Gay Men and Their Fathers: Hurt and Healg | Psychology Today

Contents:

• 'RETURN THE KEY': THE PARENTS WHO REJECT THEIR GAY CHILDREN
• 'ACCEPT' AND 'TOLERATE' MY GAY KID? THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH
• I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY
• MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?
• WHEN I TOLD MY GAY SON 49 PEOPLE DIED FOR BEG JT LIKE HIM
• GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
• THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY
• I TRIED TO STOP MY SON OM BEG GAY. HERE’S WHAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN
• JT BEE HE BREATH: LEARNG TO TLY LOVE OUR GAY SON
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

'RETURN THE KEY': THE PARENTS WHO REJECT THEIR GAY CHILDREN

That’s how I feel’The armageddon refers to his mum’s strong Jehovah’s Wns beliefs about the sfulns of homosexualy.

’”Chris, sadly, isn’t alone his story of parental fa of equalyAt the time I terviewed him, a Brazilian mother who killed her teenage son for beg gay is sentenced to 25 years prison. Celebry stori of heartbreakg parental rejectn are also November, the Amerin thor and producer Robyn Crawford released a book nfirmg she had had a romantic relatnship wh Whney Hoton – but had to abandon out of fear of the repercsns om Hoton’s by Oprah Wey if would have bothered her if her dghter was gay, Cissy Hoton said “Absolutely. “She even worked Brisbane’s gay bar, ” Chris says.

At the begng of his send year of llege, my son Nick told me he was gay, and that he didn‘t believe same-sex relatnships were sful. My turng pot me to me one day as I was readg a blog ment wrten by a gay man to someone sayg he didn’t want to be iends wh people who thought was sful for him to have same-sex relatnships, bee he was tired of beg treated like he was “ls than other people” and “a send rate cizen”— stck me then that if I were his sho, I would probably feel the same way.

'ACCEPT' AND 'TOLERATE' MY GAY KID? THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH

As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart. Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would have fensively said "No!

San Berland, the mother of a gay son who ach parents of LGBTQ kids, utn, "It's not a good ia to ask. Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this.

Mol acceptance by not g gay slurs and never tellg gay jok.

I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY

Watch gay-themed shows together such as "The Fosters" and "Will and Grace. React kdly to gay people the news or on televisn. In a way, you have an advantage by not knowg; giv you more time to prepare for the day (if ever) when he do reveal he's gay.

Rob Portman (R-Oh) reversed his stance on gay marriage, largely bee his son is gay, and although I felt like I should have been happy about , left a bad taste my mouth. Cizens, but my knee-jerk reactn was, "Oh, you support gay marriage now bee directly affects your fay?

" I know that that thought was not genero, and I'm not proud of , but my tratn is real, and the problem of homophobia is U.

MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

It turns out that he has a gay son too, but his opposn to marriage equaly is not gog to change. I've been fortunate enough to hear om gay kids all across the untry. I cherish the good stori, but there's often a moment those good stori that mak my heart hurt: when they tell me how happy they are that their parents "still" love them -- bee all those kids knew that not lovg them was an policians there is a lot talk of "acceptance" and "tolerance" when to homosexualy, and I n't help but thk that those are the wrong words.

Anyone who thks that a child would make the choice to be gay is obte and not worth engagg a discsn of the people happen.

That means that gay children happen, and gay children n be born to anyone or adopted to any fay. If someone is not prepared to love a gay child, then what bs do they have parentg children at all?

WHEN I TOLD MY GAY SON 49 PEOPLE DIED FOR BEG JT LIKE HIM

After all, they n't perform the number-one may feel that is possible to love a person and not accept that he or she is gay. Lovg someone but hatg the fact that he or she is gay would be like lovg someone but hatg the fact that he or she has arms or what about those parents who do "accept" and "tolerate" their gay children?

GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG

They're better parents than those who throw their children out of the hoe or abe them for beg gay. Words like "accept" and "tolerate" do not dite good thgs; the ntext of homosexualy, they imply that there is somethg wrong wh beg gay that parents have to put up wh.

That is not a good child serv to be loved for exactly who they are, so I thk 's about time that we change how we talk about our gay children. " When we cherish and celebrate who our children are, then maybe the sred gay kids this untry will stop worryg about whether their parents will "still" love them and will simply know they are loved unndnally. Relatedlgbt tolerancerob portmangay acceptancematt salmonGay Children.

Qutn: TWO months ago my son Gav, 29, announced that he is gay. He me home one weekend to expla to me and my hband that he has been livg wh his partner for three months and has known he was gay sce he was 17. UPSET: Mary n't e to terms wh the fact that her son is gay / pic posed by molsI was vastated and me as a shock bee Gav has the past brought girliends home to meet .

THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

Mary, 57, SheffieldAnswer:DEBORAH SAYS:How do you e to terms wh the news your son is gay? You have to let them parents fd hard to accept their child is gay.

I TRIED TO STOP MY SON OM BEG GAY. HERE’S WHAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN

Perhaps is ls difficult than once was bee there is ls secrecy and ls opprobrium surroundg homosexualy but is still hard bee upsets all your expectatns about your mt have been very difficult for Gav to e home and tell you this. Of urse you wouldn’ you n’t “e to terms” wh homosexualy you n’t e to terms wh him.

First, my wife will be unhappy to learn our son is gay. For help alg wh all this, ntact PFLAG, which giv valuable support to parents wh gay children. Dave, I have a 17-year-old son, and I am fairly sure he is gay.

JT BEE HE BREATH: LEARNG TO TLY LOVE OUR GAY SON

I psed on our lol PBS affiliate, where a huge choir was sgg, and after a few sends I realized was the Gay Men's Chos of some cy or another dog a fundraisg ncert. At this time my life, I was 99 percent certa I was gay, though nowhere near ready to sprg on my parents.

We had no gay people our liv back then, no way to gge my fay's level of tolerance. We had no gay people our liv back then, no way to gge my fay's level of watched as they livered a rendn of what I remember as "Somewhere Over the Rabow, " bee eher they or my memory are unfivably basic. Stirrg and brave and subversive, g as did a time before marriage equaly was on the map, a time when you only saw gay people on the news.

Good on you for not pot-blank askg your son whether he's gay. It means one simple, pable thg: Once you have told your dad you're gay, there is no gog back.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

Right now, he has to be secretive, not bee he's gay, but bee he's 17. I'd love to say that you should do a big, showy "Hey, I sure do like those gay people" at the dner table. I wish were as simple and CBS-smy as ve the gay guy om work to fay bowlg night.

My son, while only 11 years old, intifi as gay.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

He has sce he was the first gra when a super duper se of puppy love for a TV actor lead to his “I’m gay” announcement. His life is full of gay people, so he don’t see any big importance beg an out gay kid.

” “Why are other parents upset when their kids are gay? “The man wh the gun went to a place he knew was full of gay people, and he attacked them bee they were gay.

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

You know that some people don’t like gay people? ”“Some people don’t like gay people bee that’s what their relign tells them. Some people don’t like gay people bee their fai say gay people are bad.

Fathers many fai are myster, distant, timidatg figur—even more so for boys wh homosexual attractns. They are the fay torchbearers of manls, and, as mal young and old know, homosexualy is nsired the dread oppose of masculy.