Gay Love, Straight Sense | Psychology Today

Contents:

• GAY LOVE, STRAIGHT SENSE
• “HOW TO TELL IF A MAN IS GAY” — 5 WAYS (BACKED BY SCIENCE)
• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY
• GAY MALE SEXUALY
• HOW GAY DO YOU FEEL?

GAY LOVE, STRAIGHT SENSE

Comg of age wh “a very nfed inty, ” wrer Andrew Solomon was certa he had to make a choice between creatg a fay and beg gay. The margalizatn that attend growg up homosexual saw ank exprsn Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Inty, his 2012 exploratn of how parents raise children who are markedly different om themselv any one of a number of ways. Gay men and lbian women typilly report siarly tortured experienc reckong wh their own sexualy, nstantly lculatg the sts of hidg or revealg one of the most fg arcs of beg, self-policg their behavr for mannerisms that might betray their clatns before they themselv are prepared to acknowledge them.

It’s a ttament to urage that so many eventually do, spe the possibily of rejectn om those clost to them and a self-hatred ternalized om a wir culture that still often revil homosexualy. Straight or gay, we all have a sire to be eply known, yet often fear that some private flaw mak ultimately unlovable.

And some stem om doublg, the pound dose of a sgle genr, which sometim brgs out the bt partners (emotnal openns among lbians)—and sometim the worst (domance stggl between gay men, emotnal enmhment lbians). When partners don’t have to divi up rol by genr, they are also ee to share rol, and many gay upl do, reports Boston psychologist Richard Miller. Lbian partners are pecially apt to work as a team, says Maya Kollman, a New Jersey–based therapist whose practice clus both gay and straight upl.

“HOW TO TELL IF A MAN IS GAY” — 5 WAYS (BACKED BY SCIENCE)

Add to that the fiance assumg a stigmatized sexual inty and a claratn of homosexualy be an act of sexual liberatn, as “we n have whatever sex we want. “Our sexual IQ is bigger, ” says psychologist Joe Kort, who teach at the Universy of Michigan and se both heterosexual and homosexual upl his clil practice.

Touchg, kissg, oral and masturbatory experienc—even for many gay men “this is exactly what their sexual repertoire nsists of, ” adds Miller.

” In fact, at the fish of therapy ssns, psychologist Kort urg all the heterosexual and gay male upl his practice to “fd your ner lbian. By ntrast, the more open sexualy of the gay male muny, says Miller, mak male upl fortable sharg their sexual experience, even tappg .

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

In long-term observatnal studi of both gay and straight relatnships, Gottman, who is a profsor emer at the Universy of Washgton and founr of Seattle’s Gottman Relatnship Instute, has found that same-sex upl beg more “softly” brgg up a topic of nflict. They also ploy more humor discsg disagreements, he has reported the Journal of Homosexualy, and that -lat the disagreement. As a rult, homosexuals have had to learn how to be iends wh people they are attracted to and how to live a world wh lots of threats whout beg overly nfed.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

It also enurag gays to velop ternal rtrats rather than abidg by external on, such as marriage vows, not even a possibily until recently. It’s not that boundari never get crossed: Gay men, he reports, often hook up sexually first, then bee iends, matag the secury and emotnal mment of their primary relatnship. Sometim the loosened requirement for gays is a nsequence of cultural homophobia: Not all gays are at the same pot the g-out procs, and not all fai are fully acceptg of same-sex partnerships.

Rearch shows that 50 percent of gay male upl have open relatnships, says Kort, although the number may now be creasg as gays marry and tablish fai, actns that shift gay culture more to the mastream. Some gay male upl negotiate an open relatnship that has very strict l to , observ David Greenan, a psychologist and fay therapist New York who se gay and straight upl his clil practice.

In 2007, Andrew Solomon relquished all vtig of shame about beg gay and before 300 guts mted himself to his partner an elaborate ceremony at a stately English untry hoe. It seems like every gay guy out there is a bottom, and when you thk you've met someone who's fely a He too is a bottom. Then workg up the urage to say hello is nearly a guaranteed way to nnect wh men who you know are gay, vis the 4 bt gay datg s that were chosen by our ’t worry, you don’t have to tst your gaydar alone the datg scene.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY

5 Ways to Tell If a Man is Gay (Based On Science)There have been a number of scientific rearch studi nducted that have vtigated this very hot topic.

Rearchers om the Center for Theoretil Study at Charl Universy Prague and The Amy of Scienc of the Czech Republic dite that there are some unique differenc the shape of gay vers straight men’s purport that gay men their study showed wir and shorter fac, smaller and shorter nos, and larger, more round jaws of a mascule appearance.

A study published the September 2013 Journal of Personaly and Social Psychology alleg that gay men tend to walk wh a slight “sway” of the hips, while lbians walk wh a back-and-forth motn of their ’s a stereotype, but ’s also a pretty good clue.

GAY MALE SEXUALY

The hair whorl patterns on gay men’s slps tend to be more predomantly unter-clockwise patterned and may speak to somethg geic. Gay men apparently have an creased nsy of fgerprt ridg on the thumb and pkie of the left hand, and their arms, legs, and hands are smaller pared to their overall stature.

There's a lot between the two extrem of makg love to the man of your life, and havg a rnchy, anonymo hookup a here are 18 typ of sex all gay/bi men should experience (at least once) at some pot their liv! Sign up today for our ee To TopGay love has taken many forms human history, om Socrat' mentorship of his younger lovers, to the artistic passn between Rimbd and Verlae, to morn-day gay celebry upl and their adorable children.

Dpe what many hate groups would like to have you believe, gay love is jt as natural and betiful as straight, whether middle-school csh or long-term relatnships. The Advote has all the latt on gay love and sex, om historil viewpots of LGBT relatnships throughout time to verage of a Hollywood that is fally reprentg the diverse bety of LGBT relatnships.

HOW GAY DO YOU FEEL?

It prumably means the advertiser nsirs himself a “real” man—real, that is, acrdg to a standard of masculy he don’t attribute to other gay men. So many gay men learn we are different om other boys by havg the fact poted out and ridiculed by bulli durg our young, most imprsnable, years. As every gay man knows who has been sulted or asslted for his actual or perceived sexual orientatn, there are steep penalti for vlatg the Boy Co as there are for anyone who is “different” om the prumed (typilly whe, heterosexual, middle-class) standard.

How do a gay kid survive the trma he suffers for beg different a culture that still nmns his difference as somethg bad or “ls-than” and wants to mold him to the same shape tri to mold every boy?

Robert Pollack says the most important thg a fay n do to support their gay son is to keep lovg him, “to nvey to him, as soon as he shar his feelgs, that he is still loved through and through, that his sexual orientatn will not any way dimish how much he is admired and rpected. He needs to know that ’s okay not only to be gay if that's what he is, but to be a man who choos what beg a man means for himself. Fortunately there is a long history of gay men who bucked the accepted fns of masculy and created liv that exprsed their unrstandg of themselv and how they choose to exprs their inty as men who don’t necsarily f tradnal molds.