Gay Men and Straight Men as Friends | Psychology Today

Contents:

• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• WHAT THE WORLD CAN LEARN FROM GAY-STRAIGHT FRIENDSHIPS
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• MORE IENDSHIPS BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN ULD MAKE EVERYBODY HAPPIER
• IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

For a long time, iendships between gay men and straight men – what some now ll “bromosexual” iendships – were unmon. Homophobia was likely one reason; another was that straight men probably assumed they didn’t have much mon wh gay men.

Specifilly, we’re terted lookg at the reasons gay men and straight men bee iends (or rema iends after the gay iend out).

We currently have a survey vtigatn unrway that explor some of the posive out of “bromosexual” iendships, cludg our theory that gay men and straight men n be optimal wg men for one another.

WHAT THE WORLD CAN LEARN FROM GAY-STRAIGHT FRIENDSHIPS

Friendships between gay and straight men have always existed.

Many straight men hated to beiend gay men, fearg harassment, rejectn om their straight iends or beg lled gay. The growg acceptance of homosexualy, however, has allayed some of the fears.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

Gay men – particularly those nservative and ral environments – rema wary about tryg to beiend straight men, fearg prejudice-fueled rejectn. At the same time, many straight men still doubt that they’ll be able to relate to gay men any meangful way and, for this reason, may not try to iate a iendship.

Of urse, the tradnal notn that gay men and straight men nnot be close iends is herently homophobic and unte. We propose gay-straight male iendships are not only possible, but that they n grow to be extremely rewardg.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

If they’re open-md about beiendg gay men and make the effort to try to fe iendships based upon mon terts, gay men should feel more fortable reciprotg.

So which straight men are the most likely to beiend gay men, and vice versa? We know that gay men are now g out at an earlier age. Gay men who disclose their sexual orientatn to their straight male iends earlier life may be able to build more open and hont iendships wh them to adulthood.

Send, recent rearch has argued that genr and sexual orientatn might not be as black and whe as prevly thought, which opens up new avenu for explorg how gay and straight men n relate to one another. If a straight guy and his gay male iend are ls rigid about their masculy and sexualy, they’ll probably be more likely to discs tails about their sexual and romantic liv openly wh one another. Recent rearch has suggted that advice sharg uld be a ccial reason that straight women seek out gay men as iends.

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

In short, women are able to tst the datg advice om gay male iends bee they know their gay iends don’t have any ulterr motiv: They’re not tryg to hook up wh them or pete wh them for guys. We believe that this same sort of unbiased advice sharg might also foster iendships between gay and straight men.

Bee of the tst they engenr om straight women, gay men are uniquely posned to be excellent “wg men” for sgle straight men. However, straight women do tend to tst the datg advice of gay men (pecially more than advice om straight men or women). Acrdgly, straight men uld get a leg up datg om beg close iends wh gay men.

For example, a gay iend uld vouch for his straight iend’s good tentns to women.

MORE IENDSHIPS BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN ULD MAKE EVERYBODY HAPPIER

Straight men who are fortable wh their sexualy may also act as wg men for gay male iends. Jt as a gay man might be able to pass on advice about women to his straight iend, a straight man uld nnect his gay male iend wh another sirable gay man, sce neher the gay man nor his straight iend are petg for the same person. We believe that havg a tstworthy nfidant to help wh romantic pursus is one of the major reasons straight and gay men are leavg the fort of their same-sex, same-orientatn iend groups to form “bromosexual” iendships.

McKellan is a gay man who me out 1988, and although 33 years have passed sce he me out, n still be shockg to the world to see such a close same-sex iendship that cross sexual inti. Along wh his supervisor, Robb Travers, he lnched a study that surveyed 350 straight men and 275 gay or bisexual men om across North Ameri. Siar to qutns that loom about whether straight men and women n ever tly be platonic iends, the same qutn lgers over the iendships between gay and straight men.

IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?

A bromosexual iendship is a nonsexual iendship between two men, where typilly one iend is gay (or bisexual), and the other is straight. In days past, this may have seemed as unlikely as a iendship between a ln and a moe, given the tradnally high levels of homophobia among straight men.

McKie’s rearch reported that straight participants felt that a gay iend ma for the ultimate wgman bee the gay iend uld help to attract prospective partners for the straight iend.

Other rearch has shown that women prefer iendships wh gay vers straight men, partly bee the threat or loomg qutn of sexual attractn is renred moot. However, straight men bromosexual iendships have perhaps learned how to harns this ease of iendship between straight women and gay men for their own advantage. McKie noted that the straight men felt their gay iend was able to make succsful troductns to straight women bee the women tsted their gay male iends to troduce them to a good person.