"That's So Gay" Is Jt So Wrong | Psychology Today

Contents:

• MAGIC JOHNSON ON LEARNG TO ACCEPT HIS GAY SON: 'HE CHANGED ME'
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY
• WALL STREET CEOS OPEN UP ABOUT THEIR GAY SONS
• ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
• I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY
• I TRIED TO STOP MY SON FROM BEG GAY. I WISH I HADN'T
• "THAT'S SO GAY" IS JT SO WRONG
• MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?
• HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• OLD KEV HART 'JOKE' ABOUT NOT WANTG A GAY SON RECIRCULAT AFTER HE'S NAMED 2019 OSRS HOST

MAGIC JOHNSON ON LEARNG TO ACCEPT HIS GAY SON: 'HE CHANGED ME'

“Very European, ” says EJ Johnson, the son of Magic Johnson, as he rells when he me out as gay to his father.

For gay, bi, and queer sons, who may grow up wh the sense that somethg about their masculy is different, your reassurance means the world.

“It's the words that you say that bee the thoughts their heads, ” Flor a recent study, published the Journal of Pediatric Healthre, Flor and his lleagu terviewed 30 gay, bisexual, and queer cisgenr teen boys on their munitn wh their parents about sexualy.

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

Aga and aga, the boys emphasized the importance of an open and ongog clive nversatn about sexualy, one that acknowledg the existence of gay sex.

No matter how awkward, the nversatns signaled that ’s okay to e to mom or dad, that they n nfi their parents, and that they n ask them qutns — even before turng to iends or the nversatns are all the more ccial the era of “Don’t Say Gay” legislatn, one terviewee noted. ”Among the biggt securi a gay, bisexual, or queer boy has: that g out will dispt his relatnship wh you.

”In his Journal of Pediatric Healthre study, Flor found that was important to gay, bi, and queer youth that their parents acknowledged sex and were open to clive nversatns about — the discsns helped remove some of the stigma of gay sex and rerced the ia that home is a safe environment. ”Chanc are, you’ve msed up the past — lghed at a homophobic joke on televisn, ma a remark about a man’s feme cloth or prentatn, or reacted wh disfort to nversatns about same-sex relatnships or sex.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY

You are young people, and I’m sure a lot of you are gay and progrsive, ” he said addrsg the dience. Parents of gay children may be shocked when their kids e out of the closet, but once the dt settl, most parents realize that their child is the same one they have loved and red for all their liv, they jt happen to be gay. And while parental acceptance is one hurdle for a gay child, there are many other issu facg gay kids and their parents.

Issu for parents of gay kids as intified by Parents, Fai and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG), clu:1.

Relatnship regnn – workg to achieve equal rights and regnn for gay relatnships as for heterosexual relatnships. It may be that the child bucks tradnal genr stereotyp or they may not show attentn to the oppose sex; but are the signs of a gay child? Acrdg to some rearch, genr atypil behavr may, fact, be an ditor that the child may grow up to be gay.

WALL STREET CEOS OPEN UP ABOUT THEIR GAY SONS

So, for example, boys that play wh dolls and have primarily girliends or girls who are tomboys and prefer to play wh guns may have an creased likelihood of growg up to be gay. Another sign your child might be gay is if he is a male that choos more solary sports such as cyclg or swimmg. There also appears to be a relatnship where the more a child shows genr-nonnformg characteristics, the greater the chance that they may grow up to be gay.

While knowg your child is gay may help you ease the transn to adulthood, 's cril to remember that a gay child is jt a child like any other and a parent of gay child is jt a parent, like any other. Parents of gay kids mt e to accept and love their children for who they are and not bee of their sexualy. So below I've provid a better list of ways to tell if your son is a gay person who is you e home om work and you hear nois upstairs and you go up to vtigate and your son's door is open and you tch him "hookg up" (as kids ll today) wh his iend Michael, and you quickly turn around and walk back downstairs and later that night over dner you say "You know, honey, if there's ever anythg you need to tell me...

" and he says "Mom, I'm gay, " then your son is your son has recently gone to llege and hasn't been touch much and you figure hey he's new to llege, he's by makg iends and whatnot, and then late one night he lls you on the phone soundg upset about somethg and you ask him what's wrong and he's quiet for a while and then says "Nothg's wrong, really, I'm jt...

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

Dad, I'm gay, " then your son is your son ever been on a long drive to one of your dghter's swim meets wh you and when stopped at a red light he's turned to you and said "Mom, I feel like I owe to you and dad to tell you that, well, Donald is my boyiend. Chanc are that if you are on your athbed and your tranged son to vis you the middle of a ray night and he ss by your bed quietly until he begs to cry and clutch your hand and says "I wish I'd told you sooner that I'm gay" and then you both stay there silence, you pretendg to be asleep, the only noise the beepg of the mach that will only keep you alive for a ltle while longer, your son is you and your spoe are ever visg your son the big cy he now liv wh all his fancy iends and fancy rtrants and you're out to an awkward lunch before your tra home and you three get to another potls fight about years-old stuff and 's really unfortable and fally you or your spoe says "Well, if you'd jt settle down wh the right girl, I thk-" and then your son terpts you by yellg "Guys, I'm GAY. " and then you lgh and ms his hair and the livg room your hband shows your son's boyiend his mol ships, then your son is probably gay, though he might be bisexual, so be reful about your son ever says "Oh my goodns, " when surprised or when openg a gift, well then yeah, he probably gay.

"We're askg that judgment be set asi, and we want the Black church to fight for equaly and agast gay-bashg.

In the "boy's club" of Wall Street, some top executiv' views on gay rights changed entirely when the issue beme personal. When he was CEO of Man Stanley (MS) and Cred Suisse First Boston (CS), John Mack was known for his progrsive views on lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr equaly. "I had strong views of beg anti-gay, " Mack said this month at a nference hosted by Out on the Street, an anizatn that helps firms rec and reta LGBT talent.

I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY

Grandfatherhood, " hedge fund billnaire Pl Sger said about his son Andrew when he first realized he was gay.

I TRIED TO STOP MY SON FROM BEG GAY. I WISH I HADN'T

One night 1998, when he and Andrew were at dner, Andrew started askg Sger about his "views on homosexualy. ”Amerin culture has not been particularly starved of imag of gay fatherhood, particularly recent years.

Celebri like Anrson Cooper have helped normalize the ia of gay men raisg children, and no longer feels revelatory to see them on televisn, as did when “Morn Fay” premiered mon, Mr. Heynen said, are imag of gay fathers who aren’t Instagram ready — like two men bg their dghters’ hair or tossg a football the ont yard. It’s an unrstandable impulse, which he attribut to a sire among gay parents to feel “normal” after havg their pabili as parents ntually lled to qutn.

Heynen said, but rather a celebratn of the day-to-day liv of gay Jt for the YoungCly Rose, 61, and Ryan, 12Cly Rose, who liv Manhattan, was first photographed for “Dads” three years ago after meetg Mr. Heynen “a lot of cred” for cludg a father like him — a sgle dad his 60s — sce he said there is often a lack of reprentatn of olr gay people art and media, which tends to foc on young, f men. He me home one weekend to expla to me and my hband that he has been livg wh his partner for three months and has known he was gay sce he was 17.

"THAT'S SO GAY" IS JT SO WRONG

UPSET: Mary n't e to terms wh the fact that her son is gay / pic posed by molsI was vastated and me as a shock bee Gav has the past brought girliends home to meet . Perhaps is ls difficult than once was bee there is ls secrecy and ls opprobrium surroundg homosexualy but is still hard bee upsets all your expectatns about your mt have been very difficult for Gav to e home and tell you this. By now u probably have an ia of what i am about to I am gayRyan: i n’t believe i jt told youMom: Are you jokg?

Ryan: i know i amRyan: i don’t like hannahRyan: ’s jt a ver-upMom: but that don’t make you gay…Ryan: i knowRyan: but u don’t unrstandRyan: i am gayMom: tell me moreRyan: ’s jt the way i am and ’s somethg i knowRyan: u r not a lbian and u know that.

Ryan: i am jt gayRyan: i am thatMom: I love you no matter whatRyan: i am whe not blackRyan: i knowRyan: i am a boy not a girlRyan: i am attracted to boys not girlsRyan: u know that about yourself and i know thisMom: what about what God thks about actg on the sir? Not that we didn’t know and love gay people — my only brother had e out to several years before, and we adored him. He read all the Christian books that explaed where his gay feelgs me om and dove to unselg to further disver the orig of his unwanted attractn to other guys.

MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

But not at all the way we had, when I thk back on the fear that erned all my reactns durg those first six years after Ryan told he was gay, I crge as I realize how foolish I was.

Now, whenever Rob and I jo our gay iends for an eveng, I thk about how much I would love to be visg wh Ryan and his partner over dner. Spend any time around teens, and you’re likely to hear the mon exprsn, “That’s so gay" — even among gay kids.

If you ask them about , as some rearchers have, they often will sist that is not tend as homophobic language, jt a harmls phrase to exprs tratn or somethg siar. When most people hear the term LGBT (lbian, gay, bisexual or transsexual), for stance, they equate to havg adult sex. Another client’s mother once ught him lookg at gay porn, and said, horrified, “You’re not gay, are you?

HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS

” Later when the parents learned their children were gay, they apologized to them for sayg the thgs, but the damage was already done. Hearg kids sayg, “that’s so gay” every day mak the people and everythg else around them qutnable: Are thgs safe or dangero? What, then, n be done about makg kids (and the rt of ) more aware of the harm g such phras as “That’s so gay?

But parents who are enough aware of language’s substrata n help by helpg their kids’ schools unrstand the value of practicg the same kd of zero tolerance for homophobic language that they do for racist or anti-Semic or bullyg language. The bt thg I have seen is the mpaign “ThkB4YouSpeak” by GLSEN (Gay, Lbian School Edutor Network). Anti-LGBT remarks such as “that’s so gay” are often untentnal and a mon part of teens’ vernacular.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart.

San Berland, the mother of a gay son who ach parents of LGBTQ kids, utn, "It's not a good ia to ask. Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this. In a way, you have an advantage by not knowg; giv you more time to prepare for the day (if ever) when he do reveal he's gay.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

I psed on our lol PBS affiliate, where a huge choir was sgg, and after a few sends I realized was the Gay Men's Chos of some cy or another dog a fundraisg ncert. At this time my life, I was 99 percent certa I was gay, though nowhere near ready to sprg on my parents. We had no gay people our liv back then, no way to gge my fay's level of watched as they livered a rendn of what I remember as "Somewhere Over the Rabow, " bee eher they or my memory are unfivably basic.

OLD KEV HART 'JOKE' ABOUT NOT WANTG A GAY SON RECIRCULAT AFTER HE'S NAMED 2019 OSRS HOST

Stirrg and brave and subversive, g as did a time before marriage equaly was on the map, a time when you only saw gay people on the news.