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class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ AlertMsage-jgAjgo bVCFRm jEGgOR bmhHIl alert-msage"><p>To revis this article, vis My Profile, then<!-- --> <a href="/acunt/saved">View saved stori</a></p></div><button class="BaseButton-bLlsy ButtonWrapper-xCepQ gJNxgH bSqbcl button button--utily close-alert-button" data-event-click="{"element":"Button"}" data-ttid="Button" role="button" type="button"><span class="ButtonLabel-cjAuJN bBWXSg button__label">Close Alert</span><div class="ButtonInWrapper-gFdzAL bPDyTT button__in-ntaer"><svg class="ButtonIn-YqaGo iwlhuX button-in in in-close" focable="false" viewBox="0 0 32 32" width="32" height="32" xmlns="><path d="M16 14.586l6.364-6.364 1.414 1.414L17.414 16l6.364 6.364-1.414 1.414L16 17.414l-6.364 6.364-1.414-1.414L14.586 16 8.222 9.636l1.414-1.414z" fill-le="nonzero"></path></svg></div></button></div></div><div class="StackedNavigatnSectnLogo-gMsxSu dwOfTV"><a href="/" class="StackedNavigatnLogoLk-byNqXP dmvHfj"><picture 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data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp eiGjZk"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT tPofh"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX gPBNpL bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU cwyjHY bric__lk" href="/answers-and-advice/sex-and-relatnships"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Sex And Relatnships</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd jdcWfa isouMH">What Do It Mean to Be a Top, Bottom, or Vers?</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ eijTxK">Queer sex experts expla what top, bottom, vers mean the bedroom.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearContributorImage-cvjZXn epCAJC"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearContributorImage-cvjZXn epCAJC rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 80w" siz="66px"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 90w" siz="66px"/><img alt="" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></span><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH hdWCIC byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd bCbgyH gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd hSmufO skIR eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/evelyn-ber">Evelyn Ber</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2022-04-13T16:53:49-04:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd dCoEhu bDGyxQ">April 13, 2022</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"><li class="SocialInsListItem-mbhR fxaFQj social-ins__list-em social-ins__list-em--twter social-ins__list-em--standard"><a aria-label="Share on Twter" class="external-lk SocialInExternalLk-huuzOU blkfJb social-ins__lk social-ins__lk--twter" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"><div class="SocialInContaer-huXzUC pMzVC 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2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Image may nta Art Morn Art Patg Human Person and Canvas" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE hTTfoq ptn ContentHearLeadAssetCaptn-hPWmSN hfnsqH"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnText-bHjzlu iUEiRd kvieLQ iXWezO ptn__text">What do mean to be a top, bottom, or verse durg queer sex?</span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd eNhSMp fNaHcW ptn__cred">Max Wtert</span></div></div></figure></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background 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class="external-lk SocialInExternalLk-huuzOU etOOvH social-ins__lk social-ins__lk--email" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"mailto:?subject=How%20Do%20I%20Know%20If%20I'm%20a%20Top%2C%20Bottom%2C%20or%20Vers%3F&" href="mailto:?subject=How%20Do%20I%20Know%20If%20I'm%20a%20Top%2C%20Bottom%2C%20or%20Vers%3F& rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"><div class="SocialInContaer-huXzUC pMzVC social-ins__in-ntaer"><svg class="SocialInNetworkInComponent-cZaKGz dlOAhZ in in-email" focable="false" viewBox="0 0 32 32" width="32" height="32" xmlns="><tle>Email</tle><path d="M6 23h20V9H6v14zm3.631-12H22.37l-6.368 5.661L9.631 11zM24 12.227V21H8v-8.773l8.002 7.109L24 12.227z" fill-le="evenodd"></path></svg></div></a></li></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP bwyLBj"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa bectqB body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Okay, fally happened. You <a href=">matched wh a total hottie</a> on Tr and you’re checkg out their b, but you notice one ltle le at the bottom: total top. You know that has somethg to do wh their sexual preferenc, but what do mean to be a top, bottom, or vers <a href=">durg queer sex</a>? What do your iends mean when they talk about somebody havg “bottom energy,” or when they ll a stranger at a bar a total top?</p><p>Top, bottom, and vers are sexual terms ed to scribe a person’s preferenc bed. While the words “top” and “bottom” were <a href=">first ed to scribe a bary system</a> of both sexual posn and power dynamics, the language has evolved <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">sce the gay leather scene of the 1950s</a>, allowg for a b more wiggle room and personalizatn.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>The most straightforward explanatn is that a <a href=">top prefers to be ntrol</a>, often terpreted as preferrg to perate, while a <a href=">bottom wants to relquish</a> some level of ntrol, often terpreted as wantg to be perated. Someone who is vers fds both posns and power dynamics equally excg. Of urse, this is an oversimplified (and antiquated) answer, as every person has their own boundari and preferenc, even if they share an inty.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Acrdg to <a href=">some theori</a>, the queer muny latched onto g top and bottom as sexual scriptors the 1960s and ‘70s, as queers veloped s <a href=">like flaggg</a> to highlight their sexual preferenc to any terted parti. This was around the same time <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">that vers beme part of the queer lexin</a>.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="cp38m"></div></div><p>Dpe what some may thk, top, bottom, and vers are not terms exclively for queer men, but scriptors that n be ed for any sexual relatnship. Even cishet men get the strap sometim. Many folks top and bottom whout peratn, and no tegorizatn or term is ever all-enpassg.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>Wh all that out of the way, here is a basic ndown of what means to top, bottom, and swch.</p><p><em>Click here to jump to a sectn:</em> <a href="#top"><em>What is a top?</em></a><em>,</em> <a href="#bottom"><em>What is a bottom?</em></a><em>,</em> <a href="#vers"><em>What is vers?</em></a></p><div style="outle:none" id="top" tabx="-1"><h2><strong>What is a top?</strong></h2></div><p>A top is generally scribed as someone who wants to be ntrol durg sex.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="41kuud"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="6igtdl"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa bectqB body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Acrdg to <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Carly S</a>., a pleasure tor at <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Spectm Boutique</a>, toppg n take a variety of forms, but n clu fgerg, givg or receivg oral, peratg wh a penis or strap, or other acts which a top is ntrol of their partner’s pleasure.</p><p>“Beg a top don't necsarily refer to the mechanics of how someone has sex, but the power dynamic where one person is takg the lead, or is more ntrol of what activi you're gog to participate ,” they told <em>Them</em>.</p><p>While the ia that tops are ntrol durg sex is helpful for a general unrstandg, <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Spectm Boutique</a> founr Zoe Ligon explas that standard fns of toppg are sufficient to pture nuanced sexual inti.</p><p>Such fns, she says, “lack all the nuance of a ‘power bottom,’ for stance, who is receivg sexual acts but is ntrol, or a ‘service top,’ who performs the acts but is receivg mands,” she told <em>Them</em>. “Sometim there is no ‘power exchange’ at all, jt sex, or sometim there is no sex act and jt power exchange.”</p><p>Ultimately, toppg is a spectm that clus a wi range of sexual inti. For example, stone tops are ually tops who want to do all the touchg and do not want any reciprol sexual activi. No matter what your partner’s posn preference is, as always, ’s important to make sure you set exact boundari wh all your sexual partners before you engage any sex.</p><h2><strong>How to top durg sex</strong></h2><p>The bt takeaway here is that there is no <a href=">right way to top durg sex</a>. Everybody has different preferenc, and the most helpful thg you n do is munite wh your partner. If you want to take ntrol durg sex, ask your partner what they are terted and what their boundari are.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>It’s important to check wh your partner equently durg sex while you top, as peratn n be paful and everyone has different boundari. Take thgs slow and rpect everyone’s dividual pacy for pa, relaxatn, and fort while they bottom.</p><p>“Jt sayg ‘I'm a top’ do not provi enough rmatn to really know someone's sexual lik and dislik unls you ask them more about , and <em>that</em> is the secret to good sex. Talkg about ,” Ligon said.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="lt95o9"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="RecircMostPopularWrapper-bRuGTi jkTTgR recirc-most-popular-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"><div class="RecircMostPopularConter-jiViNn ktrplG recirc-most-popular-sparrow-trackg hi-asi-ad" data-most-popular-id="mod-most-popular-79"><div class="RecircMostPopularHeadg-iVzhzt jKtkdT">Most Popular</div><ul class="RecircMostPopularItems-dCAajf gqcRrp"><li><div 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class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa bectqB body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Another thg to keep md is that there are an fe number of ways to top. Performance anxiety is perfectly natural, but keep md gettg hard or beg domant aren’t necsary to top.</p><asi aria-hidn="te" class="PullQuoteEmbedWrapper-sc-EoVjf fQbAzo"><div class="PullQuoteDerativeBorr-sc-iUyOLj fAzNVP"></div><div class="PullQuoteEmbedContent-sc-kTcfhx eoUd"><p>“The terms are great jumpg-off pots for discsn, but you n't really make any assumptns about what the terms mean to someone unls you ask,” says Zoe Ligon.</p></div></asi><div style="outle:none" id="bottom" tabx="-1"><h2><strong>What is a bottom?</strong></h2></div><p>Conversely, <a href=">a bottom</a> is somebody who typilly wants to give away ntrol durg sex. Bottoms are ually on the receivg end of sex, as opposed to the givg end. This is a pretty general scriptn, and there’s been a longstandg <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">onle bate</a> about whether somethg like givg head, for example, would be nsired toppg or bottomg.</p><p>“When thkg about a bottom, what to me is more someone that wants to be directed and/or submissive,” <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Jimanekia Eborn</a>, a trma specialist and sexualy tor, told <em>Them</em>.</p><p>However, Carly S. explas that some bottoms n still be assertive and ntrol durg sex.</p><p>As wh toppg, bottomg exists on a spectm. <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Power bottoms</a> are generally bottoms who tell their partner or partners what to do durg sex. <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Bratty bottoms</a> ually like to beltle and mean their tops durg sex by teasg them. Other subtegori of bottomg clu stone bottoms, or <a href=">pillow prcs</a>, who ually only want to be on the receivg end durg sex.</p><p>As always, however, munitn is key regardls of a person’s sexual inty, and figurg out exactly what your partner do or don’t like durg sex, regardls of how they inty, will ensure that everyone has a safe, enjoyable time bed.</p><h2><strong>How to bottom durg sex</strong></h2><p>Acrdg to Ligon, as wh all typ of sex, munitg wh your partner both ahead of time and durg is sential. Make sure you’ve set any necsary boundari and told your partner what you enjoy, and keep them updated. You don’t need to be ntrol to make sure you are fortable and enjoyg the experience.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-3 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>Ligon said no label or tegory n perfectly scribe human existence, which is why munitn is key regardls of sexual inty.</p><div class="GenericCalloutWrapper-tojWn lmBTTa llout--has-top-borr" data-ttid="GenericCallout"><div class="ContentCardEmbedWrapper-kULtsE iGAJsG ntent-rd-embed ntent-rd-embed--stacked" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedWrapper"><div class="ContentCardEmbedImage-iwqgVw jlIubp ntent-rd-embed__image" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedImage"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa rponsive-image"><img alt="An illtratn of a nervo man a bed of flowers." class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/></picture></span></div><div class="ContentCardEmbedInfo-bDftKl bGnSrq"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentCardEmbedHed-kJVPGC iUEiRd gFmvMS cewqFA ntent-rd-embed__hed" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedHed"><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ContentCardEmbedHedLk-eXLwe iUEiRd gFmvMS hRaEiJ eFUKSb ntent-rd-embed__hed-lk" href="/story/gui-to-bottomg-part-1" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedHedLk">How Do I Know if I’m a Bottom?</a></div><div data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedDek" class="ContentCardEmbedDek-bA-DKch hXdQfY">Bottomg 101: Navigatg shame, fear, cursy, and — of urse — pleasure.</div></div></div></div><p>“I enurage people to fe what the terms mean for themselv personally so that they n more specifilly munite needs and wants to a partner, sce no one's a md rear,” she said. “The terms are great jumpg-off pots for discsn, but you n't really make any assumptns about what the terms mean to someone unls you ask.”</p><p>If you aren’t sure about what boundari you have durg sex, Carly suggts <a href=">explorg what feels good</a> to your through <a href=">masturbatn</a>. Peratn be paful at first, so if ’s somethg you want to try as a bottom, <a href=">ttg out sex toys</a> ahead of time n be helpful.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="mclgg2"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="RecircMostPopularWrapper-bRuGTi jkTTgR recirc-most-popular-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"><div class="RecircMostPopularConter-jiViNn ktrplG recirc-most-popular-sparrow-trackg hi-asi-ad" data-most-popular-id="mod-most-popular-80"><div 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irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH ecFEgL byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name">Abby Monteil</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></li><li><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ RecircMostPopularSummaryItem-jQxxiw gmWMTZ ad ad--asi"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--asi" data-no-id="k7ctqe"></div></div></li></ul><div class="RecircMostPopularFooter-enPjgs laPXdt"></div></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="8k9jfw"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa bectqB body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>“Explore on your own first, if that's wh toys or fgers, or jt readg books about how to safely play,” Carly said. “Gog to an experience wh some knowledge will have you feelg more nfint and able to better verbalize your boundari and wants/needs.”</p><asi aria-hidn="te" class="PullQuoteEmbedWrapper-sc-EoVjf fQbAzo"><div class="PullQuoteDerativeBorr-sc-iUyOLj fAzNVP"></div><div class="PullQuoteEmbedContent-sc-kTcfhx eoUd"><p>“If you aspire to be a top, and the most domant thg you do is orr Starbucks, brg that energy to the bedroom," says Shanae Adams.</p></div></asi><div style="outle:none" id="vers" tabx="-1"><h2><strong>What is vers?</strong></h2></div><p>A swch, or vers, is someone who enjoys both toppg and bottomg. Someone who is vers might also like specific parts of toppg and specific parts of bottomg, but not want to take a full on top or bottom role.</p><p>“A vers is a person who n swch between both rol bee they are versatile,” <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Shanae Adams</a>, a sexualy profsnal and tor wh a M.A. Clil Counselg, told <em>Them</em>. “Vers swch based on the activy, the partner, the day of the week, the lor of their panti. They may be motivated to provi the most pleasurable experience for themselv and their partner(s).”</p><h2><strong>How to swch durg sex</strong></h2><p>Adams remends thkg about how you embody top and bottom energy outsi of the bedroom and brgg that to the table when swchg.</p><p>“If you aspire to be a top, and the most domant thg you do is orr Starbucks, brg that energy to the bedroom. Talk to your partner about givg orrs or beg told what to do. If you aspire to be submissive and love how feels to foc on others and not yourself, brg that energy to the bedroom. Make your partner your foc,” Adams said.</p><div class="GenericCalloutWrapper-tojWn iezhXq llout--has-top-borr" data-ttid="GenericCallout"><div class="ContentCardEmbedWrapper-kULtsE iGAJsG ntent-rd-embed ntent-rd-embed--stacked" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedWrapper"><div class="ContentCardEmbedImage-iwqgVw jlIubp ntent-rd-embed__image" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedImage"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa rponsive-image"><img alt="Rahim explas the s and outs of douchg on Netflix's "Sex Edutn."" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="(3)" srcSet="(3) 120w, (3) 240w, (3) 320w, (3) 640w" siz="100vw"/></picture></span></div><div class="ContentCardEmbedInfo-bDftKl bGnSrq"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentCardEmbedHed-kJVPGC iUEiRd gFmvMS cewqFA ntent-rd-embed__hed" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedHed"><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ContentCardEmbedHedLk-eXLwe iUEiRd gFmvMS hRaEiJ eFUKSb ntent-rd-embed__hed-lk" href="/story/how-to-douche-wh-a-water-bottle-cleang-out-bottomg-gui" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedHedLk">How to Douche wh a Water Bottle</a></div><div data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedDek" class="ContentCardEmbedDek-bA-DKch hXdQfY">Cleang up before anal sex n be tricky whout the right tools. Luckily, there's one method that works wherever fe bottled water is sold.</div></div></div></div><p>Fluidy and munitn are key to embracg your versatily durg sex, acrdg to Carly S.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-4 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>“Be flexible and open pendg on how you're feelg and how the dynamic is wh the other person,” Carly said.</p><p>Ultimately, top, bottom, and vers are on a spectm that looks different for everyone. If you don’t feel like any of the labels f you, don’t feel like you have to squeeze yourself to any of them to have fulfillg sex.</p><p>“Do not get so attached to a tle or a label. You do not have to have one, so take some prsure off yourself,” Eborn said. “They n be when you are exprsg for how you may show up sexual activy. But, if none of those feel good for you, you don’t have to e them.”</p><p><em><strong>Get the bt of what's queer.</strong></em> <a href=" target="_blank">Sign up for our weekly newsletter here.</a></p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="6m8v07e"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow 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href="/story/how-to-top-gui-to-beg-a-better-top" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ kBFaWv summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">How to Top: Our Tips for Beg a Better, Safer Top Bed</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi hYsZi summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY dHMSJg summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH ecFEgL byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd bCbgyH gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Matt 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href="/story/tiktok-sex-tn-lgbtq-sexualy-onle" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ kBFaWv summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">9 TikTokers Who Are Revolutnizg Sex Edutn Onle</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi hYsZi summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY dHMSJg summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH ecFEgL byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd bCbgyH gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Anna 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