Is Your Man Gay, Straight, or Bisexual? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS
• PEOPLE N INTIFY WHETHER A MAN IS GAY OR STRAIGHT BY THEIR VOICE. BISEXUALS? NOT SO MUCH
• ARE YOU GAY OR STRAIGHT?
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY
• IF BEG GAY WERE ACTUALLY A CHOICE, THIS IS WHAT SOME STRAIGHT GUYS WOULD CHOOSE
• WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY
• AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?
• AM I GAY?
• THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT
• WHAT IF YOU ONLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY?
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS

Amics at the Universy of Sydney pared the voic of gay, straight and bisexual men a study volvg 160 the rearch led by clil psychologist Jam Morandi, people were reced to analyse the voic of 60 men, 20 of whom were gay, 20 straight and 20 bisexual. They were then asked to rate the men on their sexual orientatn g a sle om zero (exclively heterosexual) to 10 (exclively homosexual). Rults om the study showed listeners uld distguish between gay and straight men’s voic wh an accuracy of 62 per cent, apparently nsistent wh prev rearch.

PEOPLE N INTIFY WHETHER A MAN IS GAY OR STRAIGHT BY THEIR VOICE. BISEXUALS? NOT SO MUCH

The thors said their rearch showed bisexual men’s voic were perceived as beg more exclively attracted to women pared wh both gay and straight men’s voic.

ARE YOU GAY OR STRAIGHT?

‘Voice may unter visibily many bisexuals feel’An abstract of the study, tled Can listeners tect if a man is bisexual om his voice alone, reads: “The prent study examed whether bisexual men n be intified om their voic ak to how gay men n be intified on their voice alone.

“The fdgs may also she light on whether bisexual male voic, like gay male voic, differ om straight voic terms of their genr non-nformy – a qutn that to date has not been examed.

”But amics noted the rearch was limed on the grounds all men who participated the study are Atralian, which may not be reflected among wir the thors nced the study did not ntrol for the rerdg environment or microphone-to-mouth distance, which uld have affected the qualy of the voice thors said the fdgs suggted that while the voic of bisexual men the sample were perceived as more mascule and attracted to femal, listeners did not associate this imprsn wh a rult, while bisexual men may appear to be at lower risk of facg voice-based intifitn and discrimatn than gay men, they may often be mistaken as beg study was published the Journal of Sex Rearch.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

Crics, though, say the study's subjects may be ludg themselv and that the subject group was scientifilly valid bee many of them were referred by anti-gay relig Robert Spzer, a psychiatry profsor at Columbia Universy, said he began his study as a skeptic — believg, as major mental health anizatns do, that sexual orientatn nnot be changed, and attempts to do so n even e Spzer's study, which has not yet been published or reviewed, seems to dite otherwise. Spzer says he spoke to 143 men and 57 women who say they changed their orientatn om gay to straight, and nclud that 66 percent of the men and 44 percent of women reached what he lled good heterosexual functng — a staed, lovg heterosexual relatnship wh the past year and gettg enough emotnal satisfactn to rate at least a seven on a 10-pot said those who changed their orientatn had satisfyg heterosexual sex at least monthly and never or rarely thought of someone of the same sex durg also found that 89 percent of men and 95 percent of women were bothered not at all or only slightly by unwanted homosexual feelgs. Spzer argu that highly motivated gays n fact change that preference — wh a lot of Study, Old DebateBut crics have challenged the study, even before was formally unveiled at today's ssn of the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn's annual meetg New Orleans, which was jammed wh televisn meras reportg on the prentatn.

Ariel Shidlo and Michael Shroer, two psychologists private practice New York Cy, found that of 215 homosexual subjects who received therapy to change their sexual orientatn, the majory failed to do so. "There's no doubt that many homosexuals who have been unsuccsful and, attemptg to change, bee prsed and their life be worse, " he said.

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY

"In fact, he said, many of his subjects had been sponnt and even suicidal themselv, for the oppose reason — "precisely bee they had prevly thought there was no hope for them, and they had been told by many mental health profsnals that there was no hope for them, they had to jt learn to live wh their homosexual feelgs.

"He said some velop such tremendo strs that they bee chronilly prsed, socially whdrawn or even Spzer says his study shows that some homosexuals makg some effort, ually for a few years, make the change. "We found that women our sample moved om a ls extreme homosexual to a more heterosexual level than did men, " Spzer says. Halman, however, noted that some 43 percent of those sampled were referred by relig groups that nmn homosexualy.

Another 23 percent were referred by the Natnal Associatn for Rearch and Therapy of Homosexualy, which says most of s members nsir homosexualy a velopmental disorr. "The sample is terrible, totally tated, totally unreprentative of the gay and lbian muny, " said David Ellt, a spokman for the Natnal Gay and Lbian Task Force Spzer says while the people his sample were unual — more relig than the general populatn — don't mean their experienc n be dismissed.

IF BEG GAY WERE ACTUALLY A CHOICE, THIS IS WHAT SOME STRAIGHT GUYS WOULD CHOOSE

Rick McKnon, who is openly gay and works as an edor at the weekly Seattle Gay News, is ncerned the study rults n be ed to forward an anti-gay agenda. "Conservative, anti-gay, anti-diversy folks are gog to embrace and they're gonna e for their own agenda to ph their pot of view that, y, you don't need equaly Amerin society for gay people bee they n change, " he said.

"But Spzer — who scribed himself as a "Jewish, atheist, secular humanist" wh no axe to grd — says maybe there are gays who are happy beg gay and ex-gays who are happy beg straight, and that both sis serve more rpect.

In the early 1970s, he spearhead the effort to get homosexualy removed om the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn's list of mental disorrs.

WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY

A higher pch, wir pch range, longer vowels, expand vowel space, and more precise pronunciatn are voice characteristics associated wh gay men. Scientists hypothized that bisexual men’s voic might be nsired more feme-soundg than straight men’s and more mascule-soundg than gay men’s when me to self-reported and observer-reported masculy and femy. One hundred sixty participants, divid evenly between men and women, were asked to listen to voice sampl om 60 men (divid evenly between gay, bisexual, and straight men).

Rearch to bisexualy has lagged due to “bisexual erasure, ” the tenncy to overlook the largt segment of the LGBTQ+ muny favor of gay or straight men. Somehow, the origal “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” premiered on Bravo two s ago this month, prentg five gay men – each specializg a specific liftyle area – as they scend upon a (ually) heterosexual male subject need of some support, whether was wh clothg choic, groomg, anizatn or perhaps an unrlyg issue around self nfince.

It was a novel take on the makeover ncept, not only terms of beg one of the first monstroly succsful programs the then-nascent realm of realy TV, but also one of the first tl to feature not one – but five – gay people as the leads. (For ntext, had only been five years sce the s “Ellen” got nceled, shortly after the ma character played by Ellen DeGener me out as gay.

AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?

Krsley agreed, sayg, “We meet people all the time who are probably their thirti now, who say, ‘I me om a very nservative fay, we were very relig, “Gay” was not somethg that was ever spoken about our home, and your show allowed to at least have that nversatn, if not make easier for me to e out. He add that of urse, isn’t only gay people who approach them wh spiratnal msag, and that at the time the origal show aired, the st saw how their visibily as gay people wh a larger straight world was beg received firsthand. “For many people, we were the first real, live, real life gay people that they actually enuntered, ” Krsley observed.

“And we were a very nocuo group of five gay men helpg a straight guy try to get the job, or the look, or the girl.

And for those who cricized the origal seri for rercg stereotyp by havg a gay fashnista or bety expert swoop to tidy thgs up, Colls creds his rint foodie Allen for a memorable moment at the show’s first NBC upont Los Angel back 2003, when he faced a slew of reporters and had the perfect retort. “Ted fally grabbed , really grabbed a hold of the answer, which was like, ‘Yeah, we are, as a matter of fact, owng the clich around the fact that gays have a different perspective, have a unique visn and perspective of a lot of different thgs. Sometim a woman may have been a heterosexual relatnship for years and yet feel somethg is somehow "off;" and she may fd herself askg, "Is my hband gay?

AM I GAY?

" Many women fd this qutn unthkable but acrdg to Bonnie Kaye,, an expert women married to gay men, is timated that 4 ln women have been, or are, married to gay men. Unfortunately, is timated that 50% of gay hbands hi their homosexualy om their wiv and don't reach this place of honty on their own.

In many s, is the wife, who after spectg that somethg is wrong, mt nont the gay hband wh the evince, and only then n hontly be achieved. But if you're wonrg, "Is my man gay, " might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for, acrdg to Kaye.

If turns out that a hband is, fact, gay, the fallout n be difficult to al wh, particularly for the straight partner. What's important to remember is that the hband's homosexualy is entirely his rponsibily and has nothg to do wh the wife. When down to , there is no reliable "Am I Gay tt", so the only way to know that you are gay (fn of gay) is to look wh yourself to terme your own thoughts and feelgs towards others of the same sex.

THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT

And if do turn out that you are gay, remember that there is nothg wrong wh beg gay – is jt part of who you are. This time, the topic at hand is whether, if was a choice to be gay — which, let’s be clear, IT’S NOT — on what si would straight guys fall?

Recently Redd u/gyromancy posed a qutn to r/AskMen: “I’m a gay man, and I’ve been asked by many different people if I would turn straight if I had the optn to.

WHAT IF YOU ONLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY?

I don’t thk I would do any better as a gay guy and I don’t need the judgement of people who don’t know how to md their own bs as a bon.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

I recently spoke wh Bonnie Kaye, thor of Straight Wiv, Shattered Liv: Stori of Women wh Gay Hbands, among other books, and host of Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Wiv Talk Show on BlogTalkRad. Bonnie has spent much of her adult life first livg wh and attemptg to love a gay hband and then helpg other women the same mis-marriage suatn.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

Bee I know untls gay men who were once married to straight women, wh varyg gre of short and longer-term happs and misery, I wanted to discs this topic, and I wanted to do so om the straight wiv’ perspective.