A Love Story That's Gay for Valente's Day

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A LOVE STORY THAT'S GAY FOR VALENTE'S DAY

Holot Remembrance Day, January 27, is a day to remember all the victims of the Nazi era – cludg the gay men killed ncentratn mps. Day of Silence, held on April 17, is the Gay, Lbian and Straight Edutn Network’s annual day to prott the bullyg of LGBT stunts and their supporters. Internatnal Day Agast Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia, observed on May 17 to raise awarens of anti-LGBT vlence and reprsn worldwi.

Created by Adam Steward 2009 and celebrated on July 16, Internatnal Drag Day to give drag artists a chance to showse their creativy and ntributns to gay culture. Shepard’s attackers targeted him for robbery as a gay man and pretend to be gay to lure him. Started 2010 by Canadian teenager Brtany McMillan, and promoted by GLAAD, was created rponse to a seri of bullyg-related suicis of gay stunts like Tyler Clementi.

THE SHIFTG MEANG OF VALENTE'S DAY FOR GAY FAI

“Love, Simon” is a rom- about a gay teen tryg to fd love high school — and I promise ’s jt as chey as any straight rom-. Although Valente’s Day receiv lots of media attentn, themed products, and events, the often exclu lbian, gay, bisexual, trans, and queer (LGBTQ) people. Or perhaps a gay or bi olr adult wants to remember a lost partner, but n’t discs them wh their iends or regivers due to their genr.

For example, a gay man may have memori of beg bullied school for not havg a Valente, or a trans woman may have been rejected by a romantic partner who uld not accept her genr inty. There was a time when we never thought we would see the day as gay men to have such an amazg moment wh our fai, this day was tied as the bt day our liv (the day we first met). Roughly 1 percent of lbian, gay and bisexual Amerins are asexual, acrdg to a study om the Williams Instute at the Universy of California at Los Angel, although experts such as Jennifer Pollt, assistant director of genr, sexualy and women’s studi at Temple Universy Philalphia, believe the populatn is unrunted and s fluence unrtimated bee of a lack of timacy is often placed on a pestal to sell products, pecially for Valente’s Day, Pollt said, but love whout romance or sex is jt as valid and fulfillg for asexual and aromantic people.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* IS VALENTINE'S DAY A GAY HOLIDAY

Comment on this story</tle><path d="M14 14V2H2v9.47h8.18L12.43 13ZM3 10.52V3h10v9.23l-2.5-1.66Z"></path></svg></button><span aria-hidn="te" class="wpds-c-fBEbFG">Comment</span><span class="wpds-c-fOvfhP wpds-c-fOvfhP-kshkDy-isCommentType-te none" aria-hidn="te"><span class="ment-unt font-xxxxs sc-ral-unt"><span class="ral-unt unfed" data-ral-notext="te"></span></span></span></div></div></div></div></div><div class="teaser-ntent grid-center"><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Ole Pax, 37, has always been skeptil of Valente’s Day.</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">She’s not opposed to romantic gtur, she said, but the holiday feels palistic and rporate-driven, as pani entice upl to spend big on prents and cholat.</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“If I have a partner, why do I only have to give them prents on one day? Why do I only give them flowers on one day? Why is that day particular special?” the Pennsken, N.J., rint said. “It jt never ma sense to me.”</p></div></div><div></div><div class="article-body grid-body grid-center" data-qa="article-body"><div data-qa="article-image" class="hi-for-prt"><div style="m-height:358px"></div></div><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Pax’s skepticism is wily shared, but hers wh a twist: She intifi as both asexual and imromantic — which means that she do not have any sire for sex and she don’t make any distctn between romantic and platonic feelgs. So what to do wh a holiday that assum romantic and sexual attractn are the norm?</p><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">This year she’s dog what she ually do on Feb. 14: makg time for self-love and self-re. For her that means soakg a hot bath before curlg up bed wh her three stuffed animals, Fyndoll, Marsha and Sylvia, the last two named after trailblazg trans activists Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera.</p><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Amerins have showered their beloveds wh <a href=" target=_blank>Valente’s Day </a>rds, sweets, flowers and gifts as far back as the early 1700s, <a href=" target=_blank>historians say</a>. “Romance is such the expected norm,” Pax said. “It is movi, is advertisg, is mic, is books, is everywhere.”</p></div><div class="article-body grid-full-bleed" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body grid-full-bleed" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Pax is not alone rejectg the notn that the relatnships acknowledged on Feb. 14 have to clu romance and sex. Roughly 1 percent of lbian, gay and bisexual Amerins are asexual, acrdg to a study om the <a href=" target=_blank>Williams Instute</a> at the Universy of California at Los Angel, although experts such as Jennifer Pollt, assistant director of genr, sexualy and women’s studi at Temple Universy Philalphia, believe the <a href=" target=_blank>populatn is unrunted</a> and s fluence unrtimated<i><b> </b></i>bee of a lack of awarens.</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Sexual timacy is often placed on a pestal to sell products, pecially for Valente’s Day, Pollt said, but love whout romance or sex is jt as valid and fulfillg for asexual and aromantic people. As more people unrstand that, there will be more support for people explorg their relatnship wants, hop and needs.<b> </b>In the meantime, many people on the “a spectm” — also known as aspec or a-spec, an umbrella term for people who intify as asexual and aromantic — are fdg creative ways to fe the holiday on their own terms.</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Clancy Whers, 19, realized they were asexual and aromantic high school when they noticed how differently they experienced attractn pared to their peers. When asexual and aromantic people like someone, “you’re attracted to them as a person, and you are attracted to the way they are wh you and the way they are wh other people,” Whers said.</p></div><div class="article-body grid-full-bleed" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body grid-full-bleed" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Whers, who liv Lakeland, Fla., don’t have a partner or signifint other, but their valente this year is their iend Dax, who has helped them manage their Tourette syndrome.</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“They’re always there for me, the first person I go to every time I need to talk about somethg,” Whers said. “They did rearch on my disabily jt so that they n do their bt to take re of me whenever thgs go south wh , and every moment that I need them to take re of me when to that, they are always right by my si.”</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><div id="gift-share-le" data-ttid="gift-share-le" class="PJLV PJLV-ilotWTr-css hi-for-prt"><button aria-haspopup="dialog" aria-expand="false" aria-ntrols="gift-share-drawer" role="button" tabx="0" aria-label="Share this article" id="gift-share-drawer-ntrol-le" data-ttid="gift-share-drawer-ntrol-le" class="wpds-c-PJLV wpds-c-gsmDXe wpds-c-gsmDXe-goNocI-placement-Inle foc-highlight"><div data-ttid="gift-share-terstial-trigger" class="wpds-c-kPqOkS wpds-c-kPqOkS-jtSXsT-hasSubsText-false"><span class="wpds-c-hBJqc"><span class="wpds-c-dzSncg">Share this article</span></span><span class="wpds-c-eCvK"><span class="wpds-c-enedHQ wpds-c-enedHQ-cCdK-isShown-false">Share</span><svg xmlns=" fill="currentColor" viewBox="0 0 16 16" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-fBqPWp wpds-c-fDHGth"><path fill="currentColor" d="M8 .6v3.8h.1c-4.4 0-7.3 4.5-6.9 8.8.1.8.2 1.2.2 1.2l.2 1 .4-1.3c.8-2 2-4 6.2-3.9H8v4l7-6.9L8 .6Zm1 11.3V9.3h-.9c-3 0-4.8.5-6.2 2.9.5-3.3 2.7-6.8 6.2-6.8H9V3l4.5 4.4L9 11.9Z"></path></svg></span></div></button></div></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">They’re planng to gift a handma patg and a possibly perform an origal song for Valente’s Day.</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body grid-tablet-full-bleed" data-qa="article-body"><div data-qa="article-image" class="hi-for-prt"><div style="m-height:358px"></div></div></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">For Karen St. John, 29, the holiday of love n feel isolatg — a paful remr of how difficult is to fd a partner who unrstands and accepts her ace inty. St. John, who liv Itha, N.Y., says sexual attractn isn’t at the foreont of her md, but she is panromantic, which means she n be romantilly attracted to a person of any genr, and misexual, which means she needs to form a ep emotnal bond wh someone before experiencg sexual attractn.</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“Figurg out romantic and sexual orientatn are two separate thgs, and n therefore be different, really put thgs to perspective for me when I found the asexualy spectm,” she said.</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">St. John has learned to stand firm her own inty, but even when datg wh the LGBTQ muny, she’s had people try to cross her boundari. She says mak her value her platonic nnectns much more than potential romantic on. She’s gog to spend Valente’s Day like any other day, gog to work and then g home to kiss her dogs, Ralph and Eddie.</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Feb. 15 has always been a much better day anyway, she said, when she n buy cholate at Walgreens and Target on clearance.</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Amber Brown, 31, said she has always enjoyed Valente’s Day. As a child, she ed to give rds to iends and fay. As an adult, she the day to show her appreciatn for them. Free om “the strs of a toxic romantic relatnship," she’s gog out for drks wh iends on Feb. 14.</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Brown has known sce puberty that her views on relatnships were different om those of many of her peers Lake Statn, Ind. It wasn’t until she stumbled upon the term “aroace,” a portmante of aromantic and asexual, that she disvered there was a label for people who shared her lack of romantic or sexual feelgs.</p></div><div class="article-body grid-full-bleed" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body grid-full-bleed" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">She has bee acctomed to havg her asexual inty qutned. “People always sist that there uld still be someone out there for me and that is too soon to know,” Brown said. “It’s impossible to make some people unrstand that I jt don’t have romantic or sexual feelgs.”</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Art stunt Robert Viljanen, 20, says Valente’s Day isn’t a grand affair his hometown of Tampere, Fland. It’s mostly celebrated elementary school, as kids make crafts and rds to distribute class. The Fnish word for Valente’s Day — Ystävänpäivä — translat to “Friends’ Day,” and clus boyiends, girliends and nonromantic iends. (For a siarly clive readg, see Galente’s Day, the Feb. 13 celebratn of women’s iendships popularized 2010 by an episo of the s “Parks and Recreatn.”)</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">But Viljanen still felt prsure to nform. “In school, that was expected of everyone to start to have csh on each other at a certa pot,” he said. “I never really felt like I f to that, and so sometim I would make up the csh.”</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">After a teacher briefly tght the meang of the letters “LGBT,” he rearched the queer muny onle and beme aware of two terms that explaed his feelgs: asexual and aromantic.</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Now as Valente’s Day ris populary among Fnish adults, Viljanen lik to e the holiday — and every day — to exprs his love for his iends: <i>“</i>Every time that Valente’s Day around, I get remd that … I should really tell my iends that they’re important to me,” he said.</p></div><div class="article-body grid-center grid-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="wpds-c-VkPmP hi-for-prt"><div></div></div></div><div class="wpds-c-dhzjXW wpds-c-dhzjXW-iPJLV-css mt-md grid-center grid-body"><div id="gift-share-end" data-ttid="gift-share-end" class="PJLV PJLV-idiqKOk-css hi-for-prt"><button aria-haspopup="dialog" aria-expand="false" aria-ntrols="gift-share-drawer" role="button" tabx="0" aria-label="Share this article" id="gift-share-drawer-ntrol-end" data-ttid="gift-share-drawer-ntrol-end" class="wpds-c-PJLV wpds-c-gsmDXe wpds-c-gsmDXe-iIVoLq-placement-Shortcut foc-highlight"><div class="wpds-c-UazGY" id="gift-share-shortcut" data-ttid="gift-share-shortcut"><svg xmlns=" fill="var(--wpds-lors-primary)" viewBox="0 0 16 16" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-fVfumU "><path fill="currentColor" d="M8 .6v3.8h.1c-4.4 0-7.3 4.5-6.9 8.8.1.8.2 1.2.2 1.2l.2 1 .4-1.3c.8-2 2-4 6.2-3.9H8v4l7-6.9L8 .6Zm1 11.3V9.3h-.9c-3 0-4.8.5-6.2 2.9.5-3.3 2.7-6.8 6.2-6.8H9V3l4.5 4.4L9 11.9Z"></path></svg><div class="PJLV wpds-c-kwcHlj">Share</div></div></button></div><div class="wpds-c-hcekgi"><div class="mb-lg-mod" data-qa="ments-btn-div"><button aria-label="Scroll to the ments sectn" data-qa="ments-btn" class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-kSOqLF-SQjOY-variant-sendary wpds-c-kSOqLF-eHdizY-nsy-flt wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left wpds-c-kSOqLF-igqYgPb-css ments hi-for-prt"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="currentColor" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-fBqPWp "><path d="M14 14V2H2v9.47h8.18L12.43 13ZM3 10.52V3h10v9.23l-2.5-1.66Z"></path></svg><span class="ral-unt unfed" data-ral-notext="te"></span> Comments</button></div></div></div><div class="grid-center grid-body"><div></div></div></article><div class="centered-layout grid-layout"><div class="grid-center grid-mobile-full-bleed"><div class="hi-for-prt ml-to mr-to mt-md pt-lg recirc" data-qa="recirc"><div class="flex-l jtify-center hi-for-prt"><div class="pr-sm ml-sm ml-0-ns b-l br-l bc-gray-darkt more-om-post"><div></div><div class="dn db-l pb-md pt-md"><div data-qa="newsletter" class="hi-for-prt relative"><div class="dib w-100"><div><div class="flex jtify-center align self-center center transn-all duratn-400 ease--out" data-qa="sc-newsletter-signup" aria-label=""><svg aria-labelledby="react-aria-1-aria" role="img" viewBox="0 0 100 80"><tle id="react-aria-1-aria">Loadg... .

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