Gay Men and Their Mothers: Is There a Special Closens? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
• DEAR PARENT OF A GAY CHILD
• HOW ONE MOTHER’S LOVE FOR HER GAY SON STARTED A REVOLUTN
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
• MOMMI DEART: MOTHERS AND GAY SONS ON FILM
• PARENTG A GAY CHILD
• FOR A MOM, LEARNG TO ACCEPT A GAY SON WAS 'NONNEGOTIABLE'

GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?

This was found to be te for many of the mothers and sons I terviewed for the study scribed the book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child (). Neverthels, this closens uld have a downsi, at least temporarily, as many mothers ially blame themselv and the close relatnships for their sons' homosexualy.

DEAR PARENT OF A GAY CHILD

So, perhaps is not pletely surprisg that once they learned their sons were gay, some of the mothers I terviewed felt that they had done somethg to damage them. Even though rearch sce the 1950's has bunked , this theory persists people's mds and rears s ugly head for mothers when they ially learn their sons are gay. Fortunately, for many mothers of gay son—wh time and tn, they learn that the ia that they had somehow ma their son gay is ad wrong This was te of the mothers my study who also me to see the benefs havg a gay son as will be scribed later this post.

HOW ONE MOTHER’S LOVE FOR HER GAY SON STARTED A REVOLUTN

My rearch, clil and personal experienc suggt that there is ed a al lk between male homosexualy and a close maternal relatnship but flows the oppose directn than what was prevly thought. I thk personally [beg gay] ma me a more emotnal person, more sensive, more touch wh both the male and female sis of myself, but allowg me to even acknowledge that other si ma me closer to my mother.

Once mothers this study got over their feelgs of guilt and got ed to the ia that their sons were gay, they were able to regnize the benefs of havg a gay son.

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

However, we get to hot water when we allow stereotyp to get the way of unrstandg the uniquens of dividuals and their circumstanc—so is important to remember that not all mothers and gay sons are close. Sadly, some mothers simply nnot adjt to their sons' homosexualy, due to their guilt, relig ncerns, or abily to "let go" and accept the ways they live their liv. On social media, the group featur imag of gay men and their mothers behd them, highlightg the importance the women have their sons' liv.

"After beg blamed for makg their sons gay the 70's, moms now get the regnn they serve for raisg betiful sons, " Miller out more about the group here. As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart. Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this.

MOMMI DEART: MOTHERS AND GAY SONS ON FILM

You may have grown up thkg that gay people f to a certa five mold, and your child acted “straight” through the years, only to seemgly sudnly reveal their same-sex attractn.

Others entst only their parents wh their secret until the timg is right to tell may feel happy, relieved, sad, sred, angry, nfed, or all of the above when you fd out your child is gay.

PARENTG A GAY CHILD

It was a wonrful experience to meet all the other fay members and hear their stori and learn om a parent n be very sry, pecially today’s tumultuo a parent to a gay child n often add an extra layer of worry and fear. Whether you are gay, straight, bi, pan, asexual, or everythg parents, ntu to be our job to love and protect and support our children.

They asked if they uld kiss her; they asked if she would talk to their parents; they told her that they uldn’t image their own mothers and fathers supportg them so publicly, or supportg them at woman’s name was Jeanne Manford, and she was marchg alongsi her twenty-one-year-old gay son, Morty. The anizatn they dreamed up that day, which started as a sgle support group Manhattan, was ially lled Parents of Gays; later, was renamed Parents FLAG, for Parents and Friends of Lbians and Gays; nowadays, is known only as PFLAG.

FOR A MOM, LEARNG TO ACCEPT A GAY SON WAS 'NONNEGOTIABLE'

The same year Avril was born, Morty’s psychiatrist summoned Jeanne and Jul to his office and rmed them that their beloved goln boy and sole survivg son was the bt of her knowledge, Jeanne Manford had never known anyone who was gay. Polil anizg was virtually impossible—one early gay-rights group that attempted to officially rporate New York was told that s mere existence would vlate state sodomy laws—and posive cultural reprentatn was all but nonexistent; there were no openly gay or lbian policians, punds, relig lears, actors, athlet, or micians the mastream.

Newspapers ed the words “homosexual” and “pervert” terchangeably, and the handful of gay people who appeared on televisn to discs their “life style” almost always had their fac hidn shadows or otherwise obscured. In 1974, when “The Pat Colls Show” aired a segment on parents of gay children, the host troduced by sayg, “Even if he mted murr, I gus you’d say, ‘Well, he’s still my child, no matter what. ”You uld f most of the solar system to the chasm between how the average Amerin of the era would have reacted that hypothetil suatn and how Jeanne Manford rpond upon learng that Morty was gay.

Later, after he went to llege at Columbia and me to terms wh beg gay, the steady, unfsy love of his fay seemed tepid pared wh his own creasg radilism. The first time he attend a gay-rights prott, he wore sunglass and turned away om the news meras, but he soon beme, his sister Suzanne (now Suzanne Manford Swan) told me, “unaaid and unstoppable.