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class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ AlertMsage-jgAjgo bVCFRm jEGgOR bmhHIl alert-msage"><p>To revis this article, vis My Profile, then<!-- --> <a href="/acunt/saved">View saved stori</a></p></div><button class="BaseButton-bLlsy ButtonWrapper-xCepQ gJNxgH bSqbcl button button--utily close-alert-button" data-event-click="{"element":"Button"}" data-ttid="Button" role="button" type="button"><span class="ButtonLabel-cjAuJN bBWXSg button__label">Close Alert</span><div class="ButtonInWrapper-gFdzAL bPDyTT button__in-ntaer"><svg class="ButtonIn-YqaGo iwlhuX button-in in in-close" focable="false" viewBox="0 0 32 32" width="32" height="32" xmlns="><path d="M16 14.586l6.364-6.364 1.414 1.414L17.414 16l6.364 6.364-1.414 1.414L16 17.414l-6.364 6.364-1.414-1.414L14.586 16 8.222 9.636l1.414-1.414z" fill-le="nonzero"></path></svg></div></button></div></div><div class="StackedNavigatnSectnLogo-gMsxSu dwOfTV"><a href="/" class="StackedNavigatnLogoLk-byNqXP dmvHfj"><picture 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data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp eiGjZk"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT tPofh"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX gPBNpL bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU cwyjHY bric__lk" href="/answers-and-advice/sex-and-relatnships"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Sex And Relatnships</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd jdcWfa isouMH">What Do It Mean to Be a Top, Bottom, or Vers?</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ eijTxK">Queer sex experts expla what top, bottom, vers mean the bedroom.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearContributorImage-cvjZXn epCAJC"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearContributorImage-cvjZXn epCAJC rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 80w" siz="66px"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 90w" siz="66px"/><img alt="" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></span><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH hdWCIC byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd bCbgyH gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd hSmufO skIR eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/evelyn-ber">Evelyn Ber</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2022-04-13T16:53:49-04:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd dCoEhu bDGyxQ">April 13, 2022</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"><li class="SocialInsListItem-mbhR fxaFQj social-ins__list-em social-ins__list-em--twter social-ins__list-em--standard"><a aria-label="Share on Twter" class="external-lk SocialInExternalLk-huuzOU blkfJb social-ins__lk social-ins__lk--twter" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"><div class="SocialInContaer-huXzUC pMzVC 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2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Image may nta Art Morn Art Patg Human Person and Canvas" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE hTTfoq ptn ContentHearLeadAssetCaptn-hPWmSN hfnsqH"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnText-bHjzlu iUEiRd kvieLQ iXWezO ptn__text">What do mean to be a top, bottom, or verse durg queer sex?</span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd eNhSMp fNaHcW ptn__cred">Max Wtert</span></div></div></figure></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background 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class="external-lk SocialInExternalLk-huuzOU etOOvH social-ins__lk social-ins__lk--email" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"mailto:?subject=How%20Do%20I%20Know%20If%20I'm%20a%20Top%2C%20Bottom%2C%20or%20Vers%3F&" href="mailto:?subject=How%20Do%20I%20Know%20If%20I'm%20a%20Top%2C%20Bottom%2C%20or%20Vers%3F& rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"><div class="SocialInContaer-huXzUC pMzVC social-ins__in-ntaer"><svg class="SocialInNetworkInComponent-cZaKGz dlOAhZ in in-email" focable="false" viewBox="0 0 32 32" width="32" height="32" xmlns="><tle>Email</tle><path d="M6 23h20V9H6v14zm3.631-12H22.37l-6.368 5.661L9.631 11zM24 12.227V21H8v-8.773l8.002 7.109L24 12.227z" fill-le="evenodd"></path></svg></div></a></li></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP bwyLBj"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa bectqB body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Okay, fally happened. You <a href=">matched wh a total hottie</a> on Tr and you’re checkg out their b, but you notice one ltle le at the bottom: total top. You know that has somethg to do wh their sexual preferenc, but what do mean to be a top, bottom, or vers <a href=">durg queer sex</a>? What do your iends mean when they talk about somebody havg “bottom energy,” or when they ll a stranger at a bar a total top?</p><p>Top, bottom, and vers are sexual terms ed to scribe a person’s preferenc bed. While the words “top” and “bottom” were <a href=">first ed to scribe a bary system</a> of both sexual posn and power dynamics, the language has evolved <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">sce the gay leather scene of the 1950s</a>, allowg for a b more wiggle room and personalizatn.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>The most straightforward explanatn is that a <a href=">top prefers to be ntrol</a>, often terpreted as preferrg to perate, while a <a href=">bottom wants to relquish</a> some level of ntrol, often terpreted as wantg to be perated. Someone who is vers fds both posns and power dynamics equally excg. Of urse, this is an oversimplified (and antiquated) answer, as every person has their own boundari and preferenc, even if they share an inty.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Acrdg to <a href=">some theori</a>, the queer muny latched onto g top and bottom as sexual scriptors the 1960s and ‘70s, as queers veloped s <a href=">like flaggg</a> to highlight their sexual preferenc to any terted parti. This was around the same time <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">that vers beme part of the queer lexin</a>.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="cp38m"></div></div><p>Dpe what some may thk, top, bottom, and vers are not terms exclively for queer men, but scriptors that n be ed for any sexual relatnship. Even cishet men get the strap sometim. Many folks top and bottom whout peratn, and no tegorizatn or term is ever all-enpassg.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>Wh all that out of the way, here is a basic ndown of what means to top, bottom, and swch.</p><p><em>Click here to jump to a sectn:</em> <a href="#top"><em>What is a top?</em></a><em>,</em> <a href="#bottom"><em>What is a bottom?</em></a><em>,</em> <a href="#vers"><em>What is vers?</em></a></p><div style="outle:none" id="top" tabx="-1"><h2><strong>What is a top?</strong></h2></div><p>A top is generally scribed as someone who wants to be ntrol durg sex.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="41kuud"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="6igtdl"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa bectqB body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Acrdg to <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Carly S</a>., a pleasure tor at <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Spectm Boutique</a>, toppg n take a variety of forms, but n clu fgerg, givg or receivg oral, peratg wh a penis or strap, or other acts which a top is ntrol of their partner’s pleasure.</p><p>“Beg a top don't necsarily refer to the mechanics of how someone has sex, but the power dynamic where one person is takg the lead, or is more ntrol of what activi you're gog to participate ,” they told <em>Them</em>.</p><p>While the ia that tops are ntrol durg sex is helpful for a general unrstandg, <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Spectm Boutique</a> founr Zoe Ligon explas that standard fns of toppg are sufficient to pture nuanced sexual inti.</p><p>Such fns, she says, “lack all the nuance of a ‘power bottom,’ for stance, who is receivg sexual acts but is ntrol, or a ‘service top,’ who performs the acts but is receivg mands,” she told <em>Them</em>. “Sometim there is no ‘power exchange’ at all, jt sex, or sometim there is no sex act and jt power exchange.”</p><p>Ultimately, toppg is a spectm that clus a wi range of sexual inti. For example, stone tops are ually tops who want to do all the touchg and do not want any reciprol sexual activi. No matter what your partner’s posn preference is, as always, ’s important to make sure you set exact boundari wh all your sexual partners before you engage any sex.</p><h2><strong>How to top durg sex</strong></h2><p>The bt takeaway here is that there is no <a href=">right way to top durg sex</a>. Everybody has different preferenc, and the most helpful thg you n do is munite wh your partner. If you want to take ntrol durg sex, ask your partner what they are terted and what their boundari are.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>It’s important to check wh your partner equently durg sex while you top, as peratn n be paful and everyone has different boundari. Take thgs slow and rpect everyone’s dividual pacy for pa, relaxatn, and fort while they bottom.</p><p>“Jt sayg ‘I'm a top’ do not provi enough rmatn to really know someone's sexual lik and dislik unls you ask them more about , and <em>that</em> is the secret to good sex. Talkg about ,” Ligon said.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="lt95o9"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="RecircMostPopularWrapper-bRuGTi jkTTgR recirc-most-popular-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"><div class="RecircMostPopularConter-jiViNn ktrplG recirc-most-popular-sparrow-trackg hi-asi-ad" data-most-popular-id="mod-most-popular-79"><div class="RecircMostPopularHeadg-iVzhzt jKtkdT">Most Popular</div><ul class="RecircMostPopularItems-dCAajf gqcRrp"><li><div 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class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa bectqB body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Another thg to keep md is that there are an fe number of ways to top. Performance anxiety is perfectly natural, but keep md gettg hard or beg domant aren’t necsary to top.</p><asi aria-hidn="te" class="PullQuoteEmbedWrapper-sc-EoVjf fQbAzo"><div class="PullQuoteDerativeBorr-sc-iUyOLj fAzNVP"></div><div class="PullQuoteEmbedContent-sc-kTcfhx eoUd"><p>“The terms are great jumpg-off pots for discsn, but you n't really make any assumptns about what the terms mean to someone unls you ask,” says Zoe Ligon.</p></div></asi><div style="outle:none" id="bottom" tabx="-1"><h2><strong>What is a bottom?</strong></h2></div><p>Conversely, <a href=">a bottom</a> is somebody who typilly wants to give away ntrol durg sex. Bottoms are ually on the receivg end of sex, as opposed to the givg end. This is a pretty general scriptn, and there’s been a longstandg <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">onle bate</a> about whether somethg like givg head, for example, would be nsired toppg or bottomg.</p><p>“When thkg about a bottom, what to me is more someone that wants to be directed and/or submissive,” <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Jimanekia Eborn</a>, a trma specialist and sexualy tor, told <em>Them</em>.</p><p>However, Carly S. explas that some bottoms n still be assertive and ntrol durg sex.</p><p>As wh toppg, bottomg exists on a spectm. <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Power bottoms</a> are generally bottoms who tell their partner or partners what to do durg sex. <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Bratty bottoms</a> ually like to beltle and mean their tops durg sex by teasg them. Other subtegori of bottomg clu stone bottoms, or <a href=">pillow prcs</a>, who ually only want to be on the receivg end durg sex.</p><p>As always, however, munitn is key regardls of a person’s sexual inty, and figurg out exactly what your partner do or don’t like durg sex, regardls of how they inty, will ensure that everyone has a safe, enjoyable time bed.</p><h2><strong>How to bottom durg sex</strong></h2><p>Acrdg to Ligon, as wh all typ of sex, munitg wh your partner both ahead of time and durg is sential. Make sure you’ve set any necsary boundari and told your partner what you enjoy, and keep them updated. You don’t need to be ntrol to make sure you are fortable and enjoyg the experience.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-3 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>Ligon said no label or tegory n perfectly scribe human existence, which is why munitn is key regardls of sexual inty.</p><div class="GenericCalloutWrapper-tojWn lmBTTa llout--has-top-borr" data-ttid="GenericCallout"><div class="ContentCardEmbedWrapper-kULtsE iGAJsG ntent-rd-embed ntent-rd-embed--stacked" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedWrapper"><div class="ContentCardEmbedImage-iwqgVw jlIubp ntent-rd-embed__image" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedImage"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa rponsive-image"><img alt="An illtratn of a nervo man a bed of flowers." class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/></picture></span></div><div class="ContentCardEmbedInfo-bDftKl bGnSrq"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentCardEmbedHed-kJVPGC iUEiRd gFmvMS cewqFA ntent-rd-embed__hed" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedHed"><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ContentCardEmbedHedLk-eXLwe iUEiRd gFmvMS hRaEiJ eFUKSb ntent-rd-embed__hed-lk" href="/story/gui-to-bottomg-part-1" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedHedLk">How Do I Know if I’m a Bottom?</a></div><div data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedDek" class="ContentCardEmbedDek-bA-DKch hXdQfY">Bottomg 101: Navigatg shame, fear, cursy, and — of urse — pleasure.</div></div></div></div><p>“I enurage people to fe what the terms mean for themselv personally so that they n more specifilly munite needs and wants to a partner, sce no one's a md rear,” she said. “The terms are great jumpg-off pots for discsn, but you n't really make any assumptns about what the terms mean to someone unls you ask.”</p><p>If you aren’t sure about what boundari you have durg sex, Carly suggts <a href=">explorg what feels good</a> to your through <a href=">masturbatn</a>. Peratn be paful at first, so if ’s somethg you want to try as a bottom, <a href=">ttg out sex toys</a> ahead of time n be helpful.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="mclgg2"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="RecircMostPopularWrapper-bRuGTi jkTTgR recirc-most-popular-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"><div class="RecircMostPopularConter-jiViNn ktrplG recirc-most-popular-sparrow-trackg hi-asi-ad" data-most-popular-id="mod-most-popular-80"><div 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irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH ecFEgL byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name">Abby Monteil</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></li><li><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ RecircMostPopularSummaryItem-jQxxiw gmWMTZ ad ad--asi"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--asi" data-no-id="k7ctqe"></div></div></li></ul><div class="RecircMostPopularFooter-enPjgs laPXdt"></div></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="8k9jfw"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa bectqB body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>“Explore on your own first, if that's wh toys or fgers, or jt readg books about how to safely play,” Carly said. “Gog to an experience wh some knowledge will have you feelg more nfint and able to better verbalize your boundari and wants/needs.”</p><asi aria-hidn="te" class="PullQuoteEmbedWrapper-sc-EoVjf fQbAzo"><div class="PullQuoteDerativeBorr-sc-iUyOLj fAzNVP"></div><div class="PullQuoteEmbedContent-sc-kTcfhx eoUd"><p>“If you aspire to be a top, and the most domant thg you do is orr Starbucks, brg that energy to the bedroom," says Shanae Adams.</p></div></asi><div style="outle:none" id="vers" tabx="-1"><h2><strong>What is vers?</strong></h2></div><p>A swch, or vers, is someone who enjoys both toppg and bottomg. Someone who is vers might also like specific parts of toppg and specific parts of bottomg, but not want to take a full on top or bottom role.</p><p>“A vers is a person who n swch between both rol bee they are versatile,” <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Shanae Adams</a>, a sexualy profsnal and tor wh a M.A. Clil Counselg, told <em>Them</em>. “Vers swch based on the activy, the partner, the day of the week, the lor of their panti. They may be motivated to provi the most pleasurable experience for themselv and their partner(s).”</p><h2><strong>How to swch durg sex</strong></h2><p>Adams remends thkg about how you embody top and bottom energy outsi of the bedroom and brgg that to the table when swchg.</p><p>“If you aspire to be a top, and the most domant thg you do is orr Starbucks, brg that energy to the bedroom. Talk to your partner about givg orrs or beg told what to do. If you aspire to be submissive and love how feels to foc on others and not yourself, brg that energy to the bedroom. Make your partner your foc,” Adams said.</p><div class="GenericCalloutWrapper-tojWn iezhXq llout--has-top-borr" data-ttid="GenericCallout"><div class="ContentCardEmbedWrapper-kULtsE iGAJsG ntent-rd-embed ntent-rd-embed--stacked" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedWrapper"><div class="ContentCardEmbedImage-iwqgVw jlIubp ntent-rd-embed__image" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedImage"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa rponsive-image"><img alt="Rahim explas the s and outs of douchg on Netflix's "Sex Edutn."" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="(3)" srcSet="(3) 120w, (3) 240w, (3) 320w, (3) 640w" siz="100vw"/></picture></span></div><div class="ContentCardEmbedInfo-bDftKl bGnSrq"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentCardEmbedHed-kJVPGC iUEiRd gFmvMS cewqFA ntent-rd-embed__hed" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedHed"><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ContentCardEmbedHedLk-eXLwe iUEiRd gFmvMS hRaEiJ eFUKSb ntent-rd-embed__hed-lk" href="/story/how-to-douche-wh-a-water-bottle-cleang-out-bottomg-gui" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedHedLk">How to Douche wh a Water Bottle</a></div><div data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedDek" class="ContentCardEmbedDek-bA-DKch hXdQfY">Cleang up before anal sex n be tricky whout the right tools. Luckily, there's one method that works wherever fe bottled water is sold.</div></div></div></div><p>Fluidy and munitn are key to embracg your versatily durg sex, acrdg to Carly S.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-4 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>“Be flexible and open pendg on how you're feelg and how the dynamic is wh the other person,” Carly said.</p><p>Ultimately, top, bottom, and vers are on a spectm that looks different for everyone. If you don’t feel like any of the labels f you, don’t feel like you have to squeeze yourself to any of them to have fulfillg sex.</p><p>“Do not get so attached to a tle or a label. You do not have to have one, so take some prsure off yourself,” Eborn said. “They n be when you are exprsg for how you may show up sexual activy. But, if none of those feel good for you, you don’t have to e them.”</p><p><em><strong>Get the bt of what's queer.</strong></em> <a href=" target="_blank">Sign up for our weekly newsletter here.</a></p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="6m8v07e"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier article__body"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"><asi class="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper-iBnuqk lfXXa-D" data-ttid="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper"><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-le-barrier" role="prentatn" aria-live="pole" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--paywall-le-barrier"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></asi></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ContentWrapperGrid-fvkmBv brYtrA grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__ntaer"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"></div></div></div></div></div></div></article><div class="ContentFooterWrapper-jVNdRG dTJkpP 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data-recirc-id="em-hed-1" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="/story/tips-and-tricks-for-safe-anal-sex" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ kBFaWv summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">How to Make Bottomg Easier: Tips and Tricks For Safe Anal Sex</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi hYsZi summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY dHMSJg summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH ecFEgL byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd bCbgyH gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Matt Bme</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff fKazuH summary-em summary-em--has-le summary-em--article summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm eIFuYX" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href="/story/how-to-top-gui-to-beg-a-better-top" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz hlQxkn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="How to Top: Our Tips for Beg a Better, Safer Top Bed" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl clSLtF summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX gPBNpL bric SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN lapGFj summary-em__bric"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Sex And Relatnships</span></div><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM dVrbhU summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk--unrle-disable" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="/story/how-to-top-gui-to-beg-a-better-top" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ kBFaWv summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">How to Top: Our Tips for Beg a Better, Safer Top Bed</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi hYsZi summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY dHMSJg summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH ecFEgL byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd bCbgyH gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Matt Bme</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff fKazuH summary-em summary-em--has-le summary-em--article summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm eIFuYX" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href="/story/tiktok-sex-tn-lgbtq-sexualy-onle" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz hlQxkn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="9 TikTokers Who Are Revolutnizg Sex Edutn Onle" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl clSLtF summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX gPBNpL bric SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN lapGFj summary-em__bric"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Sex and Relatnships</span></div><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM dVrbhU summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk--unrle-disable" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="/story/tiktok-sex-tn-lgbtq-sexualy-onle" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ kBFaWv summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">9 TikTokers Who Are Revolutnizg Sex Edutn Onle</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi hYsZi summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY dHMSJg summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH ecFEgL byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd bCbgyH gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Anna Tgley</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm eIFuYX ad ad--read-more"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--read-more" data-no-id="xseff8"></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff fKazuH summary-em summary-em--has-le summary-em--article summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm eIFuYX" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href="/story/how-to-douche-wh-a-water-bottle-cleang-out-bottomg-gui" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-4" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz hlQxkn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="(3) 120w, (3) 240w, (3) 320w, (3) 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="(3) 120w, (3) 240w, (3) 320w, (3) 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="How to Douche wh a Water Bottle" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="(3)"/></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl clSLtF summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX gPBNpL bric SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN lapGFj summary-em__bric"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Sex and Relatnships</span></div><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM dVrbhU summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk--unrle-disable" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-4" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="/story/how-to-douche-wh-a-water-bottle-cleang-out-bottomg-gui" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ kBFaWv summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">How to Douche wh a Water Bottle</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi hYsZi summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY dHMSJg summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH ecFEgL byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd bCbgyH gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Matt Bme</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="SummaryCollectnGridToActnWrapper-gnReGN eGayfk"></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="TaboolaWrapper-hMVdpE iYfBhy"><div class="TaboolaWidgetWrapper-egPIjc hkSrgt TaboolaWidget-eUSdED hQCCRa" data-ttid="TaboolaWidgetWrapper"><div class="TaboolaWidgetContent-iBEQTO eXroXG TABOOLA" id="taboola-below-article-thumbnails---f" data-ttid="TaboolaWidgetContent"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--footer should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--footer" data-no-id="duog6n"></div></div></div></div></div></ma><div class="BasePageMaFooterFiller-hTlZph jSriYf page__ma-footer-filler"></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div 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Contents:

THE INTER IS LOSG IT OVER TOM HOLLAND'S GAY SEX SCENE THE CROWD ROOM

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720pGay hot big black ck Deep Dicc rough fucks twk Adore bareback slut BIR Quickwork PMV by Forthep 5 m5 mForthep123 -. 720pGay Frat Tips: How to Choose the Bt Gay Anal Sex Toys for “Top” or “Bottom&rdquo 5 m5 mJte-Bake.

Sometim referred to as "pillow prcs, " stone bottoms face the bnt of the jok TikTok vios like this one directed at people for specific sexual preferenc wh the queer often suate stone bottoms are "ls gay" or "pretendg to be gay" TikTok vios if they are firm about not wantg to perform sexual acts like oral and peratn on their partners. Legend would have you believe that once you’ve earned your gay rd, a Harry Potter–like ceremony occurs where, stead of the Sortg Hat, a giant magil butt plug divis all gay men to two ho: tops or is clearly not the se, pecially for those people who nsir themselv versatile (HIYA).

The two subdivisns have their own l, stereotyp, and -jok, and n sometim seem as if they’re at war wh each other, rather than both workg together for mutual sexual of this n make tryg different thgs dntg, pecially if you’re a baby gay venturg to this world for the first time. ”Miller argu that gay men should exame their relatnship wh power. But I believe that many gay men pick one si, stick to , and that some of those dividuals choose toppg—you’ll have seen their profil markg them as “masc dom tops” on the apps—bee of s ti to tradnal Miller explas, there are outsi forc that, datg back to the ancient Greeks, have prevented gay men om tly diggg to what sexual behavrs we might actually enjoy.

TOM HOLLAND’S THE CROWD ROOM GAY SEX SCENE SPARKS APPALLG HOMOPHOBIC BACKLASH

Tom Holland plays a character who has gay sex 'The Crowd Room' on AppleTV+. Here are the funnit reactn mem om Twter. * gay sex top bottom *

“What I mean by that, ” he says, “is that cultural forc wh the gay muny prize toppg over bottomg. “Wh bottomg there is the perceptn that you're givg up your masculy bee receivg a penis is somethg that women do, ” Miller Chris Whe, an expert health promotn and the director and prcipal vtigator of the Safe and Supportive Schools Project at the Gay-Straight Alliance Network San Francis, tak this one step further.

”To be (fucked) or not to be (fucked) shouldn’t always be the qutnAcrdg to a 2011 study by The Journal of Sexual Medice that surveyed 25, 000 gay men Ameri about their last sexual enunters, only 36 percent said they had bottomed and 34 percent said they had, realy, we’re not actually fuckg all that much. Adam* said was dangero to e out as gay his home untry and feared beg forced to an arranged marriage wh a said he was "so lucky" to wed his soulmate, Ray, Manchter and wish everyone uld marry who they love.

There are more than 60 untri wh laws that crimalise same-sex sexual acts acrdg to the Internatnal Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Associatn, cludg Sdi Arabia. 'Authentilly myself'Ray said he had also stggled growg up gay the 1970s and 80s England, which was "tough" said his relig school "dmmed to you, 'you are gog to hell'" Adam returned home to Sdi Arabia, spe beg more than 3, 000 apart and later rtricted by the Covid-19 panmic, they kept touch daily and the romance years ago, Ray proposed on a vio ll and after succsfully applyg for a UK fiancé visa, Adam moved to Manchter December 2022.

MY FEMALE FRIEND THKS HAVG SEX WH ME WILL SOLVE ALL HER SEXUAL PROBLEMS. UM, I’M GAY.

Tom Holland's gay sex scene The Crowd Room on Apple TV sparks appallg homophobic backlash. * gay sex top bottom *

Adam said he had been aaid to even wear lours his home untry so the first thg he did when he moved was start to "grow my mullet, got my ears pierced and booked appotments for tattoos" relled how, ntrast, one of his gay iends Sdi had been forced to marry a woman, addg: "It has ed not only his life but the life of his wife.

The uple, who live London, said a "really betiful memory" was on the way home when one of their sons shouted out of the black b wdow to Trafalgar Square, "My dads jt got married" and cheered "Yay, gay marriage".

When public cisg and park sex were mon featur of gay life (the 70s, 80s), was impossible to know if the hot guy you followed to the bh was a top or bottom. Bizarrely, a time when gay and lbian sexual inti have expand to ls labeled, more flexible terms -- queer, fluid, and so on -- sex rol have never been more rigid, thanks to apps. An entire cleanls and douchg dtry has spng up the last forty years that has preyed heavily on the fears and exploed them -- you n fd many douchg products marketed exclively to gay men.

I’M 43 – BUT I’M MA TO FEEL LIKE A DOSR BY YOUNGER GAY MEN

‘In gay years, you’re rather past your sell-by date, aren’t you?’ the person ont of me said, raisg an eyebrow.  * gay sex top bottom *

Anecdotally, seems gay men Europe are ls sh-phobic than Amerin guys, and gay men of a certa age (anyone who fucked around the 70s and 80s) remember a time when gay men didn't really douche often, so they re ls about makg a ltle ms, particularly if means havg lots of fun. Tom Holland has been fend by fans over The Crowd Room backlash ( Picture: Apple TV)Tom Holland has been fend by fans om homophobic backlash over a sex scene The Crowd Room. While the moment set social media alight wh praise, also enuraged bigots to plague Twter wh homophobic remarks.

BOTTOM ON TOP GAY PORN VIOS

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‘It only took Tom Holland dog one gay scene for Twter to explo to homophobic rants, agile masculy & toxic behavur, ’ wrote on fan. Another agreed: ‘People makg homophobic jok about this need to unrstand that the hallmark of a good actor is lettg yourself be open to new rol that challenge you. ‘The way how y’all are rpondg to Tom Holland actg a f**kg SHOW is beyond juvenile and homophobic, ’ fumed a third, and their cri were thankfully echoed by so many others.

In any sexual enunter, gay, straight, or otherwise, one person typilly assum the domant role while the other tak on a submissive role the bedroom. But while tops and bottoms are equal, their differg rol do e wh different health issu and rponsibili that every gay and bisexual man should be well rmed about, regardls of sexual posn.

In terms of foc and clary, this discsn will sgularly foc on TopDefn: The sertive partner anal sex between cisgenr gay men (blogil men who intify as men), or transgenr gay men, or ontal, vagal sex wh transgenr gay men. For a top who is HIV-posive, matag an untectable viral load through nsistent e of meditn and re is the bt method of protectg himself om transmtg the BottomDefn: The receptive partner same-sex anal sex for cisgenr gay men or transgenr gay men, or ontal, vagal sex wh transgenr gay men. Popular myth: If an HIV-posive guy is always the bottom, he will never transm the Simply put, a gay man who bottoms is more at risk for HIV.

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role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-hero"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><ma id="ma-ntent" tabx="-1" class="BasePageMaContent-kFvAuh ewPCZH page__ma-ntent"><article class="article ma-ntent" lang="en-US"><div class="ArticlePageLeBackground-EufvU tFsh"><hear class="ContentHearWrapper-clujbs kaZCaf ntent-hear article__ntent-hear"><div data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp cCntXd"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT eRFpQc"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kpuNXj bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fTtYjx bric__lk" href="/culture"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Culture</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd jPOabC BjYFU">It’s Time to Take Your Temperature on Toppg and Bottomg</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ eASNBN">Top? Bottom? Vers? Some batn of the above? Here’s how to figure out what’s right for you.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH gtxxjM byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fhQbnq dzFUnH eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/alim-kheraj">Alim Kheraj</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2018-06-07T08:00:00-04:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd ivrQAn cZpOSL">June 7, 2018</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP fEknXh lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc Grck lead-asset--width-fullbleed" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz bDeLJQ"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="This image may nta Magnifyg" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE dVZQpq ptn ContentHearLeadAssetCaptn-hPWmSN XczIg"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd cdsJgg fNaHcW ptn__cred">Illtratn by Alicia Tatone</span></div></div></figure></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg ctaZl social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP eRxRjL"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Legend would have you believe that once you’ve earned your gay rd, a <em>Harry Potter</em>–like ceremony occurs where, stead of the Sortg Hat, a giant magil butt plug divis all gay men to two ho: tops or bottoms.</p><p>This is clearly not the se, pecially for those people who nsir themselv versatile (<em>HIYA</em>). But often, perative sex n feel divid to rigid bari that make beg a top or a bottom seem like a cult you’ve signed up to for life, and one that you have to clare as soon as two (or more) nsentg men ci to take their cloth off and b up agast each other. The two subdivisns have their own l, stereotyp, and -jok, and n sometim seem as if they’re at war wh each other, rather than both workg together for mutual sexual pleasure.</p><p>All of this n make tryg different thgs dntg, pecially if you’re a baby gay venturg to this world for the first time. But ought not to be impossible to sexually swch thgs up. Sure, people have a preference, but now uld be the perfect time to pe the top or bottom prison you live . So, wh the help of some experts, let’s take a moment to dismantle what you thk you know about toppg and bottomg. It uld open up a world of possibili.</p><hr/><div role="headg" aria-level="4" class="headg-h4">It’s time to disver what works for you</div><p>Human begs are very good at tryg somethg once and cidg fely that we don’t like . In the se of anal sex, this is ually bee of an experience om when we were young and hadn’t que realized the importance of lube (<em>USE LOTS OF LUBE</em>). So how do you go about ttg new waters?</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>“I believe what I ll takg your erotic temperature,” explas Woody Miller, the thor of the books <em>How to Bottom Like a Porn Star</em> and <em>How to Top Like a Stud</em>, “which is basilly havg a nversatn wh yourself about what is you like.”</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>Miller argu that gay men should exame their relatnship wh power. Where do you align when to beg domant or submissive? One way to qutn this, he poss, is to approach somethg other than perative sex.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="rxkdqq"></div></div><p>“Look at kissg,” he says. “If you iated the kiss, you're the domant one. If you received the kiss, you're the submissive one. There is no aspect of sex that don't have, at s re, an aspect of power. So part of the thg that you have to ask yourself is, 'What am I fortable wh? Do I like iatg sex? Do I like tellg my partner what to do, or do I like beg told what to do?’ ”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>What’s important is that there might not be a right or wrong answer to this. You might like takg your r for a service jt as much as servicg yourself. That’s part of the fun, right?</p><div role="headg" aria-level="4" class="headg-h4">Realize what’s stoppg you om experimentg</div><p>Clearly, if you’ve tried toppg and bottomg a few tim and figured out which of them is for you, that’s great. But I believe that many gay men pick one si, stick to , and that some of those dividuals choose toppg—you’ll have seen their profil markg them as “masc dom tops” on the apps—bee of s ti to tradnal masculy.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="bp3mr"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="960h0t"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>As Miller explas, there are outsi forc that, datg back to the ancient Greeks, have prevented gay men om tly diggg to what sexual behavrs we might actually enjoy. “What I mean by that,” he says, “is that cultural forc wh the gay muny prize toppg over bottomg.”</p><p>The ongog fetishizatn of masculy means that the tradnally submissive role of the bottom is associated wh effemacy. “Wh bottomg there is the perceptn that you're givg up your masculy bee receivg a penis is somethg that women do,” Miller adds.</p><p>Dr. Chris Whe, an expert health promotn and the director and prcipal vtigator of the Safe and Supportive Schools Project at the Gay-Straight Alliance Network San Francis, tak this one step further. “If you're a bottom, you’re sometim seen as a slut,” he says. “You don't ever hear tops beg lled sluts, jt bottoms. So there's some shamg there. And 's feme type shamg, as well. Not only are you sayg that 's more mascule to be a top, but you're sayg that you should be ashamed to be a bottom.”</p><p>Basilly, uld be time to serly check yourself and ask exactly why you don’t like bottomg (or toppg, TBH). If you believe that toppg is preferable bee don’t threaten your masculy, then have a strong word wh yourself. Siarly, if you’re a bottom-only queen, ask yourself why. Not gettg fucked don’t make you any ls gay.</p><div role="headg" aria-level="4" class="headg-h4">Your sexual posn isn’t your inty</div><p>Let’s ll bullsh on the ncept that if two people are tops they’re patible, bee the posns that you enjoy don’t fe who you are. “I thk that's part of the problem. We've lerally ma inti out of sexual posns,” Miller says. “It’s a sexual thought prison.”</p><p>Of urse, if someone knows that they only really enjoy one aspect of peratn, then let’s not disunt that. But as wh everythg sexual, the thgs are ually on a spectm that is often ntextual. “It n change pendg on where you are your life, how old you are, how f you're feelg, and what you're the mood for,” Whe says. “If you thk about people's everyday behavrs, I don't know if there's a difference between someone who acts or across as more mascule and the role that they play sex. We like to pretend that there are, but they're not necsarily te.”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>Sure, clarg a preference if you’re on the hunt for a quickie will save time and energy, but don’t get all ught up labels. There’s really not an eternal sparklg srlet letter markg you wh a “T” or a “B.”</p><div role="headg" aria-level="4" class="headg-h4">To be (fucked) or not to be (fucked) shouldn’t always be the qutn</div><p>Acrdg to a 2011 study by <em>The Journal of Sexual Medice</em> that surveyed 25,000 gay men Ameri about their last sexual enunters, only 36 percent said they had bottomed and 34 percent said they had topped.</p><p>So, realy, we’re not actually fuckg all that much. It mak turng someone down if they don’t match your preference, pecially if ’s jt for a one-off, even more prepostero. “We seem to place more psychologil importance on anal sex than physil importance, bee we're not dog that often,” Miller says. “So why are we makg such a big al out of ?”</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="v7j0t8"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs 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