When Gay Men (Mis)Marry Straight Women: Bonnie Kaye's Story | Psychology Today

Contents:

• 'THEY JT WANTED TO SILENCE HER': THE DARK SI OF GAY STAN CULTURE
• WHY IS THAT SOME GAY MEN EMPLOY AN EFFEMATE VOICE?
• THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT
• WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY
• WHY GAY MEN AND TRANS HATE WOMENTHEY'RE PETN
• LBIANS MORE ACCEPTED THAN GAY MEN AROUND THE WORLD, STUDY FDS
• I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN
• DEAR BLACK WOMEN: WHE GAYS ARE YOUR ALLI, SO DON'T PH US AWAY
• 10 ANTI-GAY MYTHS DEBUNKED

'THEY JT WANTED TO SILENCE HER': THE DARK SI OF GAY STAN CULTURE

#patriarchy #toxicmasculy #femism #misogynistic♬ origal sound – Kc DavisHere’s another vio where the TikToker elaborat that homophobia is actually hatred of women too@domticblistersReply to @lady14bug dg dg dg. However, the ntued existence of homophobia—spe the obv downsis—rais qutns about s basic nature: Do psychologil theori like those above really expla why gayns, specifilly, evok such fear, the kd that n sometim even lead to vlent speech and actn?

We don’t hear about gay men disverg an tert women later life, and we rarely believe men when they say they are bisexual—the mon, if erroneo, wisdom is that any man who says he is bi is really jt gay and hasn’t admted yet. On the eve of a polil admistratn that is cidly antiwomen, wh a print-elect who has eely bragged about sexual asslt, we n no longer s idly by and allow this behavr among gay men to ntue. For example, I eely e “queer” spe s history as a slur, and I love llg myself and other gay men “homos, ” even though some nsir this word a slur also ( my fense, “homo” is more basely factual than any other term: I am, after all, a homosexual).

”“Brightney Pri”, as has affectnately been nicknamed, was one of the biggt events of the gay lendar – so big that 4, 000 revellers were left strand once the cy’s heavg public transport system failed unr the prsure. Scratch lightly at the surface and what flak off is, y, reciprocy and genue affectn, but also llo theory of the gay fan-diva lk is that of shared opprsn – gay men and women are both ground unr the wheel of hetero-patriarchy. The actns have a distct edge of mockery, the air of a joke that their subject is not Michael Bronski, a Harvard Universy profsor and the thor of books on queer history and gay culture says “There is a long history of gay male fan culture latchg onto famo women and then turng on them.

WHY IS THAT SOME GAY MEN EMPLOY AN EFFEMATE VOICE?

The language ed wh this culture is taken om the same place that Drag Race gets s lexin, namely the unrground subculture where LGBT people pete var drag and performance tegori, documented the film Paris is Burng, and an spiratn for Madonna and Beyoncé many gay men, Baker and myself clud, gay pop stan culture is the distillatn of everythg meangful life.

Wh hours, stan Twter had unearthed and circulated crimatg tweets by Kiyoko om ne years ago (when she was 18) an attempt to “ncel” her – excludg a person entirely om onle disurse, except as the target of hate mem – for darg to crique a song they Adam Byrne, a 23-year-old gay stan, this was a prime example of gay misogyny: “They didn’t re what she had to say. The behavur is ls like a playful poke the ribs, and more like a slap the last week, sger Mara Diamandis – an idol of the gay muny – tweeted back to a fan who is part of the gay stan muny after he sent her an abive tweet. Other forms of gay culture are siarly plagued by this sid heteronormativy – men on datg apps like Grdr e reas like “masc4masc” to praise masculy and shun femy other ’s important to remember that gay male culture exists at the nfluence of many social currents, cludg wir male misogyny and societal homophobia.

THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT

When I was young, I was told the whole world was divid to heterosexual men and heterosexual women, bar a small number of unfortunate ‘homosexuals’ of both genrs and possibly an even smaller number a third tegory, ‘bisexuals’, who ‘swung both ways’; pl, fally, a ty band of wretched creatur who were physilly not que one thg or the other. He found that almost half his male terviewe had reacted sexually to both genrs; more than a third had had a homosexual enunter; and more than one ten reported roughly equally strong sexual rpons to both men and women. ) And Kate McKnon, playg a so-lled Weird Barbie who experienced an extreme haircut and makeover at the hands of an experimental child, never actually answers the qutn anybody would have upon seeg her gay-ass haircut and knowg the actor’s sexualy.

Conversely, there are some lbians who pla about how gay men are ivolo and sex crazed, which cements the lbians' drive to stay an sular world that's way more female than trans people rent drag queens for havg male privilege and for donng the garb of the oppose sex as a performance piece, one they put on and off at will. And shockgly, there was a petn last year to remove the T om LGBT, the reasons behd cludg everythg om the alleged appropriatn of Stonewall history to the marked difference between sexual orientatn and genr inty, which supposedly should keep gays and transsexuals that's not all!

WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY

While gay men and women, drag queens, and trans people have all been proclaimed the "hot thg" at one pot or another, the media hasn't picked up on bi visibily and given the mass-appeal glow that uld help s acceptance.

What's worse, bisexuals are routely disunted by gays and lbians, some of whom clearly feel that the "B" "LGBT" is strictly out of petty ms remds me of the environment I grew up as an Italian-Amerin, hearg some of the neighbors nstantly monize Jews, blacks, and other relig, ethnic, and racial groups orr to elevate themselv. Wr Grey, who me out publicly People magaze jt last year, "I had powerfully phed the ia down for so long that when I eventually tried to live that [gay] world, I wasn't very good at . Bee I know untls gay men who were once married to straight women, wh varyg gre of short and longer-term happs and misery, I wanted to discs this topic, and I wanted to do so om the straight wiv’ perspective.

Why gay men and trans hate women - California Catholic Daily Skip to ntent Why gay men and trans hate womenThey're petnGore Vidal (pictured to the right of William Buckley): To a gay man, the ial mate is strong, handsome, athletic, load wh ttosterone, mcular and brave … not effemate. It’s always been a problem the gay muny, and ’s now one the transgenr movement, wh blogil men takg over women’s sports and donng “gal-face, ” ak to blackface… story by Mark Judge on The Stream Related Posts This se Akismet to rce spam.

WHY GAY MEN AND TRANS HATE WOMENTHEY'RE PETN

“We found that gay men are disliked more than lbian women every untry we tted, ” acrdg to the study, which was nducted by three New York Universy psychologists and published the December issue of the journal Social Psychology and Personaly mori face pervasive discrimatn and hostily globally, wh same-sex sexual activy still illegal approximately 70 untri. ” The nverse is also largely te: For stance Ameri, llege stunts who endorsed “tradnal genr arrangements” were more likely to report negative attus toward gays, lbians and Lra Bettsoli, the study's lead thor, said she and her lleagu were surprised "at the nsistency of the relatnship between genr norm endorsement and sexual prejudice.

LBIANS MORE ACCEPTED THAN GAY MEN AROUND THE WORLD, STUDY FDS

""Even though there were some non-Wtern untri that did not nform to the pattern, the majory of untri did, " she said a, untri cludg Cha and India, the survey found that strong genr norms are actually associated wh greater tolerance of homosexualy — that is, people wh the strongt beliefs how men and women should behave were more likely to tolerate homosexualy, the oppose of the Wt, cludg the Ameris and Wtern report speculat that some Eastern untri, “both genr norms and nonheterosexualy are nsired ‘Wtern’ (or, perhaps, palist) ncepts, and those who are pro-Wtern are more likely to feel favorable toward both. ”In all 23 untri studied, the report found "gay men are rated more negatively than lbian women, ” and that trend was almost entirely driven by the views of men, except Poland, Hungary and Rsia, where women also assigned gay men high negative ratgs. In the Uned Stat, men who are anti-gays largely direct their prejudice toward gay men, while women who are anti-gays direct their prejudice more equally toward gay men and gay women, the study found.

“In other words, harborg prejudicial attus toward sexual mori is part of the social nstctn of what means to ‘be a man’” many Wtern untri, acrdg to the January 2019, the Amerin Psychologil Associatn’s first gui to issu specific to men and boys warned that “tradnal masculy iology” — what some characterized as “toxic masculy” — “has been shown to lim mal’ psychologil velopment, nstra their behavr, rult genr role stra and genr role nflict and negatively fluence mental health and physil health” and lked to both homophobia and snapshotThe study also shed light on some ntours of global homophobia.

”It also placed Amerin attus toward lbian, gay and bisexual people the ntext of other untri around the world: Argenta, Atralia, Belgium, Canada, Great Bra, Spa and Swen all have more posive attus toward sexual mori than do Amerins. The qutn of how he se his gayns relatn to his two marriag to women, specifilly his current marriage to you, is both more salient and open-end, so I’d suggt you start by askg him to share more of his thoughts on the subject wh you. That will get you a lot further than tryg to figure out if your hband is “really” bisexual (and, implicly, whether that means you n safely hope he won’t leave you for someone else) or “really” gay (and, implicly, whether you have to fear that he’s gog to break up wh you for another man).

I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN

C., New York, and Tampa, all plac where many whe gay men found acceptance and mon cultural e wh their opprsed black sisters who, turn, flood the scene, seekg plac to revel away om so many predatory, meang straight men of all rac. Last week, that alliance me unr attack by misguid Universy of Mississippi senr Sierra Mannie, who believed she was fendg black women om cultural theft by lnchg an asslt on whe gays who, to her md, behave too black.

Whe gay men — once tensely vilified but now able to harns our whe male privilege for good, havg learned what beg on the outsi is like — are a ndu through which black women n work agast both untervailg forc that ph them down.

DEAR BLACK WOMEN: WHE GAYS ARE YOUR ALLI, SO DON'T PH US AWAY

Y and no, said Sequoia Ayala, director of policy and advocy at the nonprof SisterLove to sexual inty, Ayala said the “term ‘down low’ is extremely problematic bee is ed to place blame on men prumed to be gay and n lead to crimalizg men livg wh HIV who might not disclose their stat. Ever sce born-aga sger and orange juice pchwoman Ana Bryant helped kick off the ntemporary anti-gay movement some 40 years ago, hard-le elements of the relig right have been searchg for ways to monize gay people — or, at a mimum, to fd arguments that will prevent their normalizatn society.

But addn to hawkg that myth, the legns of anti-gay activists who followed have add a panoply of others, rangg om the extremely doubtful claim that sexual orientatn is a choice, to unalloyed li like the claims that gay men molt children far more than heterosexuals or that hate crime laws will lead to the legalizatn of btialy and necrophilia.

10 ANTI-GAY MYTHS DEBUNKED

The fairy tal are important to the anti-gay right bee they form the basis of s claim that homosexualy is a social evil that mt be supprsed — an opn rejected by virtually all relevant medil and scientific thori. Depictg gay men as a threat to children may be the sgle most potent weapon for stokg public fears about homosexualy — and for wng electns and referenda, as Ana Bryant found out durg her succsful 1977 mpaign to overturn a Da County, Fla., ordance barrg discrimatn agast gay people.

Others have ced a group lled the Amerin College of Pediatricians (ACPeds) to claim, as Tony Perks of the Fay Rearch Council did November 2010, that "the rearch is overwhelmg that homosexualy pos a [moltatn] danger to children. Gregory Herek, a profsor at the Universy of California, Davis, who is one of the natn's leadg rearchers on prejudice agast sexual mori, reviewed a seri of studi and found no evince that gay men molt children at higher rat than heterosexual men.

The Amerin Amy of Child & Adolcent Psychiatry affirmed 2013 that “[c]urrent rearch shows that children wh gay and lbian parents do not differ om children wh heterosexual parents their emotnal velopment or their relatnships wh peers and adults” and they are “not more likely than children of heterosexual parents to velop emotnal or behavral problems. The Amerin Amy of Pediatrics (AAP) a 2002 policy statement clared: "A growg body of scientific lerature monstrat that children who grow up wh one or two gay and/or lbian parents fare as well emotnal, gnive, social, and sexual functng as do children whose parents are heterosexual.