Gay, Not Gay, Straight, Not Straight | Psychology Today

Contents:

• ARE YOU GAY OR STRAIGHT?
• I’VE INTIFIED AS GAY FOR YEARS. NOT ANYMORE.
• AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?
• THE SOLUTN TO "GAY" INSULTS: FREEDOM OF SPEECH
• SYNONYMS FOR NOT GAY
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• I THOUGHT I WAS GAY BUT NOW I'M QUTNG MY ORIENTATN
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• GAY, NOT GAY, STRAIGHT, NOT STRAIGHT

ARE YOU GAY OR STRAIGHT?

Jt for funI'm spic that I may be gayI've never had a csh on anyone, and am unsure where I lie on the spectm of sexualyWhat would your ial partner be if you two are gog to spend a week on an island?

Havg sex wh the person I love mostCuddlg wh the person I love mostJt beg next to the person I love mostHangg out wh iends / beg aloneHow would you feel if your bt iend me out as gay? Gay - While this adjective has historilly scribed men who are attracted to other men, the term now is ed to refer to anyone who experienc romantic, emotnal, or physil attractn to people of the same genr.

I’VE INTIFIED AS GAY FOR YEARS. NOT ANYMORE.

Sexual behavr simply refers to what you've done sexually – someone n be lbian, gay, bisexual or straight regardls of their sexual behavr. Bulli teased me for beg gay when I was younger, but when a six-year-old boy lls another six-year-old boy gay, he means “weird” or “gross, ” not “has sex wh men.

I need somethg that means “mostly gay but not fully mted and open to other possibili, ” but, alas, such a niche label has yet to be imaged.

AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?

If your dreams or sexual fantasi are curly lackg men, or if you aren’t able to visualize men or pleasurable experienc when you daydream (even if you’re a relatnship wh one or have been wh one long-term), you may be attracted women, and you uld be gay. You see gay people that are out and proud, exprsg queer joy wh their partner, and feels warm and bright and ronat somewhere ep and joyful wh you. The ratg sl aim to classify people not as "gay" or "straight" but rather dite that most people do not experience exclively gay or straight experienc.

THE SOLUTN TO "GAY" INSULTS: FREEDOM OF SPEECH

Most people, regardls as to their sexual inty, do experience both homosexual and heterosexual feelgs and/or behavrs at different tim their liv.

It n be hard for some people to know whether or not they are gay, but 's important to remember that cidg you are gay is a personal cisn and not a clil one.

SYNONYMS FOR NOT GAY

Some people that have homosexual experienc ntue not to intify as gay while others that have never had a homosexual experience and rather, jt have homosexual feelgs, may ll themselv gay. "Wh time, someone who is gay will realize that not only are they sexually attracted to members of the same sex, but that this attractn is not transnal, or as often scribed 'jt a phase'. However, the difficulti associated wh acceptg the feelgs and g out gay mean that many gay people don't intify themselv as gay until later on life.

There was a recent high profile story the news about an 11-year-old boy who mted suici, apparently bee he uld no longer tolerate beg lled “gay.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

In orr to have doubts about one’s sexual inty, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all. ” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight). Let’s face , gay people have always been an opprsed mory wh our culture, and to sudnly thk of beg this posn, and to be stigmatized this way, n be ighteng.

I have sometim wonred if those who experience the most distrs om such thoughts as the do so bee they were raised wh more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attus to beg wh, or if is simply bee one’s sexualy n be such a basic doubt. Lookg at attractive men or women, or pictur of them, or readg sexually oriented lerature or pornography (hetero- or homosexual), to see if they are sexually excg.

I THOUGHT I WAS GAY BUT NOW I'M QUTNG MY ORIENTATN

The flip si of this is when they look at thgs havg to do wh sex of an oppose orientatn and then feel aroed some way, which they then nclu to mean that they liked , which means that they are gay (or straight). Makg a seri of three-mute tap that based on the wrgs gradually suggt more and more that you are gay, and listeng to them several tim a day changg them when they no longer bother you). However, along the l of sexualy beg fluid, I feel that while there are certaly people who are jt attracted to people of the same genr or a different genr (or asexual), most people fall somewhere on a broad spectm between gay and straight (and beyond!

Likewise, we don't want or need people who re about but do not re for our sexual orientatn, such as a well-tentned parent, to tell they are relieved that we, fact, not gay. Our two ma articl on this very topic, The Be Be: A Homosexualy and Bisexualy Primer and Bi the Dozen: A Bisexualy Quiz addrs this que extensively.

Speakg of articl, I'd also suggt readg The Makgs of a Homo on a young guy intifyg as gay (I realize you are beyond this step your personal journey, but you still might fd tertg) and well as Makg Sense of Sexual Media. Gay, straight, bi or beyond, the articl Supermol: Creatg & Nurturg Your Own Bt Relatnship Mols and Pothol & Dead Ends: Relatnship Roadblocks to Look Out For brg up important relatnship nsiratns.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

As I allud to a b the first part of my rponse, when you're queer, n be hard to claim that inty, form that muny and more; beg gay be a huge part of who you are.

Naturally, bee of Spicly Specific Denial, many people will terpret this as a se of Transparent Closet whether the character is gay or not. G., Wholome Crossdrser) as a way of lampshadg that the character do not nform to stereotyp like Trans Equals Gay, is not a Drag Queen, etc.

GAY, NOT GAY, STRAIGHT, NOT STRAIGHT

For a character nstantly remdg everyone they are gay but gettg to a lot of heterosexual suatns (or no suatns at all), see Have I Mentned I Am Gay?. Even though his Homoerotic Subtext wh Ak is through the roof, and the two are actually seen rollg around on a bed together wh their pants undone. " He do, however, state that he was clearly supposed to be gay, but whatever angel was charge of puttg him together before he was born jt fot to flip that swch before sendg him down to Earth.