Dear Pnce: I’m a straight woman who married a gay man.

Contents:

• 'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN
• I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN
• 'I MARRIED A GAY MAN'
• THE DEVASTATG WAY I DISVERED I MARRIED A GAY MAN
• 'HOW I FOUND OUT MY PARTNER WAS GAY'
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• ‘HONEY, I’VE GOT A SECRET’ : WHEN GAY MEN E OUT TO THEIR WIV
• ANGELA LANSBURY HAD NO REGRETS ABOUT MARRYG A GAY MAN
• WHY DID PARIS HILTON MARRY A GAY MAN?

'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN

Megan Holgate uldn’t que believe where she was the height of the Aids crisis and she was the wag room of an ner-cy STI clic, equented by those most at risk of HIV: gay men, jectg dg ers, sex, as she had been, a monogamo married had felt “too ashamed” to ask her doctor for the HIV tt. A posive rult, back then, would have been a ath the clic a iendly gay unsellor asked Megan to step to his room and asked her if everythg was OK. “This poor gay guy was the target for all my built-up anger.

I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN

As her dad pulled up she opened her purse, fat wh not, and phed them all to the bewilred man’s hands before beg whisked is one of a potentially dyg breed of women: those who married closeted gay men.

“Some women ntact the service before their hband is even aware they know he’s gay, ” she says. Never once did she spect he was gay.

I’m not gay but really nfed and I thk I need you to move back to Atralia so I n work myself out. Lucy, now 24, hid at school the fact her dad was gay. I don’t believe bisexualy, I thk he was gay, ” she says.

'I MARRIED A GAY MAN'

“When you love someone and you know you’re gay, you don’t marry them. And many of the men, embolned by the sense of eedom and h excement afford them by disverg the gay scene, pletely scrib the impact had on her children. “My sons’ iends would e over and ask, is your dad gay?

”Siarly, Patricia took issue wh the blok who took her hband out for a beer so they didn’t look homophobic.

THE DEVASTATG WAY I DISVERED I MARRIED A GAY MAN

”Jt like many gay men do, their wiv n go through nial perds, Roxanne says, believg they n work thgs out. “I know my hband is gay, he n’t stop himself om beg wh men, ’s impossible.

Her anger wasn’t at him, but at his fay and culture for not lettg him be who he should have been the first place: “It was like he didn’t know how to be gay. “People still go to beats [public plac where gay men meet discretely for sex]. He probably didn’t know he was gay at the time, ” she wr.

'HOW I FOUND OUT MY PARTNER WAS GAY'

He’s also always been hont about beg gay and has never hidn om me. Our son took the news very well and don’t re that his father was gay.

I’ve asked my hband about , and he nfirms that he’s gay, not bisexual.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

I have doubts that he might leave me someday for a gay relatnship like he did his ex-wife.

Would you nsir him bisexual or gay? I thk your hband que clearly nsirs himself gay, which is far more relevant to your marriage than my asssment of his sense of self. The qutn of how he se his gayns relatn to his two marriag to women, specifilly his current marriage to you, is both more salient and open-end, so I’d suggt you start by askg him to share more of his thoughts on the subject wh you.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

That will get you a lot further than tryg to figure out if your hband is “really” bisexual (and, implicly, whether that means you n safely hope he won’t leave you for someone else) or “really” gay (and, implicly, whether you have to fear that he’s gog to break up wh you for another man).

” His gayns isn’t somethg you n ntralize by beg a sufficiently good or extra-lovg wife.

‘HONEY, I’VE GOT A SECRET’ : WHEN GAY MEN E OUT TO THEIR WIV

; At gay bars, there are back rooms wh hol the walls... The movie "Brokeback Mounta" turned a spotlight on gay men who lead double liv, havg sex wh other men while they are married to women.

ANGELA LANSBURY HAD NO REGRETS ABOUT MARRYG A GAY MAN

That means there are a large number of women who have no ia what their hband do perdilly see stori about married men public life who are gay or have been implited homosexual behavr — such as Senator Larry Craig (R–Idaho), who was arrted last summer for allegedly solicg a male police officer an airport bathroom, and former New Jersey ernor Jam McGreevey, who proclaimed that he was a "gay Amerin" when he announced his rignatn om office.

Bee I've lived are so many obv qutns for a wife like me: Didn't I realize he was gay? Early our relatnship, Chris told me he'd had homosexual experienc as a teenager but assured me was youthful cursy.

I didn't thk there was anythg wrong wh beg gay — I have an openly gay . But I also didn't believe that a gay man would ever be attracted to a straight woman, and I was naive — too naive to see why a homosexual man would marry and spend years lyg to his wife, his iends, his fay and begngI was a 19-year-old llege hman Kentucky when I met Chris. Chris's father was a Southern Baptist mister who preached fire and brimstone, and Chris was tght that beg gay was the ultimate s — an absolute sentence to unual thgs happened on our first date.

WHY DID PARIS HILTON MARRY A GAY MAN?

Then, after he kissed me good-night, he shocked me aga, sayg, "No matter what you hear, I'm not gay. " In fact, I had heard other stunts say that everyone his aterny was gay. But the world we lived , people often claimed a guy was gay if he wasn't a jock or really macho, so I didn't want to judge someone bee of who his iends were and what he did.

Bis, he'd taken a girl — me — out on a date, so how uld he be gay? At a party wh his work iends, I got to an argument wh a woman who'd been drkg, and she said, out of the blue, "Well, at least my hband's not gay.

Later that eveng, when I told Chris what happened, he remd me that he'd always been teased about beg gay, but he assured me, "It's not te. He beme fensive and announced, "I haven't gone to bed wh anybody, but I've been gog to gay bars. If anyone found out that Chris was gay, he uld be fired.