What Do It Mean to Be a Gay Man? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?
• QUEER VS. GAY: HOW THE WORDS ARE DIFFERENT, AND WHY IT’S IMPORTANT
• WHY ARE PEOPLE GAY? GAY BY CHOICE OR IS BEG GAY GEIC?
• GAY
• GAY MAN
• MEANG OF GAY ENGLISH
• GAY MAN
• WHAT DO "GAY" MEAN?

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

It prumably means the advertiser nsirs himself a “real” man—real, that is, acrdg to a standard of masculy he don’t attribute to other gay men. So many gay men learn we are different om other boys by havg the fact poted out and ridiculed by bulli durg our young, most imprsnable, years.

As every gay man knows who has been sulted or asslted for his actual or perceived sexual orientatn, there are steep penalti for vlatg the Boy Co as there are for anyone who is “different” om the prumed (typilly whe, heterosexual, middle-class) standard. How do a gay kid survive the trma he suffers for beg different a culture that still nmns his difference as somethg bad or “ls-than” and wants to mold him to the same shape tri to mold every boy?

QUEER VS. GAY: HOW THE WORDS ARE DIFFERENT, AND WHY IT’S IMPORTANT

Robert Pollack says the most important thg a fay n do to support their gay son is to keep lovg him, “to nvey to him, as soon as he shar his feelgs, that he is still loved through and through, that his sexual orientatn will not any way dimish how much he is admired and rpected. He needs to know that ’s okay not only to be gay if that's what he is, but to be a man who choos what beg a man means for himself. Fortunately there is a long history of gay men who bucked the accepted fns of masculy and created liv that exprsed their unrstandg of themselv and how they choose to exprs their inty as men who don’t necsarily f tradnal molds.

WHY ARE PEOPLE GAY? GAY BY CHOICE OR IS BEG GAY GEIC?

The late Harry Hay often lled "the father of the morn gay movement, " found the Mattache Society Los Angel the fall of 1950 for gay men to gather and ponr the qutns Hay had long been askg: Who are gay people? Hay didn’t tend the Mattach to be a polil anizatn per se, but a group that would e together to enhance their self-unrstandg and explore the ntributns gay people had ma to the human race through the ag. In a 1987 say tled “A Separate People Whose Time Has Come, ” Hay scribed homosexuals as “spir people, ” who, throughout the ag, had served society their rol as “msengers and tercers, shamans of both genrs, prits and prits, imagemakers and prophets, mim and rhapsos, poets and playwrights, healers and nurturers, teachers and preachers, tkers and tkerers, searchers and rearchers.

Hay believed that gay people had somethg special to teach nongay people about human life, and for that reason should be nurtured, rather than reviled, by society. Hay believed that gay men are different om heterosexuals and that those differenc go much eper than mere sexual attractn to other men. He said gay men look at the world differently, are uniquely nonaggrsive, nonpetive, oriented toward sharg and cled to velop what Hay lled “subject-subject” love relatnships of equals.

GAY

In a 1990 terview for the Washgton Bla, Harry Hay told me our llg as gay men “is not only to accept our uniquens, but to affirm , make joyo. For gay men, learng to accept our “different” sexual orientatn as a posive aspect of ourselv is only part of our “g out.

The term gay is equently ed as a synonym for homosexual; female homosexualy is often referred to as different tim and different cultur, homosexual behavur has been varly approved of, tolerated, punished, and banned.

GAY MAN

Homosexualy was not unmon ancient Greece and Rome, and the relatnships between adult and adolcent mal particular have bee a chief foc of Wtern classicists recent years. Others—om factns wh mastream Prottantism to anizatns of Reform rabbis—have advoted, on theologil as well as social grounds, the full acceptance of homosexuals and their relatnships.

Morn velopments Attus toward homosexualy are generally flux, partially as a rult of creased polil activism (see gay rights movement) and efforts by homosexuals to be seen not as aberrant personali but as differg om “normal” dividuals only their sexual orientatn.

MEANG OF GAY ENGLISH

The nflictg views of homosexualy—as a variant but normal human sexual behavur on one hand, and as psychologilly viant behavur on the other—rema prent most societi the 21st century, but they have been largely rolved ( the profsnal sense) most veloped untri. The Amerin Psychiatric Associatn, for example, classified “ego-syntonic homosexualy” (the ndn of a person ntent wh his or her homosexualy) as a mental illns 1973. Nohels, some relig groups ntue to emphasize reparative therapy the attempt to “cure” homosexualy through prayer, unselg, and behavur modifitn.

GAY MAN

Selected theori of homosexualy Psychologists the 19th and 20th centuri, most of whom classified homosexualy as a form of mental illns, veloped a variety of theori on s orig. It is likely that many stanc of homosexualy rult om a batn of born or nstutnal factors and environmental or social fluenc.

Together wh a growg acceptance of homosexualy as a mon exprsn of human sexualy, long-standg beliefs about homosexuals had begun to lose crence.

WHAT DO "GAY" MEAN?

The stereotyp of male homosexuals as weak and effemate and lbians as mascule and aggrsive, which were wispread the Wt as recently as the 1950s and early ’60s, have largely been disrd.

) Rearchers such as Aled Ksey reported that homosexual activy was a equent pattern adolcence, among both mal and femal. The Ksey report of 1948, for example, found that 30 percent of adult Amerin mal among Ksey’s subjects had engaged some homosexual activy and that 10 percent reported that their sexual practice had been exclively homosexual for a perd of at least three years between the ag of 16 and 55. A range of more recent surveys, ncerng predomantly homosexual behavur as well as same-genr sexual ntact adulthood, have yield rults that are both higher and lower than those intified by Ksey.

Instead of tegorizg people absolute terms as eher homosexual or heterosexual, Ksey observed a spectm of sexual activy, of which exclive orientatns of eher type make up the extrem. Suatnal homosexual activy tends to occur environments such as prisons, where there are no opportuni for heterosexual ntact. Although the topic of homosexualy was ltle discsed the public fom durg the early part of the 20th century, beme a polil issue many Wtern untri durg the late 20th century.