Gay Men and Straight Men as Friends | Psychology Today

Contents:

• KEN HAS ALWAYS BEEN BARBIE’S GAY BT FRIEND—NOT HER BOYIEND
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• JAGUARS STRENGTH ACH IS FIRST MALE ACH A MAJOR US-BASED PRO LEAGUE TO E OUT AS GAY
• HOW TO DISCREETLY FD OUT IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS GAY
• HERE'S WHY SOME 'FRIENDS' FANS THK CHANDLER WAS ORIGALLY MEANT TO BE GAY
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• HOW TO HAVE A GAY FRIEND
• SHOULD A CHRISTIAN HAVE GAY IENDS?
• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS
• I THOUGHT I DIDN'T NEED GAY FRIENDS; I WAS WRONG
• 17 SIGNS YOUR BOYIEND IS SECRETLY GAY (& WHAT TO DO)
• IS MY FRIEND GAY? QUIZ
• HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY

KEN HAS ALWAYS BEEN BARBIE’S GAY BT FRIEND—NOT HER BOYIEND

The film won’t say , but a post-creds punchle about Ken’s handwrg, plete wh hearts and stars surroundg his name, tells what we need to heavily implied nature of Ken’s gayns Toy Story 3 harkens back to Hollywood’s tradnal gay bt iend-type characters. In the Hays Co era, explic referenc to homosexualy weren’t allowed, so characters like Van Buren (Frankl Pangborn) 1937’s Easy Livg, Kip (David Wayne) 1949’s Adam’s Rib, or Addison (Gee Sanrs) 1950’s All About Eve stead were imbued wh effemate characteristics, offerg a glimpse outsi of heteronormativy whout explicly beg of the characters were the same—some were tty, others sweet. In movi like Mean Girls (2004), The Devil Wears Prada (2006), Easy A (2010), No Strgs Attached (2011), and Isn’t It Romantic (2019), gay iends exist entirely the orb of their female iends.

As a rult, gay men bought the doll drov, and spe Mattel ultimately rellg the doll and wipg away any trace of Earrg Magic Ken, was near-impossible to see Ken as anythg but the glor homosexual he was born to be om then on.

While there is no way to “drs gay, ” there are several dolls that seem to suggt otherwise, such as:Fashnista Ken #193, who looks very exced to tell you about his new obssn, Troye Sivan;Travel Ken Doll, who has a satchel perfect for bathho and a purple overnight bag that lerally proclaims he’s “extra;”Ken Looks Doll, servg “I’m gonna give you a makeover”-type realns while sportg black pleather pants;This Ken, who wears the least heterosexual double nim I have a feelg the new Barbie movie will put the work to nvce that Ken is a hetero du who lov nothg life more than Barbie herself, the wrg’s already on the wall: Ken is, and always will be, Barbie’s gay bt obssg! LGBTQ sex lumnist Dan Savage noted that Earrg Magic Ken’s wardrobe rembled outfs seen at gay rav a few years prr (leave to Ken to be jt behd the tim).

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

Even though Mattel nied that he was signed wh gay men md, he was one of the few mastream toys at the time that stck a chord wh LGBTQ nsumers. For example, his fay may be vlently homophobic and by cidg that he's gay, you may out him by accint by treatg him different or implyg somethg whout meang to.

JAGUARS STRENGTH ACH IS FIRST MALE ACH A MAJOR US-BASED PRO LEAGUE TO E OUT AS GAY

If you're tryg to figure out if your iend is gay bee you want to date him (as a woman), 's important to remember that jt bee he might be terted men don't mean he's not terted women.

Although some people the gay culture may put on a certa voice or a way of speakg, your iend talkg a siar or "effemate" way is still not a very good way to judge. Everyone n enjoy different thgs; jt like a woman might enjoy watchg football, guys n also enjoy thgs that are more monly associated wh women or the gay muny.

The movi he watch and the mic he listens to are also not fair methods to gge if he is straight or gayer than Elton John and Gee Takei put together. Say somethg like, "You know you're stuck wh me as a iend no matter what, but I jt have to ask bee I don't want to make assumptns and e to the wrong nclns: are you gay? Article SummaryXTo tell if your guy iend is gay, notice whether he refers to other guys as attractive, which uld be a sign that he’s gay.

HOW TO DISCREETLY FD OUT IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS GAY

We currently have a survey vtigatn unrway that explor some of the posive out of “bromosexual” iendships, cludg our theory that gay men and straight men n be optimal wg men for one another.

HERE'S WHY SOME 'FRIENDS' FANS THK CHANDLER WAS ORIGALLY MEANT TO BE GAY

Gay men – particularly those nservative and ral environments – rema wary about tryg to beiend straight men, fearg prejudice-fueled rejectn. At the same time, many straight men still doubt that they’ll be able to relate to gay men any meangful way and, for this reason, may not try to iate a iendship. If they’re open-md about beiendg gay men and make the effort to try to fe iendships based upon mon terts, gay men should feel more fortable reciprotg.

Gay men who disclose their sexual orientatn to their straight male iends earlier life may be able to build more open and hont iendships wh them to adulthood. Send, recent rearch has argued that genr and sexual orientatn might not be as black and whe as prevly thought, which opens up new avenu for explorg how gay and straight men n relate to one another.

If a straight guy and his gay male iend are ls rigid about their masculy and sexualy, they’ll probably be more likely to discs tails about their sexual and romantic liv openly wh one another.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

In short, women are able to tst the datg advice om gay male iends bee they know their gay iends don’t have any ulterr motiv: They’re not tryg to hook up wh them or pete wh them for guys. Jt as a gay man might be able to pass on advice about women to his straight iend, a straight man uld nnect his gay male iend wh another sirable gay man, sce neher the gay man nor his straight iend are petg for the same person.

HOW TO HAVE A GAY FRIEND

We believe that havg a tstworthy nfidant to help wh romantic pursus is one of the major reasons straight and gay men are leavg the fort of their same-sex, same-orientatn iend groups to form “bromosexual” iendships. This tensn is perfectly exemplified season two’s “The One Wh the Lbian Weddg, ” an episo that’s equal parts envelope-phg and full of gay panic.

Their not-yet-legal unn is officiated by Candace Ggrich, the LGBTQ rights activist and siblg of Newt Ggrich (who when the episo aired 1996 was one of the most visible anti-gay policians power). On the gay-panic si, everythg else about the weddg is refully curated to be as ut and heteronormative as possible: The bris are walked down the aisle by men, wearg long, pastel gowns — a cisn ma by stume signer Debra McGuire, who later explaed: “I really loved the ia of the women beg women, of them lookg betiful and feme, bee of the stereotyp about gay women.

Though Ellen DeGener’s g out was still a year away, gay unns and kiss weren’t unheard of: Fox s Roc picted a same-sex weddg 1991 (albe also whout a kiss).

SHOULD A CHRISTIAN HAVE GAY IENDS?

Shouhed at voluptuo distct lts, which may have alienated gay and straight men om each other the past, spire the ultimate gture of aternal nnectn: a fist bump. Obvly, there have always been iendships between gay men and straight men, but only recently have they bee more promently, and fortably, reprented TV shows, movi, books and is often a tradnally mascule sense of faiary at play the portrayals, exudg a feelg particular enough to suggt s own term: bromosexual emergg reprentatn ntrasts wh one that has bee a cliché: the nnectn between a straight woman and her gay male bt latt media reflectn also tak a signifint leap om one of s earlit eratns.

From 2003 to 2007, “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” prented gay men as magil begs who functned as helpers to heterosexual men, schoolg them matters of fashn and home dér while keepg much of their own liv ntrast, the last season of “Scream Queens” found the hunky Nick Jonas prentg himself as a gay at boy who bonds over golf wh his straight aterny brother and bt iend, MenIn the recent documentary “Strike a Pose, ” about Madonna’s dance troupe om her “Blond Ambn” tour, a key plotle trac the arc of the lone straight dancer om homophobe to a man who be emotnally liberated by his many gay iends.

Another Bravo seri, “Manzo’d Wh Children, ” promently featur the relatnship between the heterosexual lead brothers and their gay bt iend, who was prevly their that work’s most regnizable reprentative, Andy Cohen, who is gay, rarely miss an opportuny to toast his close kship wh the guar hero and ultimate ladi man John Cohen mentns Mr. In one outg, durg gay pri weekend, they attend a ncert by an rnatn of a band both men love, the Grateful Cohen wrote that a iend had texted him: “if I’d celebrated gay pri any more of a straight way, I’d have had sex wh a girl at the Super Bowl. Liaison for the district’s public schools, said the chang relatnships between straight and gay men have been so rapid that he se a signifint difference jt sce he graduated om high school.

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

One of his greatt obstacl g out, he said, was somethg he thks many gay men share: “the tense fear of losg those mascule iendships we have had. “Our tradnal way of thkg of relatnships wh gay and straight men is that they are hostile, even bullyg, ” said Michael LaSala, 57, the thor of “Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child. ”A Balm for Old Wounds“There’s a sense of a reprieve, ” said Odie Ldsey, 45, a straight fictn wrer and gulf war veteran, whose new book of short stori, “We Come to Our Sens, ” featur several gay characters.

Gay men say is mon for their heterosexual male iends to be jealo of, or at least pelled by, the efficiency and seemg ubiquy of man-on-man hookups.

“That kd of csh seems really antique, ” said Lus Whehead, 29, a straight man who liv a brownstone Fort Greene populated by a revolvg mix of heterosexual and homosexual his i, he reports zero self-nscns about havg gay iends or roommat.

HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS

Whehead ’s an attu echoed by one of his gay roommat, Ben Moss, 25, who said: “I talk wh straight guys about what surrounds the sex rather than what we’ve actually done. Seattle-based journalist Matt Bme, however, believ the show uld have end very differently if the creative team’s origal plans for Chandler, played by Matthew Perry, had been a new vio report, Bme ― who is the thor of the 2015 book “Defg Marriage” and the host of “Culture Cise, ” an acclaimed YouTube seri ― lv to thly sourced but persistent reports that the creators of “Friends” had tend for Chandler to be a gay man, but changed him to a straight character after Perry was st.

He also breaks down a number of gay jok ― many of them crgeworthy by morn standards ― prented the show at the character’s expense as evince of a funct plot le. And Perry’s -star Lisa Kudrow, who played Phoebe Buffay, gave crence to that theory a 2014 terview wh the Televisn Amy suggtg that she, too, believed the character was gay at that Chandler posss what he believ is “a gay sensibily, but no gay storyl, ” Bme told HuffPost, “If they had ma fully gay ― wrten gay, played gay ― would that have been a good thg or a bad thg?

I THOUGHT I DIDN'T NEED GAY FRIENDS; I WAS WRONG

[The show] seemed to be at s bt when tellg heterosexual stori, and I’m not sure they uld have pulled off the challenge of featurg TV’s most proment gay ma character. Sex the Cy, Will and Grace), though a lot ls has been said about how gay and straight men regnize and negotiate the distct challeng, plitns, and rewards of their iendships. S., before there was such a thg as a gay inty, some straight men would, wh ltle shame, engage sexual ntact wh other men (ually allowg themselv to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see Gee Chncey’s semal book, Gay New York: Genr, Urban Culture, and the Makg of the Gay Male World 1890-1940) and there is good reason to believe this still occurs other untri and cultur.

17 SIGNS YOUR BOYIEND IS SECRETLY GAY (& WHAT TO DO)

Gay men have suffered physil, social, and psychologil abe at the hands of heterosexually intified mal who, thanks to homophobia and heterosexism, felt fully jtified flictg the terrors. This legacy of vlence, both physil and psychologil, flicted by straight men toward those of who are gay naturally fuels our utn and distst at the thought of beiendg them.

IS MY FRIEND GAY? QUIZ

For the straight guy, iendship wh a gay man offers the opportuny to learn important lsons about masculy, male inty, sexual orientatn, and diversy.

As the quote go: You n never have too many iends—and iendships between gay and straight guys n be healg and uniquely satisfyg for all volved. We learn om the gentle way He alt wh sful people that He would have offered homosexuals the same passn and opportuny to “go and s no more” (John 8:11). Followg Christ’s example, we n extend iendship to gay people, monstrate His love for them, pray for them, and celebrate as much mon ground as we n fd.

HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY

A Christian is simply a sner who has accepted the gospel and now reprents Christ to everyone, cludg our gay iends, wh grace and tth (John 1:14). McKellan is a gay man who me out 1988, and although 33 years have passed sce he me out, n still be shockg to the world to see such a close same-sex iendship that cross sexual inti.

Along wh his supervisor, Robb Travers, he lnched a study that surveyed 350 straight men and 275 gay or bisexual men om across North Ameri. Siar to qutns that loom about whether straight men and women n ever tly be platonic iends, the same qutn lgers over the iendships between gay and straight men. In days past, this may have seemed as unlikely as a iendship between a ln and a moe, given the tradnally high levels of homophobia among straight men.

McKie’s rearch reported that straight participants felt that a gay iend ma for the ultimate wgman bee the gay iend uld help to attract prospective partners for the straight iend.