I was 19, gay and ready to be ‘cured’ by nversn therapy | Fay | The Guardian

Contents:

• THE CURE: ONE GAY MAN'S REVERY FROM CONVERSN THERAPY
• GAY CONVERSN THERAPY’S DISTURBG 19TH-CENTURY ORIGS
• HOW ILLNIST DERREN BROWN CAME OUT AFTER REJECTG GAY ‘CURE’ THERAPYNOW YOU SEE ITTHE STAR BRISH ILLNIST IS AMAZG DIENC HIS BUT NEW YORK SHOW. IN A NDID TERVIEW, HE DISCS ‘CURE’ THERAPY, G OUT, AND HOW HE FOUND FAME MAGIC.TIM TEEMANSENR EDOR AND WRERUPDATED MAY 30, 2017 4:37PM EDT / PUBLISHED MAY 30, 2017 1:00AM EDT BONE/BRYAN-BROWNTHE THEATER ROUNDS TO THE DIENCE’S SIGHS AND GASPS. MOUTHS ARE AGAPE LLECTIVE SHOCK AND NFN. YET IS STRANGE TO SEE THE BRILLIANT MENTALIST AND ILLNIST DERREN BROWN PERFORM THE RELATIVELY PACT 199-SEAT ATLANTIC THEATER COMPANY’S LDA GROSS THEATER NEW YORK’S CHELSEA.IN BRA BROWN IS A HUGE STAR, WH PRIME-TIME TV SPECIALS AND MANY NTROVERSI—OM A NOTOR GAME OF RSIAN ROULETTE TO PREDICTG A SET OF NATNAL LOTTERY NUMBERS—BEHD HIM. HIS SHOWS FILL ARENAS AND THEATERS WH THOANDS OF SEATS.THIS IS BROWN’S FIRST SOLO SHOW THE U.S., AND SO HE MT BEG SMALLER, ALTHOUGH THE SIGHS OF WONR AND NFN OM THE DIENCE RPONSE TO HIS 2 ½-HOUR SHOW, SECRET, ARE TTAMENT TO HIS SKILLS AND TALENT. HIS AMBN TO TAKE THE SHOW TO BROADWAY WILL SURELY BE REALIZED.JOURNALISTS HAVE BEEN ASKED NOT TO WRE ABOUT ANY OF THE MATERIAL BROWN PERFORMS. WHAT N BE SAID, VERY SIMPLY, IS THAT THIS IS A BAFFLG, STUNNG EVENG THAT MELDS ILLN AND APPARENT MD-READG. THE WANR TO THE SUBWAY AFTERWARD IS TAKEN UP WH STRANGERS SCRATCHG THEIR HEADS PARG NOT ON HOW BROWN ULD HAVE DONE WHAT HE DID. “ARE THERE PLANTS, HIDN MERAS?” “IS PREARRANGED AND GAMED?” “HOW ULD HE HAVE DONE THAT…?”THE TALL, BALD, AND HANDSOME 46-YEAR-OLD PERFORMER PRIS OVER THE SHOW OVER TUXEDO AND TAILS, WH HIS CUT-GLASS BRISH ACCENT IALLY SKETCHG A PSYCHOLOGIL SPE TO THE MATERIAL AROUND THE KEEPG OF SECRETS. THIS TO FEEL A LTLE WAFER-TH: HE SAYS HE HAD KEPT HIS HOMOSEXUALY A SECRET FOR YEARS, AND THEN DON’T MENTN AGA. HE ISN’T AS THEATRIL OR SHOWY AS SOME MAGICIANS. HE’S A FAST TALKER AND FASTID ANIZER, DARTG THIS WAY AND THAT, MAKG SURE THGS AND PEOPLE ARE AS THEY SHOULD BE. THEN THE MAGIC BEGS. MUNCHG THROUGH A LUNCH OF SPACH SALAD—HE NOW CIVVI OF LIGHT PK SHIRT AND JEANS—BROWN TOLD THE DAILY BEAST THAT THERE WAS NO TECHNIL TRICKERY VOLVED ALL THE BAMBOOZLG FEATS HE PERFORMS. NO SECRET MERAS, NO SECRET PLANTS. “NONE OF THOSE THGS,” HE SAID. “IT’S EXACTLY WHAT I SAY THE SHOW. IT’S JT GETTG PEOPLE TO TELL THEMSELV A CERTA STORY OF WHAT IS HAPPENG. NETY-NE PERCENT OF IS HAPPENG RIGHT ONT OF YOU, BUT YOU’RE SORT OF PELLED TO JO THE DOTS ONE PARTICULAR WAY.” IN PERSON OFFSTAGE, BROWN SPEAKS FLURRI, A LTLE NERVOLY, PLEX THOUGHTS BEG PLEX SENTENC. HE’S A THKER, VERY MUCH SI HIMSELF. HE ALSO HAS A SLIGHT FACIAL TIC OR TWCH, WHICH IS NOT APPARENT WHEN HE IS PERFORMG (I ASKED ABOUT A SUBSEQUENT EMAIL, WHICH BROWN HAS YET TO RPOND TO).THE CRAFTG OF A SHOW, BROWN SAID OVER LUNCH, IS AROUND A “WHAT IF” MOMENT. “THERE IS NO ACTUAL PSYCHIC MD-READG GOG ON, BEE THAT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE. WHAT YOU’RE LEFT WH IS A SPECTM OF ACTIVY: NJURG THROUGH TO HYPNOTIC AND OTHER SUGGTN-BASED TECHNIQU. I TAKE ALL OF THAT AND TRY AND BLEND TO A PELLG EXPERIENCE.”THE POT OF SECRET, HE SAID, WAS THAT THERE ARE ALWAYS THGS ON STAGE—AND ONE’S OWN LIFE—THAT AREN’T THE FULL STORY: “SOMETIM YOU NEED TO BE AWARE OF THE BIGGER PICTURE YOU ARE MISSG.”WELL, SURE—ALTHOUGH, IF WE WERE, DERREN BROWN WOULDN’T BE AS SUCCSFUL AND AS MASTERFUL AN ILLNIST AS HE IS. ***“A BEDROCK OF SECURY MA ME WANT TO IMPRS AND WANT TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTN,” BROWN SAID. AS A CHILD GROWG UP CROYDON, SOUTH LONDON, HE WASN’T SPORTY AND FELT TIMIDATED BY THOSE WHO WERE. “WHEN I GOT TO SIXTH FORM [AGE 16-18] AND UNIVERSY, I ULD SUDNLY BE AN ATTENTN SEEKER.”HE WASN’T ACTIVELY BULLIED AT THE PRIVATE SCHOOL HE ATTEND—AND WHERE HIS FATHER ACHED SWIMMG (“WHICH MA GETTG OUT OF SPORTS VERY DIFFICULT”)—BUT HE WOULD JT GET ON THE “PLETELY WRONG END OF” THE OTHER CHILDREN. HE WAS BEATEN UP BY OTHER KIDS ONLY ONCE, DURG A DE OF EDBURGH SCHEME FIELD TRIP.HIS BROTHER WAS NE YEARS YOUNGER, SO BROWN WAS “SLIGHTLY AN ONLY CHILD. I WASN’T TERRIBLY SOCIABLE. I HAD TWO OR THREE IENDS AT SCHOOL. I DREW THGS, PLAYED WH LEGO. MY PARENTS LEFT ME EE TO DO WHATEVER MA ME HAPPY.” HE SED. “I FELL WH THE WRONG GROUP MY FIRST YEAR—THE CLASSIL MIC GROUP, NOT THE OL GROUP.” IN HIS LAST YEAR AT SCHOOL, HE BLOSSOMED A B, DREW RITUR OF THE TEACHERS, AND FALLY FOUND AN OUTLET FOR THE ATTENTN-SEEKG PART OF HIS PERSONALY.BROWN BEGAN LEARNG ILLN AND HYPNOSIS WHILE AT UNIVERSY BRISTOL, STUDYG LAW AND GERMAN. IN HIS FIRST YEAR OF STUDY, HE WENT TO SEE THE ILLNIST AND HYPNOTIST MART S. TAYLOR.“IT WAS ONE OF THOSE LIFE-CHANGG MOMENTS. I LEFT THKG, ‘I AM GOG TO LEARN HOW TO DO THAT.’ IT WAS A VERY GOOD SHOW. IT WASN’T MAKG PEOPLE LOOK STUPID. IT WAS HILAR, AND YOU WERE LGHG WH THE PARTICIPANTS AND THEIR BAFFLEMENT, NOT AT THEM.” AFTERWARD BROWN BOUGHT “EVERY BOOK I ULD” ON MAGIC. BROWN HAD A VAGUE THOUGHT ABOUT BEG A LAWYER BUT BEME “OBSSED BY HYPNOSIS—’S ABOUT NTROL, THE MAN OF MYSTERY AND SO ON.” ONCE HE HAD LEARNED SOME TECHNIQU, HE BEGAN TO PERFORM SHOWS AROUND BRISTOL. HE HAD “ZERO AMBN,” THOUGH BY WRG A UPLE OF MAGIC-RELATED BOOKS HIMSELF, HE BEME WELL-KNOWN THAT WORLD. HE STARTED OFF AS A HYPNOTIST, THEN “GOT TO DOG MAGIC, NJURG, AND CLOSE-UP RD TRICKS.”AT THE TIME, MD-READG WAS POPULAR THE U.K., DOWN TO THE SUCCS OF DAVID BLAE, THOUGH BACK THEN THERE WERE FEW BRISH PRACTNERS, BROWN SAID. THE TV WORK CHANNEL 4 APPROACHED BROWN TO ONT A SHOW, AND OTHER SHOWS SOON FOLLOWED—AND HIS REPUTATN FOR SHOCK GREW, TOO. CONSIRG THE SLE AND SWAGGER OF SOME OF HIS PIEC, IS SURPRISG TO FD HIM SO HUMBLE AND QUIET. “I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT THE MERCIAL AND OTHER REALI OF MAKG TV,” BROWN SAID. IN REAL LIFE, HE IS A “SLOWER, MORE DULGENT” PERFORMER. HE SAID HE HAD RPORATED A FAH-HEALG ELEMENT TO A RECENT ACT. HE DON’T, FOR THE RERD, BELIEVE FAH HEALG OR THAT HE IS PABLE OF DOG . BUT THERE IS SOMETHG WHAT HE SAYS TO PEOPLE THAT HELPS ALLEVIATE THEIR PA—HE IS NOT SURE IF THEIR PA AND DISFORT LIFTS JT THAT MOMENT, OR FOR A LONGER PERD.“UNTIL I DID THIS I HADN’T THOUGHT OF HOW POWERFUL THE STORY THAT YOU TELL YOURSELF, THE NDN YOU LIVE WH, THAT IS SUDNLY TERPTED AND THEN YOU’RE SUDNLY A WEIRD WONRLAND WHERE YOU N MOVE AND FEEL A LTLE BETTER. YOU TERPT THE STORY YOU KNOW.”SO HE DON’T BELIEVE FAH HEALG, BUT HE BELIEV THAT SOMEHOW HE N HELP PEOPLE HELP THEMSELV.BROWN NI HE HAS ANY SPECIAL POWER. FOR HIM, IS THOSE PEOPLE G UP ON STAGE “TELLG THEMSELV SOMETHG” THAT ALLEVIAT THEIR SUFFERG.ONE WOMAN HAD BEEN PARALYZED DOWN THE LEFT SI OF HER BODY SCE SHE WAS 4; AT HIS SHOW SHE ULD SUDNLY MOVE HER ARM. “I KNOW I AM NOT DOG ANYTHG TO AFFECT THE OF HER PARALYSIS,” SAID BROWN. “BUT SOMEHOW THE PSYCHOLOGIL ENVIRONMENT SHE FOUND HERSELF WAS ENOUGH TO BYPASS ANYTHG SHE WAS DOG UNNSCLY. IT WAS EXTRAORDARY.”THIS IS NFG, OR SOUNDS . SO HE THKS HE HAS SOME KD OF SUPERNATURAL POWER? I ASKED.“NO. WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYG THIS?” AHRON R. FOSTER BEE YOU SCRIBED SOME WAY ALLEVIATG A WOMAN’S PARALYSIS, I REPLIED. SURELY THAT IMPLI YOU HELPED EFFECT SOME KD OF PHYSIL CHANGE. “I’M NOT AFFECTG THE ANIC NDN OF HER PARALYSIS,” BROWN SAID. “WHAT REVEALS IS THERE A PSYCHOLOGIL PONENT TO SUFFERG, WHICH WE ARE ALL AWARE OF. WHEN YOU CUT YOUR FGER CHOPPG VEGETABL, DON'T HURT UNTIL YOU SEE BLOOD.” FOR BROWN, “THERE IS THIS GRAY AREA OF BEG A FAH HEALER. THEY’RE CHARLATANS. THEY N’T CURE ANYTHG AT ALL.”BROWN DO NOT VE PARTICIPANTS WH TERMAL NDNS ON STAGE. HE WILL NOT CLAIM TO HAVE ERADITED NCER OM YOUR BODY. A PREFERRED ILLNS OF HIS FOC IS FIBROMYALGIA, A PA-RELATED NDN THAT, FOR BROWN, “IS UTTERLY REAL AND BILATG. ITS E IS PSYCHOLOGIL, ALTHOUGH THE REALLY HORRIBLE SYMPTOMS ARE VERY PHYSIL. “I’M TREADG A FE LE BETWEEN MYSTERY AND AMAZEMENT AND IMPOSSIBILY, AND AT THE SAME TIME TREADG THAT LE NOT DOG THGS THAT ARE NOT WORTH —THOSE AREAS THAT FAH HEALERS TRY TO EXPLO—WHILE STILL TRYG TO CREATE A POWERFUL ENOUGH EFFECT WHOUT PROMISG THOSE THGS.” I ASKED IF WAS IGHTENG POSSSG THE STRANGE POWERS. “THERE ISN’T A POWER I HAVE. THE OTHER PERSON HAS THAT QUALY. I AM FACILATG THAT SUATN WHERE THEY SNAP THEMSELV OUT OF , OR TELL THEMSELV A STORY THAT HELPS DO THAT. I N CREATE THE SUATN WHERE THAT HAPPENS. IF THEY ARE GOG THROUGH SOMETHG, PEOPLE ARE VULNERABLE, SO YOU MT BALANCE THEIR PARTICIPATN WH BEG A TV SHOW OR ON A STAGE. I DON’T EXPLO VULNERABLE PEOPLE.”IN HIS TV WORK, BROWN ACCEPTS THAT HE PUTS “PEOPLE THROUGH QUE DARK JOURNEYS, BUT ALWAYS TO GET TO A WORTHWHILE POT FOR THEM. THAT DON’T WORK IF YOU’RE GOG TO BE SENSIVE AT THEIR EXPENSE.” ***BROWN'S MENTN OF HIS G OUT IS AN EARLY, SIGNIFINT MOMENT WH SECRET. THE PATH TO SELF-ACCEPTANCE WAS PLEX FOR HIM, TAKG A FLIRTATN WH A GROUP THAT PROMISED TO “CURE” HIS HOMOSEXUALY.“I LOOK AT KIDS NOW, AND… NOT EVERYWHERE AND NOT AT ALL SCHOOLS OR STRATA OF SOCIETY… BUT SEEMS MUCH LS OF AN ISSUE NOW. THERE IS A MUCH MORE ACCEPTG CULTURE NOW AT SCHOOLS. WHEN I WAS GROWG UP, WAS LIKE, YOU HAVE THIS THG—WHAT YOU THK THIS MASSIVE TERRIBLE THG. A IEND ONCE ME OUT TO ME OVER DNER AS IF HE HAD THIS TERRIBLE NEWS TO IMPART TO ME. I REMEMBER THKG, ‘WHEN I DO THIS I WON’T DO LIKE THIS.’ IT’S NOT THAT MUCH OF A BIG AL.’” FOR BROWN, G OUT TO FAY WAS EASIER WHEN HE HAD A PARTNER: “IT WAS, ‘OH, I’M A RELATNSHIP NOW, AND OH, BY THE WAY, ’S WH A GUY.’”GROWG UP, TOOK HIM “A WHILE TO REALIZE” HE WAS GAY. “AS A CHRISTIAN, OPENED UP THE WEIRD WORLD OF THEM TRYG TO CURE YOU. I DIDN’T GO THROUGH , BUT I SKIMMED THE SURFACE. I HAD A GAY IEND WHO WAS MUCH MORE TO .” WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM? BROWN LGHED. “HE’S STILL GAY, JT MORE DISILLNED WH THE CHURCH. THERE WAS NEVER ANYBODY THAT ACTUALLY WORKED FOR.” DID THIS “CURE” THERAPY HURT OR AFFECT BROWN ANY WAY? I ASKED. HE SHOOK HIS HEAD. HE WAS “LS OF A CHRISTIAN” THAN HIS IEND WHO WAS MORE TO THE GROUP, AND WHEN “YOU WENT TO A PRIT OR CHURCH WH THIS AS PROBLEM, THEY WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY EXCEPT ‘READ YOUR BIBLE AND WILL ALL GO AWAY.’ THAT WAS NOT HELPFUL.”BROWN DO NOT BELIEVE PEOPLE ARE BORN GAY, AND NEHER DO HE BELIEVE THEY ARE MA GAY: HE THKS SEXUALY IS A MIXTURE OF NATURE AND NURTURE.WHATEVER “GRA OF MAKG SENSE” THE CURE GROUPS HELD FOR BROWN, WAS VALIDATED BY THE “DO THIS AND YOUR SEXUALY WILL CHANGE” CENTRALY OF THEIR THKG. “THAT WAS THE ‘NAH’ FOR ME. THE LANGUAGE OF CURG ISN’T HEALTHY.” DID HE BUY TO AS A TEENAGER? “I SORT OF DID. IT OFFERED A GLIMMER OF HOPE.” IN WHAT SENSE? HE DIDN’T WANT TO BE GAY?“YEAH, WHICH IS A VERY MON EXPERIENCE. THIS IS CLEARLY NOT THE MSAGE ONE SHOULD SEND OUT TO ANYONE. BUT PEOPLE OF MY GENERATN, IF NOT PEOPLE NOW—STILL A NUMBER OF PEOPLE—HAVE FELT THAT. NOT BEG GAY, FOR ME BACK THEN, WAS A VERY APPEALG PROMISE.”RATHER THAN FEELG JUDGED BY THE CHURCH OR NFLICT WH S BELIEFS, THIS GROUP, BROWN SAID, WAS SAYG, “‘NO, WE UNRSTAND, AND HERE IS A WAY OUT OF .’ BUT THAT IS DISGENUO BEE DON’T GO ANYWHERE EXCEPT TO LEAD TO FURTHER GUILT AND FAILURE, AS YOU NEVER ACHIEVE WHAT SAYS YOU WILL.”BROWN ATTEND ONE MEETG OF THE CURE GROUP, WHICH WAS VAD BY LGBT ACTIVISTS, AND BROWN OBSERVED THE MELéE THKG OF THE ACTIVISTS, “THEY’RE REALLY, REALLY ANGRY ABOUT THIS AND I N SEE WHY.”AFTER HE ME OUT 2007 THE INPENNT, BROWN EXPECTED TO WALK DOWN THE STREET, “LIKE THE LAST SCENE DEAD POETS SOCIETY. BUT NO ONE RED.” A FEW MONTHS LATER, A REPORTER OM THE BRISH TABLOID SUN TWISTED A FEW OF HIS WORDS TO TIMATE BROWN HAD E OUT TO THAT PAPER, WH THE HOMOPHOBIC HEADLE “DERREN BROWN: I’M A MD-BENR.”WHY HAD TAKEN BROWN SO LONG TO E OUT? I ASKED. “THE WHOLE CHRISTIAN THG LAYS A B. I WAS VERY TO MY CREATIVE LIFE WH MAGIC, TOO.” WAS HE WORRIED ABOUT G OUT? “NOT REALLY. I WASN’T GOG TO CHANGE. I WAS STILL QUE SECURE, AND MAGIC AND HYPNOSIS WAS ONE WAY OF PATCHG UP THAT SECURY. BY BEG THIS IMPRSIVE FIGURE I WAS KEEPG PEOPLE AT BAY. IF I HAD E OUT EARLIER, I DON’T KNOW IF I WOULD BE DOG WHAT I WAS DOG. SOMETHG ABOUT THAT TRATED ARTIFICIAL BUBBLE I WAS LIVG PROBABLY LENT SELF TO THE WORK I WAS DOG.”SO IF HE HAD E OUT EARLIER, WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED? BROWN LGHED. “I MIGHT BE A LAWYER OR SOMETHG.” DID BEG FAMO ALSO LAY HIS G OUT? “THERE WAS A SLIGHT KD OF A MOMENT OF EMBARRASSMENT, BUT NOT REALLY.” THERE HAS BEEN NO RENCILG OF FAH AND SEXUALY, AS BROWN BEME AN ATHEIST—A PERSONAL TRANSN AID BY CHRISTIANY’S “MONIZATN” OF PSYCHICS AND OUIJA BOARDS “FOR HERG THE VIL, WHEN OUIJA BOARDS WORK BY HUMAN HAND MOVEMENTS YOU’RE NOT AWARE OF.”“I THK THERE’S A TREMENDO VALUE TRANSCENNCE,” BROWN SAID OF HIS BELIEFS. “WE ALL LOOK FOR MEANG. IF WE DON’T HAVE MEANG, WE TEND TO THROW OURSELV OFF BUILDGS. WE ALL WANT TO FD WAYS OF NNECTG WH THGS BIGGER THAN OURSELV… LOVE, OR FDG THAT THG. AT ONE POT BELIEVG GOD WAS THE MEANS OF DOG THAT. IT WAS A VERY RAW WAY OF NNECTG WH THAT.” FOR BROWN, WHAT HAS E SCE ARE A NUMBER OF VARIANTS, WEAKER NON-RELIG VARIANTS, OF THAT SIRE TO NNECT WH SOMETHG BIGGER.SURELY MAGIC AND RELIGN ARE SIAR A SENSE—BOTH ELICG A SENSE OF WONR WHAT APPEARS UNKNOWABLE, I SAID.“IN AS MUCH AS WE HAVE LOST TOUCH THE LAST UPLE OF HUNDRED YEARS WH SUPERSTN, MYTH, AND CULTURAL NARRATIV THAT TRY AND MAKE SENSE OF ATH, WHICH IS NOW JT SRY AND LONELY AND MAK NO SENSE,” BROWN REPLIED. MAGIC IS A SECULAR RPONSE TO THIS SIRE, HE ADD. “IT’S ABOUT WONR, AND SOMETIM MAK FEEL LIKE KIDS AGA.” ***IN NEW YORK, BROWN HAS ENJOYED PLAYG A FAR SMALLER THEATER THAN HE ED TO—THE DIBLE DIVIDUAL EXCLAMATNS OF SURPRISE AND “NO WAY” TO HIM SYMBOLIZG THE VIVID LORS OF AMERIN DIVIDUALISM SELF. HE HAS A BETIFUL LEI MERA ATTACHED TO HIS BACKPACK VIA WHICH HE HAS BEEN PTURG NEW YORK PHOTOGRAPHS. LAST YEAR BROWN WROTE A BOOK, HAPPY: WHY MORE OR LS EVERYTHG IS ABSOLUTELY FE, WHICH WAS PRAISE OF THE STOIC SPIR, AND THE MERS AND MOTIVATN OF POSSSG A MEASURE OF ANXIETY. “I DON’T WALK TOWARDS STRS, I’M QUE AN TROSPECTIVE PERSON,” SAID BROWN. “NOWADAYS WE’RE FED THE IA THAT TO BE HAPPY YOU HAVE TO SET GOALS AND BELIEVE YOURSELF, AND THAT ANYTHG IS POSSIBLE. AS WH THE FAH MOL AND LIKE FAH HEALERS, YOU END UP FEELG ANX AND LIKE A FAILURE IF YOU DON’T ACHIEVE THAT.“I WROTE THE BOOK TO SAY TO PEOPLE TO MAKE PEACE WH LIFE WHEN DON’T WORK OUT THE WAY YOU HOPED OR EXPECTED WOULD—TO FEEL FORTABLE WH A NATURAL UNHAPPS, TO EMBRACE A STRATEGIC PSIMISM.”BROWN HAS HAD TWO MAJOR RELATNSHIPS, THE FIRST FOR EIGHT YEARS. THE ONE HE IS CURRENTLY IS TWO YEARS OLD, AND HE AND HIS PARTNER, WHOM HE CL TO NAME BUT WHO WORKS “LOOSELY THE WORLD OF PERFORMANCE,” LIVE TOGETHER.“RELATNSHIPS ARE VERY GOOD AT MAKG YOU MORE NSC OF YOURSELF. ESPECIALLY AS YOU GET OLR, YOU VELOP A CST AROUND YOUR MADNS AND SHORTGS THAT TAKE SOMEONE ELSE TO REGNIZE THEM. I TRY TO BE OPEN TO THGS PROBABLY BEE I KNOW I N BEE ENCSTED.” WE BOTH LGHED AT HOW GROSS THAT SOUNDS; I SUGGTED BUYG A HOEHOLD CLEANG PRODUCT TO AL WH . “WE’RE SUPPOSED TO THK LOVE IS TOXITG, RATHER THAN SOMETHG WE NEED TO WORK AT,” BROWN SAID. “I N BE TROVERTED, A B OF AN ISLAND, AND A RELATNSHIP CHALLENG THAT THE BT WAY.”THE UPLE HAVE A DOG, A BEAGLE BASSET LLED DOODLE. THEY HAVE TALKED ABOUT MARRIAGE BUT ’S NOT IMPORTANT TO BROWN, AND THEY N’T REALLY CI ABOUT ; ’S “HARD ENOUGH” LOOKG AFTER DOODLE, SO HAVG CHILDREN MAY BE FAR OFF.LOVE, AND THE EXPERIENCE OF , IS VERY IMPORTANT TO BROWN—FOR HIS PARTNER, AND FOR HIS DIENC—PECIALLY AS TROSPECTN AND SELF-ISOLATN, “AND NOT LEAVG THE HOE,” WOULD BE HIS FLT LEFT TO HIS OWN VIC. BEG PUBLICLY KNOWN HAS HEIGHTENED BROWN’S NEED FOR A PRIVATE LIFE. THE LOVELY PART OF FAME—BEG ABLE TO GET GOOD RTRANT TABL—HAS BEEN OFFSET BY THE SOMETIM UNWANTED TSNS OF FANS AND MEDIA. “SOMETIM ’S A B TRYG, AND SOMETIM I N’T BELIEVE I AM DOG ,” BROWN SAID EQUABLY. “SARAH JSI PARKER WAS THE OTHER NIGHT, STANDG UP AND CLAPPG. WOODY ALLEN ME TO THE SHOW YEARS AGO. I MET GLENN CLOSE, WHO IS AN ABSOLUTE HERO, THROUGH A IEND AND WE HAVE BEE SORT OF ACQUATED.” BROWN WILL RETURN TO BRA AFTER THIS NEW YORK N FOR MORE STAGE SHOWS AND TO MAKE MORE TV. AS FOR MAKG TV HERE, HE IS UNCID: IT HAS TAKEN 17 YEARS TO BUILD A PROFILE AND KNOWLEDGE AMONG A MASTREAM BRISH DIENCE OF WHO HE IS. HE DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO REPEAT THAT LONG, SMALL SCREEN GETTG-TO-KNOW-YOU THE U.S. BROADWAY REMAS HIS FOC HERE. HE IS ALSO WORKG ON A NEW BOOK ABOUT “LIFE NOT BEG ABOUT YOU.” IN ONE FAL VA ATTEMPT, I TRIED TO CRACK THE SECRETS TO BROWN’S ILLNS AGA. UNSURPRISGLY, HE WASN’T TO BE BROKEN.“I SELL YOU A STORY. THAT’S ALL IS. I TRY AND GET YOU TO JO UP THE DOTS A PARTICULAR WAY. IT’S ALL THERE ONT OF YOU. IF YOU’RE AMAZED BY , YOU’VE JOED UP DOTS A PARTICULAR WAY. IT’S ALL PERFECTLY EXPLIBLE.”HE CHOOS PARTICIPANTS BY HOW OPEN AND “SUGGTIBLE” THEIR FAC ARE. PEOPLE, BROWN SAID, TRAP THEMSELV TO WAYS OF THKG, AND THAT HIBS THEM OM FIGURG OUT WHAT HE IS DOG. THAT, OF URSE, IS VERY GOOD FOR BROWN, AS EVINCED BY ALL THE LLECTIVE AMAZEMENT AND SIGHS OF DISBELIEF THAT GREET HIS SHOWS.YET THERE IS ALSO THAT PSYCHOLOGY-LE ELEMENT OF GUIDANCE BROWN ALSO FURNISH SECRET WH. IT MAY NOT BE FULLY VELOPED, BUT IS THERE AMID ALL THE WOW-NS OF THE ILLNS. HE HASN’T HAD THERAPY, AND DON’T SEE HIMSELF AS PROVIDG . YET THERE IS A PASTORAL UNRTONE, ALBE HUMMG SOFTLY, ALONGSI THE ILLNS AND SUDN APPEARANC AND DISAPPEARANC HE ORCHTRAT.“Y,” BROWN NCED, “OTHERWISE I’M JT A GUY TRYG TO LOOK CLEVER, WHICH NOBODY WANTS TO SEE.”DERREN BROWN: SECRET IS AT THE ATLANTIC THEATER COMPANY'S LDA GROSS THEATER, 336 WT 20TH STREET, NEW YORK CY. BOOK TICKETS THROUGH JUNE 25 HERE. TIM TEEMAN
• I WAS 19, GAY AND READY TO BE ‘CURED’ BY NVERSN THERAPY
• CURE YOUR GAYS
• GAY CONVERSN THERAPY – REAL OR HOAX?

THE CURE: ONE GAY MAN'S REVERY FROM CONVERSN THERAPY

Disregardg all evince that the ex-gay movement is credibly damagg to more than 90% of those who unrgo "treatment" (bee they clearly jt didn't believe God enough), Settg Captiv Free wants you to know that you were not "born this way.

" Homosexualy is a s that you need to purge om your system, and the only way to do is to follow their three-parts-a-day the app is only downloadable om Google Play (iTun and the 69, 822+ people who petned them don't believe nversn therapy for some reason), there is an abridged versn available on the mistry’s webse. Stop Callg Your Homosexualy an "Alternative Liftyle": It's "Wicked, " "Evil, " and a "S": The are the only thgs you should ever ll om now on, preferably hhed ton. Change For the Right Reasons (the Glory Of God): After all, homosexualy is nothg but "lt, porn, and sexual immoraly, " ss that are applible only to gay people and never to straight on.

GAY CONVERSN THERAPY’S DISTURBG 19TH-CENTURY ORIGS

Remove Yourself From Anythg Even Remotely Gay: Don't watch porn (aga, 's only a gay thg), don't go on gay webs, and most of all, certaly don't associate wh gay people. Realize That Beg Homosexual Mak You Feel Alone Fet that we told you to shut yourself away om most of the world, and ignore the ia that maybe gay people feel so alone bee of the discrimatory and hateful attus that they face, helped by people like . An openly gay or bisexual pop star is still noteworthy and sctized; unlike Smh, Ocean do not have the luxury of his love songs beg nsired announcement of Ocean’s new project was also published on his Tumblr: a photograph of Ocean, perched on a stool, a amed poster of a bright-green og leang agast the wall bi him, and two issu of a magaze stacked at his feet.

That weekend, while he was away at a speech tournament, his mom checked the fay puter and found out he’d been onle a teen chat room and, unr the anonymo ver of his avatar, talked about beg gay. Psychologists were offerg “nversn therapy” (also ed for people stgglg wh genr inty) or the “reparative therapy” veloped by Joseph Nilosi, who blamed male homosexualy on a psychologil jury staed childhood at the hands of the father. Natnwi groups such as Exod Internatnal had formed to ax people to heterosexualy, and an “ex-gay” ttage dtry had spng up, wh books and nferenc and retreats (many of which ed same-sex nudy and cuddlg and romps the woods as techniqu they claimed would ntralize forbidn sir).

“In the almost 40 years sce I started Exod Internatnal, ” Bsee wrote recently for #BornPerfect, “I n hontly say that I have never met a gay person who beme heterosexual through nversn therapy or ex-gay programs. He waed for some kd of helpful advice, but the unselor kept steerg the nversatn back to Galloway’s beg gay and how that would mean he’d be unhappy for the rt of his life.

HOW ILLNIST DERREN BROWN CAME OUT AFTER REJECTG GAY ‘CURE’ THERAPYNOW YOU SEE ITTHE STAR BRISH ILLNIST IS AMAZG DIENC HIS BUT NEW YORK SHOW. IN A NDID TERVIEW, HE DISCS ‘CURE’ THERAPY, G OUT, AND HOW HE FOUND FAME MAGIC.TIM TEEMANSENR EDOR AND WRERUPDATED MAY 30, 2017 4:37PM EDT / PUBLISHED MAY 30, 2017 1:00AM EDT BONE/BRYAN-BROWNTHE THEATER ROUNDS TO THE DIENCE’S SIGHS AND GASPS. MOUTHS ARE AGAPE LLECTIVE SHOCK AND NFN. YET IS STRANGE TO SEE THE BRILLIANT MENTALIST AND ILLNIST DERREN BROWN PERFORM THE RELATIVELY PACT 199-SEAT ATLANTIC THEATER COMPANY’S LDA GROSS THEATER NEW YORK’S CHELSEA.IN BRA BROWN IS A HUGE STAR, WH PRIME-TIME TV SPECIALS AND MANY NTROVERSI—OM A NOTOR GAME OF RSIAN ROULETTE TO PREDICTG A SET OF NATNAL LOTTERY NUMBERS—BEHD HIM. HIS SHOWS FILL ARENAS AND THEATERS WH THOANDS OF SEATS.THIS IS BROWN’S FIRST SOLO SHOW THE U.S., AND SO HE MT BEG SMALLER, ALTHOUGH THE SIGHS OF WONR AND NFN OM THE DIENCE RPONSE TO HIS 2 ½-HOUR SHOW, SECRET, ARE TTAMENT TO HIS SKILLS AND TALENT. HIS AMBN TO TAKE THE SHOW TO BROADWAY WILL SURELY BE REALIZED.JOURNALISTS HAVE BEEN ASKED NOT TO WRE ABOUT ANY OF THE MATERIAL BROWN PERFORMS. WHAT N BE SAID, VERY SIMPLY, IS THAT THIS IS A BAFFLG, STUNNG EVENG THAT MELDS ILLN AND APPARENT MD-READG. THE WANR TO THE SUBWAY AFTERWARD IS TAKEN UP WH STRANGERS SCRATCHG THEIR HEADS PARG NOT ON HOW BROWN ULD HAVE DONE WHAT HE DID. “ARE THERE PLANTS, HIDN MERAS?” “IS PREARRANGED AND GAMED?” “HOW ULD HE HAVE DONE THAT…?”THE TALL, BALD, AND HANDSOME 46-YEAR-OLD PERFORMER PRIS OVER THE SHOW OVER TUXEDO AND TAILS, WH HIS CUT-GLASS BRISH ACCENT IALLY SKETCHG A PSYCHOLOGIL SPE TO THE MATERIAL AROUND THE KEEPG OF SECRETS. THIS TO FEEL A LTLE WAFER-TH: HE SAYS HE HAD KEPT HIS HOMOSEXUALY A SECRET FOR YEARS, AND THEN DON’T MENTN AGA. HE ISN’T AS THEATRIL OR SHOWY AS SOME MAGICIANS. HE’S A FAST TALKER AND FASTID ANIZER, DARTG THIS WAY AND THAT, MAKG SURE THGS AND PEOPLE ARE AS THEY SHOULD BE. THEN THE MAGIC BEGS. MUNCHG THROUGH A LUNCH OF SPACH SALAD—HE NOW CIVVI OF LIGHT PK SHIRT AND JEANS—BROWN TOLD THE DAILY BEAST THAT THERE WAS NO TECHNIL TRICKERY VOLVED ALL THE BAMBOOZLG FEATS HE PERFORMS. NO SECRET MERAS, NO SECRET PLANTS. “NONE OF THOSE THGS,” HE SAID. “IT’S EXACTLY WHAT I SAY THE SHOW. IT’S JT GETTG PEOPLE TO TELL THEMSELV A CERTA STORY OF WHAT IS HAPPENG. NETY-NE PERCENT OF IS HAPPENG RIGHT ONT OF YOU, BUT YOU’RE SORT OF PELLED TO JO THE DOTS ONE PARTICULAR WAY.” IN PERSON OFFSTAGE, BROWN SPEAKS FLURRI, A LTLE NERVOLY, PLEX THOUGHTS BEG PLEX SENTENC. HE’S A THKER, VERY MUCH SI HIMSELF. HE ALSO HAS A SLIGHT FACIAL TIC OR TWCH, WHICH IS NOT APPARENT WHEN HE IS PERFORMG (I ASKED ABOUT A SUBSEQUENT EMAIL, WHICH BROWN HAS YET TO RPOND TO).THE CRAFTG OF A SHOW, BROWN SAID OVER LUNCH, IS AROUND A “WHAT IF” MOMENT. “THERE IS NO ACTUAL PSYCHIC MD-READG GOG ON, BEE THAT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE. WHAT YOU’RE LEFT WH IS A SPECTM OF ACTIVY: NJURG THROUGH TO HYPNOTIC AND OTHER SUGGTN-BASED TECHNIQU. I TAKE ALL OF THAT AND TRY AND BLEND TO A PELLG EXPERIENCE.”THE POT OF SECRET, HE SAID, WAS THAT THERE ARE ALWAYS THGS ON STAGE—AND ONE’S OWN LIFE—THAT AREN’T THE FULL STORY: “SOMETIM YOU NEED TO BE AWARE OF THE BIGGER PICTURE YOU ARE MISSG.”WELL, SURE—ALTHOUGH, IF WE WERE, DERREN BROWN WOULDN’T BE AS SUCCSFUL AND AS MASTERFUL AN ILLNIST AS HE IS. ***“A BEDROCK OF SECURY MA ME WANT TO IMPRS AND WANT TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTN,” BROWN SAID. AS A CHILD GROWG UP CROYDON, SOUTH LONDON, HE WASN’T SPORTY AND FELT TIMIDATED BY THOSE WHO WERE. “WHEN I GOT TO SIXTH FORM [AGE 16-18] AND UNIVERSY, I ULD SUDNLY BE AN ATTENTN SEEKER.”HE WASN’T ACTIVELY BULLIED AT THE PRIVATE SCHOOL HE ATTEND—AND WHERE HIS FATHER ACHED SWIMMG (“WHICH MA GETTG OUT OF SPORTS VERY DIFFICULT”)—BUT HE WOULD JT GET ON THE “PLETELY WRONG END OF” THE OTHER CHILDREN. HE WAS BEATEN UP BY OTHER KIDS ONLY ONCE, DURG A DE OF EDBURGH SCHEME FIELD TRIP.HIS BROTHER WAS NE YEARS YOUNGER, SO BROWN WAS “SLIGHTLY AN ONLY CHILD. I WASN’T TERRIBLY SOCIABLE. I HAD TWO OR THREE IENDS AT SCHOOL. I DREW THGS, PLAYED WH LEGO. MY PARENTS LEFT ME EE TO DO WHATEVER MA ME HAPPY.” HE SED. “I FELL WH THE WRONG GROUP MY FIRST YEAR—THE CLASSIL MIC GROUP, NOT THE OL GROUP.” IN HIS LAST YEAR AT SCHOOL, HE BLOSSOMED A B, DREW RITUR OF THE TEACHERS, AND FALLY FOUND AN OUTLET FOR THE ATTENTN-SEEKG PART OF HIS PERSONALY.BROWN BEGAN LEARNG ILLN AND HYPNOSIS WHILE AT UNIVERSY BRISTOL, STUDYG LAW AND GERMAN. IN HIS FIRST YEAR OF STUDY, HE WENT TO SEE THE ILLNIST AND HYPNOTIST MART S. TAYLOR.“IT WAS ONE OF THOSE LIFE-CHANGG MOMENTS. I LEFT THKG, ‘I AM GOG TO LEARN HOW TO DO THAT.’ IT WAS A VERY GOOD SHOW. IT WASN’T MAKG PEOPLE LOOK STUPID. IT WAS HILAR, AND YOU WERE LGHG WH THE PARTICIPANTS AND THEIR BAFFLEMENT, NOT AT THEM.” AFTERWARD BROWN BOUGHT “EVERY BOOK I ULD” ON MAGIC. BROWN HAD A VAGUE THOUGHT ABOUT BEG A LAWYER BUT BEME “OBSSED BY HYPNOSIS—’S ABOUT NTROL, THE MAN OF MYSTERY AND SO ON.” ONCE HE HAD LEARNED SOME TECHNIQU, HE BEGAN TO PERFORM SHOWS AROUND BRISTOL. HE HAD “ZERO AMBN,” THOUGH BY WRG A UPLE OF MAGIC-RELATED BOOKS HIMSELF, HE BEME WELL-KNOWN THAT WORLD. HE STARTED OFF AS A HYPNOTIST, THEN “GOT TO DOG MAGIC, NJURG, AND CLOSE-UP RD TRICKS.”AT THE TIME, MD-READG WAS POPULAR THE U.K., DOWN TO THE SUCCS OF DAVID BLAE, THOUGH BACK THEN THERE WERE FEW BRISH PRACTNERS, BROWN SAID. THE TV WORK CHANNEL 4 APPROACHED BROWN TO ONT A SHOW, AND OTHER SHOWS SOON FOLLOWED—AND HIS REPUTATN FOR SHOCK GREW, TOO. CONSIRG THE SLE AND SWAGGER OF SOME OF HIS PIEC, IS SURPRISG TO FD HIM SO HUMBLE AND QUIET. “I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT THE MERCIAL AND OTHER REALI OF MAKG TV,” BROWN SAID. IN REAL LIFE, HE IS A “SLOWER, MORE DULGENT” PERFORMER. HE SAID HE HAD RPORATED A FAH-HEALG ELEMENT TO A RECENT ACT. HE DON’T, FOR THE RERD, BELIEVE FAH HEALG OR THAT HE IS PABLE OF DOG . BUT THERE IS SOMETHG WHAT HE SAYS TO PEOPLE THAT HELPS ALLEVIATE THEIR PA—HE IS NOT SURE IF THEIR PA AND DISFORT LIFTS JT THAT MOMENT, OR FOR A LONGER PERD.“UNTIL I DID THIS I HADN’T THOUGHT OF HOW POWERFUL THE STORY THAT YOU TELL YOURSELF, THE NDN YOU LIVE WH, THAT IS SUDNLY TERPTED AND THEN YOU’RE SUDNLY A WEIRD WONRLAND WHERE YOU N MOVE AND FEEL A LTLE BETTER. YOU TERPT THE STORY YOU KNOW.”SO HE DON’T BELIEVE FAH HEALG, BUT HE BELIEV THAT SOMEHOW HE N HELP PEOPLE HELP THEMSELV.BROWN NI HE HAS ANY SPECIAL POWER. FOR HIM, IS THOSE PEOPLE G UP ON STAGE “TELLG THEMSELV SOMETHG” THAT ALLEVIAT THEIR SUFFERG.ONE WOMAN HAD BEEN PARALYZED DOWN THE LEFT SI OF HER BODY SCE SHE WAS 4; AT HIS SHOW SHE ULD SUDNLY MOVE HER ARM. “I KNOW I AM NOT DOG ANYTHG TO AFFECT THE OF HER PARALYSIS,” SAID BROWN. “BUT SOMEHOW THE PSYCHOLOGIL ENVIRONMENT SHE FOUND HERSELF WAS ENOUGH TO BYPASS ANYTHG SHE WAS DOG UNNSCLY. IT WAS EXTRAORDARY.”THIS IS NFG, OR SOUNDS . SO HE THKS HE HAS SOME KD OF SUPERNATURAL POWER? I ASKED.“NO. WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYG THIS?” AHRON R. FOSTER BEE YOU SCRIBED SOME WAY ALLEVIATG A WOMAN’S PARALYSIS, I REPLIED. SURELY THAT IMPLI YOU HELPED EFFECT SOME KD OF PHYSIL CHANGE. “I’M NOT AFFECTG THE ANIC NDN OF HER PARALYSIS,” BROWN SAID. “WHAT REVEALS IS THERE A PSYCHOLOGIL PONENT TO SUFFERG, WHICH WE ARE ALL AWARE OF. WHEN YOU CUT YOUR FGER CHOPPG VEGETABL, DON'T HURT UNTIL YOU SEE BLOOD.” FOR BROWN, “THERE IS THIS GRAY AREA OF BEG A FAH HEALER. THEY’RE CHARLATANS. THEY N’T CURE ANYTHG AT ALL.”BROWN DO NOT VE PARTICIPANTS WH TERMAL NDNS ON STAGE. HE WILL NOT CLAIM TO HAVE ERADITED NCER OM YOUR BODY. A PREFERRED ILLNS OF HIS FOC IS FIBROMYALGIA, A PA-RELATED NDN THAT, FOR BROWN, “IS UTTERLY REAL AND BILATG. ITS E IS PSYCHOLOGIL, ALTHOUGH THE REALLY HORRIBLE SYMPTOMS ARE VERY PHYSIL. “I’M TREADG A FE LE BETWEEN MYSTERY AND AMAZEMENT AND IMPOSSIBILY, AND AT THE SAME TIME TREADG THAT LE NOT DOG THGS THAT ARE NOT WORTH —THOSE AREAS THAT FAH HEALERS TRY TO EXPLO—WHILE STILL TRYG TO CREATE A POWERFUL ENOUGH EFFECT WHOUT PROMISG THOSE THGS.” I ASKED IF WAS IGHTENG POSSSG THE STRANGE POWERS. “THERE ISN’T A POWER I HAVE. THE OTHER PERSON HAS THAT QUALY. I AM FACILATG THAT SUATN WHERE THEY SNAP THEMSELV OUT OF , OR TELL THEMSELV A STORY THAT HELPS DO THAT. I N CREATE THE SUATN WHERE THAT HAPPENS. IF THEY ARE GOG THROUGH SOMETHG, PEOPLE ARE VULNERABLE, SO YOU MT BALANCE THEIR PARTICIPATN WH BEG A TV SHOW OR ON A STAGE. I DON’T EXPLO VULNERABLE PEOPLE.”IN HIS TV WORK, BROWN ACCEPTS THAT HE PUTS “PEOPLE THROUGH QUE DARK JOURNEYS, BUT ALWAYS TO GET TO A WORTHWHILE POT FOR THEM. THAT DON’T WORK IF YOU’RE GOG TO BE SENSIVE AT THEIR EXPENSE.” ***BROWN'S MENTN OF HIS G OUT IS AN EARLY, SIGNIFINT MOMENT WH SECRET. THE PATH TO SELF-ACCEPTANCE WAS PLEX FOR HIM, TAKG A FLIRTATN WH A GROUP THAT PROMISED TO “CURE” HIS HOMOSEXUALY.“I LOOK AT KIDS NOW, AND… NOT EVERYWHERE AND NOT AT ALL SCHOOLS OR STRATA OF SOCIETY… BUT SEEMS MUCH LS OF AN ISSUE NOW. THERE IS A MUCH MORE ACCEPTG CULTURE NOW AT SCHOOLS. WHEN I WAS GROWG UP, WAS LIKE, YOU HAVE THIS THG—WHAT YOU THK THIS MASSIVE TERRIBLE THG. A IEND ONCE ME OUT TO ME OVER DNER AS IF HE HAD THIS TERRIBLE NEWS TO IMPART TO ME. I REMEMBER THKG, ‘WHEN I DO THIS I WON’T DO LIKE THIS.’ IT’S NOT THAT MUCH OF A BIG AL.’” FOR BROWN, G OUT TO FAY WAS EASIER WHEN HE HAD A PARTNER: “IT WAS, ‘OH, I’M A RELATNSHIP NOW, AND OH, BY THE WAY, ’S WH A GUY.’”GROWG UP, TOOK HIM “A WHILE TO REALIZE” HE WAS GAY. “AS A CHRISTIAN, OPENED UP THE WEIRD WORLD OF THEM TRYG TO CURE YOU. I DIDN’T GO THROUGH , BUT I SKIMMED THE SURFACE. I HAD A GAY IEND WHO WAS MUCH MORE TO .” WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM? BROWN LGHED. “HE’S STILL GAY, JT MORE DISILLNED WH THE CHURCH. THERE WAS NEVER ANYBODY THAT ACTUALLY WORKED FOR.” DID THIS “CURE” THERAPY HURT OR AFFECT BROWN ANY WAY? I ASKED. HE SHOOK HIS HEAD. HE WAS “LS OF A CHRISTIAN” THAN HIS IEND WHO WAS MORE TO THE GROUP, AND WHEN “YOU WENT TO A PRIT OR CHURCH WH THIS AS PROBLEM, THEY WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY EXCEPT ‘READ YOUR BIBLE AND WILL ALL GO AWAY.’ THAT WAS NOT HELPFUL.”BROWN DO NOT BELIEVE PEOPLE ARE BORN GAY, AND NEHER DO HE BELIEVE THEY ARE MA GAY: HE THKS SEXUALY IS A MIXTURE OF NATURE AND NURTURE.WHATEVER “GRA OF MAKG SENSE” THE CURE GROUPS HELD FOR BROWN, WAS VALIDATED BY THE “DO THIS AND YOUR SEXUALY WILL CHANGE” CENTRALY OF THEIR THKG. “THAT WAS THE ‘NAH’ FOR ME. THE LANGUAGE OF CURG ISN’T HEALTHY.” DID HE BUY TO AS A TEENAGER? “I SORT OF DID. IT OFFERED A GLIMMER OF HOPE.” IN WHAT SENSE? HE DIDN’T WANT TO BE GAY?“YEAH, WHICH IS A VERY MON EXPERIENCE. THIS IS CLEARLY NOT THE MSAGE ONE SHOULD SEND OUT TO ANYONE. BUT PEOPLE OF MY GENERATN, IF NOT PEOPLE NOW—STILL A NUMBER OF PEOPLE—HAVE FELT THAT. NOT BEG GAY, FOR ME BACK THEN, WAS A VERY APPEALG PROMISE.”RATHER THAN FEELG JUDGED BY THE CHURCH OR NFLICT WH S BELIEFS, THIS GROUP, BROWN SAID, WAS SAYG, “‘NO, WE UNRSTAND, AND HERE IS A WAY OUT OF .’ BUT THAT IS DISGENUO BEE DON’T GO ANYWHERE EXCEPT TO LEAD TO FURTHER GUILT AND FAILURE, AS YOU NEVER ACHIEVE WHAT SAYS YOU WILL.”BROWN ATTEND ONE MEETG OF THE CURE GROUP, WHICH WAS VAD BY LGBT ACTIVISTS, AND BROWN OBSERVED THE MELéE THKG OF THE ACTIVISTS, “THEY’RE REALLY, REALLY ANGRY ABOUT THIS AND I N SEE WHY.”AFTER HE ME OUT 2007 THE INPENNT, BROWN EXPECTED TO WALK DOWN THE STREET, “LIKE THE LAST SCENE DEAD POETS SOCIETY. BUT NO ONE RED.” A FEW MONTHS LATER, A REPORTER OM THE BRISH TABLOID SUN TWISTED A FEW OF HIS WORDS TO TIMATE BROWN HAD E OUT TO THAT PAPER, WH THE HOMOPHOBIC HEADLE “DERREN BROWN: I’M A MD-BENR.”WHY HAD TAKEN BROWN SO LONG TO E OUT? I ASKED. “THE WHOLE CHRISTIAN THG LAYS A B. I WAS VERY TO MY CREATIVE LIFE WH MAGIC, TOO.” WAS HE WORRIED ABOUT G OUT? “NOT REALLY. I WASN’T GOG TO CHANGE. I WAS STILL QUE SECURE, AND MAGIC AND HYPNOSIS WAS ONE WAY OF PATCHG UP THAT SECURY. BY BEG THIS IMPRSIVE FIGURE I WAS KEEPG PEOPLE AT BAY. IF I HAD E OUT EARLIER, I DON’T KNOW IF I WOULD BE DOG WHAT I WAS DOG. SOMETHG ABOUT THAT TRATED ARTIFICIAL BUBBLE I WAS LIVG PROBABLY LENT SELF TO THE WORK I WAS DOG.”SO IF HE HAD E OUT EARLIER, WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED? BROWN LGHED. “I MIGHT BE A LAWYER OR SOMETHG.” DID BEG FAMO ALSO LAY HIS G OUT? “THERE WAS A SLIGHT KD OF A MOMENT OF EMBARRASSMENT, BUT NOT REALLY.” THERE HAS BEEN NO RENCILG OF FAH AND SEXUALY, AS BROWN BEME AN ATHEIST—A PERSONAL TRANSN AID BY CHRISTIANY’S “MONIZATN” OF PSYCHICS AND OUIJA BOARDS “FOR HERG THE VIL, WHEN OUIJA BOARDS WORK BY HUMAN HAND MOVEMENTS YOU’RE NOT AWARE OF.”“I THK THERE’S A TREMENDO VALUE TRANSCENNCE,” BROWN SAID OF HIS BELIEFS. “WE ALL LOOK FOR MEANG. IF WE DON’T HAVE MEANG, WE TEND TO THROW OURSELV OFF BUILDGS. WE ALL WANT TO FD WAYS OF NNECTG WH THGS BIGGER THAN OURSELV… LOVE, OR FDG THAT THG. AT ONE POT BELIEVG GOD WAS THE MEANS OF DOG THAT. IT WAS A VERY RAW WAY OF NNECTG WH THAT.” FOR BROWN, WHAT HAS E SCE ARE A NUMBER OF VARIANTS, WEAKER NON-RELIG VARIANTS, OF THAT SIRE TO NNECT WH SOMETHG BIGGER.SURELY MAGIC AND RELIGN ARE SIAR A SENSE—BOTH ELICG A SENSE OF WONR WHAT APPEARS UNKNOWABLE, I SAID.“IN AS MUCH AS WE HAVE LOST TOUCH THE LAST UPLE OF HUNDRED YEARS WH SUPERSTN, MYTH, AND CULTURAL NARRATIV THAT TRY AND MAKE SENSE OF ATH, WHICH IS NOW JT SRY AND LONELY AND MAK NO SENSE,” BROWN REPLIED. MAGIC IS A SECULAR RPONSE TO THIS SIRE, HE ADD. “IT’S ABOUT WONR, AND SOMETIM MAK FEEL LIKE KIDS AGA.” ***IN NEW YORK, BROWN HAS ENJOYED PLAYG A FAR SMALLER THEATER THAN HE ED TO—THE DIBLE DIVIDUAL EXCLAMATNS OF SURPRISE AND “NO WAY” TO HIM SYMBOLIZG THE VIVID LORS OF AMERIN DIVIDUALISM SELF. HE HAS A BETIFUL LEI MERA ATTACHED TO HIS BACKPACK VIA WHICH HE HAS BEEN PTURG NEW YORK PHOTOGRAPHS. LAST YEAR BROWN WROTE A BOOK, HAPPY: WHY MORE OR LS EVERYTHG IS ABSOLUTELY FE, WHICH WAS PRAISE OF THE STOIC SPIR, AND THE MERS AND MOTIVATN OF POSSSG A MEASURE OF ANXIETY. “I DON’T WALK TOWARDS STRS, I’M QUE AN TROSPECTIVE PERSON,” SAID BROWN. “NOWADAYS WE’RE FED THE IA THAT TO BE HAPPY YOU HAVE TO SET GOALS AND BELIEVE YOURSELF, AND THAT ANYTHG IS POSSIBLE. AS WH THE FAH MOL AND LIKE FAH HEALERS, YOU END UP FEELG ANX AND LIKE A FAILURE IF YOU DON’T ACHIEVE THAT.“I WROTE THE BOOK TO SAY TO PEOPLE TO MAKE PEACE WH LIFE WHEN DON’T WORK OUT THE WAY YOU HOPED OR EXPECTED WOULD—TO FEEL FORTABLE WH A NATURAL UNHAPPS, TO EMBRACE A STRATEGIC PSIMISM.”BROWN HAS HAD TWO MAJOR RELATNSHIPS, THE FIRST FOR EIGHT YEARS. THE ONE HE IS CURRENTLY IS TWO YEARS OLD, AND HE AND HIS PARTNER, WHOM HE CL TO NAME BUT WHO WORKS “LOOSELY THE WORLD OF PERFORMANCE,” LIVE TOGETHER.“RELATNSHIPS ARE VERY GOOD AT MAKG YOU MORE NSC OF YOURSELF. ESPECIALLY AS YOU GET OLR, YOU VELOP A CST AROUND YOUR MADNS AND SHORTGS THAT TAKE SOMEONE ELSE TO REGNIZE THEM. I TRY TO BE OPEN TO THGS PROBABLY BEE I KNOW I N BEE ENCSTED.” WE BOTH LGHED AT HOW GROSS THAT SOUNDS; I SUGGTED BUYG A HOEHOLD CLEANG PRODUCT TO AL WH . “WE’RE SUPPOSED TO THK LOVE IS TOXITG, RATHER THAN SOMETHG WE NEED TO WORK AT,” BROWN SAID. “I N BE TROVERTED, A B OF AN ISLAND, AND A RELATNSHIP CHALLENG THAT THE BT WAY.”THE UPLE HAVE A DOG, A BEAGLE BASSET LLED DOODLE. THEY HAVE TALKED ABOUT MARRIAGE BUT ’S NOT IMPORTANT TO BROWN, AND THEY N’T REALLY CI ABOUT ; ’S “HARD ENOUGH” LOOKG AFTER DOODLE, SO HAVG CHILDREN MAY BE FAR OFF.LOVE, AND THE EXPERIENCE OF , IS VERY IMPORTANT TO BROWN—FOR HIS PARTNER, AND FOR HIS DIENC—PECIALLY AS TROSPECTN AND SELF-ISOLATN, “AND NOT LEAVG THE HOE,” WOULD BE HIS FLT LEFT TO HIS OWN VIC. BEG PUBLICLY KNOWN HAS HEIGHTENED BROWN’S NEED FOR A PRIVATE LIFE. THE LOVELY PART OF FAME—BEG ABLE TO GET GOOD RTRANT TABL—HAS BEEN OFFSET BY THE SOMETIM UNWANTED TSNS OF FANS AND MEDIA. “SOMETIM ’S A B TRYG, AND SOMETIM I N’T BELIEVE I AM DOG ,” BROWN SAID EQUABLY. “SARAH JSI PARKER WAS THE OTHER NIGHT, STANDG UP AND CLAPPG. WOODY ALLEN ME TO THE SHOW YEARS AGO. I MET GLENN CLOSE, WHO IS AN ABSOLUTE HERO, THROUGH A IEND AND WE HAVE BEE SORT OF ACQUATED.” BROWN WILL RETURN TO BRA AFTER THIS NEW YORK N FOR MORE STAGE SHOWS AND TO MAKE MORE TV. AS FOR MAKG TV HERE, HE IS UNCID: IT HAS TAKEN 17 YEARS TO BUILD A PROFILE AND KNOWLEDGE AMONG A MASTREAM BRISH DIENCE OF WHO HE IS. HE DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO REPEAT THAT LONG, SMALL SCREEN GETTG-TO-KNOW-YOU THE U.S. BROADWAY REMAS HIS FOC HERE. HE IS ALSO WORKG ON A NEW BOOK ABOUT “LIFE NOT BEG ABOUT YOU.” IN ONE FAL VA ATTEMPT, I TRIED TO CRACK THE SECRETS TO BROWN’S ILLNS AGA. UNSURPRISGLY, HE WASN’T TO BE BROKEN.“I SELL YOU A STORY. THAT’S ALL IS. I TRY AND GET YOU TO JO UP THE DOTS A PARTICULAR WAY. IT’S ALL THERE ONT OF YOU. IF YOU’RE AMAZED BY , YOU’VE JOED UP DOTS A PARTICULAR WAY. IT’S ALL PERFECTLY EXPLIBLE.”HE CHOOS PARTICIPANTS BY HOW OPEN AND “SUGGTIBLE” THEIR FAC ARE. PEOPLE, BROWN SAID, TRAP THEMSELV TO WAYS OF THKG, AND THAT HIBS THEM OM FIGURG OUT WHAT HE IS DOG. THAT, OF URSE, IS VERY GOOD FOR BROWN, AS EVINCED BY ALL THE LLECTIVE AMAZEMENT AND SIGHS OF DISBELIEF THAT GREET HIS SHOWS.YET THERE IS ALSO THAT PSYCHOLOGY-LE ELEMENT OF GUIDANCE BROWN ALSO FURNISH SECRET WH. IT MAY NOT BE FULLY VELOPED, BUT IS THERE AMID ALL THE WOW-NS OF THE ILLNS. HE HASN’T HAD THERAPY, AND DON’T SEE HIMSELF AS PROVIDG . YET THERE IS A PASTORAL UNRTONE, ALBE HUMMG SOFTLY, ALONGSI THE ILLNS AND SUDN APPEARANC AND DISAPPEARANC HE ORCHTRAT.“Y,” BROWN NCED, “OTHERWISE I’M JT A GUY TRYG TO LOOK CLEVER, WHICH NOBODY WANTS TO SEE.”DERREN BROWN: SECRET IS AT THE ATLANTIC THEATER COMPANY'S LDA GROSS THEATER, 336 WT 20TH STREET, NEW YORK CY. BOOK TICKETS THROUGH JUNE 25 HERE. TIM TEEMAN

At least twice weekly, he was to read the say “A Realistic Approach to Attractns” and follow the stctns there; he was also to read materials on the webs of Exod Internatnal and the Natnal Associatn for Rearch & Therapy of Homosexualy (sce renamed the Alliance for Theraptic Choice and Scientific Integry).

“Jt a uple of years ago, a parent would jt Google ‘nversn therapist’ or ‘ex-gay’ or ‘reparative therapy’ to fd a nversn therapist, ” says Samantha Am, a staff attorney who ordat the #BornPerfect mpaign at the Natnal Center for Lbian Rights.

Robert Galbrah Heath, a psychiatrist New Orleans who pneered the technique, ed this form of bra stimulatn, along wh hired prostut and heterosexual pornography, to “change” the sexual orientatn of gay men. An offshoot of the techniqu was “aversn therapy, ” which was found on the premise that if LGBTQ people beme disgted by homosexualy, they would no longer experience same-sex sire. ” LGBTQ people had long protted the cel and scientifilly dub forms of “treatment, ” but the ncept that homosexualy was a disease was accepted by the majory of the medil tablishment.

I WAS 19, GAY AND READY TO BE ‘CURED’ BY NVERSN THERAPY

This clud the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn, which nsired homosexualy to be a psychiatric the 1960s and 1970s, as a vol gay rights movement took to the streets to mand equaly, the profsn began to turn s back on the ncept that people uld be “nverted” to heterosexualy. In 1973, the APA removed homosexualy om the DSM, s fluential manual of psychiatric disorrs, and medil profsnals began to distance themselv om techniqu they had once embraced. Their methods varied, and clud everythg om talk therapy to “gay nversn” mps and nferenc, LGBTQ people were isolated om fay and iends, hypnotized, told to pray until their homosexualy subsid, stcted to beat effigi of their parents, mocked, ached on “proper” genr rol, and told their sexualy was unnatural and And Anne Plk, both “formerly gay” pose wh their son, Timothy, a mpaign for Gay Conversn to Heterosexualy.

CURE YOUR GAYS

“I read books and listened to dtap about how to have a ‘rrective and healg relatnship wh J Christ, ’” wr Jam Guay, a gay man who attend weekly therapy and nversn semars as a teen.

And Exod Internatnal, an umbrella group that nnected var nversn therapy groups and gay mistry anizatns, closed down 2013 after nearly 40 years of operatns after s print, Alan Chambers, cid ’s impossible to change someone’s sexual orientatn.

“The practic have no basis science or medice and they will now be relegated to the dtb of quackery, ” said California ernor Jerry Brown as he signed a bill banng gay-to-straight therapy the state 2012. ” A few months later, a reporter om the Brish tabloid Sun twisted a few of his words to timate Brown had e out to that paper, wh the homophobic headle “Derren Brown: I’m a Md-Benr. “And he said, a voice ee of emotn: ‘False Image’, ” rells Conley Boy Erased, his elegant memoir about the year which his southern Baptist upbrgg llid wh his sexual awakeng as a gay man.

GAY CONVERSN THERAPY – REAL OR HOAX?

The methods are cel and equently vlent, om applyg electric shocks while beg forced to watch gay porn, to md ntrol gam aimed at persuadg LGBT “patients” their sir are rooted dysfunctnal or “disempowerg” relatnships wh their LIA the msage was unequivol: homosexualy meant unhapps, isolatn and ath. Stori like the were not unmon at LIA, renamed Rtoratn Path 2012, and wily nsired to be the first morn “ex-gay” mistry predited on changg the sexual orientatn of gay men and women. Like other gay teens, Conley went through the motns of havg a girliend as a way to “cure” himself, but he was also a vorac rear who found novels a unterweight to the Bible that helped expand the horizons of his world.

The knowledge of my homosexualy would seem more shockg than the knowledge of my rape; or, worse, would seem as though one act had evably followed the other, as though I’d had g to me. There, she jok about an ia for a TV seri, Preachers’ Wiv Gone Wild, while he surreptly observ their handsome the ironi of nversn therapi such as LIA is the fact that they are n and managed largely by gay men who have been through the programme themselv, renounced their past and now seek to make others do the same.

Conley characteris them by their “ex-gay s” which the rners of their lips “stretched beyond the lims of normalcy” such person was John Smid, former executive director of LIA and a gay man and Christian who would eventually adm that he’d “never met a man who experienced a change om homosexual to heterosexual”. We were learng Step One of Love Actn’s 12-Step programme, a set of prcipl equatg the ss of fily, btialy, paedophilia and homosexualy to addictive behavr such as alholism or gamblg: a kd of Alholics Anonymo for what unsellors referred to as our ‘sexual viance’.