The Myth of the Vlent, Self-Hatg Gay Homophobe -- Science of Us

self hating gay

There may be some tth to the myth of the self-hatg gay homophobe, but 's still plited.

Contents:

SELF-LOATHG AMONG GAY PEOPLE IS NOTHG NEW. WE’RE OVERWHELMED BY

So much foc has been on wng rights that we’ve missed the sufferg of those still stgglg wh gay shame, wr Matthew Todd, a former edor of Attu magaze * self hating gay *

” Lookg back, I'd squirm my seat when this topic would e up; I myself was unfortable nontg their homophobia bee I had yet to nont my own ternalized homophobia.

As I’ve grown to unrstand om my iends, fellow LGBTQ muny members, lleagu, and clicians, ternalized homophobia is what happens when we take the bias, prejudic, and hatred towards gay folks rerced by society (aka societal homophobia) and turn the bias ward back on ourselv. Internalized homophobia n show up the form of self-hatred, shame, fear, anxiety, and prsn for many gay clients, whether we are out of the closet or not.

THE MYTH OF THE VLENT, SELF-HATG GAY HOMOPHOBE

The assumptn that homophobic attackers are themselv secretly gay lets straight society off the hook. * self hating gay *

I should also acknowledge there is bate wh the psychologil and scientific muny as to the extent that this impacts gay and lbian dividuals and if we should e the term "ternalized homophobia" or stead nstct and redirect our attentn stead towards "more salient issu of cultural and stutnalized heterosexism. Colloquially, ternalized homophobia is a topic I've seen performed on stage a number of tim recently Los Angel, where wrers and edians alike scribe the pa of livg the closet as young teens. Jt this weekend I attend a theatril performance lled Margalized, where a queer wrg group told stori of the ternalized shame of their childhoods as gay folks.

I also want to acknowledge that while this post is focg on ternalized homophobia, much of n also apply to ternalized transphobia, which has siar roots societal norms around what is normative society, but wh regards to genr. Moreover, therapists themselv may posss bias they have ternalized towards their LGBTQIA clients that they are unaware of, given how eply entrenched they are wh , gay or not.

Psychology Today blogger Joe Kort wr about this, notg that many therapists, while affirmg of their LGBTQIA clients, may not be aware of "the sid role that ternalized homophobia plays many of the people’s liv.

SELF-HATRED AND THE STGGL OF BEG GAY

When I realized I was gay, all of that hatred that I showed to others turned on myself. I hate gay people, I am gay — th, I need to not be gay. * self hating gay *

But dismantlg systemilly starts wh , beg aware of ourselv, by acknowledgg homophobia exists all of , to one extent or another, gay or straight and across racial and socenomic l. I had a ar gay iend who is very much an outspoken champn of gay rights say to me once, “No one lik lbians” and then chuckle, “You know what I mean, Wh. ) It's hard to enurage our clients to let go of self-hatred, self-loathg, ternalized rage, and shame if we don't unrstand the role homophobia plays s velopment.

Revis the mdful exercise we began wh and pse and take a few moments, wre down some reflectns, or strike up a nversatn wh your lleagu about homophobia our muni, our fai, and our own hearts and mds.

SURPRISE, SURPRISE: GAY REPUBLINS REALLY ARE SELF-LOATHG, STUDY FDS

* self hating gay *

If Ethan Stabl, the 20-year-old man nvicted on Monday of planng to kill atten of a lol gay pri event Cumbria, was really bisexual as he claimed urt, why would he want to hurt other LGBT people? Sadly he wouldn’t be the gay people know the most homophobic school bully often pops up the lol gay bar a few years later, but there are wir exampl: Hollywood agents who bar clients om g out, historil figur such as Senator McCarthy’s anti-gay lawyer Roy Cohn, who mataed till the end that the Aids-related illns that killed him was liver ncer, the untls homophobic policians ught wh male rts.

Omar Mateen, who mted Ameri’s most adly homophobic attack at the Pulse nightclub Orlando, Florida 2016, pledged his allegiance to Isis but was also alleged to have ma sexual advanc towards men. This should be ont-page people are not the only on to suffer such shame, but experts, both gay and straight, agree that gay kids are overwhelmed wh .

THE MYTH OF THE VLENT, SELF-HATG GAY HOMOPHOBETHE ACCEPTED WISDOM THAT SELF-HATG GAYS M HATE CRIM NEEDS TO BE QUTNED.A PHOTO OF OMAR MATEEN OM MYSPACE. SOURCE: MYSPACEIN THE WEEK SCE 29-YEAR-OLD SECURY GUARD OMAR MATEEN KILLED 49 PEOPLE AT THE GAY NIGHTCLUB PULSE ORLANDO, REPORTS HAVE BEGUN TO EMERGE THAT THE SHOOTER MAY HAVE BEEN GAY HIMSELF. THE FBI IS NOW VTIGATG WHETHER HE HAD ACUNTS ON GRDR OR OTHER GAY DATG APPS, AND WHETHER HE PATRONISED PULSE THE PAST, AS SOME HAVE CLAIMED.SEVERAL NEWS OUTLETS, MEANWHILE, HAVE REPORTED ON THE POSSIBILY THAT MATEEN WAS DRIVEN TO VLENCE BY HIS OWN SELF-HATRED. (“IT’S FAR TOO EARLY TO BE FIVE,” ONE LAW-ENFORCEMENT OFFICIAL TOLD RTERS, “BUT WE HAVE TO NSIR AT LEAST THE POSSIBILY THAT HE MIGHT HAVE SOUGHT MARTYRDOM PARTLY TO GA ABSOLUTN FOR WHAT HE BELIEVED WERE HIS GRAVE SS.”) IT’S A NOTN THAT ONE STUDY, AT LEAST, SEEMS TO SUPPORT: A BUZZY PIECE OF REARCH OM 2012 HAS SUGGTED THAT HOMOPHOBIA IS OFTEN THE RULT OF A PERSON REACTG TO THEIR OWN SAME-SEX ATTRACTN. “IN MANY S THE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE AT WAR WH THEMSELV,” ONE OF THE STUDY -THORS SAID A STATEMENT AT THE TIME, “AND THEY ARE TURNG THIS TERNAL NFLICT OUTWARD.”"TERNALISED HOMOPHOBIA ALMOST NEVER MANIFTS SELF AS VLENCE"BUT OVERALL, THE REARCH TENDS TO SUPPORT THE OPPOSE IA. PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE A TERM FOR WHEN GAY, LBIAN, AND BISEXUAL PEOPLE ABSORB NEGATIVE IAS ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATNS: IT’S LLED TERNALISED HOMOPHOBIA, AND THERE ARE A FEW IMPORTANT THGS THAT REARCH HAS SHOWN ABOUT HOW WORKS. FIRST, N E A RAFT OF MENTAL-HEALTH ISSU, CLUDG PRSN, SUICIDAL TENNCI, AND PROBLEMS FORMG STABLE RELATNSHIPS. AND SEND, ALTHOUGH WE DON’T KNOW WHAT DROVE MATEEN TO DO WHAT HE DID EARLY SUNDAY MORNG, WE DO KNOW THAT TERNALISED HOMOPHOBIA ALMOST NEVER MANIFTS SELF AS VLENCE — MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, PEOPLE SUFFERG OM TERNALISED HOMOPHOBIA FOC THEIR NEGATIVE FEELGS WARD. AN “TERNAL NFLICT TURNED OUTWARD,” TO BORROW THE PHRASG, IS FAR OUTSI THE NORM.READ MOREORLANDO GUNMAN WAS A REGULAR AT PULSE NIGHTCLUB AND ED GAY DATG APP: WNS“I THK ONE OF THE FAVORED EXPLANATNS — BEE ’S A GOOD STORY, A GOOD NARRATIVE — IS THE FRDIAN IA THAT A PERSON IS SEXUALLY REPRSED AND HAS UNNSC FEELGS THAT THEY DON’T UNRSTAND OR MAYBE AREN’T EVEN AWARE OF, BUT LEADS THEM TO ENGAGE THE HOSTILE TERACTNS TOWARDS PEOPLE WHO ARE GAY,” SAYS GREG HEREK, A PROFSOR OF PSYCHOLOGY AT THE UNIVERSY OF CALIFORNIA, DAVIS, WHO’S PUBLISHED SEVERAL STUDI ON ANTI-GAY PREJUDICE. “THAT PROBABLY HAPPENS, BUT SEEMS TO BE VERY MUCH NOT THE WAY THAT PREJUDICE GETS EXPRSED MOST S.”"PEOPLE OF ALL SEXUALI EXIST A CULTURAL BACKDROP WHICH HOMOSEXUALY IS STIGMATISED"HEREK PREFERS TO E THE TERM “TERNALISED SEXUAL STIGMA,” WHICH HE BELIEV BETTER PTUR THE WISPREAD NATURE OF ANTI-GAY BELIEFS — PEOPLE OF ALL SEXUALI, HE EXPLAS, EXIST “A CULTURAL BACKDROP WHICH HOMOSEXUALY IS STIGMATISED.” AND MANY S, WHEN PEOPLE GROW UP MORE RELIG OR SOCIALLY NSERVATIVE ENVIRONMENTS, THAT STIGMA IS REPEATEDLY SOCIALLY RERCED: “IT’S VERY FUNCTNAL FOR PEOPLE TO [SHOW ANTI-GAY PREJUDICE] BEE THEY GET REWARDS OM THEIR SOCIAL CIRCLE, THEIR FAY, THEIR IENDS, THEIR RELIG GROUP, WHATEVER.” (IT BEARS NOTG THAT MATEEN’S FATHER HAS MA ANTI-GAY MENTS THE AFTERMATH OF THE SHOOTG, CLARG THAT “GOD WILL PUNISH THOSE VOLVED HOMOSEXUALY.”)WATCHMEET ATRALIA'S FIRST OPENLY GAY IMAM“REGARDLS OF SEXUAL ORIENTATN, EVERYONE EVABLY TERNALIS AT LEAST SOME OF THAT STIGMA — THEY LEARN THE STEREOTYP, THEY LEARN THE NEGATIVE ASSOCIATNS,” HE SAYS, AND ONLY SOME PEOPLE E TO UNLEARN THEM OVER TIME. “THE SAME THG HAPPENS WH RACE AND OTHER GROUPS WHERE THERE’S SOME TYPE OF STIGMA OUT THERE THE CULTURE. WE LEARN THIS STUFF. IT’S LIKE THE AIR WE BREATHE, REALLY HARD TO PE.”“IT’S KD OF A CLICHé TO SAY PEOPLE WHO ARE STRONGLY PREJUDICED AGAST SEXUAL MORI ARE THEMSELV GAY OR LBIAN,” HE ADDS. “THAT’S NOT THE MON STORY — FOR MOST PEOPLE OM LEARNG THOSE CULTURAL ATTUS, NOT OM THEIR OWN SEXUALY.”"PEOPLE WH HIGH LEVELS OF TERNALISED HOMOPHOBIA OFTEN HAVE PROBLEMS STAG HEALTHY ROMANTIC RELATNSHIPS"AND THOSE CULTURAL ATTUS N MANIFT DAMAGG WAYS. INTERNALISED HOMOPHOBIA HAS BEEN LKED TO PRSN, LONELS, A SENSE OF HELPLSNS ABOUT THE FUTURE, AND CREASED RISK OF SUICI. PERHAPS UNSURPRISGLY, PEOPLE WH HIGH LEVELS OF TERNALISED HOMOPHOBIA OFTEN HAVE PROBLEMS STAG HEALTHY ROMANTIC RELATNSHIPS (EVEN, PAST REARCH HAS SHOWN, WHEN THEY REPORT FEELG NNECTED TO THE LGBT MUNY) — THEY’RE LS LIKELY TO BE RELATNSHIPS, AND WHEN THEY ARE, THOSE RELATNSHIPS TEND TO BE SHORTER AND MORE STRAED. THEY’RE ALSO LS MOTIVATED TO ROLVE RELATNSHIP NFLICTS, AND MORE LIKELY TO HAVE SEX-RELATED ANXIETY. INTERNALISED HOMOPHOBIA N ALSO SPILL OVER TO OTHER TYP OF EMOTNAL TIMACY, NEGATIVELY AFFECTG RELATNSHIPS WH IENDS AND FAY MEMBERS.READ MOREEUROPEAN GAY PRI PROUR AND LOUR AFTER ORLANDO ATTACKSBUT THE FDGS APPLY SPECIFILLY TO PEOPLE WHO ALREADY INTIFY AS GAY, MEANG THERE’S A GLARG BLD SPOT WHAT THE REARCH SHOWS ABOUT TERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA: SPECIFILLY, ’S NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO STUDY PEOPLE WHO HAVEN’T E OUT OR ARE NIAL ABOUT THEIR SEXUALY, SAYS PSYCHOLOGIST ILAN MEYER, WHO HAS PUBLISHED SEVERAL STUDI ON THE SUBJECT. “THE QUTNS UALLY HAVE TO DO WH HOW YOU THK ABOUT BEG GAY, HOW WELL YOU ACCEPT YOURSELF AS A GAY PERSON,” SAYS MEYER, A REARCHER AT THE WILLIAMS INSTUTE, A THK TANK AT THE UNIVERSY OF CALIFORNIA, LOS ANGEL, FOCED ON GENR- AND SEXUALY-RELATED PUBLIC POLICY. “IF YOU SAY, ‘WELL, I’M NOT GAY,’ WOULD BE HARD TO ASSS THAT.”HEREK, MEANWHILE, UTNS AGAST POTG TO GRDR E AND PULSE ATTENDANCE AS EVINCE THAT MATEEN HIMSELF WAS GAY, EVEN IF THOSE PIEC OF RMATN BEAR OUT AS TE. “THERE MAY BE OTHER THGS THAT EXPLA THAT, CLUDG THE POSSIBILY THAT EVEN IF HE WERE CUR ABOUT SAME-SEX BEHAVR OR ATTRACTN, THAT WOULDN’T NECSARILY MEAN HE’S GAY,” HE SAYS. “IT’S HELPFUL TO MAKE A DISTCTN BETWEEN PEOPLE’S BEHAVRS AND ACTNS AND THEIR INTI.” AND MATEEN’S SXAL INTY, WHATEVER WAS, MAY NOT OFFER MUCH CLARY AS TO HIS MOTIV.THIS ARTICLE ORIGALLY APPEARED ON SCIENCE OF US. ©201_ ALL RIGHTS RERVED. DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY.TUNE TO #THEFEEDSBS AT 7.30PM MONDAY - FRIDAY ON SBS 2, STREAM LIVE, OR FOLLOW ON FACEBOOK, TWTER, INSTAGRAM,TUMBLR, OR VE.SHAREFOLLOW THE FEEDFACEBOOKTWTERSTAGRAMYOUTUBETHROUGH AWARD WNG STORYTELLG, THE FEED BREAKS NEW GROUND WH S PELLG MIX OF CURRENT AFFAIRS, EDY, PROFIL AND VTIGATNS. SEE DIFFERENT. KNOW BETTER. LGH HARR. READ MORE ABOUT THE FEEDWATCH NOWHAVE A STORY OR MENT? CONTACT USTHROUGH AWARD WNG STORYTELLG, THE FEED BREAKS NEW GROUND WH S PELLG MIX OF CURRENT AFFAIRS, EDY, PROFIL AND VTIGATNS. SEE DIFFERENT. KNOW BETTER. LGH HARR.WATCH NOWFOLLOW THE FEEDFACEBOOKTWTERSTAGRAMYOUTUBE6 M READPUBLISHED 20 JUNE 2016 10:47AMUPDATED 20 JUNE 2016 11:09AMBY CARI ROMMSOURCE: SCIENCE OF USTAGSSOCIAL ISSUSCIENCESHARE THIS WH FAY AND IENDSCOPY LKSHARETOPICS

Many bury their feelgs, hopg they’ll go away, some psychologilly “spl”, like the heterosexually married men who believe anonymo ter hook-ups don’t unt as gay if they happen secret.

So much foc has been on changg laws and enuragg footballers to e out or on promotg sexual eedom – all important thgs – that we’ve missed the huge ground-level sufferg of those stgglg wh the legacy of society’s gay shame, right unr our may not f the narrative we wish to promote but there are huge numbers of people gettg themselv to ser suatns whout enough support. Internalized homophobia n be fed as the tenncy of some lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and queer (LGBTQ) dividuals to regularly validate, margalize, and/or opprs their own or other LGBTQ members’ sexual orientatn, sexual inty, self-worth, dividual exprsns, and human rights. Often, those wh gre of ternalized homophobia are nscly or unnscly socialized to believg that members of the LGBTQ muny are “abnormal”, “shameful”, “unsirable” and “unacceptable”, and should be regard wh disda (self-rejectn) and ntempt (self-loathg).

It is important to emphasize that ternalized homophobia typilly occurs the ntext of a hetero-centric society that often stigmatiz, nigrat, and nmns LGBTQs.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* SELF HATING GAY

Self-loathg among gay people is nothg new. We’re overwhelmed by | Matthew Todd | The Guardian .

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