Twenty-two years ago, I asked my dad if he was gay. Then he was gone.

Contents:

• MY GAY DAD, MY QUEER FAY, HAPPILY EVER AFTER
• GROWG UP WH A GAY FATHER – CONFSNS OM A STRAIGHT SON
• IM GAY AND IM ATTRACTED TO MY FATHER..
• IS YOUR DAD GAY—OR ARE YOU A GAY DAD?
• HOW I ACCINTALLY FOUND OUT MY DAD IS GAY
• 10 THGS YOU’LL ONLY KNOW IF YOU’VE GROWN UP WH GAY PARENTS
• THE GAY FATHER I NEVER KNEW
• I LOVE MY GAY DAD GIFTS

MY GAY DAD, MY QUEER FAY, HAPPILY EVER AFTER

In late 1980, at a support group for gay fathers, my dad met Lnel –– the man wh whom he would spend the next 23 years. He had seemed kd of lost his new life – phg 60, recently divorced om my mother, recently out of the closet as gay man. He asked that I march wh him, alongsi the other gay fathers and their kids, the Los Angel Pri Para.

What I do remember was that someone had ma T-shirts that said "I LOVE MY GAY DAD" and I refed to wear one. I told my dad, “I love you, but not bee you’re gay.

” The tth, though, is that I lacked the urage to stand all the way up for my father and his ras agast a homophobic and different world.

GROWG UP WH A GAY FATHER – CONFSNS OM A STRAIGHT SON

I probably left my "I LOVE MY GAY DAD" T-shirt next to the box had e out of, though I might have taken home wh me and buried a drawer. Pete Wilson’s office, or at the Natnal March on Washgton for Lbian and Gay dad and his hband lost a lot of iends to AIDS.

Even when I was an obnox 22-year-old and wouldn’t put on a T-shirt to clare, unashamed, unembarrassed and unapologetic, that I love my gay dad. The only hardships of growg up wh a gay dad me om society, not om my wonrfully queer cred: iStockBy Alyssa RoyseMy parents were divorced when I was 6 or so. But I knew he was gay by the time I was 7 or 8.

IM GAY AND IM ATTRACTED TO MY FATHER..

So this is my story of growg up wh a gay father. Growg up wh a gay father, particularly one who was aaid to e out, prented challeng our abily to get emotnally close. I don’t rell a time when I didn’t know my Dad was gay.

From my earlit memori of my Dad around age 5, I thk I always knew my dad was gay.

IS YOUR DAD GAY—OR ARE YOU A GAY DAD?

Th I never had that aha moment of realizg “I have a gay father”! To hear both of them tell , my Dad beg gay wasn’t a factor the spl. How my Dad me to terms wh beg gay.

HOW I ACCINTALLY FOUND OUT MY DAD IS GAY

I don’t thk anyone knew yet that my Dad was gay.

After all, he was the son of a Baptist Preacher and there would not have been much tolerance the 1940’s or 50’s for him to e out as gay.

10 THGS YOU’LL ONLY KNOW IF YOU’VE GROWN UP WH GAY PARENTS

In talkg to both of them over the years, they both claim they had no ia my Dad was gay.

In retrospect, the fact that he was a cheerlear his bt iend was a male hairdrser (who was openly gay) that my Uncle Buddy nicknamed him “Percy” (which my Dad hated) and that my Dad went on to open a home furnishgs store might have been a clue. Realizg his sexualy and beg a gay father the late 1960s, pecially wh me a long way away, mt have been really transformative for my Dad. He lived and around the Oak Lawn area of Dallas (long a predomantly gay or at least gay-iendly neighborhood).

He was meetg lots of openly gay people & gog to clubs where was OK to be openly gay.

THE GAY FATHER I NEVER KNEW

Beg a gay father the 1960s. My Dad never actually me out as gay to me or to most people.

I’d known my Dad is gay for some time, but we’d never discsed .

I LOVE MY GAY DAD GIFTS

My Dad, of urse, was sistent that no one would obvly know he was gay (which also ma Tom and I lgh).