My mother, and my (gay) self.
Contents:
- GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
- DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR
- ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
- MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI
- GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
- GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
- COMG OUT TO DAD: YOUNG GAY AND BISEXUAL MEN'S EXPERIENC DISCLOSG SAME-SEX ATTRACTN TO THEIR FATHERS
- THE EXPERIENC AND MEANGS THAT SHAPE HETEROSEXUAL FATHERS' RELATNSHIPS WH THEIR GAY SONS SOUTH AI
GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
Fathers and gay sons: A plited, vally important relatnship. * gay sons and their fathers *
Fathers many fai are myster, distant, timidatg figur—even more so for boys wh homosexual attractns. They are the fay torchbearers of manls, and, as mal young and old know, homosexualy is nsired the dread oppose of masculy.
DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR
Ever sce same-sex marriage beme legal across the US, there has been a baby boom the gay muny – om New York Cy to Utah – as the touchg imag show * gay sons and their fathers *
Acrdg to Michael Kimmel, a soclogist and expert on male sex rol, men monstrate their masculy by repudiatg all that is feme and monstratg an ever-ready willgns to engage sexual terurse wh women whenever the opportuny aris- a nutshell, to prove they are not gay.
To be gay is to be powerls, weak, unable to break ee om Mommy, and the characteristics are patible wh real manls. Inially, the assertn that homophobia plays center stage men's mascule self-ncept may seem rather extreme. " "That's so gay.
A boy growg to a gay man will get the msage loud and clear that he is weak, dirty, and, perhaps worst of all, ls than a man. Th is no wonr that the boys the study for my book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, relled beg so reactive and fearful of the rpons of their fathers—the very people who were expectg them to receive and rry the torch of masculy. He would ll gay people nam and stuff.
‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
Photographer Bart Heynen set out across the untry to make a visual archive of gay fatherhood "Dads." * gay sons and their fathers *
We mt remember that fathers and sons live the same world—one that teach boys that homosexualy is patible wh real masculy and, by associatn, full male adulthood.
Fathers too were raised to not only look down upon homosexualy, but to fear themselv.
MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI
Stt Takacs, a 46-year-old and father of three, penned a personal say about his experience g out as a gay man to his wife and his children. * gay sons and their fathers *
Th havg a gay son might feel particularly shameful for a father, as he may believe is an dictment of his own masculy. When a father this study ially found out his son was gay, he repeated, over and over, "Do you know what two men do to each other?
" Add to this shame and disappotment men's tenncy to be stoic about problems to avoid appearg petent or weak and one gets a sense why many fathers, like those of the boys prevly quoted, did not want to discs such a topic wh a stranger—a gay stranger, no ls. Neverthels, is important to regnize that father-son antagonism uld be particularly woundg for a gay man. Richard Isay, a psychoanalyst who specializ work wh gay men believ that gay mal unrgo a reverse-Oedipal plex whereby, as young boys, they bee subnscly sexually attracted to their fathers (rather than their mothers).
When the boy is a toddler, the father anxly sens the sublimal sexual charge their relatnship and, bee he is socialized to be repelled and aaid of homosexualy, he nsequently disengag om his son. Oedipal issu asi, a velopg gay boy may monstrate some tradnally feme gtur or terts that forhadow an adult homosexual orientatn, which may turn make his father unfortable and want to distance.
GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
* gay sons and their fathers *
Sadly, father-son disengagement or stra may have particularly pernic nsequenc for gay men's adult liv and relatnships.
If this primary relatnship is characterized by fear, distance, and hostily durg childhood, as is for many gay men, this will no doubt terfere wh his abily to form and mata timate, mted relatnships wh male partners his future. For gay sons of all ag, but pecially those who are stgglg to tablish, fix, or strengthen their current same-sex relatnships, might be a good ia to look toward their past relatnships wh their fathers for sights and answers. Eher way, I have found my clil work wh gay men that much eful rmatn n be gaed by examg past, and even prent father-son teractns to terme what patterns are beg repeated and/or reacted to their current relatnships.
Armed wh this sight, gay men n then make more rmed choic about how to teract wh the men their liv. Fathers who love their gay sons need to unrstand the unique role they play their son's self-teem and future relatnships.
GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
Give a big Father's Day hug to Ricky Mart, Neil Patrick Harris, and Anrson Cooper — as well as the rt of our hight-profile gay dads. * gay sons and their fathers *
Certaly all fathers need to show that they love their sons and dghters, but fathers of gay sons need to fd ways to surmount the barrier of homophobia and socially scripted queass about gay sex to show their sons that they are ed lovable and serve the love of a good man. Although I rarely remend fictn to my clients or stunts, I urge all fathers of gay sons to follow the televisn seri Glee to study the relatnship between the gay character Kurt Hummel and his dad, Burt. Watch this very macho father reach across the great divi of sex-role expectatns to mata a relatnship wh his wonrfully "flamboyant" gay son built on unndnal love.
And also know, Dad, that there are many, many of gay men out there watchg that relatnship too—wh tears of gratu, envy, and longg.
COMG OUT TO DAD: YOUNG GAY AND BISEXUAL MEN'S EXPERIENC DISCLOSG SAME-SEX ATTRACTN TO THEIR FATHERS
Fathers and gay sons: A plited, vally important relatnship. * gay sons and their fathers *
Clton, MarylandThey are the first both their fai to bee gay fathers, and received a warm wele to parenthood.
Asbury Park, New JerseyThe most stunng takeaway om photographg gay dads is the equaly of their partnership while raisg their children. Brooklyn, New YorkWhile makg Dads I was surprised to fd out how many gay sgle dads there are creatg their fay through adoptn or surrogacy. It was hard to fd black fai wh gay fathers livg NYC.
Province, Rho IslandArt and Jim were one of the first gay upl to bee fathers through adoptn.
THE EXPERIENC AND MEANGS THAT SHAPE HETEROSEXUAL FATHERS' RELATNSHIPS WH THEIR GAY SONS SOUTH AI
Few studi have examed the relatnship between young gay and bisexual men (YGBM) and their fathers. Based on a phenomenologil amework, this study vtigated the role of fathers YGBM's g-out experience, focg on how fathers rpond to disclosure of same-sex attractn, how fath … * gay sons and their fathers *
Tom and Mike wh their son Jack at a lacrosse practice at Horace Mann School, Bronx, New YorkThroughout the book the children of gay dads grow olr. Although the school and Jack’s iends know that Jack has two gay dads there was some tensn the air while posg for this photo the middle of a sports field wh all the other players around.
New York CySome gay dads choose not to share who the blogil father of their children is. Heynen planned to photograph for a book of photography featurg gay fathers and their children. ”Amerin culture has not been particularly starved of imag of gay fatherhood, particularly recent years.
Celebri like Anrson Cooper have helped normalize the ia of gay men raisg children, and no longer feels revelatory to see them on televisn, as did when “Morn Fay” premiered mon, Mr. Heynen said, are imag of gay fathers who aren’t Instagram ready — like two men bg their dghters’ hair or tossg a football the ont yard.