and her grandson shot himself. Whout revealg he is gay, the lawyer advised, “The judge will make ctody supervised and rtrict ntact if a hband liv outsi a meror (Christian) relatnship. Stt Takacs, a 46-year-old and father of three, penned a personal say about his experience g out as a gay man to his sons.

There wasn't much of a plan, no guibook hand, only goals that I hoped my boys would start the procs of unrstandg and acceptg their dad for whom I tly was: a gay Stt TakacsIt had been a long 15 months sce g out to my wife, an experience I unfortunately wouldn't scribe as posive, fun or somethg I ever want to repeat. Wh many emotns and strs, I accepted her requt to keep the reason for our divorce -- due to me beg gay -- a secret for at least another year.

TOUCHG VIO SHOWS SON E OUT AS GAY TO MORMON DAD

Chigo offered the stabily I need a job, iendship and at this pot, a new relatnship that all ntributed to my healg this new gay world. In many ways, a lovg place for them, but I me to realize that teachers spoke openly agast gay culture and textbooks labeled homosexualy as sful and evil. My kids listened and followed their prr to g out, was hard for me to hear my kids e home wh stori of teachers gradg gay marriage or gay people, to see their workbooks, rercg the bias agast beg gay.

The last thg I wanted was for my kids to be treated differently bee they had a gay dad, which I felt was a the year followg my divorce, I agreed not to tell the kids I was gay, so I had to be reful. We were reful to avoid referenc to "gay" discsns and plac, although I lived the Gayborhood of Chigo, an upsle, predomantly gay area on Chigo's North Si. Eventually, though, that started to four years, my olst son's iends knew he had a gay dad, and, to put teenage terms, wasn't so bad.

HOW A SON AND DGHTER RPOND TO A GAY DAD COMG OUT

I thk he unrstands beg gay isn't a choice anymore, and I believe that will ex-wife certaly bore the bnt of the day-to-day wh the kids.

MY DAD COMG OUT AS GAY CHANGED OUR LIV — AND GAVE ME THE COURAGE TO BE MYSELF

I helped start a group for gay fathers Chigo and has shown me that there are other gay fathers ahead of me their g-out journey wh posive experienc to share.

LUCIE - Comg out as gay is hard, but g out as gay to your Mormon dad is really Swk was preparg to go on his first missn trip wh the Church of J Christ of Latter-day Sats when he cid to reveal the news that he was gay to his dad, Vghn Swk. He cid to vio rerd his g out to his dad, and posted the reactn the vio above to see how Swk’s dad reacted to him g out as gay. On this Father’s Day, some 34 years after the ath of my own father, I reflect on my two amazg children, who were the bt enablers I uld hope for when I me out as a gay man.

In fact, I was not even fully aware that I was a gay man when we parted ways after more than 15 years of married life. My greatt apprehensn durg this time was if my kids, Sean, then 24, and Rachel, then 17, uld al wh their father beg gay. I would obss over the thought of how I would have reacted if my father had dropped on me and my six siblgs that he was gay.

GROWG UP WH A GAY FATHER – CONFSNS OM A STRAIGHT SON

I n't remember exactly what I unrstood of the word "gay" at that pot my life, but whether me om hearg my classmat e to disparage our peers or the nate unrstandg that s existence our life meant plete and utter change to our fay dynamic, I stantly registered the word as synonymo wh "bad.

I never hated to pull asi even the tought bulli after hearg them make fun of our gay classmat to give them a piece of my md, and I preached csantly about why the f-word should be dropped om everyone's vobulari anytime was uttered my prence. We would se together as adults and share stori om our childhoods about our gay parents that others wouldn't unrstand. It's te that children of gay adults tend to grow up quicker than most bee we e to know a different world at an early age that some adults are not yet able to fully prehend.

DAD FULLY ACCEPTS GAY SON AFTER G-OUT — UNR ONE NDN

And workg to keep one foot his “old” world — rated salman, volved father — and one foot his new gay liftyle, he was somethg of a pneer. Makg matters more difficult, my father was fg that new path the 1980s durg the natn’s AIDS crisis, when homophobia and the celty and ignorance of large swaths of Amerins were at heightened levels.

There were members of our muny who lerally thought that sharg a meal wh a gay person or swimmg the same pool uld prove adly. But step by step, my father ched forward, blendg his worlds, slowly but surely helpg those around him to unrstand that beg gay wasn’t somethg to be feared, that beg a dad and beg gay weren’t mutually exclive. Through his actns, my father shattered one stereotype after another, showg those around him that he uld be gay and love the Green Bay Packers, that he uld be gay and be a proud ary veteran, that he uld be gay and be an expert wh tools and lawnmowers and Weber grills.

For much of his life, he even showed that he uld be gay and be a rd-rryg my father found his footg, he troduced me to parts of his new world. After my long days at the library, he’d take me out to some of his favore gay bars, notably a pair of piano bars Greenwich Village. After the ceremony at New York’s Cy Hall, our four children joed a celebratory meal for children have always been very acceptg of my dad beg gay and never saw as particularly noteworthy — was simply a fact of summer morng, my 9-year-old son announced he wanted to make a rabow flag for Opa.

AFTER 20 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, MY DAD CAME OUT AS GAY

Growg up wh a gay father, particularly one who was aaid to e out, prented challeng our abily to get emotnally close. After all, he was the son of a Baptist Preacher and there would not have been much tolerance the 1940’s or 50’s for him to e out as gay. In retrospect, the fact that he was a cheerlear his bt iend was a male hairdrser (who was openly gay) that my Uncle Buddy nicknamed him “Percy” (which my Dad hated) and that my Dad went on to open a home furnishgs store might have been a clue.

DAD'S GAY FRIENDS 

Realizg his sexualy and beg a gay father the late 1960s, pecially wh me a long way away, mt have been really transformative for my Dad. I feel que sure I got lucky this regard and that many kids wh a gay father were picked on for their parent’s sexualy. If you are a gay father or the child of a gay father (or mother), and your relatnship isn’t all that uld be, don’t wa until ’s too late to fix .

[Gay Pri Para Rally Dallas] – This photograph is part of the llectn entled: LGBT Collectns and one other and was provid by UNT Librari Special Collectns to Digal Library.

What I gleaned om his ramblgs were that he believed that human sexualy was a ntuum and that if he hadn't been born and raised a relig fah that shunned homosexualy, he might have gravated more towards that si of the spectm. This environment mouflaged my dad's te sexual inty, both om himself and the rt of dad was his early 40s when he realized he was gay.

THREE SGLE, GAY DADS REFLECT ON FATHERHOOD, SURROGACY JOURNEYS

They thought that "beg gay" would maybe pass, but they also explored the ia of havg an "arrangement" their marriage. I was 41 and had known I was gay sce before I'd heard that word, so you might thk I'd taken my own sweet time about this.

(Nastier s way than beg sulted by middle-aged male muters, a group on whom I uld pend for homophobic abe as a teenager. Growg up a tumbleweed village I perhaps mistook the sense of isolatn that many teenagers feel, for a ndn specific to beg me, to beg gay.

That's how a gay man n e to spend a chunk of his adulthood straight years feel now like a perverse ptivy which I was jailer as well as prisoner. I learned to take refuge an alternate existence my imagatn, one where I still had my children but was openly gay.