Queer vs. Gay: How The Words Are Different, And Why It’s Important |

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* THE L WORD WHO IS GAY

Leisha Hailey of "The L Word" Shar Her Comg-Out Story</tle><meta name="tle" ntent="Leisha Hailey of "The L Word" Shar Her Comg-Out Story" /><meta name="scriptn" ntent="Leisha Hailey, star of "The L Word" and "The L Word: Generatn Q," shar how she me out at 19 after leavg Nebraska and was outed on the rad. 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class="css-huh8md e9l0kn01"><a emProp="em" href="/entertament/a37599607/leisha-hailey-g-out-story/" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Leisha Hailey of The L Word Came Out at 19 and Never Looked Back" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10asp0m e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Leisha Hailey of The L Word Came Out at 19 and Never Looked Back</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="3" /></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css nno972">{font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:300;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.5rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(max-width: 64rem){{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;font-size:2.5rem;le-height:1.1;letter-spacg:-0.01em;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg-bottom:1rem;font-size:3.25rem;le-height:1.1;letter-spacg:-0.02em;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.875rem;le-height:1.05;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.875rem;le-height:1.05;}} span:first-of-type:before{-webk-background-posn:center;background-posn:center;background-repeat:no-repeat;-webk-background-size:ver;background-size:ver;ntent:'';display:block;height:1.125rem;width:1.375rem;} span:first-of-type:before{background-image:url('/_assets/sign-tokens/oprahdaily/static/imag/');}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){ span:first-of-type:before{marg:1.25rem to;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){ span:first-of-type:before{marg:1.75rem to;}}</style><h1 class="css-nno972 exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>Leisha Hailey of <i>The L Word</i> Came Out at 19 and Never Looked Back<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 157op6k">{font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.3125rem;font-weight:normal;letter-spacg:-0.01em;le-height:1.2;marg-bottom:0;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:1.25rem;paddg-right:1.25rem;}} p{marg:0rem;} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-157op6k exadjwu8"><p>“It was one of the most terrifyg thgs I’ve ever done; of urse, was also one of the bt.”</p></div><style data-emotn="css 1t9ufoh">{display:block;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0.625rem 0 0.3125rem;marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{marg-top:1.35rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg-top:1.75rem;}} addrs{marg:0rem;} span{le-height:1.6;display:le-block;marg:0rem;}</style><div class="css-1t9ufoh exadjwu7"><style data-emotn="css b9totx">{font-style:normal;paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;display:block;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0.625rem 0 0.3125rem;}</style><addrs class="css-b9totx ehvvd9m2"><style data-emotn="css 1gwutwq">{paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;display:block;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0.625rem 0 0.3125rem;}</style><span class="css-1gwutwq ehvvd9m1"><style data-emotn="css 1sa04t">{borr-radi:50%;vertil-align:middle;marg-right:0.3125rem;object-f:ver;}</style><img src="" alt="Headshot of Michelle Hart" tle="Headshot of Michelle Hart" width="40" height="40" dg="async" fetchPrry="high" class=" css-1sa04t ehvvd9m0" />As told to <style data-emotn="css 7l5upj">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><a href="/thor/221223/michelle-hart/" class="css-7l5upj e1c1bym14">Michelle Hart</a></span><style data-emotn="css 1gryrf1">{display:le-block;text-transform:unset;marg-left:0.625rem;}</style><time class="css-1gryrf1 exadjwu6">Published: Sep 14, 2021</time></addrs></div><style data-emotn="css wkpw2c">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><div class="no-prt css-wkpw2c exadjwu15"><style data-emotn="css 1hpjtwr">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;posn:relative;marg-top:0.9375rem;}</style><div class="ntent-hear-actns css-1hpjtwr exadjwu14"><style data-emotn="css 1x55pmg">{background-lor:#E61957;lor:#ffffff;borr:th solid transparent;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:row;-ms-flex-directn:row;flex-directn:row;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;paddg:0.625rem 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1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);paddg-left:1rem;paddg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / -2) - 1rem);}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 2);max-width:lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem);paddg-left:1rem;paddg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 + 1rem)) / -2) - lc(2 * 1rem));}[data-has-sponsor] {marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 4);marg-right:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 4);}}</style><div class="standard-ntaer ntent-ntaer article-ntaer css-7ce51e ewisyje3"><style data-emotn="css trzem2">{jtify-self:center;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-left:-50vw;marg-right:-50vw;width:100vw;left:50%;right:50%;}}</style><div class="ntent-lead css-trzem2 ewisyje6"><style data-emotn="css sm2oir">{height:to;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg:to lc(50% - 50vw);}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg:to;}}</style><div class="ntent-lead-image css-sm2oir e5f9kgu2"><style data-emotn="css eag3eq">{posn:relative;height:to;}</style><div class="css-eag3eq e5f9kgu1"><style data-emotn="css 335qep">{posn:relative;width:100%;height:100%;object-f:ver;vertil-align:top;}</style><img fetchPrry="high" alt="t" tle="t" width="2000" height="1000" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-335qep exi4f7p0" /></div><style data-emotn="css 5kpeya">{font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.70003rem;letter-spacg:0.05em;le-height:2rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0;}} span{lor:#6F6F6F;}</style><figptn class="css-5kpeya enfs9c50"><style data-emotn="css 1sepnu9">{paddg-right:0.3125rem;lor:#6F6F6F;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.2;letter-spacg:0.05em;text-transform:upperse;}</style><span class="css-1sepnu9 e6iqd2">Katie Romero</span></figptn></div></div><style data-emotn="css woto36">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.5rem;paddg-right:3.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:45.25rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body standard-body-ntent css-woto36 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css aeyldl">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">When the first episo of <em><style data-emotn="css 9cezh6">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:#E61957;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="The L Word " class="body-lk css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0">The L Word </a></em><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="aired on Showtime" class="body-lk css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0">aired on Showtime</a> 2004, there had never been a show que like . Sure, there were shows about women discsg their romanc over breakfast (see: <em><a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Sex and the Cy" class="body-lk css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0">Sex and the Cy</a></em>), and LGBTQ+-centric dramas (like <a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Queer as Folk)" class="body-lk css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0"><em>Queer as Folk</em>)</a>, but <em>The L Word </em>foced specifilly on the liv of lbians.</p><style data-emotn="css 1fbb0rt">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:40%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:30%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:30%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:20%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:20%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:20%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:20%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="small" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="1" class="align-right size-small embed css-1fbb0rt e1xqj1sx4"><style data-emotn="css uwraif">{width:100%;display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;}</style><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><img alt="t" tle="t" loadg="lazy" width="320" height="320" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><style data-emotn="css 78jldq">{paddg-left:0rem;}</style><div class="css-78jldq e1xqj1sx2"><style data-emotn="css okwyab">{width:0;m-width:100%;paddg-top:0.625rem;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:CharterItalic,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><div class="css-okwyab e1xqj1sx1"><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0">Click here for more stori om Oprah Daily’s Comg Out seri.</a></div><style data-emotn="css 1am3yn9">{paddg-left:0rem;le-height:1;}</style><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-1sepnu9 e6iqd2">Cassie Skoras</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="2" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">And on this show about queer women, Leisha Hailey, who played Alice Pizecki, a peppy talk show host, was the seri' only openly queer st member (though <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="that later changed" class="body-lk css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0">that later changed</a>—starrg <em>The L Word </em>helped Kate Moenng e to her own inty). Hailey had been out sce the age of 19, when she moved om Nebraska to start her life New York.</p><p data-no-id="3" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Along wh stars Moenng and Jennifer Beals, Hailey reprised her character on <em>The L Word: Generatn </em><em>Q</em>, which will return for a third season this year. <em>The L Word: Generatn Q </em>pays homage to the origal's trailblazg legacy, while acknowledgg how much has changed sce 2004 for queer people. </p><p data-no-id="5" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Below, Hailey rells her childhood Nebraska, g out as a teenager, and then havg to e out all over aga when she beme a public figure a time when beg gay still ma headl.</p><style data-emotn="css 18pb4rg">{borr:0;borr-bottom:th solid black;marg:1.875rem 0;clear:both;}</style><hr data-no-id="6" class="css-18pb4rg et3p2gv0" /><style data-emotn="css hxci">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;}{float:left;text-transform:upperse;font-weight:bold;marg-right:0.9375rem;marg-bottom:-0.625rem;marg-top:0;}{font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:3.8431rem;font-weight:300;le-height:1;}@-moz-document url-prefix(){{marg-top:0.625rem;}}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:6.25rem;le-height:0.9;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:6.25rem;le-height:0.9;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:7.87499rem;le-height:0.9;}} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="7" class="body-dropp css-hxci et3p2gv0">I was born Okawa, Japan, and raised Bellevue, Nebraska, a ary town outsi of Omaha. There were tra tracks and a slghterhoe, flatlands and rnfields, a lot of ws. My dad was the Air Force, but both of my parents were very liberal, very open-md. As a kid, I wanted to cut my hair short and wear boys’ cloth; I played sports and loved mil theater. Anythg I was to, my parents let me do.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="8" data-embed="edorial-lk" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css y6rgkz">{borr:th solid #CDCDCD;borr-bottom:th solid black;borr-left:0;borr-right:0;borr-top:th solid black;borr-width:0.75rem;marg-bottom:1.875rem;marg-top:1.875rem;paddg:0.625rem 0 0.25rem;}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{marg-top:1.875rem;marg-bottom:1.875rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{marg-top:2.5rem;marg-bottom:2.5rem;}}</style><asi class="css-y6rgkz e6pr2lz5"><style data-emotn="css whsy2b">{borr-bottom:th solid black;display:block;font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:500;letter-spacg:0.1em;marg:0rem;marg-bottom:0.3125rem;paddg-bottom:0.625rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.3125rem;le-height:1.2;}}</style><h6 class="css-whsy2b e6pr2lz3"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 8lle59">{max-width:lc(100% - 120px - .625rem);}</style><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Related Stori</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css c4s2gi">{paddg:0rem;marg:0rem;list-style:none;}</style><ul class="css-c4s2gi e6pr2lz4"><style data-emotn="css 1b7ml99">{font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;paddg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.125rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.2;}}{borr-bottom:th solid black;paddg-bottom:1.25rem;} a{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;} a>img{borr-radi:0.1875rem;}</style><li class="css-1b7ml99 e6pr2lz2"><style data-emotn="css 1bn7a5e">{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-box-flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-wrap:wrap;-ms-flex-wrap:wrap;flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-directn:row;-ms-flex-directn:row;flex-directn:row;-webk-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webk-jtify-ntent:flex-start;jtify-ntent:flex-start;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><a href="/life/a36431789/sey-mcquiston-g-out-say/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Why Author Casey McQuiston Is Tired of Comg Out" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 1l0u1">{marg-right:0.625rem;height:to;}</style><img src="" alt="sey mcquiston" tle="Why Author Casey McQuiston Is Tired of Comg Out" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Why Author Casey McQuiston Is Tired of Comg Out</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li><li class="css-1b7ml99 e6pr2lz2"><a href="/life/relatnships-love/a37143947/lucy-dac-g-out-queer/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Mician Lucy Dac on Comg Out" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><img src="" alt="lucy dac queer" tle="Mician Lucy Dac on Comg Out" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Mician Lucy Dac on Comg Out</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li><li class="css-1b7ml99 e6pr2lz2"><a href="/life/a35939082/kacen-llenr-agast-g-out/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Why There's No Shame Not Comg Out" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><img src="" alt="g out" tle="Why There's No Shame Not Comg Out" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Why There's No Shame Not Comg Out</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li></ul></asi></div><p data-no-id="9" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">But I always felt different. I never really unrstood what was, even though throughout my childhood, I often got lled a boy or mistaken for one. It wasn’t until I was high school, when I fell love wh my bt iend, whom I had a secret relatnship wh, that I began to unrstand. And that’s when the shame really kicked . I didn’t know how to al wh , I thought somethg was horribly wrong wh me, and eventually I had to go to therapy. I didn’t tell my parents why.</p><p data-no-id="10" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Here’s the thg: My mom’s very bt iend, who I lled Aunt Mreen, was a lbian, and she was such a huge part of my life throughout my upbrgg. She had girliends—Kathy would be around for a uple of years, then Louanne was around for a uple of years. My parents’ other bt iend was my high school drama teacher who, along wh his partner, I’m still close wh. I was totally surround by gay people growg up, all of them embraced by my fay, but what I’ve realized later life was that, spe the people beg big parts of my life, that facet of their liv was kept hidn, unable to be spoken about.</p><p data-no-id="11" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Aunt Mreen, for example, had an extra bedroom her hoe that was kept such a way as to look like she had a roommate, like she wasn’t datg the person she was livg wh. And even though people knew that my teacher was gay, he uld never e out of the closet bee, acrdg to those same people, he uld get fired. Basilly, I was tght that, outsi my fay and wh the larger muny, you had to hi this stuff away, even if others knew. I thk about this now, bee I’m always wonrg, <em>Where did I learn shame om?</em> The shame was the silence, not allowg people to speak for themselv.</p><style data-emotn="css ngfslw">{borr-left:0;font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.5625rem;font-weight:500;letter-spacg:-0.03em;le-height:1.15;marg:0.625rem 0 0;paddg-left:0;text-align:center;}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{marg-top:1.875rem;marg-bottom:1.875rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{marg-top:2.5rem;marg-bottom:2.5rem;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}{background-lor:#000000;lor:#fff;ntent:'';display:block;height:0.25rem;marg:1.5rem to;width:1.75rem;}{background-lor:#000000;lor:#fff;ntent:'';display:block;height:0.25rem;marg:1.5rem to;width:1.75rem;}</style><blockquote data-no-id="12" class="css-ngfslw et3p2gv0">I’m always wonrg, “Where did I learn shame om?” The shame was the silence, not allowg people to speak for themselv.</blockquote><p data-no-id="13" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I felt when I was first velopg my own sense of who I was. Before I fell love wh my bt iend, I’d had csh on other girls, other women. In third gra, I would get super exced around my math teacher, who I thought was jt so ol. When I was fifth gra, there was this high school girl, CJ, who had short hair and who took me unr her wg. I pated her my art class, lerally pated her face, and gave to her. In retrospect, I n see what the csh mean, but at the time I didn’t really intify the feelg behd them. I uldn’t.</p><style data-emotn="css 117ibkt">{m-height:733px;}@media(max-width: 30rem){{m-height:531px;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{m-height:648px;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{m-height:818px;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{m-height:732px;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{m-height:573px;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{m-height:679px;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{m-height:687px;}}{ntent:"";clear:both;display:table;}</style><div data-embed="stagram" data-no-id="14" class="embed align-center css-117ibkt e1dhx11l2"><div supprsHydratnWarng class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 10klw3m">{height:100%;}</style><div data-embed="stagram" class="embed align-center css-10klw3m ez8lbhw1"><style data-emotn="css m3d82h">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;background-lor:#F5F5F5;lor:#000;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;height:100%;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;m-height:733px;}@media(max-width: 30rem){{m-height:531px;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{m-height:648px;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{m-height:818px;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{m-height:732px;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{m-height:573px;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{m-height:679px;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{m-height:687px;}}</style><div class="css-m3d82h ez8lbhw0"><style data-emotn="css 1msakm2">{width:3.125rem;height:3.125rem;}</style><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/;id=lk-out-embed" loadg="lazy" alt="stagram in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1msakm2 ez8lbhw2" /><a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" href=" aria-label="View full post on Instagram" class="css-0 e1c1bym14">View full post on Instagram</a></div></div></div></div><p data-no-id="15" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Even when my iend and I were together, we didn’t talk about . There was never an attempt to procs what was happeng. I thk part of this was bee we were happy. We said “I love you” to each other. We said, “This is special, this is crazy.” It fely wasn’t what everybody else was dog, so we figured we shouldn’t tell anybody. We kept to ourselv. I uldn’t tell anyone how happy I was.</p><p data-no-id="16" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">She end up movg away to llege while I was still high school, and I beme really prsed. I gaed weight. I was quiet. I was heartbroken, cryg all the time, but I had no outlet for that pa, so I jt buried . I even got a boyiend. I thought, <em>I jt need to normalize myself and fet this part of me, and one day, I’ll be able to leave Bellevue and bee who I really am.</em></p><div data-embed="stagram" data-no-id="17" class="embed align-center css-117ibkt e1dhx11l2"><div supprsHydratnWarng class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><div data-embed="stagram" class="embed align-center css-10klw3m ez8lbhw1"><div class="css-m3d82h ez8lbhw0"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/;id=lk-out-embed" loadg="lazy" alt="stagram in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1msakm2 ez8lbhw2" /><a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" href=" aria-label="View full post on Instagram" class="css-0 e1c1bym14">View full post on Instagram</a></div></div></div></div><p data-no-id="18" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Lookg back, I don’t have any rentment toward my hometown. Bellevue was filled wh some of the sweett people. I love that I was raised there, but I uldn’t stay. It was an overwhelmg place to be your thentic self.<br /></p><p data-no-id="19" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">As I hoped would, almost everythg changed when I moved to New York. I had gotten to this great actg school, the Amerin Amy of Dramatic Arts, and was like a transformatn right out of a movie montage: I cut my hair off, put on oversize Levi’s, and I was feelg myself.</p><p data-no-id="20" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Dpe that, however, I was still livg a secret life. It was 1989. I would leave school and go down to the origal Cubbyhole on Hudson wh my olr sister’s ID—I was 17, so that’s how I got —and I would s at the bar, this private unrground world of whispers. It’d be like, 5 o’clock, and I'd be sendg women their 30s beer. I mt have looked so ltle, so alone, but still felt good to be around people like me.</p><style data-emotn="css wtu74n">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{width:50%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:0rem;float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:40%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:0rem;float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:30%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:0rem;float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:30%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:0rem;float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:20%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:0rem;float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:20%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:0rem;float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:20%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:0rem;float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:20%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:0rem;float:left;clear:left;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="small" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="21" class="align-left size-small embed css-wtu74n e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><img alt="t" tle="t" loadg="lazy" width="320" height="321" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><div class="css-78jldq e1xqj1sx2"><div class="css-okwyab e1xqj1sx1">Leisha Hailey performg the ’90s.</div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-1sepnu9 e6iqd2">Leisha Hailey's personal llectn</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="22" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">What phed me out of the closet fally, what ma me fully embrace and celebrate myself, was beg embraced and celebrated by the drag queen muny. People like Mistrs Formika, who’d let my band open for her, tght me to be proud of who I am, to be fabulo, and my whole mdset shifted. For maybe the first time, I thought, <em>I love who I am.</em> Someone had to teach me that, someone had to show me, but once they did, there was no stoppg me.</p><p data-no-id="23" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I remember gog to the Pri para and jt feelg credible—all of shoutg about how no one uld shut up. If shame was the silence, then pri was celebratg out loud.</p><p data-no-id="24" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Yet, I still hadn’t told my parents. Even though I was learng to love so openly, I was sred to show that si of me to them. The fear was that if I lost my parents, lost their love, then I’d have nothg. If I had to liver horrible news to them, and that news was gog to affect my life so badly, I should probably keep .</p><blockquote data-no-id="25" class="css-ngfslw et3p2gv0">“It was one of the most terrifyg thgs I’ve ever done; of urse, was also one of the bt.”</blockquote><p data-no-id="26" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">But I didn’t want to do that. After seven months of livg New York Cy, I ma my mother fly out om Nebraska. I’d said to her before she me that I need to tell her somethg, and the whole weekend went by wh her wag for me to brg this news up, but I never did. Right before she left for the airport, to go back home to Nebraska, she said to me, “Honey, you have to tell me what’s wrong.” She was worried, watchg me cry, and asked, “What is , honey? Are you on dgs? Are you pregnant? Are you a cult?” She went through every parent’s worst nightmare, until fally she asked, “Are you gay?” I told her y, and she lghed. She said, “Are you kiddg me? That’s the news?” She then said, “Honey, I love you more than anythg the world.” My announcement had no effect on her love.</p><p data-no-id="27" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Ultimately, she wasn't surprised by , eher. Later we lghed about , but was one of the most terrifyg thgs I’ve ever done; of urse, was also one of the bt. I had ma her go back and tell the rt of the fay, which she did, and I thought that was that.</p><p data-no-id="28" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">And then my mic reer started gag attentn, and my sexualy <em>beme </em>news. In a way I wasn’t at all prepared for, I was publicly outed. This was before I was on <em>The L Word</em>, where I was the show’s only “out” st member at the time. I was around 23, and a band lled the Murmurs wh Heather Grody.</p><p data-no-id="29" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">We did an terview on KROQ rad California for our first album. We were supposed to talk about our mic, but the <a href="]&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwieothJryAhUFmeAKHUkUDVMQ6AF6BAgbEAM" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk="]&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwieothJryAhUFmeAKHUkUDVMQ6AF6BAgbEAM" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="DJ ma about " class="body-lk css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0"><u>DJ ma about </u></a>. It was like an terrogatn. He would <em>not let go</em>. He started wh, “What are you to? Who are you to? You like guys, you like girls? Oh wa, I see your face change.”</p><div size="small" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="30" class="align-right size-small embed css-1fbb0rt e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><img alt="t" tle="t" loadg="lazy" width="320" height="320" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><div class="css-78jldq e1xqj1sx2"><div class="css-okwyab e1xqj1sx1">Leisha Hailey and Heather Grody.</div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-1sepnu9 e6iqd2">Leisha Hailey's personal llectn</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="31" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">It felt like we’d been ught. Our rerd pany panicked. After that, we got pigeonholed to beg a “gay band,” whatever that means.</p><p data-no-id="32" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">But om the send I told my mom, I never hid my sexualy. Even though I was “outed” on the rad, I was already out, always very open about everywhere and all of the time. To me, if you’re livg life that way, you are out, and “g out” is more about makg clear to other people that they need to unrstand you. It’s about gettg others on your level.</p><p data-no-id="33" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">And so, I had the gift of beg out, beg myself, for my whole time the public eye. It’s been a relief to say, “This is who I am. This is who I love.”</p><p data-no-id="34" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">It’s surreal to know I had a role helpg other people e to that place of acceptance. So many people have told me <em>The L Word </em>played a part their own awakeng. Reprentatn is so important to our muny—I know what ’s like to not see yourself, and to so sperately try to fd .</p><p data-no-id="35" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I remember nng home to watch rens of <em>Cagney and Lacey</em> as a kid, jt so I uld build fantasi around the two characters. Sure, Cagney and Lacey had boyiends—but their bond stck me, ma me thk about a relatnship like that. Lookg back, seems I was dog the work for Hollywood that should’ve been dog for me. And now, I get to be part of that.<br /></p><style data-emotn="css 1v2eakg">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;posn:relative;}{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:90%;}}{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:95%;}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:75%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:65%;}}</style><div data-no-id="36" data-teractive="VioPlayer-1" class="embed aspect-rat-16x9 css-1v2eakg e3dq3y0"><style data-emotn="css 1ui7hop">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;--aspect-rat:56.25%;}</style><div class="__rp-ntaer css-1ui7hop e6l0f0"><style data-emotn="css 1yu8e3d">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;width:100%;height:100%;} .__rp-ntaer{height:to;}</style><div data-embed="embed-vio" class="vio-player css-1yu8e3d e1ou1fny0"><style data-emotn="css 1uds6oo">{height:100%;width:100%;posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><style data-emotn="css 1iiivv4">{background-lor:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.4);borr:.1875rem solid whe;borr-radi:50%;lor:#fff;cursor:poter;height:3.75rem;left:50%;posn:absolute;top:50%;-webk-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-moz-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-ms-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-webk-transn:all 0.4s;transn:all 0.4s;width:3.75rem;z-x:1;}.e1f7ylgd6:hover {background-lor:rgba(33, 150, 245, 0.8);lor:#ffffff;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{height:5.625rem;width:5.625rem;borr:.28125rem solid whe;}}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-1iiivv4 e1f7ylgd1"><style data-emotn="css 1lhf7lq">{fill:#ffffff;height:1.4rem;vertil-align:middle;width:1.45rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:2.3125rem;height:3rem;}}</style><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" style="fill: var(--primary, #000);" role="img" tle="Play" class="css-1lhf7lq e1f7ylgd2"><tle>play in.