Gay Men and Straight Men as Friends | Psychology Today

Contents:

• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• CAN I TLY JT BE FRIENDS WH SOMEONE WHO IS ALSO GAY?
• HOW TO MAKE IENDS AS A GAY MAN
• WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN MAKE THE BT OF FRIENDS
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• HOW TO GET A GAY MALE FRIEND (FOR GIRLS)
• HOW TO TALK WH A GAY OR LBIAN PERSON
• WHY DO WOMEN PREFER GAY MEN AS FRIENDS?
• HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY
• BEG IENDS WH GAY PEOPLE
• MORE IENDSHIPS BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN ULD MAKE EVERYBODY HAPPIER
• MEN AND WOMEN AS FRIENDS – WHEN ONE IS GAY OR LBIAN

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

McKellan is a gay man who me out 1988, and although 33 years have passed sce he me out, n still be shockg to the world to see such a close same-sex iendship that cross sexual inti. Along wh his supervisor, Robb Travers, he lnched a study that surveyed 350 straight men and 275 gay or bisexual men om across North Ameri.

Siar to qutns that loom about whether straight men and women n ever tly be platonic iends, the same qutn lgers over the iendships between gay and straight men.

In days past, this may have seemed as unlikely as a iendship between a ln and a moe, given the tradnally high levels of homophobia among straight men. McKie’s rearch reported that straight participants felt that a gay iend ma for the ultimate wgman bee the gay iend uld help to attract prospective partners for the straight iend.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

Other rearch has shown that women prefer iendships wh gay vers straight men, partly bee the threat or loomg qutn of sexual attractn is renred moot. However, straight men bromosexual iendships have perhaps learned how to harns this ease of iendship between straight women and gay men for their own advantage.

McKie noted that the straight men felt their gay iend was able to make succsful troductns to straight women bee the women tsted their gay male iends to troduce them to a good person. Gay men McKie’s rearch reported that their straight male iends often play the role of ‘matchmaker’ and troduce them to another of their gay iends.

CAN I TLY JT BE FRIENDS WH SOMEONE WHO IS ALSO GAY?

The lack of petn for the same prospective partners allows the iendship to flourish a way that may be hred to some gree for gay or straight men iendships wh men who share the same sexual orientatn. Straight men also reported havg more emotnally vulnerable nversatns wh their gay iends bee they felt safer to do so, relative to attemptg to discs siar topics wh other straight men. McKie’s rearch found that straight men livg the more central parts of Canada and the Uned Stat were ls likely to report a willgns or tert havg a gay man as a iend.

Sex the Cy, Will and Grace), though a lot ls has been said about how gay and straight men regnize and negotiate the distct challeng, plitns, and rewards of their iendships. S., before there was such a thg as a gay inty, some straight men would, wh ltle shame, engage sexual ntact wh other men (ually allowg themselv to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see Gee Chncey’s semal book, Gay New York: Genr, Urban Culture, and the Makg of the Gay Male World 1890-1940) and there is good reason to believe this still occurs other untri and cultur. Gay men have suffered physil, social, and psychologil abe at the hands of heterosexually intified mal who, thanks to homophobia and heterosexism, felt fully jtified flictg the terrors.

This legacy of vlence, both physil and psychologil, flicted by straight men toward those of who are gay naturally fuels our utn and distst at the thought of beiendg them. For the straight guy, iendship wh a gay man offers the opportuny to learn important lsons about masculy, male inty, sexual orientatn, and diversy. As the quote go: You n never have too many iends—and iendships between gay and straight guys n be healg and uniquely satisfyg for all volved.

HOW TO MAKE IENDS AS A GAY MAN

We currently have a survey vtigatn unrway that explor some of the posive out of “bromosexual” iendships, cludg our theory that gay men and straight men n be optimal wg men for one another.

WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN MAKE THE BT OF FRIENDS

Gay men – particularly those nservative and ral environments – rema wary about tryg to beiend straight men, fearg prejudice-fueled rejectn.

At the same time, many straight men still doubt that they’ll be able to relate to gay men any meangful way and, for this reason, may not try to iate a iendship. If they’re open-md about beiendg gay men and make the effort to try to fe iendships based upon mon terts, gay men should feel more fortable reciprotg.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

Gay men who disclose their sexual orientatn to their straight male iends earlier life may be able to build more open and hont iendships wh them to adulthood. Send, recent rearch has argued that genr and sexual orientatn might not be as black and whe as prevly thought, which opens up new avenu for explorg how gay and straight men n relate to one another.

If a straight guy and his gay male iend are ls rigid about their masculy and sexualy, they’ll probably be more likely to discs tails about their sexual and romantic liv openly wh one another. In short, women are able to tst the datg advice om gay male iends bee they know their gay iends don’t have any ulterr motiv: They’re not tryg to hook up wh them or pete wh them for guys. Jt as a gay man might be able to pass on advice about women to his straight iend, a straight man uld nnect his gay male iend wh another sirable gay man, sce neher the gay man nor his straight iend are petg for the same person.

HOW TO GET A GAY MALE FRIEND (FOR GIRLS)

We believe that havg a tstworthy nfidant to help wh romantic pursus is one of the major reasons straight and gay men are leavg the fort of their same-sex, same-orientatn iend groups to form “bromosexual” iendships. You n not get out of this by sayg gay men n be iends wh straight men and nothg will ever happen — as an example — this is based on there beg the potential for more… but never happeng nor even beg sired by eher person. I would have to thk of a part of this wh the ntext of this pot, I don’t thk that every gay guy I have as a iend onle or real life is one where eher one of feels like somethg outsi of jt iendship will velop.

I know, you n tell me all you want that the girl beg good iends wh the gay guy is a mon relatnship and I know that do feed to the argument that ’s harr for gay guys to be iends wh other gay guys. I asked Mike this qutn if he thks that gay guys n be iends whout the thought of takg the relatnship further and he said he wasn’t sure eher.

HOW TO TALK WH A GAY OR LBIAN PERSON

I thk that if the iends set the boundari early on and make the expectatns clear, then a healthy relatnship wh two gay men as iends and only iends is an achievable and amazg back to thk about , I did have a uple of iendships the past where never got past iendship and neher one of exprsed any tert.

I do still have man csh on other men than Mike om time to time, pecially gay guys, but for the most part, I would never want to take those relatnships or iendships past the iendship level. I know happens often but ’s not every gay 8 OF 31 OF THE JULY THINK THEN RETHINK WRITING CHALLENGEChallenge Communy Group: Autistic Widower (“AJ”), Brett Jenae Toml, Vidya Sury, Collectg S, Trisha Faye, Karen Schwartz, NancyO, Katie Michaelson, Bernie Pullen, Michelle Jimerson Morris, Amy Franc, Julia A.

Jo me for a ffee and a chat the upg episo of my podst for gay men ‘Connectn over Coffee wh The Lonels Guy’ om Thursday 11 November THE MAILING LISTBUY ME A COFFEE TO SAY THANKSREAD ANOTHER BLOGLISTEN TO THE PODCASTGET IN CONTACTHOMEImportant notice: All views exprsed above are my own/the thors and are tend to support, challenge and spire gay men to nsir the issue of lonels and crease awarens of the need for thentic nnectn wh themselv, wh others and their muni as an antidote to chronic lonels. The thors suggt the possibily that gay men may pete for mat the same way that straight women do wh each other, though they note remas to be studied. In orr to vtigate whether straight women and gay men see each other as the most tstworthy advisers on matters of the heart, the thors vised a clever puter task.

WHY DO WOMEN PREFER GAY MEN AS FRIENDS?

Naturally, the straight female target profile picture was different than that of gay and straight mal (the same was ed for both); sexual preference was tailored acrdgly. Straight women perceived the romantic advice of gay men to be signifintly more tstworthy than that of straight men and women, who were equally ls helpful. If you're the mood for a lighthearted take on the specialns of the straight woman-gay man iendship, the song “Gay Bt Friend” ptur hilar fashn.

For example, his fay may be vlently homophobic and by cidg that he's gay, you may out him by accint by treatg him different or implyg somethg whout meang to. If you're tryg to figure out if your iend is gay bee you want to date him (as a woman), 's important to remember that jt bee he might be terted men don't mean he's not terted women.

HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY

Although some people the gay culture may put on a certa voice or a way of speakg, your iend talkg a siar or "effemate" way is still not a very good way to judge. Everyone n enjoy different thgs; jt like a woman might enjoy watchg football, guys n also enjoy thgs that are more monly associated wh women or the gay muny.

The movi he watch and the mic he listens to are also not fair methods to gge if he is straight or gayer than Elton John and Gee Takei put together. Say somethg like, "You know you're stuck wh me as a iend no matter what, but I jt have to ask bee I don't want to make assumptns and e to the wrong nclns: are you gay? Article SummaryXTo tell if your guy iend is gay, notice whether he refers to other guys as attractive, which uld be a sign that he’s gay.

However, this portrayal of gay men isn’t realistic, and ’s not really a good ia to seek out iends based on superficial tails like their sexual orientatn. If you happen to nnect wh a man who is gay and form a iendship, there’s nothg wrong wh that, but make sure that you treat them as you would anyone else and be reful not to make assumptns about them. If you’re still pursug a iendship wh someone who is gay, make sure that you treat them wh the same rpect and nsiratn that you’d treat anyone else.

BEG IENDS WH GAY PEOPLE

Or, if you need relatnship advice, don’t assume that a gay male iend is more likely to give you good advice than a female iend or straight male iend. ”) The close queer iends we make bee a chosen fay, wh a shared culture and inty, formg the bonds that are sential to our wellns and as gay bars and bookstor are closg left and right, many of have turned to apps to fill that gap, meang we spend more time than ever alone our rooms.

MORE IENDSHIPS BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN ULD MAKE EVERYBODY HAPPIER

LGBT2Q people exist all genrs, all cultur, and relyg on your gaydar is a good start, but expandg your queer and trans cultural referenc will boost your abili. Instagram and Twter make easier to fd other people wh the same terts, whether ’s hedgehogs or aerosol art, and there are so many homo-tastic hashtags.

That may be surprisg news if you’ve been raised a homophobic branch of your relig tradn, but I promise you—they’re out there, and they n’t wa to wele you (and you may fd really healg to brg your whole self to your fah tradn). Check out Unlikely Hikers, which specifilly wel and celebrat people who don’t f the classic Patagonia profile cludg fat folks and hikers of lour; Venture Out Project, which is n by and explicly wel trans people; Gay SCUBA Week and Queer Paddlers; and basilly what I’m sayg is that if you want to be out and Out there are fely other ‘mos to do wh your area.

MEN AND WOMEN AS FRIENDS – WHEN ONE IS GAY OR LBIAN

If you’re newly sober or revery and tryg to avoid plac, people, or patterns that may not be healthy for you right now, a gay AA or other revery meetg might be a double-w for you: support on your path and a boost for your new social life.