When Parents Separate and One Parent ‘Com Out’ as Lbian, Gay or Bisexual: Sons and Dghters Engage wh the Tensn that Occurs When Their Fay Un Chang - PMC

Contents:

• MY DAD COMG OUT AS GAY CHANGED OUR LIV — AND GAVE ME THE COURAGE TO BE MYSELF
• AFTER 20 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, MY DAD CAME OUT AS GAY
• WHAT’S LIKE FOR A CHILD WHEN THEIR MUM OR DAD OUT AS GAY?
• TOUCHG VIO SHOWS SON E OUT AS GAY TO MORMON DAD
• HOW I ACCINTALLY FOUND OUT MY DAD IS GAY
• HOW A SON AND DGHTER RPOND TO A GAY DAD COMG OUT
• DIVORCED UPLE SHAR SPIRG JOURNEY AFTER HBAND OUT AS GAY
• WHEN PARENTS SEPARATE AND ONE PARENT ‘COM OUT’ AS LBIAN, GAY OR BISEXUAL: SONS AND DGHTERS ENGAGE WH THE TENSN THAT OCCURS WHEN THEIR FAY UN CHANG
• GAY FATHERS WHO COME OUT MID-LIFE
• KEV SPACEY SAYS HE WAED UNTIL 58 TO COME OUT AS GAY BEE HIS DAD ‘WAS A NEO-NAZI’

MY DAD COMG OUT AS GAY CHANGED OUR LIV — AND GAVE ME THE COURAGE TO BE MYSELF

I'm gay. I n't remember exactly what I unrstood of the word "gay" at that pot my life, but whether me om hearg my classmat e to disparage our peers or the nate unrstandg that s existence our life meant plete and utter change to our fay dynamic, I stantly registered the word as synonymo wh "bad. The word "gay" was not a taboo word our hoe.

AFTER 20 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, MY DAD CAME OUT AS GAY

I never hated to pull asi even the tought bulli after hearg them make fun of our gay classmat to give them a piece of my md, and I preached csantly about why the f-word should be dropped om everyone's vobulari anytime was uttered my prence.

We would se together as adults and share stori om our childhoods about our gay parents that others wouldn't unrstand. It's te that children of gay adults tend to grow up quicker than most bee we e to know a different world at an early age that some adults are not yet able to fully prehend. The first time my dad tried to tell me he was gay, didn't go well.

WHAT’S LIKE FOR A CHILD WHEN THEIR MUM OR DAD OUT AS GAY?

What I gleaned om his ramblgs were that he believed that human sexualy was a ntuum and that if he hadn't been born and raised a relig fah that shunned homosexualy, he might have gravated more towards that si of the spectm. "Dad told me he's gay.

He was gay.

Not maybe gay some parallel universe. My dad was gay now, our actual life. My dad was gay for real.

TOUCHG VIO SHOWS SON E OUT AS GAY TO MORMON DAD

Although had never crossed my md that my dad might be gay, wasn't a total shock eher.

This environment mouflaged my dad's te sexual inty, both om himself and the rt of dad was his early 40s when he realized he was gay. They thought that "beg gay" would maybe pass, but they also explored the ia of havg an "arrangement" their marriage. Almost everyone who is gay remembers the profound experience of g out to their parents, the terror and anxiety of tellg people you love that you are not who they thk you are.

Although was fictn, Leavt’s novel unrsr the dilemma for the gay parent who clean. She has found her subjects through Colage, a support work for children of gay, lbian or transgenr parents that she was troduced to by her younger sister Paloma, who is also a lbian. Photograph: Gabriela HermanGabriela was 29 before she uld brg herself to say out loud: “My mum is gay.

HOW I ACCINTALLY FOUND OUT MY DAD IS GAY

“What I hear om a lot of my subjects, and n relate to, is that the gay thg tak precence over everythg else, so very ltle is alt wh – like, that there was an affair, that our fay is breakg up, that we’re gog through a divorce, that our fay is no longer. For a while she went to a high-school support group for children of divorced parents, but no one talked about gay parents and she was too nervo to brg up.

HOW A SON AND DGHTER RPOND TO A GAY DAD COMG OUT

Some of her subjects have been raised om birth by gay or lbian parents, eher adopted or through artificial sematn, while others have e om backgrounds like Gabriela’s, where one parent has e out. “It was my first time talkg about , and this guy me up to me afterwards and said: ‘My ex-wife is gay, and we have two adult children, and I never realised what mt have been like for them. Stt Takacs, a 46-year-old and father of three, penned a personal say about his experience g out as a gay man to his sons.

There wasn't much of a plan, no guibook hand, only goals that I hoped my boys would start the procs of unrstandg and acceptg their dad for whom I tly was: a gay Stt TakacsIt had been a long 15 months sce g out to my wife, an experience I unfortunately wouldn't scribe as posive, fun or somethg I ever want to repeat. Wh many emotns and strs, I accepted her requt to keep the reason for our divorce -- due to me beg gay -- a secret for at least another year.

Chigo offered the stabily I need a job, iendship and at this pot, a new relatnship that all ntributed to my healg this new gay world. Homosexualy wasn't a topic well discsed our fay.

DIVORCED UPLE SHAR SPIRG JOURNEY AFTER HBAND OUT AS GAY

Gay iends were jt iends -- rpected but their relatnships not necsarily discsed.

Gay marriage was the news, but not discsed our hoe other than the ocsnal negative ment om a close relative. In many ways, a lovg place for them, but I me to realize that teachers spoke openly agast gay culture and textbooks labeled homosexualy as sful and evil. My kids listened and followed their prr to g out, was hard for me to hear my kids e home wh stori of teachers gradg gay marriage or gay people, to see their workbooks, rercg the bias agast beg gay.

The last thg I wanted was for my kids to be treated differently bee they had a gay dad, which I felt was a the year followg my divorce, I agreed not to tell the kids I was gay, so I had to be reful. We were reful to avoid referenc to "gay" discsns and plac, although I lived the Gayborhood of Chigo, an upsle, predomantly gay area on Chigo's North Si.

WHEN PARENTS SEPARATE AND ONE PARENT ‘COM OUT’ AS LBIAN, GAY OR BISEXUAL: SONS AND DGHTERS ENGAGE WH THE TENSN THAT OCCURS WHEN THEIR FAY UN CHANG

He was a few years ahead of his brothers beg doctrated by his school agast homosexualy. He was fiant at tim and generally embarrassed about his gay dad. Eventually, though, that started to four years, my olst son's iends knew he had a gay dad, and, to put teenage terms, wasn't so bad.

GAY FATHERS WHO COME OUT MID-LIFE

I thk he unrstands beg gay isn't a choice anymore, and I believe that will ex-wife certaly bore the bnt of the day-to-day wh the kids.

I helped start a group for gay fathers Chigo and has shown me that there are other gay fathers ahead of me their g-out journey wh posive experienc to share. So, your dad jt dropped one hell of a bombshell—he's gay...

KEV SPACEY SAYS HE WAED UNTIL 58 TO COME OUT AS GAY BEE HIS DAD ‘WAS A NEO-NAZI’

" as betifully as fally steppg to your tt, fullt, most thentic, of urse, along wh the tth bomb that Pops jt dropped your lap, ial feelgs of anger, nfn, and fear, along wh qutns like, "Do this mean I'm gay too? As hard as might be to talk about havg a gay parent (unls you already fd uber ol), realize that you do have peeps, buddi, homi that you n turn to. Check out Fay Equaly Council, Human Rights Campaign (HRC), PFLAG, and even a pretty ol group jt for kids wh gay parents—COLAGE.