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class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--cm-riser"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><div class="StickyHeroAdWrapper-eNLJUc gStsdY ad-stickyhero ad-stickyhero--standard ad-stickyhero-enable-mobile should-hold-space"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--hero"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--hero" data-no-id="vsvjz1"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-hero" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-hero"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><ma id="ma-ntent" tabx="-1" class="BasePageMaContent-kFvAuh ewPCZH page__ma-ntent"><article class="article ma-ntent" lang="en-US"><div class="ArticlePageLeBackground-EufvU tFsh"><hear class="ContentHearWrapper-clujbs kaZCaf ntent-hear article__ntent-hear"><div data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp cCntXd"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT eRFpQc"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kpuNXj bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fTtYjx bric__lk" href="/culture"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Culture</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd jPOabC BjYFU">I Lost My Virgy to a Straight Boy</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ eASNBN">There’s a way to burst through the shame gay men are ma to feel about homosexualy.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH gtxxjM byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fhQbnq dzFUnH eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/alim-kheraj">Alim Kheraj</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2018-09-27T08:00:00-04:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd ivrQAn cZpOSL">September 27, 2018</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP fEknXh lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc Grck lead-asset--width-fullbleed" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz ccdiSo"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="I Lost My Virgy to a Straight Boy" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span></div></figure></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg ctaZl social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP eRxRjL"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>I was 19 when I first had full-on sex wh another man. I was at llege, livg dorms, and the experience—asi om the ual horrifyg awkwardns and somewhat spontaney of the ocsn—was pletely and utterly unremarkable asi om one thg: the guy I slept wh intified as straight.</p><p>The whole thg went down near the end of my hman year at a party, at which people om the whole dorm floor were dnk and celebratg, relsly streamg and out of each other’s rooms, followg the var different pop songs until one room took their fancy. I n remember, although I'd had some drks, stg alone my iend’s room on a sgle bed, the mattrs overly sprgy and wh a arse plastic atg, attemptg to stream a song over our dorm’s spotty Inter nnectn.</p><p>It was late (or early, pendg on your outlook on the world) when I was joed by the boy who was livg the room next to me, way back on the other si of the buildg. He was clearly toxited, but was a party after all and who was I, <em>que</em> dnk myself, to judge. The mutiae of exactly how thgs veloped om beg together that room to havg slightly unsuccsful sex a bathroom a <em>different</em> rridor have sce ped me. All I know is that one moment we were talkg and the next mute, well... we weren’t. I didn’t tell him that I’d never had sex wh someone before; stead, saturated wh vodka and flated by nerv, I was swept up the motns.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Before that night, I had hardly been a nun. When I was a teenager, I was prec and rtls. As the only out young gay kid at my school, I took the advancement of my sexual experienc to my own hands and I did what we all do: I bought a fake ID and h the gay clubs. Out on the scene I had thrillg and, now lookg back, prer hook ups wh guys, gog far but never all the way. I know now as LGBTQ people we n fe exactly what nstut sex for ourselv, but when you’re young and your only sex tn the shape of illegally download Sean Cody vios, peratn seems like the end all be all.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>Still, as I grew to my late-teens, venu started to crack down harr on unrage drkg, and soon beme creasgly difficult to go and hook up wh guys much olr than myself. I felt, my creasgly anx and flated state, that I was beg left behd. My first year at llege, apart om beg gelg mentally, was hardly a sexual smasbord of one-night-stands and hook-ups. Instead, I reverted to my teenage years, pg after straight boys who I knew I had no chance hell wh... <em>until</em> that night.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="fg4ks"></div></div><p>I’d love to say that I felt empowered by fuckg my first guy, but the whole experience left a lot to be sired. While I knew wouldn’t be like a gay llege eroti I’d read on (gay non, really), I rather naively wasn’t expectg the fall out. The boy told his then-girliend (who I knew about), sayg I had e on to him but that nothg had really happened. Although one thg I n <em>vividly</em> remember was that was que lerally the other way around, the visceral shock of beg somewhat shoved back the closet and nied the celebratory expungement of my virgy was palpable.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="gt5k6"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="qqa"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>For the next year, we’d hook-up on and off, ually at 3 a.m. after we’d been out partyg. We’d meet surreptly dark and make out the ld Brish weather on a park bench before venturg back to his place to have sex. And while at the begng I felt like I had the upper hand the suatn—I was the one who was out and fortable my sexualy, right?—after each time we met beme more secretive and more dirty, I began to feel secretive, dirty, and most of all <em>shameful</em>. I’m not sure whether I really fell for the guy or not, but I do know that at the end of he was jt g me to get off.</p><p>I never learned whether the boy I lost my virgy to was stgglg wh his sexualy. I thk, when I look back now and ocsnally fd myself tumblg through his Facebook page, that he wasn’t. I believe was jt sex, or at least that’s what I have tell myself now to avoid slippg to a memory duced k-hole. I realize I fell to that old gay adage of placg my feelgs on a person who, for whatever reason, was never gog to vt them back me. Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memori of those first tim marred how I would approach sex for years.</p><p>It was listeng to Years & Years’ new song “Sanctify,” and seeg the band’s out gay sger Olly Alexanr talk about how the song was spired his sexual trysts wh straight men, that I realized that the feelgs are <em>way</em> more mon than people let on. Sure, I know all about gay guys havg sex wh straight guys, but felt reassurg to see him scribe the “sat and sner role” he embodied durg those experienc, and to hear the uncertaty and melancholy weaved to the song.</p><p>More than anythg though, was the repeated lyril mantra of “I won’t be ashamed.” Bee as queer people, we’re buried lifetime’s worth of shame so vivid and searg that oftentim ’s cripplg. Burstg through that shame is our badge of honor, our betifully uned experience. And maybe, like the song says, that do sanctify our sex liv and mak jt a ltle b holy.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="95wbm"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier 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DRac"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB eInHsS summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-1" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu rponsive-image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Sex Liv: A Guy Who Went om a Conservative Relig Background to Htg the Swipe Lim on Tr" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></div></div></picture></span><div class="OverlaySummaryItemContent-ddGOWz fHZSgO"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX hXmUmf bric bric--wh-bg BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ 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We didn’t know how many sexy Onlyfans Gay Black mal there were but we are so glad there’s so many sexy optns. Image source, Getty ImagIn the latt sign of risg homophobia different Ain untri, a Kenyan opposn MP is leadg a mpaign for parliament to further crimalise the untry's small LGBTQ muny.

Gee Peter Kaluma's move after neighbourg Uganda adopted a tough new anti-gay law, rejectg threats by US Print Joe Bin to impose sanctns and travel rtrictns on "anyone volved ser human rights ab". "We want to prohib everythg to do wh homosexualy, " Mr Kaluma tells me, addg that his bill will be much broar than the legislatn passed by Uganda's parliament and approved by Print Yoweri Meveni May. The Ugandan law is regard as one of the harsht anti-LGBTQ laws the propos life imprisonment for anyone nvicted of homosexualy, and the ath penalty for so-lled aggravated s, which clu havg gay sex wh someone below the age of 18 or where someone be fected wh a life-long illns such as the other si of the ntent, MPs Ghana earlier this month unanimoly voted favour of amendments to the untry's anti-gay legislatn, phg closer to beg enacted to law.

Though ls harsh than Uganda's new law, the Promotn of Proper Human Sexual Rights and Ghanaian Fay Valu Bill propos a three-year prison sentence for anyone who intifi as LGBTQ and a 10-year sentence for anyone who promot homosexualy. "The bill will propose a total ban on what the Wt lls sex-reassignment prcriptns and procr, and prohib all activi that promote homosexualy, terms of... Gay paras, drag shows, wearg the lours, the flags, the emblems of the LGBTQ group, " Mr Kaluma says.

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Gay sex is already illegal Kenya, but the ernment n also be tolerant of gay people - for example, has given asylum to people om other Ain untri, cludg Uganda, who faced persecutn their home untri bee of their sexual orientatn.

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Image source, Getty ImagImage ptn, Many Kenyans believe that gay rights are agast their relign - whether Christian or MlimAlthough the meetg Uganda was billed as an attempt to protect the "sovereignty" of Ain stat, was actually -sponsored by an Amerin Christian right-wg anisatn, Fay Watch Internatnal (FWI) Kapya Kaoma, a Zambian prit the Anglin Church and an amic at Boston Universy the US, says Ain untri are beg targeted by FWI and siar US-based anisatns, and that the impact of s lobbyg has been "horrible and humane" parts of Ai, fuellg what he lls "ant homophobia". "It is one thg to say: 'I don't agree wh you beg gay', but we didn't have the ant one, where policians now are sayg: 'You go to jail for life, you go to jail for talkg about beg gay, you go to jail bee you're livg wh your fellow woman', " Dr Kaoma says.

FWI's Mormon founr Sharon Slater ni that the group promot anti-gay laws Ai. She c a Uned Natns Populatn Fund (UNFPA) manual for out-of-school youths east and southern Ai, sayg promot homosexualy and is too explic.

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"It sensis children to sex, " she Slater also quot om the manual, cludg l which say that facilators of lsons should have "a ntral, acceptg attu towards homosexualy". "I love this place bee mak me feel at home" gatherg of members of the gay and lbian muny Lagos is held regularly, albe discreetly, but uld soon be vast majory of gay Nigerians may not be terted this kd of event but they still have to hi their sexualy this nservative already illegal, homosexualy is wily owned upon across Nigeria and has been the subject of several bills the Natnal Same-Sex Marriage (Prohibn) Bill specifilly outlaws same-sex also bans gathergs of homosexuals or any other support for gay clubs, anisatns, unns or amoro exprsns, whether secret or public.

'Repulsive'The bill has been passed by Nigeria's Senate - the hight chamber - and is now beg reviewed by the lower chamber, the Hoe of ptn, Rashidi Williams is one of Nigeria's few openly gay human rights activistsIf approved, will be sent to the print to sign to law, after which same-sex upl uld face up to 14 years Nigerian homosexuals pla that the stigma they face is already enough punishment for their way of (not his real name), a gay man livg Lagos, is outraged by the proposed law: "How do a ernment thk that sendg someone to prison would change his or her sexual orientatn?

One of Nigeria's few openly gay human rights activists, Rashidi Williams, not that the bill seeks to ban somethg which is already illegal and which no-one is publicly advotg. Friends and fay members of gay people uld get implited if they do not report s of same-sex unns bee they uld be seen as beg support of them. Crics of the bill also worry that health workers who provi HIV unsellg and treatment to homosexuals uld be mtg an offence as well.

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However, some of the doctors say they hardly ever know the sexual orientatn of those they attend to bee is not a requirement for treatment and unsellg, and even if the patients were to reveal that they were homosexuals, would not affect the qualy of healthre lawmakers have nmned vlence agast homosexuals but this has done ltle to prevent the growg anxiety among those the bill would target as s likely adoptn, whatever form, ptn, If the bill is passed, same-sex upl uld face 14 years prisonMr Williams says some gay Nigerians may seek asylum untri where homosexual people are accepted, while others will have to go the gay club, spe the jovial atmosphere, there is heightened utn, and no-one is allowed to take any thought of beg intified as beg gay, lbian, bisexual or transgenr a untry where the public still turns to mob jtice hnts some that is a huge ncern for Richard (not his real name): "If you don't bee discreet and try to hi yourself, even the man on the street will want to also act on the bill bee has been passed. Image source, Emma RileyImage ptn, Rad operator Emma Riley was discharged om the Navy for beg a lbian the 1990sRishi Sunak has apologised for the historil treatment of LGBT veterans who were sacked or forced out of the ary for beg PM lled the ban an "appallg failure" of the Brish was illegal to be gay the Brish ary until 2000 - wh thoands of veterans thought to be affected. Addrsg MPs, the prime mister said: "Many endured the most horrific sexual abe and vlence, homophobic bullyg and harassment all while bravely servg this untry.

"The LGBT Veterans Inpennt Review, led by Bra's first openly gay judge Lord Etherton, began last year and heard about the experienc of 1, 145 veterans between 1967 to 2000. Acrdg to the report, the Mistry of Defence said at the time that jtifitn for the policy clud "matenance of operatnal effectivens and efficiency" - but the report said there had been an "prehensible policy of homophobic bigotry" the armed forc.

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It heard shockg acunts of homophobia, bullyg, blackmail, sexual asslts, "disgraceful" medil examatns, and nversn mak 49 remendatns to the ernment cludg:Affected veterans to be given an "appropriate fancial reward" pped at £50m overallThe rtoratn of medals that had to be hand back on dismissal or dischargeThe clarifitn of pensn rights The prentatn of a special veterans' badgeThe ernment said would rpond full after summer of the veterans affected watched the PM's public of them, Emma Riley, 51, was a Royal Navy rad operator for three years before she was arrted and discharged for beg a lbian after tellg a lleague her sexualy the early told BBC News she weled the report, and hoped would be put to place "swiftly.

Carol Man, who was dismissed after tellg her boss she was gay 1978, kept her sexualy secret for another 30 years and said she had been "robbed" of her life. "Olympian Dame Kelly Holm, who served the army and me out as gay last year, lled the publitn of the report a "historic moment", while Cathere Dixon, a former army officer who is now vice chair at Stonewall, said was "an important step towards jtice" for those whose ary reers were "ed" bee of their sexualy.

Many still have a crimal rerd to this also tails how some veterans faced a plete loss of e, while others were emed eligible to claim their pensn bee of their report more than 20 years after four servicemen and women, who were sacked for beg gay, won a se the European Court of Human Rights and overturned the armed forc chary Royal Brish Legn lled on the ernment to accept the report's remendatns chary's director general Charl Byrne weled both the report and Mr Sunak's "landmark apology", sayg many people who had dited their liv to the untry were "forced or felt prsured to leave the armed forc, and this mistreatment stroyed or shortened their reer". - The world's first fe art photography magaze dited to queer and gay 2 - the Pri Issue featur ten photographers om ne untri: AY (UK), David Charl Colls (Atralia), Matthew Fley (USA), Ashish Gupta (India), Manuel Monyo (Mexi), Juan Anton Papagni Me (Argenta), Sebastian Perotti (Argenta), Mric A.

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