What Do You Say To “That’s So Gay” and Other Anti-LGBTQ Comments? - Human Rights Campaign

Contents:

• "THAT'S SO GAY" IS JT SO WRONG
• DON’T LL ME HOMOPHOBIC: THE PLEXY OF ‘THAT’S SO GAY’
• WHAT’S SO BAD ABOUT “THAT’S SO GAY”?
• MDG THERAPYMENTAL HEALTH AND POP CULTURE MEETMA MENUSKIP TO PRIMARY NTENTSKIP TO SENDARY NTENTHOMECONTACTABOUT (SORT OF)NOVEL “MDG THERAPY”SCREENPLAYDISCLAIMER/PRIVACY/COMMENTS POLICY SEARCH POST NAVIGATN ← PREV NEXT →“THAT’S SO GAY”: IS THE POPULAR PHRASE SOMETIM OKAY?
• WHAT DO YOU SAY TO ‘THAT’S SO GAY’ & OTHER ANTI-LGBTQ+ COMMENTS?
• WHY “THAT’S SO GAY!” IS SO OFFENSIVE
• WHAT DO YOU SAY TO “THAT’S SO GAY” AND OTHER ANTI-LGBTQ COMMENTS?
• IS LLG A HOMOSEXUAL PERSON “GAY” OFFENSIVE?
• THE COMPLEXY OF ‘THAT'S SO GAY'
• “THAT’S SO GAY”: WHY PHRAS LIKE THE ARE BREAKG OUR COMMUNY
• SAYG 'THAT'S GAY' PEJORATIVELY HURTS THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNY, STOP SAYG IT
• WHY IS IT OK TO SAY "THAT'S SO GAY?"
• COMMENTARY: WHY “THAT’S SO GAY” IS OKAY…OR NOT
• OFFENSIVE WORDS…”GAY” BEG USED AS AN INSULT
• IN POWERFUL REBE OF HATE, JAGUARS' KEV MAXEN MAK HISTORY G OUT AS GAY

"THAT'S SO GAY" IS JT SO WRONG

Spend any time around teens, and you’re likely to hear the mon exprsn, “That’s so gay" — even among gay kids. If you ask them about , as some rearchers have, they often will sist that is not tend as homophobic language, jt a harmls phrase to exprs tratn or somethg siar. When most people hear the term LGBT (lbian, gay, bisexual or transsexual), for stance, they equate to havg adult sex.

DON’T LL ME HOMOPHOBIC: THE PLEXY OF ‘THAT’S SO GAY’

” Later when the parents learned their children were gay, they apologized to them for sayg the thgs, but the damage was already done.

Hearg kids sayg, “that’s so gay” every day mak the people and everythg else around them qutnable: Are thgs safe or dangero?

What, then, n be done about makg kids (and the rt of ) more aware of the harm g such phras as “That’s so gay? But parents who are enough aware of language’s substrata n help by helpg their kids’ schools unrstand the value of practicg the same kd of zero tolerance for homophobic language that they do for racist or anti-Semic or bullyg language. How would you feel if someone said “that’s so gay” about somethg you were dog or about somethg you liked?

WHAT’S SO BAD ABOUT “THAT’S SO GAY”?

(Note: Clarify any fns, and talk about why words like “that’s so gay, ” “gay, ” “fag, ” “sissy” or anythg else that me up are appropriate.

Your handbook should clu specific l about g appropriate language, such as the e of the phrase “that’s so gay. ” You n also be creative wh , rporatg stori, illtratns or even ics to munite why “that’s so gay” is appropriate and how , as well as other typ of name-llg, n hurt others.

Safe Schools Coaln offers rourc for tors and parents on how bt to support LGBTQ youth and al wh issu of homophobia school muni. : Microaggrsns and the Lbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgenr Communy shows that “(t)he accumulated experienc are associated wh feelgs of victimizatn, suicidal thkg, and higher rat of substance abe, prsn, and other health problems among members of the LGBT muny. ”Sam Killermann ma the followg flowchart to dite when ’s okay to say “that’s so gay”:The pot beg, of urse, that ’s ually not okay unls you’re appropriately scribg a person wh a gay or lbian LGBT activist Ash Beckham giv a rapid-fire and tertg speech about how the words “so gay” n hurt:Although both girls and guys e the words, I n’t fd any rearch specific to the former.

MDG THERAPYMENTAL HEALTH AND POP CULTURE MEETMA MENUSKIP TO PRIMARY NTENTSKIP TO SENDARY NTENTHOMECONTACTABOUT (SORT OF)NOVEL “MDG THERAPY”SCREENPLAYDISCLAIMER/PRIVACY/COMMENTS POLICY SEARCH POST NAVIGATN ← PREV NEXT →“THAT’S SO GAY”: IS THE POPULAR PHRASE SOMETIM OKAY?

Brish soclogist Mark McCormack reports his 2012 The Declg Signifince of Homophobia: How Teenage Boys Are Refg Masculy and Heterosexualy that ’s now monplace for male teenagers to be fortable wh their own or others’ gayns and to not equate sayg and hearg “that’s so gay” as his blog post “The Complexy of ‘That’s So Gay‘”:To be clear, I am not advotg for the e of the phrase ‘that’s so gay. Ined, some of the LGBT stunts I spoke to felt unfortable wh the phrase at the same time as they argued did not nnote homophobia.

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO ‘THAT’S SO GAY’ & OTHER ANTI-LGBTQ+ COMMENTS?

In The Declg Signifince of Homophobia, I velop a new mol for unrstandg this changg e of language, which highlights how the tent, effect, and environment wh which words are ed are vally important termg whether homophobia is prent or not. When someone says ‘that’s so gay, ’ we should also nsir discsg wh them why some people might fd offensive, the history of gay opprsn and the value of empathy. ” On the one hand, we have such factors as the evangelil Christian movement and lgerg stigma about AIDS beg a gay disease; on the other, we see burgeong anti-homophobia strategi and and aga, on all kds of ntemporary issu, ’s all about our red/blue, black/whe, eher/or the U.

It don’t matter if ’s a first grar who might not know what the word “gay” means, a sixth grar tryg to sound ol, or a tenth grar “teasg” a iend. “You may not have meant to be hurtful, but when you e the word ‘gay’ to mean somethg is bad or stupid, is hurtful.

“Even if you didn’t mean to offend people who are gay, is offensive to ll this assignment gay (or queer); if you don’t like somethg, then say you don’t like ! If you have been hearg the phrase “That’s gay” or “no homo, ” take time durg class to make sure that your stunts know what “gay” means and know why is hurtful to e as a ment or put-down. Be clear that g the phrase “That’s gay” is hurtful to other stunts who may have fay members or iends who are LGBTQ.

WHY “THAT’S SO GAY!” IS SO OFFENSIVE

For the youngt stunts, keep simple – for example, “the word gay scrib a man and a man or a woman and a woman who love each other.

*LGBTQ+: Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgenr, Queer, Pl (muny members who e different language to scribe inty). My iends (one of is which is gay) and I say all the time to each other and was never meant to or ever did make anyone offend.

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO “THAT’S SO GAY” AND OTHER ANTI-LGBTQ COMMENTS?

I get that beg gay isn’t supposed to be seen as somethg negative/bad, but when we e the word gay as a joke, I don’t thk should be seen so offensive,. The “sult” n be also seen offensive, but don’t change the fact that people don’t see offensive, yet when we e the term gay, people start gettg offend and all. For example, I was playg rds wh my classmat, and I said “those l are gay” And than this LBGTQ classmate started llg me homophobic.

if sayg somethg is gay is offensive than llg someone a psy should be also offensive nsirg that’s sexist a way, and llg someone a dumbass is also somethg that’s offensive sce beg ls knowledge shouldn’t be seen as an sult/joke. This year for Bullyg Preventn Month, download our most sought-after handout, “What Do You Say to ‘That’s So Gay’”?, which teach tors both how and why is important to rpond to anti-LGBTQ ments. Knowg what to say when someone “gay” as a putdown is an sential skill -- not jt for tors, but for everyone as they cultivate rpectful spac hom, workplac and muni across the untry.

IS LLG A HOMOSEXUAL PERSON “GAY” OFFENSIVE?

It's typilly preferred by those to whom appli over the term "homosexual", the technil nature of which mak this state of beg sound like a munible disease or mental illns (which, as recently as the DSM-II, seventh edn, was, tegorized as a pathologil phobia of the oppose sex).

Many advocy groups, such as GLAAD (Gay/Lbian Associatn Agast Defamatn) and terms they promote for e the media (such as LGBT) rporate this term, though this isn't to say the terms will always be acceptable for this reason; the group name often persists long after the words behd them have fallen om favor, to avoid the nfn of a rebrandg of the group. "Queer", an old slang term for gay men, and "fag"/"faggot", origally AE slang for a wimp or unmanly person, but which me to be associated wh the stereotypil "swishy" gay man, have bee si terms; still appropriate when ed by a ntral party or a "straight" person, but acceptable ntext between gay men. You wouldn’t say “that’s so jew” or “that’s so black” – that would be so racist – so you should also rea om sayg “that’s so gay.

Yet tors fd that when they reprimand young people for g this term, they often face an angry rebuttal om kids, who say, “I’m not homophobic, I’ve got gay iends. The easy answer is to say that the nial of homophobia is a tokenistic rejectn of what has bee a socially unacceptable attu. In my new book, The Declg Signifince of Homophobia, where I spent a year rearchg what means to be a guy school today, I found that the flt posn for straight male youth is to be supportive of gay rights, clive of gay peers and cril of homophobia.

THE COMPLEXY OF ‘THAT'S SO GAY'

Many of my participants did not e the phrase "that’s so gay, " but those who did sisted that was not homophobic.

First, they poted out that there were two meangs for the word gay: one meang ‘bbish’ and the other referrg to sexual inty.

” he said, “So sayg ‘’s so gay that I got homework’ means that I thk my homework is a guy and is attracted to other guys?

“THAT’S SO GAY”: WHY PHRAS LIKE THE ARE BREAKG OUR COMMUNY

Many adults who grew up cultur of tense homophobia will fd both parts of this argument to be lackg credibily. After all, when I was at school, “that’s so gay” was said by stunts who also ed homophobic pejorativ and bullied stunts who were mp or feme.

One argument is that the difference li the psychologil associatns ‘gay’ has wh a sexual inty and s history of homophobic opprsn. But when is said settgs where sexual mori are open, out and proud, and heterosexual men are iends wh their openly gay peers, tak on different meangs.

SAYG 'THAT'S GAY' PEJORATIVELY HURTS THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNY, STOP SAYG IT

Further supportg this dual meang, I found that heterosexual and gay stunts bond through e of the word gay. ” Such forms of banter strengthened the stunts’ iendship, and also appeared to expunge the negativy om e of the word—nsolidatg the dual meang of the word “gay. In The Declg Signifince of Homophobia, I velop a new mol for unrstandg this changg e of language, which highlights how the tent, effect, and environment wh which words are ed are vally important termg whether homophobia is prent or not.

When someone says “that’s so gay, ” we should also nsir discsg wh them why some people might fd offensive, the history of gay opprsn and the value of empathy.

WHY IS IT OK TO SAY "THAT'S SO GAY?"

By engagg wh young people about this issue, we might even fd that we learn somethg about their creasgly posive attus toward homosexualy.

COMMENTARY: WHY “THAT’S SO GAY” IS OKAY…OR NOT

Stonewall argu that the phrase has a harmful effect on young lbian, gay and bisexual people’s tn and well-beg. Yet the ial fdgs om my terviews wh 40 gay youth om four universi suggts a more plex picture, wh no clear agreement on what the phrase means or s effects. How are we to unrstand a phrase that olr people fd homophobic, but many younger people do not fd offensive and even e themselv?

Given that labellg the stunts homophobic would be ridiculo, was val to nsir how they were g this language and the reasons why. For them, gay had two distct meangs which they were able to distguish between – when refers to sexual inty and when refers, separately, to somethg beg “bbish”.

I argued that straight men’s e of phras like “that’s so gay” uld only be unrstood by three key factors: first, the tent wh which was said; send, the social ntext (homophobic or otherwise); and third, the effect had. But when is said settgs where sexual mori are out, proud and socially clud, and heterosexual men are iends wh their openly gay peers, tak on different meangs.

OFFENSIVE WORDS…”GAY” BEG USED AS AN INSULT

This argument was supported by the narrativ of many of the 40 young gay people a study I am unrtakg wh lleagu at Durham Universy.

Only a mory of participants – ls than a third – thought that the phrase was homophobic, and even fewer said that they never ed . Most of the young gay people my study felt “that’s so gay” would only be homophobic if was directed at a gay person, and wh negative tent.

IN POWERFUL REBE OF HATE, JAGUARS' KEV MAXEN MAK HISTORY G OUT AS GAY

If young gay people are sayg that they do not experience the phrase “that’s so gay” as homophobic – and if they are even g the phrase themselv – then perhaps we should accept their arguments and ncentrate on other battl.

I have e to the very upsettg realizatn that the phras “that’s so gay” and “that’s retard” are, no way, on their way out. I uld go on for awhile about how trated I am that our society still associat “gay” and “retard” as sults stead of simply ways of beg, but I had a thought while planng this post. Why pick “gay” or “retard”, when you uld e “nse” or “fatuo” or “wls” or any other word that gets your pot across whout hurtg someone.