'Don't Sneak': Dad's Unexpected Advice To His Gay Son In The '50s : NPR

Contents:

• GAY FATHER AND SON STOCK PHOTOS AND IMAG
• GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
• DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR
• MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI
• SAME-SEX MARRIAGE: A GAY MAN AND HIS FATHER S DOWN TO BATE SSM
• TOUCHG VIO SHOWS SON E OUT AS GAY TO MORMON DAD
• THE HEARTBREAKG TE STORY OF THE GAY TEEN AND HIS DAD BEHD ‘JOE BELL’
• ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
• 'DON'T SNEAK': DAD'S UNEXPECTED ADVICE TO HIS GAY SON IN THE '50S

GAY FATHER AND SON STOCK PHOTOS AND IMAG

In the vio, Bannon shows a supportive father who helped his son drs green makp and heels to be Elphaba on Halloween before eher of them unrstood what beg gay might've meant for him. "This rivetg vio shows the relatnship between a father and son where the son reveals to his father that he is gay, " reads the prs release.

GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG

"The plited suatn is a heartfelt song about a father not unrstandg why his son is gay. Fathers many fai are myster, distant, timidatg figur—even more so for boys wh homosexual attractns. They are the fay torchbearers of manls, and, as mal young and old know, homosexualy is nsired the dread oppose of masculy.

Acrdg to Michael Kimmel, a soclogist and expert on male sex rol, men monstrate their masculy by repudiatg all that is feme and monstratg an ever-ready willgns to engage sexual terurse wh women whenever the opportuny aris- a nutshell, to prove they are not gay.

To be gay is to be powerls, weak, unable to break ee om Mommy, and the characteristics are patible wh real manls. Inially, the assertn that homophobia plays center stage men's mascule self-ncept may seem rather extreme.

DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR

" "That's so gay.

MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI

A boy growg to a gay man will get the msage loud and clear that he is weak, dirty, and, perhaps worst of all, ls than a man. Th is no wonr that the boys the study for my book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, relled beg so reactive and fearful of the rpons of their fathers—the very people who were expectg them to receive and rry the torch of masculy. He would ll gay people nam and stuff.

We mt remember that fathers and sons live the same world—one that teach boys that homosexualy is patible wh real masculy and, by associatn, full male adulthood. Fathers too were raised to not only look down upon homosexualy, but to fear themselv.

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE: A GAY MAN AND HIS FATHER S DOWN TO BATE SSM

Th havg a gay son might feel particularly shameful for a father, as he may believe is an dictment of his own masculy. When a father this study ially found out his son was gay, he repeated, over and over, "Do you know what two men do to each other? " Add to this shame and disappotment men's tenncy to be stoic about problems to avoid appearg petent or weak and one gets a sense why many fathers, like those of the boys prevly quoted, did not want to discs such a topic wh a stranger—a gay stranger, no ls.

TOUCHG VIO SHOWS SON E OUT AS GAY TO MORMON DAD

Neverthels, is important to regnize that father-son antagonism uld be particularly woundg for a gay man. Richard Isay, a psychoanalyst who specializ work wh gay men believ that gay mal unrgo a reverse-Oedipal plex whereby, as young boys, they bee subnscly sexually attracted to their fathers (rather than their mothers). When the boy is a toddler, the father anxly sens the sublimal sexual charge their relatnship and, bee he is socialized to be repelled and aaid of homosexualy, he nsequently disengag om his son.

THE HEARTBREAKG TE STORY OF THE GAY TEEN AND HIS DAD BEHD ‘JOE BELL’

Oedipal issu asi, a velopg gay boy may monstrate some tradnally feme gtur or terts that forhadow an adult homosexual orientatn, which may turn make his father unfortable and want to distance. Sadly, father-son disengagement or stra may have particularly pernic nsequenc for gay men's adult liv and relatnships.

If this primary relatnship is characterized by fear, distance, and hostily durg childhood, as is for many gay men, this will no doubt terfere wh his abily to form and mata timate, mted relatnships wh male partners his future. For gay sons of all ag, but pecially those who are stgglg to tablish, fix, or strengthen their current same-sex relatnships, might be a good ia to look toward their past relatnships wh their fathers for sights and answers. Eher way, I have found my clil work wh gay men that much eful rmatn n be gaed by examg past, and even prent father-son teractns to terme what patterns are beg repeated and/or reacted to their current relatnships.

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

Armed wh this sight, gay men n then make more rmed choic about how to teract wh the men their liv. Fathers who love their gay sons need to unrstand the unique role they play their son's self-teem and future relatnships. Certaly all fathers need to show that they love their sons and dghters, but fathers of gay sons need to fd ways to surmount the barrier of homophobia and socially scripted queass about gay sex to show their sons that they are ed lovable and serve the love of a good man.

Although I rarely remend fictn to my clients or stunts, I urge all fathers of gay sons to follow the televisn seri Glee to study the relatnship between the gay character Kurt Hummel and his dad, Burt. Watch this very macho father reach across the great divi of sex-role expectatns to mata a relatnship wh his wonrfully "flamboyant" gay son built on unndnal love. And also know, Dad, that there are many, many of gay men out there watchg that relatnship too—wh tears of gratu, envy, and longg.

'DON'T SNEAK': DAD'S UNEXPECTED ADVICE TO HIS GAY SON IN THE '50S

Clton, MarylandThey are the first both their fai to bee gay fathers, and received a warm wele to parenthood.