How to make iends as a gay man

Contents:

• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS: AN LBGT FRIENDSHIP GUI
• AM I GAY IF I HAVE SAME SEX FANTASI?
• HOW TO MAKE IENDS AS A GAY MAN
• WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX
• HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

For a long time, iendships between gay men and straight men – what some now ll “bromosexual” iendships – were unmon. Homophobia was likely one reason; another was that straight men probably assumed they didn’t have much mon wh gay men. Specifilly, we’re terted lookg at the reasons gay men and straight men bee iends (or rema iends after the gay iend out).

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

We currently have a survey vtigatn unrway that explor some of the posive out of “bromosexual” iendships, cludg our theory that gay men and straight men n be optimal wg men for one another. Many straight men hated to beiend gay men, fearg harassment, rejectn om their straight iends or beg lled gay.

The growg acceptance of homosexualy, however, has allayed some of the fears. Gay men – particularly those nservative and ral environments – rema wary about tryg to beiend straight men, fearg prejudice-fueled rejectn. At the same time, many straight men still doubt that they’ll be able to relate to gay men any meangful way and, for this reason, may not try to iate a iendship.

HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS: AN LBGT FRIENDSHIP GUI

Of urse, the tradnal notn that gay men and straight men nnot be close iends is herently homophobic and unte.

We propose gay-straight male iendships are not only possible, but that they n grow to be extremely rewardg.

AM I GAY IF I HAVE SAME SEX FANTASI?

If they’re open-md about beiendg gay men and make the effort to try to fe iendships based upon mon terts, gay men should feel more fortable reciprotg.

So which straight men are the most likely to beiend gay men, and vice versa? Gay men who disclose their sexual orientatn to their straight male iends earlier life may be able to build more open and hont iendships wh them to adulthood.

Send, recent rearch has argued that genr and sexual orientatn might not be as black and whe as prevly thought, which opens up new avenu for explorg how gay and straight men n relate to one another.

HOW TO MAKE IENDS AS A GAY MAN

If a straight guy and his gay male iend are ls rigid about their masculy and sexualy, they’ll probably be more likely to discs tails about their sexual and romantic liv openly wh one another. Recent rearch has suggted that advice sharg uld be a ccial reason that straight women seek out gay men as iends. In short, women are able to tst the datg advice om gay male iends bee they know their gay iends don’t have any ulterr motiv: They’re not tryg to hook up wh them or pete wh them for guys.

We believe that this same sort of unbiased advice sharg might also foster iendships between gay and straight men. Bee of the tst they engenr om straight women, gay men are uniquely posned to be excellent “wg men” for sgle straight men.

WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX

However, straight women do tend to tst the datg advice of gay men (pecially more than advice om straight men or women). Acrdgly, straight men uld get a leg up datg om beg close iends wh gay men. For example, a gay iend uld vouch for his straight iend’s good tentns to women.

HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS

Straight men who are fortable wh their sexualy may also act as wg men for gay male iends.

Jt as a gay man might be able to pass on advice about women to his straight iend, a straight man uld nnect his gay male iend wh another sirable gay man, sce neher the gay man nor his straight iend are petg for the same person.

We believe that havg a tstworthy nfidant to help wh romantic pursus is one of the major reasons straight and gay men are leavg the fort of their same-sex, same-orientatn iend groups to form “bromosexual” iendships. This all got me thkg about my own iendships and those of my gay male clients.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

The bonds between gay men and straight women have been wrten about and featured popular media (i. Sex the Cy, Will and Grace), though a lot ls has been said about how gay and straight men regnize and negotiate the distct challeng, plitns, and rewards of their iendships. Acrdg to Garfield, among the many obstacl to male-male platonic timacy, fear of homosexualy looms large.

Straight men et that if they get too close, others will see them as gay; which their mds means feme (horrors! S., before there was such a thg as a gay inty, some straight men would, wh ltle shame, engage sexual ntact wh other men (ually allowg themselv to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see Gee Chncey’s semal book, Gay New York: Genr, Urban Culture, and the Makg of the Gay Male World 1890-1940) and there is good reason to believe this still occurs other untri and cultur. The mid 20th century this behavr beme associated wh gay inty, new at the time and seen as crimal and then sick.

As a rult of this behavr-inty lk, sexual ngrs between gay and straight men creased nsirably, or at least went unrground. Gay men have suffered physil, social, and psychologil abe at the hands of heterosexually intified mal who, thanks to homophobia and heterosexism, felt fully jtified flictg the terrors.

FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"

So 's no wonr hetero men would fear homosexualy and gay men particular. This legacy of vlence, both physil and psychologil, flicted by straight men toward those of who are gay naturally fuels our utn and distst at the thought of beiendg them.

In his book, Garfield scrib the stiff hugs he would receive om a gay iend. As turns out, the gay iend worried that if he hugged too closely his iend would thk he was g on to him.

Few thgs n be a more soothg balm for gay guys than a close iendship wh a heterosexual man.