Gay "Sis": How Language Fre Us to be Ourselv | Psychology Today

Contents:

• GAY "SIS": HOW LANGUAGE FRE US TO BE OURSELV
• SI GUYS: THKG BEYOND GAY MALE "TOPS" AND "BOTTOMS"
• A BRIEF HISTORY OF GAY SIGNALG, OM HANKY S TO THAT 'WHAT GAY GUYS ARE ACTUALLY LIKE' VIO
• 5 FACTS BEHD THE "GAY" EAR
• WHICH EAR IS THE GAY EARRG? WHICH EAR IS THE STRAIGHT EAR?
• BRAS OF GAY PEOPLE REMBLE THOSE OF STRAIGHT PEOPLE OF OPPOSE SEX
• IS THE LEFT OR RIGHT SI GAY?
• GAY AND BISEXUAL MEN'S HEALTH ISSU
• HOW CELIBATE GAY CHRISTIANS DEAL WH DIRE

GAY "SIS": HOW LANGUAGE FRE US TO BE OURSELV

“I ntributed a term to the gay male muny. Gay men are always fg themselv as top and bottom or verse for terurse. What about gay men who don’t engage terurse?

SI GUYS: THKG BEYOND GAY MALE "TOPS" AND "BOTTOMS"

A third add: “Personally I’m not crazy about the term ‘si’ (sounds to me like someone lyg there, dog not much) but ’s good that Grdr acknowledg that there’s more to gay sex than anal. In addn to gay and bi men, lbians would also wear their keys hangg on a cha om their pockets to dite top or bottom. One oft-repeated theory says a Village Voice wrer once jokgly suggted that gay men should dispense wh this bary key system and velop a more plex system to reflect a broar taxonomy of sexual sire, th sparkg the creatn of the hanky .

A BRIEF HISTORY OF GAY SIGNALG, OM HANKY S TO THAT 'WHAT GAY GUYS ARE ACTUALLY LIKE' VIO

The hanky has most often been associated wh gay and bisexual men, though don’t belong to jt them. The gay male datg app, Grdr, recently add the sexual preference I created beyond jt top, bottom, and vers when to gay men engagg terurse: "si. That’s what happened 2013 when, an article I wrote for the Huffgton Post, “Guys on the Si, ” I created the term “si” for gay men who aren’t to beg a “top” or a “bottom” or practicg anal peratn.

Bee up until that time the gay muny, havg “real sex” was only about peratn.

And most gay male circl, this is still the se.

5 FACTS BEHD THE "GAY" EAR

The term “Si” was created when 2010, I was talkg wh some lleagu about “tops” (gay men who prefer the sertive role durg peratn) and “bottoms” (gay men who prefer the receptive role durg peratn) and outed myself for beg a gay man who don’t engage anal terurse at all.

Beg a “top, ” “bottom, ” or “vers” (short for "versatile, " or someone who uld go eher way) were the only acceptable mols the gay muny, and I felt dissed for not ftg to the mold. About a year and a half ago I formed a Facebook group lled “Si Guys” and some of the guys the group started a petn to Grdr, the gay datg app, to add “si” to their list of preferred posns and filters. And now that Grdr has updated s settgs, gay men are addg as a sexual posn to their app self-intifyg as a si.

It’s been around forever—but we jt didn’t have a snappy term to scribe the gay muny. Back 2011, an article was published the Journal of Sexual Medice which rearchers surveyed 25, 000 gay and bisexual men Ameri about their most recent sexual enunters, and only 36 percent said they had bottomed, and 34 percent said they had topped.

WHICH EAR IS THE GAY EARRG? WHICH EAR IS THE STRAIGHT EAR?

Nearly 65 percent of gay and bisexual men didn’t have terurse as part of their most recent sexual experience at all. Furthermore, a si n be a gay male, a bisexual male, a pansexual male, or fall unr the ace umbrella (asexual male/graysexual male/misexual male, etc.

BRAS OF GAY PEOPLE REMBLE THOSE OF STRAIGHT PEOPLE OF OPPOSE SEX

Dennis Fortenberry MD, MS Sexual Behavrs and Suatnal Characteristics of Most Recent Male-Partnered Sexual Event among Gay and Bisexually Intified Men the Uned Stat.

Gay men who intify as a "si". When to sex, whether you’re gay, bi, or straight, we’ve all been a ltle brawashed to believg that there is this thg lled “normal. In the gay male muny, ually, you’re eher nsired to be a “top, ” the perator, or a “bottom, ” the perated, or you’re versatile (n go eher way).

For stance, thk about datg apps for gay men.

IS THE LEFT OR RIGHT SI GAY?

But what if you’re a gay man who don’t enjoy anal sex or fds anal peratn paful, don’t like the feelg or the troublome amount of preparatn and cleang up need for to be a pleasurable experience, or simply don’t experience anal sex as erotic? That’s why a 2013 article I wrote for Huffgton Post, "Guys on the ‘Si’: Lookg Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms, " I began workg on popularizg the term “si” orr for the gay men to have the language to exprs their sexual and erotic preference. Sis often suffer the accatns of other gay men, such as:.

I’ve seen gay male clients who rry a load of shame about not likg or wantg to get or give anal sex. There are straight men who like havg anal sex and/or beg perated wh a dildo, and there are gay men who don’t. The Hanky Co is a longstandg tradn and means of munitn wh the LGBT muny, most mon the gay male muny.

It is thought that the wearg of bandanas by gay men origated  San Francis after the Gold Rh, when, bee of a shortage of women, men dancg wh each other  square danc veloped a where the man wearg the blue bandana took the male part the square dance, and the man wearg the red bandana took the female part (the bandanas were ually worn around the arm or hangg om the belt or the back pocket of one’s jeans). Maybe you've seen the recent vio that purports to show "what actually happens when gay guys see other gay guys and straight people aren't around.

GAY AND BISEXUAL MEN'S HEALTH ISSU

" While I n't nfirm or ny the accuracy of the clip's subject matter (still wag on clearance om the Gay Agenda), I n say that s edy is rooted a rich history of signalg, flaggg, and other forms of non-verbal munitn between gay Pulls a CharlottvilleThe vio fds actors/edians Brian Jordan Alvarez, Stephen Guaro, and Mch Silpa nng to one another their apartment buildg's regnizg one another's gayns, and realizg they're a space utterly void of heterosexualy, the three men lnch to some light nway……'80s face-molg 101……talog at-hangg……and low-key Bernatte-ery……wh a llective "Bnch!

" at the unrlyg tensn of the scene stems om the ia that the men are only ee—or perhaps safe—to unleash their purt gay selv the pany of others like them. Halper wr How to be Gay.

)The need to navigate one's inty through different social suatns, mixed wh the sire for regnn, has led gay men (and women, obvly, but this article is foced on the male si of this phenomenon) to velop subtle, often wordls methods of munitn wh others the of the systems have been historilly ed to broadst sexual sir, like the hanky , which saw s peak age the 1970s and '80s. In Gay New York, Gee Chncey c red neckti as one of the major "fairy" signifiers of the 1890s, and the 1930s there was "practilly a homosexual monopoly" on dark brown and gray sue sho the 1930s.

HOW CELIBATE GAY CHRISTIANS DEAL WH DIRE

Physil mannerisms,, why do gay men ntue to create and cultivate the systems of mostly non-verbal munitn wh each other? I thk a lot of has to do wh the fact that gayns don't e wh hered physil tras or other visible intifiers on the body; we're forced to create our own. Which si is the "gay" si for one earrg?

Actually cur if there was an accepted si the gay muny cir '90's.