The Slow Evolutn of Gay Culture India | The MIT Prs Rear

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• THIS IS WHAT IT’S LIKE TO COME OUT AS QUEER INDIABY ADI MURTI JAN 14, 2020SHARE IMAGE CRED: SHUTTERSTOCKACRDG TO HISTORIAN GEE CHNCEY, THE PHRASE “G OUT” — MONLY ED TO NOTE PUBLICLY REVEALG ONE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATN AS LGBTQIA+ — OW S GENIS TO BUTANTE BALLS, AT WHICH YOUNG WOMEN PRENTED THEMSELV TO SOCIETY. HOWEVER, RATHER THAN A ‘BUT,’ G OUT WAS MORE A PHASE OF DISVERY. HE WROTE, “IN THE 1920S REFERRED TO IATN TO THE GAY WORLD, AND EVEN WHEN ‘G OUT’ WAS ED A NARROWER SENSE, TO REFER TO THE PROCS BY WHICH SOMEONE ME TO REGNIZE HIS SEXUAL TERT OTHER MEN, REFERRED TO SOMETHG OTHER THAN A SOLARY EXPERIENCE.”  IN INDIA, WHERE NSERVATIVE ATTUS TOWARDS LGBTQIA+ INTI OFTEN MORPH TO STIGMA AND VLENCE, G OUT TO ONE’S FAY AND LOVED ON N LEAD TO A HOR OF TERRIBLE NSEQUENC, OM DISOWNG TO HONOR KILLG TO RRECTIVE RAP.COMG OUT AS QUEER IS NO PLEASANT S SCENE, NO INSTAGRAM QUOTE AFFIRMATN. IT IS OFTEN AS FEARSOME, GUT-WRENCHG, AND PANIC-DUCG AS IS AN OUTPOURG OF RELIEF AND JOY. BUT G OUT IS THE BEDROCK OF DIVIDUAL QUEER INTY AND IS EPLY TERTWED WH MENTAL STABILY. THIS ALSO MAK G OUT TENSELY PERSONAL, AS , THERE’S NO RRECT WAY TO E OUT. HOWEVER, THERE DO EXIST MONALI EXPERIENC WH THE INDIAN NTEXT — BOTH GOOD AND BAD — THAT ULD PERHAPS MAKE GEARG UP TO E OUT A LS SOLARY EXPERIENCE. WE SPOKE TO MULTIPLE QUEER PEOPLE WHO HAVE E OUT TO FAY AND IENDS AND A QUEER-AFFIRMG THERAPIST TO UNRSTAND THE PSYCHOLOGIL TRIALS AND TRIUMPHS OF G OUT AS QUEER.RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:ONE YEAR SCE THE SECTN 377 VERDICT, WHAT HAS CHANGED?“[SEXUALY] IS THE BASIS OF ONE OF THE FACTORS THAT MAKE UP YOUR INTY, AND ’S POSSIBLE THAT IF YOU DON’T E OUT, YOU WON’T FEEL LIKE YOUR THENTIC SELF,” SAID ISHA GUPTA, A QUEER-AFFIRMG UNSELG PSYCHOLOGIST AND FOUNR OF BREAKTHROUGH COUNSELLG, MUMBAI. BEE QUEERNS IS SUCH A VAL PART OF ONE’S INTY AND LIFTYLE, LIVG BEHD A CLOSET TAK A TOLL ON MENTAL HEALTH. A CLOSETED QUEER PERSON — PECIALLY THOSE MARRIED — ULD DISSOCIATE, OR PH THE THOUGHT OF THEIR INTY FAR AWAY OM THEIR MDS DUE TO THE STRS ED BY THOUGHTS OF G OUT. A PERMANENTLY CLOSETED LIFE ULD BE POPULATED WH EP UNHAPPS, SECRETS, MARRIAG OF NVENIENCE, OTHER, MORE DANGERO PG MECHANISMS, AND SKG TO PRSN OR SUICIDAL IATN. “I HAD NO IA WHAT TO EXPECT OR WHAT TO EVEN SAY — THE LANGUAGE FELT SO ‘WTERN’ AND FOREIGN.”PRIYA ARORA, 30, QUEER, NONBARY BEYOND SEXUALY, DIVIDUALS WHO FEEL LIKE THEY AREN’T THE GENR THEY WERE ASSIGNED AT BIRTH, OR DON’T INTIFY WH ONE SPECIFIC GENR, OR DON’T WANT TO BE EHER GENR AT ALL (THAT IS, GENRQUEER/NON-BARY AND TRANSGENR DIVIDUALS), MAY HAVE TO HI BOTH THEIR GENR INTY AND SEXUALY — WHICH N BE CREDIBLY DIFFICULT. GUPTA ADD, “IT’S EXTREMELY DIFFICULT WH GENR DYSPHORIA OF ANY KD,” REFERRG TO THE DISTRS ED BY A MISMATCH FELT BETWEEN GENR INTY AND SEX ASSIGNED AT BIRTH. “MOST KIDS ONLY E TO TERMS WH THIS FEELG OF OTHERNS RATHER THAN BEG TOLD ’S NORMAL. PL, DYSPHORIA MIGHT GET ELEVATED IF YOU DON’T E OUT.”SCE G OUT N BE A MENTALLY TAXG ACTIVY, WAG TO DO IS ALSO QUE STRSFUL. “THE LEAD UP WAS UNBEARABLE — PART OF ME JT WANTED TO DO ASAP AND GET OVER WH, AND THE OTHER PART WAS SO FEARFUL OF WHAT BOTH THE IMMEDIATE AND LONG-TERM REACTN WOULD BE. I HAD NO IA WHAT TO EXPECT OR WHAT TO EVEN SAY — THE LANGUAGE FELT SO ‘WTERN’ AND FOREIGN, AND I HAD TO FD A WAY TO TALK ABOUT GENR AND SEXUALY, WHICH HAD NEVER BEFORE REALLY BEEN DISCSED MY FAY,” SAID PRIYA ARORA, 30, QUEER, NONBARY, AND HOST OF THE PODST QUEERG DI. ADI, 36, WHO INTIFI AS A LBIAN, ADD, “I WAS EXTREMELY ANX, EMOTNAL, FELT EXPOSED BEE I ULDN’T PRETEND EVERYTHG WAS HUNKY-DORY AND THIS LEAD ME SLEEPLS NIGHTS, FEELG VULNERABLE.”HOWEVER, G OUT IS NOT A ONE-TIME THG, UNFORTUNATELY. IT IS A LONG, VOLATILE, EVOLVG, REPETIVE SERI OF NVERSATNS ABOUT ONE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATN. OVER TIME, AS ONE GETS MORE FORTABLE WH THEIR INTY, THE PROCS BE A LOT EASIER AND A LTLE LS TRATG TO EXPLA. “FOR QUEER PEOPLE, EVERY NEW PERSON IS A VARIABLE THAT GETS FED TO A MENTAL ARHMETIC OF TRYG TO CI WHETHER IS SAFE TO E OUT TO THIS PERSON, AND HOW MUCH OF MY INTY I SHOULD SHARE WH THEM,” SAID ARVD, 24, WHO INTIFI AS GENRQUEER AND BISEXUAL.RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE OPENLY QUEER AND EXIST WH AN INDIAN FAYWHILE G OUT, IS ALSO IMPORTANT TO NOTE THE IMMEDIATE CULTURAL ENVIRONMENT, TIMATE THE POTENTIAL REACTN AND PREPARE FOR ACRDGLY. MULTIPLE SOURC FOR THIS PIECE STRSED THE IMPORTANCE OF FANCIAL PENNCE, EMOTNAL STABILY, AND A STRONG SUPPORT SYSTEM PECIALLY BEFORE G OUT TO ONE’S FAY. “IN A FEW S, WHERE PARENTS ARE ULTRA-NSERVATIVE — AND THERE ARE MANY — MIGHT BE PNT TO WA TILL YOU ARE SO FAR AWAY THAT THEY N NOT PHYSILLY HARM YOU. I ALSO BELIEVE IS BETTER TO FD EMPLOYMENT METRO CI IF YOU ARE QUEER, AS YOU GET TO MEET MORE PEOPLE OM THE MUNY AND IS MORE ACCEPTABLE PARED TO TIER 2 AND TIER 3 CI,” SAID ABHAV DEVARIA, 25. “THE ONLY REASON MY G OUT HAD NO REPERCSNS WAS THAT I HAD SPENT YEARS MAKG VERY CLEAR TO MY FAY THAT THEY HAD NO SAY, NO NTROL, OVER ANYTHG I DID WH MY LIFE,” SAID ANHKA SIERRA, 27.“MY FIRST BIG PROBLEM AFTER I ME OUT WAS THAT I HAD TO FD A QUEER-IENDLY GENR-AFFIRMG THERAPIST AS SOON AS I ULD. MY EMOTNAL SAFETY PEND ON THAT.” ARVD, 24, WHO INTIFI AS GENRQUEER AND BISEXUAL WHILE G OUT, SEEKG OUT THE RIGHT THERAPIST IS ALSO PIVOTAL TO ONE’S MENTAL HEALTH. “MY FIRST BIG PROBLEM AFTER I ME OUT WAS THAT I HAD TO FD A QUEER-IENDLY GENR-AFFIRMG THERAPIST AS SOON AS I ULD. MY EMOTNAL SAFETY PEND ON THAT. MY PARENTS TOLD ME THEY WANTED ME TO GET CERTIFIED BY A THERAPIST THAT I’M ‘NORMAL,’ BUT I’D SOON E TO REALIZE THAT WHAT THEY MEANT WAS THAT THEY WILL FIRST ATTEMPT TO ‘CURE’ ME AND ONLY UPON SUFFICIENT E TO BELIEVE THAT THIS N’T BE CURED, NSIR ACCEPTG ME,” SAID ARVD. HE ADD, “THIS LEFT THE FIELD WI OPEN FOR GRIFTERS AND NVERSN THERAPISTS TO START SPNG THEIR STORI. ONE ALLEGEDLY TOLD MY PARENTS THAT HE WOULD CURE ME, BUT ONLY IF I CUT OFF ALL NTACT WH THE LGBTQ+ MUNY, WHICH WOULD OTHERWISE ‘BRAWASH’ ME.”ANOTHER IMPORTANT POTENTIAL OCCURRENCE TO BRACE FOR IS WHEN SOMEONE ELSE REVEALS ONE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATN, OR ‘OUTS’ ONE, BEFORE ONE N E OUT. “A MAN ON A DATG SE THREATENED TO OUT ME TO MY PARENTS. I WAS TERRIFIED OF THE NSEQUENC. I FELT UNPREPARED, UNGUID AND ILL-EQUIPPED TO AL WH THE SUATN. [BUT] MY TTH WAS ME TO TELL. I WAS A SUATN WHERE I ULD BE ROBBED OF THIS OPPORTUNY AND HENCE CHOSE TO TAKE THE STEP BEFORE ANYONE TOOK AWAY OM ME,” SAID PARTH RAHATEKAR, 20, WHO ALSO ADD, “YOUR STORY IS YOURS TO TELL. YOUR LABELS ARE YOURS TO FE. BUT, YOUR PHYSIL SAFETY IS ABOVE EVERYTHG ELSE, SO PLEASE DO NOT FEEL PRSURED TO BE BRAVE IF YOU MAY BE DANGER OF BEG HURT. INSI THE CLOSET OR OUT OF — YOU ARE VALUED, LOVED AND VALID.”RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:‘MOOTHON’ STRIPS QUEER LOVE OF STEREOTYP, SIGNALS SHIFT MALAYALAM CEMAIF G OUT LEADS TO FEELG SHAME, GUILT, AND HUIATN, GUPTA TOUGH LOVE TO REMEND A SURVIVAL MECHANISM. “IF YOU ARE A TERRIBLE SUATN AND THERE’S NO WAY OUT, YOU WILL BE ONE OF THE LNS WHO WILL HAVE AWFUL LIV, AND LIFE IS NEVER FAIR. I UNRSTAND THAT THIS IS AWFUL, BUT PEOPLE WILL NOT STOP BEG UNFAIR TO YOU, AND THERE’S NOT MUCH YOU N DO. WHAT LTLE YOU N DO, IS NCENTRATG ON THE PARTS THAT REWARD YOU. WHAT YOU N ALSO DO IS TRY TO FLUENCE BEHAVR — RATHER THAN NTROLLG, SAY YOUR PARENTS’ VOLATILE REACTN TO YOUR INTY BY FIGHTG BACK AND MAKG YOUR SUATN WORSE, IS THERE ANYTHG YOU N DO TO FLECT FOC AND STEER TOWARDS POSIVY?” GUPTA SAYS. “IT MAY SOUND BLEAK AND NOT RIGHT TO WORK YOUR WAY AROUND YOUR OWN INTY, BUT NSIR A TEMPORARY PG MECHANISM WHILE YOU WORK YOUR WAY TOWARDS PENNCE.”COMG OUT MAY SOUND TERRIFYG, BUT IS ALSO ONE OF THE BRAVT, OLT, MOST IMPORTANT WAYS A QUEER DIVIDUAL N E OF AGE AND STAND UP FOR THEMSELV. HOWEVER, REMAS IMPORTANT TO DO ONE’S DUE DILIGENCE AND PROTECT ONE’S SAFETY AND MENTAL HEALTH BEFORE ATTEMPTG TO DO SO, PECIALLY A NSERVATIVE ENVIRONMENT.ALSO, HERE’S AN TERTG TIDB: WHEN ASKED IF THEY REGRETTED G OUT, NOT A SGLE TERVIEW SUBJECT SAID THEY REGRETTED OR WILL EVER REGRET .SHARE TAGS G OF AGE | FGERS CROSSED | LGBTQIA+ WRTEN BY ADI MURTI ADI MURTI IS A CULTURE WRER AT THE SWADDLE. PREVLY, SHE WORKED AS A EELANCE JOURNALIST FOCED ON GENR AND CI. FD HER ON SOCIAL MEDIA @ADIMURTI. SEE ALL ARTICL BY ADILATT CULTURE ARTICL WHOSE DATA IS IT?YOU OWN YOUR DATA EVEN LS NOW
• IN INDIA, A GAY PRCE’S COMG OUT EARNS ACLAS, AND ENEMI
• WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE OPENLY QUEER AND EXIST WH AN INDIAN FAYBY RAJVI DAI SEP 26, 2019SHARE IMAGE CRED: EK LADKI KO DEKHA TO AISA LAGA (VOD CHOPRA FILMS)COMG OUT OF THE CLOSET — SELF-DISCLOSG ONE’S SEXUAL AND/OR GENR INTY — FOR MEMBERS OF THE LGBTQIA+ MUNY IS OFTEN A DNTG PROCS REPLETE WH UNCERTATI. IN A QUEERPHOBIC OR QUEER-IGNORANT SOCIETY, G OUT TO IENDS, FAY, OR ON PUBLIC PLATFORMS N CE A RANGE OF RPONS — OM ABSOLUTE ANTIPATHY TO NDNAL OR UNWTG ACCEPTANCE TO A LOVG AND WELG EMBRACE. EVEN IF THE RPONSE IS RELATIVELY POSIVE, FAIAL ACCEPTANCE OF QUEERNS EXISTS ON A SPECTM — OFTEN TERMED BY HOW EVERYDAY ROUT AND TERACTNS ARE HANDLED BY ALL PARTI VOLVED.WHAT HAPPENS AFTER A QUEER PERSON OUT? THE HARD PART MAY BE OVER, BUT WHAT FOLLOWS IS A DAILY, UNRELENTG NEGOTIATN ASKG FOR PLETE EEDOM AND UNRSTANDG — ONE WHICH OFTEN F FAIAL RELATNSHIPS FOR LIFE. WE ASKED QUEER INDIANS ABOUT THEIR RELATNSHIPS WH THEIR FAI AND WHAT THEIR ROUT LOOK LIKE.*K.D., 36, KNEW HE WAS GAY SCE HE WAS A 13-YEAR-OLD BOY. GROWG UP A FAY THAT STRSED AMIC EXCELLENCE, HOWEVER, LED HIM DOWN A PATH OF ACCUMULATG GRE AND GAG PROFSNAL EXPERIENCE, WHICH LEFT LTLE TIME FOR EXPLORG HIS SEXUALY WH OTHERS. AT 27, WHEN HE MOVED BACK HOME AFTER STUDYG ABROAD, HIS PARENTS STARTED PRSURG HIM TO GET MARRIED. UNR THE PRETEXT OF FDG HIM A JOB, HIS PARENTS WRANGLED HIS RUME OUT OF HIM, WHICH, TURNED OUT, THEY ED TO SEND TO POTENTIAL MATCH FOR HIS MARRIAGE.AT A LOSS OF WHAT TO SAY TO HIS NSERVATIVE PARENTS, HE ASKED FOR A BUFFER TIME OF TWO YEARS, HOPG HIS MOTHER WOULD FET ABOUT FDG HIM A WIFE. TWO YEARS PASSED, BUT HIS MOTHER DIDN’T BACK DOWN. K.D. THOUGHT, “GAME OVER.” HE ME OUT TO HIS SISTER, HOPG SHE WOULD HELP HIM WH HIS PARENTS. “SHE SAID SHE WOULD SUPPORT ME BUT IS NOT GOG TO DO MY ‘DIRTY WORK’ FOR ME.” FALLY, K.D. TOLD HIS PARENTS HE ULDN’T MARRY, BEE HE WAS GAY. HIS MOTHER’S FIRST REACTN WAS FLAT OUT NIAL, WHERE SHE PARED HIM TO HIJRAS SHE HAD SEEN PUBLIC, MISTAKG THEM FOR HOMOSEXUAL MEN. HIS FATHER, K.D. RELLS, WHILE EXPRSG NONCHALANCE AT HIS SON’S WISH TO NOT GET MARRIED, ASKED K.D., “DO YOU NOT GET AN ERECTN?”FORTUNATELY, BY THEN, K.D. WAS LIVG BY HIMSELF AND ULD ENJOY CERTA SOCIAL EEDOMS WHOUT NEEDG HIS PARENTS’ PERMISSN. HIS MOTHER, HOWEVER, K.D. SAYS, WAS RELENTLS — SHE NSTANTLY PTERED HIM TO BE LIKE OTHER GAY MEN SHE KNEW WHO WERE OLR, HAD BEEN FORCED TO SUPPRS THEIR SEXUALY, MARRY WOMEN AND HAVE CHILDREN. THEN, K.D. RELLS, SHE NSULTED A “HOMOSEXUALY SPECIALIST,” WHO ADVISED HER TO TELL K.D. TO “NOT BE GAY” FOR TWO YEARS, AFTER WHICH K.D. WOULD BEE STRAIGHT. “SHE WAS ASKG ME TO BE CELIBATE FOR TWO YEARS. I TOLD HER, ‘I’LL BE CELIBATE FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I WILL STILL BE GAY.'” THEN, “SHE SAID, ‘YOU BE GAY; KEEP AS A HOBBY. BUT YOU GET MARRIED.'”RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:PARENTS EVERYWHERE STGGLE TO TALK TO LGBTQ KIDS ABOUT SEXWHEN K.D. TOLD HER HE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO NSUMMATE THE MARRIAGE AND THAT HE HAD NO SIRE TO ANOTHER WOMAN’S LIFE, SHE FOUND A GIRL WHO WAS OKAY WH A SEX-LS MARRIAGE AND ASKED HIM TO JT “SHOW UP” AT THE WEDDG, K.D. REUNTS, ADDG SHE TOLD HIM TO PRRIZE HER HAPPS BEE SHE HAD RAISED HIM AND PROVID HIM WH CLOTHG AND A GOOD TN. “IT’S TYPIL SI BULLSH — TREATG CHILDREN AS [AN] VTMENT. I DIDN’T REALIZE THAT THIS WAS A NTRACT OF TERMS AND NDNS,” K.D. SAID. “I WAS ALSO FEELG BAD FOR HER — THROUGHOUT ALL THE VAR TACTICS WAS HER TRYG TO MAKE SENSE OF HER LIFE. [MY SEXUALY] WAS NOT SOMETHG SHE HAD EVER THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN TO HER. SHE SAW THIS AS SOMETHG THAT WAS HAPPENG TO HER. IT WAS LIKE ‘WHY ME, WHY ME?'”AFTER YEARS OF NEGOTIATNS, DURG WHICH K.D.’S MENTAL AND PHYSIL HEALTH NSIRABLY WORSENED, HE ME TO AN AGREEMENT WH HIS MOTHER — SHE WOULD TELL EVERYONE WHO ASKED AFTER HIS MARRIAGE THAT K.D. WAS ASE AND WOULD FD SOMEONE BY HIMSELF, WHILE K.D. AGREED NOT TO DISCLOSE HIS SEXUALY TO ANYBODY THEIR CIRCLE OF IENDS.“SHE HAS BLOCKED OFF THE ORIENTATN PART; SHE HAS MA PEACE WH THE FACT THAT I’M NOT GETTG MARRIED. MY PARENTS KNOW NOTHG ABOUT MY LIFE. MY EMOTNAL SI IS NOT SOMETHG THEY ARE PRIVY TO OR TERTED .”FOR K.D., THE PERD AFTER G OUT EVENTUALLY SETTLED TO A ‘DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL’ DYNAMIC WH HIS PARENTS — A SEMI-PEACEFUL SUATN THAT AROSE AFTER YEARS OF DOG MENTAL LABOR — BOTH ON HIS, AND HIS PARENTS’, PARTS.*TANYA, 31, HAS ALWAYS HAD A CLOSE RELATNSHIP WH HER PARENTS — SHE SCRIB HER FAY AS A “STRONG, TIGHT UN.” AS A 20-YEAR-OLD, TANYA WAS HER FIRST-EVER RELATNSHIP WH A WOMAN — UNTIL THEY GOT UGHT BY BOTH OF THEIR PARENTS. “IT JT SORT OF BLEW OUT OF PROPORTN. THEY MA CHANGE OUR PHONE NUMBERS AND BANNED OM SEEG EACH OTHER.” DPE THE STRICT MEASUR, TANYA SAID HER PARENTS STILL HAD HER BACK, RELLG AN STANCE WHEN HER GIRLIEND’S MOTHER WAS TO HER, AND HER PARENTS STEPPED , CHIDG THE WOMAN FOR MISTREATG THEIR DGHTER.FOR A UPLE OF YEARS, TANYA SAYS HER FATHER CHALKED OFF HER RELATNSHIP AS A MISTAKE. DURG THAT TIME, TANYA SAYS SHE DIDN’T ENTERTA ANY RELATNSHIPS WH WOMEN — PARTLY DUE TO HER PARENTS’ REACTNS THE LAST TIME SHE HAD, AND PARTLY BEE SHE WAS STILL TRYG TO FIGURE OUT HER SEXUALY. BUT, “THERE WAS HUGE GUILT ME, THAT MY PARENTS HAD STOOD BY ME. I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT THEM THROUGH THE WHOLE ‘WHAT WOULD PEOPLE SAY’ THOUGHT PROCS. I WANTED TO BE MARRIED TO A GUY, FOR THEM.”EVENTUALLY, TANYA STARTED TO WRE FOR GAYSI, AN INDIAN QUEER MEDIA OUTLET, AND STARTED MEETG OTHER QUEER PEOPLE. WHEN SHE ATTEND HER FIRST PRI THE U.S., SHE FELT PELLED TO HAVE A NVERSATN WH HER PARENTS — WHICH EVERYONE HAD BEEN AVOIDG UNTIL THAT MOMENT. WHEN TANYA ME OUT, HER MOTHER SAID SHE WAS HEARTBROKEN; HER FATHER TOLD HER BEG GAY WAS NOTHG TO BE PROUD OF. TANYA RELLS RPONDG, “IT’S NOTHG TO BE ASHAMED OF, EHER.” SHE SAYS AFTER A FEW HOURS, WHEN HER PARENTS HAD TIME TO PROCS HER G OUT, THEY HAD SAID, “‘ARE WE ECSTATIC ABOUT THIS? NO. BUT ARE WE GOG TO GET YOUR WAY? NO.’ THEY EVEN TOLD ME TO GO TO THE U.S. BEE THEY THOUGHT LIFE WOULD BE EASIER FOR ME THERE.”SCE G OUT, TANYA HAS NCERTEDLY REVEALED TAILS ABOUT HER RELATNSHIPS TO HER PARENTS; SHE HAS HAD BAT ABOUT HOMOSEXUALY WH HER MOTHER AND HAS ATTEMPTED TO EXPLA WHY G OUT TO THE LARGER POPULATN IS ALSO IMPORTANT TO HER. “I TOLD HER, YOU DON’T NEED TO GO AND SHOUT OM THE ROOFTOPS THAT YOU’RE STRAIGHT. YOU START OM GROUND ZERO, AND WE START OM THE NEGATIVE. FOR MY RIGHT TO EXIST, TO BE ABLE TO MARRY AND HAVE CHILDREN, I NEED TO FIGHT AND SPEAK OUT ALL THE TIME.”IN HER PARENTS’ IEND CIRCL, TANYA OFTEN ENUNTERS QUEERPHOBIC AND QUEER-IGNORANT PEOPLE, SHE SAYS, BUT STRS THAT ’S NOT HER PLACE TO E OUT TO HER PARENTS’ IENDS, NOR IS HER PLACE TO SCHOOL ANYONE. “AS MUCH AS IS MY RIGHT TO MUNITE AND ACT THE WAY I WANT TO, SO IS THEIRS,” SHE SAYS, ADDG SHE N WA UNTIL THEY FEEL FORTABLE TELLG THEIR OWN CIRCLE ABOUT HER SEXUALY. IN THE MEANTIME, HOWEVER, TANYA REERAT THAT HER FAY HAS NEVER STOOD HER WAY; THAT THEY HAVE HAD HER BACK. EARLIER THIS YEAR, TANYA SAYS SHE ME OUT PUBLICLY AND EVEN APPEARED A VIO WHICH SHE TALKED ABOUT HER SEXUALY.“THEY’VE NEVER E BACK AND SAID ‘WHY DID YOU DO THIS?’ THEY’VE NEVER SAID THIS IS WRONG; THE EXTEND FAY HAS PUT SO MUCH PRSURE ON THEM, ASKG THEM ‘WHY AREN’T YOU GETTG TANYA MARRIED.’ THEY READ UP ON HOMOSEXUALY; THEY FOLLOW THE NEWS,” TANYA SAYS. “I’VE BEEN LUCKY TO BE BORN TO THIS FAY.”FOR TANYA, A SLOW AND STEADY PROCS OF ASSERTG HERSELF AND CREATG SPACE FOR HER SEXUALY HER FAY ULTIMATELY LED TO A KD OF ACCEPTANCE THAT MIGHT NOT BE FULLY RMED BUT HAS CREASGLY BEE FORTABLE TO EXIST WH.*MKAN VARMA WAS 21 WHEN HER FATHER SAT HER DOWN AND ASKED IF SHE HAD A BOYIEND. WHEN VARMA SAID NO, HER FATHER ASKED IF SHE WAS GAY. “I DODGED THE QUTN SOMEHOW. AN HOUR LATER, HE ME BACK TO ASK ME IF I HAD A GIRLIEND, WHICH I DID BACK THEN. I WAS DREADG BEE HE IS AN EX-ARMY OFFICER. BUT I WENT FOR AND ALL HE SAID WAS ‘OKAY.’ NO QUTNS ASKED…. I THK THAT WAS ONE OF THE HAPPIT DAYS OF MY LIFE.”SCE, VARMA SAYS HER PARENTS REGARD HER SEXUALY AS NO DIFFERENT OM IF SHE HAD BEEN HETEROSEXUAL, ADDG THEY ARE ALSO ACMODATG OF HER GIRLIEND. “AFTER MY LAST BREAKUP, WHICH WAS ABOUT THREE YEARS AGO, THEY HAVE BEEN WORRIED BEE WAS A BTER ONE AND I WAS QUE BROKEN; THEY HAVE SEEN ME GO THROUGH AND THEY DON’T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN AGA.”WHEN HER CURRENT GIRLIEND MET VARMA’S FATHER, VARMA RELLED HER FATHER BEG “EXTREMELY SWEET; HE ASKED HER IF SHE WANTED A DRK. HE DID ASK HER A FEW QUTNS, LIKE ANY FATHER WOULD. [HE WAS] TRYG TO UNRSTAND WHERE SHE IS G OM, TRYG TO CIPHER IF THERE ARE ANY RED FLAGS; HE FOUND NONE. THEN MY GIRLIEND AND I FLEW TO DELHI BEE SHE REALLY WANTED TO MEET MY MOTHER AND MY DOG. THAT TERACTN WAS ALSO EXTREMELY WARM; THEY BOTH SPOKE AND BOND. MY DOG LOV HER, THANK GOD.”RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:GENR AND SEXUALY TERMS: A SENSIVE GLOSSARY FOR PARENTSVARMA SAYS HER PARENTS HAVE CREATED A SPACE FOR HER AND HER GIRLIEND TO EXIST FORTABLY — “[MY GIRLIEND] IS VERY RG TOWARDS MY PARENTS; SHE MEETS MY FATHER OVER THE WEEKENDS; WE GO FOR MOVI AND GO OUT FOR LUNCH. SHE ASKS HIM HOW HE IS DOG. MY FATHER EVERY MORNG SENDS HER ‘GOOD MORNG’ MSAG, WHICH IS EXTREMELY CUTE. SHE AND MY MOTHER DO VIO LLS.”SULAGNA CHATTERJEE, 23, ALSO BOASTS OF A SIARLY WELG ATMOSPHERE AT HOME. FOR CHATTERJEE, HER MOTHER WAS A BIG PART OF THE PROCS OF HER G TO TERMS WH HER BISEXUALY. IN 2016, CHATTERJEE SAID SHE WAS STGGLG WH BEG BISEXUAL, DURG WHICH TIME HER MOTHER WAS THE GREATT SOURCE OF EMOTNAL SUPPORT. WHEN CHATTERJEE WAS FALLY READY TO OFFICIALLY E OUT — CINTALLY ON THE SAME DAY THE SUPREME COURT CRIMALIZED HOMOSEXUALY SEPTEMBER 2018 — HER MOTHER’S RPONSE WAS “ANTICLIMACTIC,” CHATTERJEE REUNTS; “SHE JT SAID, ‘COOL.'”“EVEN WHEN I WAS DATG BOYS; I TOLD [MY MOTHER] ABOUT MY FIRST KISS, MY FIRST RELATNSHIP, MY FIRST HEARTBREAK … MY MOTHER IS SOMEONE WHO GIV ME A LOT OF REALY CHECKS LIFE. … AS A QUEER WOMAN WHO IS NAVIGATG HER WAY THROUGH DATG WOMEN, WE DON’T HAVE REFERENCE POTS WHEN TO WHAT IS HEALTHY OR UNHEALTHY BEHAVR; THE ONLY NO-NO IS DON’T BE A TRASHY GUY; … WHAT WOULD A GUY DO THAT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL UNFORTABLE, DON’T DO THAT,” CHATTERJEE SAID, ADDG HER MOTHER HAS OFTEN LLED HER OUT ON UNHEALTHY BEHAVRS RELATNSHIPS.WHEN CHATTERJEE WENT THROUGH A ROUGH HEARTBREAK, SHE SAYS HER MOTHER WAS THERE FOR HER — SOMETIM WH A SHOULR TO CRY ON AND A GLASS OF VODKA AFTER. DPE THE CLOSENS, CHATERJEE ADMS, “IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO OPEN UP TO THEM EVEN THOUGH I’VE BEEN CLOSE WH THEM — THERE WAS SOME KD OF A MENTAL BLOCK FOR ME.”*WHILE G OUT AND BEG OPEN AND FORTABLE WH ONE’S OWN SEXUALY OR GENR INTY N BE NAVIGATED BY SOME, ’S ALSO NOT AN OPTN FOR MANY.“SOME OF NEGOTIATE ACCEPTANCE AND FEARS OF REJECTN MORE AMBIGUO WAYS,” G.V., 21, WHO INTIFI AS NON-BARY AND PANSEXUAL, SAID. “I THK SOME OF N’T E OUT. WE ARE ALREADY DIFFERENT THE WORLD’S EY; PEOPLE AROUND SEE , EVEN IF THEY DON’T HAVE THE VOBULARY TO REGNIZE OR UNRSTAND AT THE TIME. … INSTEAD OF DRAMATIC GS-OUT, I THK MANY OF TT THE WATERS — REJECTG CERTA FORMS OF MASCULE PERFORMANCE, FOR EXAMPLE.”IN LLEGE, G.V. WORE LIPSTICK, KAJAL AND HAD SHOULR-LENGTH HAIR — ONLY THE HAIR REMAED WHEN THEY MOVED BACK HOME. EVEN THEN, G.V. WAS TOLD BY THEIR PARENTS NOT TO “LOOK LIKE A GIRL.” “I MA A BUNDLE OF MY LIPSTICK, NAIL POLISH, AND KAJAL, AND GAVE THEM AWAY. I RETREATED TO THE STRANGE, UNCERTA SAFETY OF THE CLOSET,” G.V. SAID, ADDG THAT THEIR PARENTS HAVE HAD SPICNS OVER THE YEARS REGARDG THEIR MASCULY, WHICH THEY HAVE FEND OFF BY GROWG A MTACHE OR A BEARD.“OF URSE SO MANY OF LIVE DOUBLE LIV, LIV MANY MULTIPL,” WHICH G.V. LLS WATERTIGHT PARTMENTS. “MAYBE THEY’LL LLAPSE TO EACH OTHER SOMEDAY.”RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:CAN PARENTG LGBTQ KIDS BE 100% SUPPORTIVE INDIA?A MAJOR PART OF NOT DISCLOSG THEIR INTY TO THEIR FAY IS ALSO ABOUT G.V.’S NTEMPLATN OF MASCULY, THEY SAY. “I THK I FLED OM HETERO-ISH ENUNTERS BEE I ULD NEVER FEEL MASCULE ENOUGH. … FOR WHATEVER REASON, I’M A B SRED OF DRIVG; SO MY BROTHER DRIV, OR RIS SHOTGUN. … I DON’T KNOW IF I’M READG TO THIS, BUT I ALMOST ALWAYS KNOW THAT MY PLACE IS ALWAYS SOMEHOW GOG TO BE AS LS OF A MAN.”WHEN G.V.’S PARENTS ASK THEM IF THEY HAVE “ANY ODD TENNCI” OR IF THEY ARE “ONE OF THOSE ODDBALLS,” OR EVEN WHEN THEIR PARENTS TELL THEM THEY WOULD BE “LOVED NO MATTER WHAT” — THEIR “REACTN WAS MOSTLY KNEE-JERK NIAL.” COMG OUT IS UNRSTOOD A “PAFULLY UNIDIMENSNAL WAY,” G.V. SAYS, WHICH “RARELY ACUNTS FOR HOW THE NEWLY EMERGENT TTHS GRAPPLE WH EXISTG, AND OFTEN TOXIC, FAY DYNAMICS.”“THERE’S A WORLD OF NFED, BLEAK GREY BETWEEN THE RABOW-TTED FAY ACCEPTANCE, AND GETTG DISHERED AND THROWN OUT.”SHARE TAGS FAY | FAY MATTERS | HOMOPHOBIA | LGBTQIA+ | QUEER BEAT | SEXUALY WRTEN BY RAJVI DAI RAJVI DAI IS THE SWADDLE’S CULTURE EDOR. AFTER GRADUATG OM NYU AS A JOURNALISM AND POLICS MAJOR, SHE VERED BREAKG NEWS AND POLICS NEW YORK CY, AND DABBLED SIGN AND ENTERTAMENT JOURNALISM. BACK THE HOMELAND, SHE’S TERTED TACKLG BETY, SPORTS, POLICS AND HUMAN RIGHTS HER GENR-FOCED WRG, WHILE ALSO -MANAGG THE SWADDLE TEAM’S PODST, RPECTFULLY DISAGREE. SEE ALL ARTICL BY RAJVILATT CULTURE ARTICL WHOSE DATA IS IT?YOU OWN YOUR DATA EVEN LS NOW
• INDIA'S FIRST OPENLY GAY PRCE ENDURED YEARS OF TORTURO NVERSN THERAPY. NOW, HE'S FIGHTG TO MAKE THE PRACTICE ILLEGAL.
• THE SLOW EVOLUTN OF GAY CULTURE INDIA
• FIRST OPENLY GAY INDIAN PRCE TALKS ABOUT COMG OUT

THIS IS WHAT IT’S LIKE TO COME OUT AS QUEER INDIABY ADI MURTI JAN 14, 2020SHARE IMAGE CRED: SHUTTERSTOCKACRDG TO HISTORIAN GEE CHNCEY, THE PHRASE “G OUT” — MONLY ED TO NOTE PUBLICLY REVEALG ONE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATN AS LGBTQIA+ — OW S GENIS TO BUTANTE BALLS, AT WHICH YOUNG WOMEN PRENTED THEMSELV TO SOCIETY. HOWEVER, RATHER THAN A ‘BUT,’ G OUT WAS MORE A PHASE OF DISVERY. HE WROTE, “IN THE 1920S REFERRED TO IATN TO THE GAY WORLD, AND EVEN WHEN ‘G OUT’ WAS ED A NARROWER SENSE, TO REFER TO THE PROCS BY WHICH SOMEONE ME TO REGNIZE HIS SEXUAL TERT OTHER MEN, REFERRED TO SOMETHG OTHER THAN A SOLARY EXPERIENCE.”  IN INDIA, WHERE NSERVATIVE ATTUS TOWARDS LGBTQIA+ INTI OFTEN MORPH TO STIGMA AND VLENCE, G OUT TO ONE’S FAY AND LOVED ON N LEAD TO A HOR OF TERRIBLE NSEQUENC, OM DISOWNG TO HONOR KILLG TO RRECTIVE RAP.COMG OUT AS QUEER IS NO PLEASANT S SCENE, NO INSTAGRAM QUOTE AFFIRMATN. IT IS OFTEN AS FEARSOME, GUT-WRENCHG, AND PANIC-DUCG AS IS AN OUTPOURG OF RELIEF AND JOY. BUT G OUT IS THE BEDROCK OF DIVIDUAL QUEER INTY AND IS EPLY TERTWED WH MENTAL STABILY. THIS ALSO MAK G OUT TENSELY PERSONAL, AS , THERE’S NO RRECT WAY TO E OUT. HOWEVER, THERE DO EXIST MONALI EXPERIENC WH THE INDIAN NTEXT — BOTH GOOD AND BAD — THAT ULD PERHAPS MAKE GEARG UP TO E OUT A LS SOLARY EXPERIENCE. WE SPOKE TO MULTIPLE QUEER PEOPLE WHO HAVE E OUT TO FAY AND IENDS AND A QUEER-AFFIRMG THERAPIST TO UNRSTAND THE PSYCHOLOGIL TRIALS AND TRIUMPHS OF G OUT AS QUEER.RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:ONE YEAR SCE THE SECTN 377 VERDICT, WHAT HAS CHANGED?“[SEXUALY] IS THE BASIS OF ONE OF THE FACTORS THAT MAKE UP YOUR INTY, AND ’S POSSIBLE THAT IF YOU DON’T E OUT, YOU WON’T FEEL LIKE YOUR THENTIC SELF,” SAID ISHA GUPTA, A QUEER-AFFIRMG UNSELG PSYCHOLOGIST AND FOUNR OF BREAKTHROUGH COUNSELLG, MUMBAI. BEE QUEERNS IS SUCH A VAL PART OF ONE’S INTY AND LIFTYLE, LIVG BEHD A CLOSET TAK A TOLL ON MENTAL HEALTH. A CLOSETED QUEER PERSON — PECIALLY THOSE MARRIED — ULD DISSOCIATE, OR PH THE THOUGHT OF THEIR INTY FAR AWAY OM THEIR MDS DUE TO THE STRS ED BY THOUGHTS OF G OUT. A PERMANENTLY CLOSETED LIFE ULD BE POPULATED WH EP UNHAPPS, SECRETS, MARRIAG OF NVENIENCE, OTHER, MORE DANGERO PG MECHANISMS, AND SKG TO PRSN OR SUICIDAL IATN. “I HAD NO IA WHAT TO EXPECT OR WHAT TO EVEN SAY — THE LANGUAGE FELT SO ‘WTERN’ AND FOREIGN.”PRIYA ARORA, 30, QUEER, NONBARY BEYOND SEXUALY, DIVIDUALS WHO FEEL LIKE THEY AREN’T THE GENR THEY WERE ASSIGNED AT BIRTH, OR DON’T INTIFY WH ONE SPECIFIC GENR, OR DON’T WANT TO BE EHER GENR AT ALL (THAT IS, GENRQUEER/NON-BARY AND TRANSGENR DIVIDUALS), MAY HAVE TO HI BOTH THEIR GENR INTY AND SEXUALY — WHICH N BE CREDIBLY DIFFICULT. GUPTA ADD, “IT’S EXTREMELY DIFFICULT WH GENR DYSPHORIA OF ANY KD,” REFERRG TO THE DISTRS ED BY A MISMATCH FELT BETWEEN GENR INTY AND SEX ASSIGNED AT BIRTH. “MOST KIDS ONLY E TO TERMS WH THIS FEELG OF OTHERNS RATHER THAN BEG TOLD ’S NORMAL. PL, DYSPHORIA MIGHT GET ELEVATED IF YOU DON’T E OUT.”SCE G OUT N BE A MENTALLY TAXG ACTIVY, WAG TO DO IS ALSO QUE STRSFUL. “THE LEAD UP WAS UNBEARABLE — PART OF ME JT WANTED TO DO ASAP AND GET OVER WH, AND THE OTHER PART WAS SO FEARFUL OF WHAT BOTH THE IMMEDIATE AND LONG-TERM REACTN WOULD BE. I HAD NO IA WHAT TO EXPECT OR WHAT TO EVEN SAY — THE LANGUAGE FELT SO ‘WTERN’ AND FOREIGN, AND I HAD TO FD A WAY TO TALK ABOUT GENR AND SEXUALY, WHICH HAD NEVER BEFORE REALLY BEEN DISCSED MY FAY,” SAID PRIYA ARORA, 30, QUEER, NONBARY, AND HOST OF THE PODST QUEERG DI. ADI, 36, WHO INTIFI AS A LBIAN, ADD, “I WAS EXTREMELY ANX, EMOTNAL, FELT EXPOSED BEE I ULDN’T PRETEND EVERYTHG WAS HUNKY-DORY AND THIS LEAD ME SLEEPLS NIGHTS, FEELG VULNERABLE.”HOWEVER, G OUT IS NOT A ONE-TIME THG, UNFORTUNATELY. IT IS A LONG, VOLATILE, EVOLVG, REPETIVE SERI OF NVERSATNS ABOUT ONE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATN. OVER TIME, AS ONE GETS MORE FORTABLE WH THEIR INTY, THE PROCS BE A LOT EASIER AND A LTLE LS TRATG TO EXPLA. “FOR QUEER PEOPLE, EVERY NEW PERSON IS A VARIABLE THAT GETS FED TO A MENTAL ARHMETIC OF TRYG TO CI WHETHER IS SAFE TO E OUT TO THIS PERSON, AND HOW MUCH OF MY INTY I SHOULD SHARE WH THEM,” SAID ARVD, 24, WHO INTIFI AS GENRQUEER AND BISEXUAL.RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE OPENLY QUEER AND EXIST WH AN INDIAN FAYWHILE G OUT, IS ALSO IMPORTANT TO NOTE THE IMMEDIATE CULTURAL ENVIRONMENT, TIMATE THE POTENTIAL REACTN AND PREPARE FOR ACRDGLY. MULTIPLE SOURC FOR THIS PIECE STRSED THE IMPORTANCE OF FANCIAL PENNCE, EMOTNAL STABILY, AND A STRONG SUPPORT SYSTEM PECIALLY BEFORE G OUT TO ONE’S FAY. “IN A FEW S, WHERE PARENTS ARE ULTRA-NSERVATIVE — AND THERE ARE MANY — MIGHT BE PNT TO WA TILL YOU ARE SO FAR AWAY THAT THEY N NOT PHYSILLY HARM YOU. I ALSO BELIEVE IS BETTER TO FD EMPLOYMENT METRO CI IF YOU ARE QUEER, AS YOU GET TO MEET MORE PEOPLE OM THE MUNY AND IS MORE ACCEPTABLE PARED TO TIER 2 AND TIER 3 CI,” SAID ABHAV DEVARIA, 25. “THE ONLY REASON MY G OUT HAD NO REPERCSNS WAS THAT I HAD SPENT YEARS MAKG VERY CLEAR TO MY FAY THAT THEY HAD NO SAY, NO NTROL, OVER ANYTHG I DID WH MY LIFE,” SAID ANHKA SIERRA, 27.“MY FIRST BIG PROBLEM AFTER I ME OUT WAS THAT I HAD TO FD A QUEER-IENDLY GENR-AFFIRMG THERAPIST AS SOON AS I ULD. MY EMOTNAL SAFETY PEND ON THAT.” ARVD, 24, WHO INTIFI AS GENRQUEER AND BISEXUAL WHILE G OUT, SEEKG OUT THE RIGHT THERAPIST IS ALSO PIVOTAL TO ONE’S MENTAL HEALTH. “MY FIRST BIG PROBLEM AFTER I ME OUT WAS THAT I HAD TO FD A QUEER-IENDLY GENR-AFFIRMG THERAPIST AS SOON AS I ULD. MY EMOTNAL SAFETY PEND ON THAT. MY PARENTS TOLD ME THEY WANTED ME TO GET CERTIFIED BY A THERAPIST THAT I’M ‘NORMAL,’ BUT I’D SOON E TO REALIZE THAT WHAT THEY MEANT WAS THAT THEY WILL FIRST ATTEMPT TO ‘CURE’ ME AND ONLY UPON SUFFICIENT E TO BELIEVE THAT THIS N’T BE CURED, NSIR ACCEPTG ME,” SAID ARVD. HE ADD, “THIS LEFT THE FIELD WI OPEN FOR GRIFTERS AND NVERSN THERAPISTS TO START SPNG THEIR STORI. ONE ALLEGEDLY TOLD MY PARENTS THAT HE WOULD CURE ME, BUT ONLY IF I CUT OFF ALL NTACT WH THE LGBTQ+ MUNY, WHICH WOULD OTHERWISE ‘BRAWASH’ ME.”ANOTHER IMPORTANT POTENTIAL OCCURRENCE TO BRACE FOR IS WHEN SOMEONE ELSE REVEALS ONE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATN, OR ‘OUTS’ ONE, BEFORE ONE N E OUT. “A MAN ON A DATG SE THREATENED TO OUT ME TO MY PARENTS. I WAS TERRIFIED OF THE NSEQUENC. I FELT UNPREPARED, UNGUID AND ILL-EQUIPPED TO AL WH THE SUATN. [BUT] MY TTH WAS ME TO TELL. I WAS A SUATN WHERE I ULD BE ROBBED OF THIS OPPORTUNY AND HENCE CHOSE TO TAKE THE STEP BEFORE ANYONE TOOK AWAY OM ME,” SAID PARTH RAHATEKAR, 20, WHO ALSO ADD, “YOUR STORY IS YOURS TO TELL. YOUR LABELS ARE YOURS TO FE. BUT, YOUR PHYSIL SAFETY IS ABOVE EVERYTHG ELSE, SO PLEASE DO NOT FEEL PRSURED TO BE BRAVE IF YOU MAY BE DANGER OF BEG HURT. INSI THE CLOSET OR OUT OF — YOU ARE VALUED, LOVED AND VALID.”RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:‘MOOTHON’ STRIPS QUEER LOVE OF STEREOTYP, SIGNALS SHIFT MALAYALAM CEMAIF G OUT LEADS TO FEELG SHAME, GUILT, AND HUIATN, GUPTA TOUGH LOVE TO REMEND A SURVIVAL MECHANISM. “IF YOU ARE A TERRIBLE SUATN AND THERE’S NO WAY OUT, YOU WILL BE ONE OF THE LNS WHO WILL HAVE AWFUL LIV, AND LIFE IS NEVER FAIR. I UNRSTAND THAT THIS IS AWFUL, BUT PEOPLE WILL NOT STOP BEG UNFAIR TO YOU, AND THERE’S NOT MUCH YOU N DO. WHAT LTLE YOU N DO, IS NCENTRATG ON THE PARTS THAT REWARD YOU. WHAT YOU N ALSO DO IS TRY TO FLUENCE BEHAVR — RATHER THAN NTROLLG, SAY YOUR PARENTS’ VOLATILE REACTN TO YOUR INTY BY FIGHTG BACK AND MAKG YOUR SUATN WORSE, IS THERE ANYTHG YOU N DO TO FLECT FOC AND STEER TOWARDS POSIVY?” GUPTA SAYS. “IT MAY SOUND BLEAK AND NOT RIGHT TO WORK YOUR WAY AROUND YOUR OWN INTY, BUT NSIR A TEMPORARY PG MECHANISM WHILE YOU WORK YOUR WAY TOWARDS PENNCE.”COMG OUT MAY SOUND TERRIFYG, BUT IS ALSO ONE OF THE BRAVT, OLT, MOST IMPORTANT WAYS A QUEER DIVIDUAL N E OF AGE AND STAND UP FOR THEMSELV. HOWEVER, REMAS IMPORTANT TO DO ONE’S DUE DILIGENCE AND PROTECT ONE’S SAFETY AND MENTAL HEALTH BEFORE ATTEMPTG TO DO SO, PECIALLY A NSERVATIVE ENVIRONMENT.ALSO, HERE’S AN TERTG TIDB: WHEN ASKED IF THEY REGRETTED G OUT, NOT A SGLE TERVIEW SUBJECT SAID THEY REGRETTED OR WILL EVER REGRET .SHARE TAGS G OF AGE | FGERS CROSSED | LGBTQIA+ WRTEN BY ADI MURTI ADI MURTI IS A CULTURE WRER AT THE SWADDLE. PREVLY, SHE WORKED AS A EELANCE JOURNALIST FOCED ON GENR AND CI. FD HER ON SOCIAL MEDIA @ADIMURTI. SEE ALL ARTICL BY ADILATT CULTURE ARTICL WHOSE DATA IS IT?YOU OWN YOUR DATA EVEN LS NOW

In 2017, when he told his parents he was gay, their illn of him as the perfect son shattered. Unlike Sourav, who nfintly asserts himself as a gay man spe the phback om his loved on, back the 1980s and 1990s, I had no termology to scribe what I was.

There was emotnal blackmail, cludg beg blamed for his mother’s illns; beg taken by his parents to nsult a homophobic nropsychiatrist who diagnosed him wh a “sexual disorr”, prcribed meditn for and remend unsellg to rrect his ways; and opprsive parental surveillance, aid by the lack of privacy their two-room home. To his horror, she told him that he was “not normal”, followed by advice monly given to young gay men: bee more “mascule”. He believ that if his father had not been homophobic, his mother would have e around by now.

IN INDIA, A GAY PRCE’S COMG OUT EARNS ACLAS, AND ENEMI

The transphobic and homophobic people peddlg illegal, unscpulo treatments are not likely to disappear overnight.

WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE OPENLY QUEER AND EXIST WH AN INDIAN FAYBY RAJVI DAI SEP 26, 2019SHARE IMAGE CRED: EK LADKI KO DEKHA TO AISA LAGA (VOD CHOPRA FILMS)COMG OUT OF THE CLOSET — SELF-DISCLOSG ONE’S SEXUAL AND/OR GENR INTY — FOR MEMBERS OF THE LGBTQIA+ MUNY IS OFTEN A DNTG PROCS REPLETE WH UNCERTATI. IN A QUEERPHOBIC OR QUEER-IGNORANT SOCIETY, G OUT TO IENDS, FAY, OR ON PUBLIC PLATFORMS N CE A RANGE OF RPONS — OM ABSOLUTE ANTIPATHY TO NDNAL OR UNWTG ACCEPTANCE TO A LOVG AND WELG EMBRACE. EVEN IF THE RPONSE IS RELATIVELY POSIVE, FAIAL ACCEPTANCE OF QUEERNS EXISTS ON A SPECTM — OFTEN TERMED BY HOW EVERYDAY ROUT AND TERACTNS ARE HANDLED BY ALL PARTI VOLVED.WHAT HAPPENS AFTER A QUEER PERSON OUT? THE HARD PART MAY BE OVER, BUT WHAT FOLLOWS IS A DAILY, UNRELENTG NEGOTIATN ASKG FOR PLETE EEDOM AND UNRSTANDG — ONE WHICH OFTEN F FAIAL RELATNSHIPS FOR LIFE. WE ASKED QUEER INDIANS ABOUT THEIR RELATNSHIPS WH THEIR FAI AND WHAT THEIR ROUT LOOK LIKE.*K.D., 36, KNEW HE WAS GAY SCE HE WAS A 13-YEAR-OLD BOY. GROWG UP A FAY THAT STRSED AMIC EXCELLENCE, HOWEVER, LED HIM DOWN A PATH OF ACCUMULATG GRE AND GAG PROFSNAL EXPERIENCE, WHICH LEFT LTLE TIME FOR EXPLORG HIS SEXUALY WH OTHERS. AT 27, WHEN HE MOVED BACK HOME AFTER STUDYG ABROAD, HIS PARENTS STARTED PRSURG HIM TO GET MARRIED. UNR THE PRETEXT OF FDG HIM A JOB, HIS PARENTS WRANGLED HIS RUME OUT OF HIM, WHICH, TURNED OUT, THEY ED TO SEND TO POTENTIAL MATCH FOR HIS MARRIAGE.AT A LOSS OF WHAT TO SAY TO HIS NSERVATIVE PARENTS, HE ASKED FOR A BUFFER TIME OF TWO YEARS, HOPG HIS MOTHER WOULD FET ABOUT FDG HIM A WIFE. TWO YEARS PASSED, BUT HIS MOTHER DIDN’T BACK DOWN. K.D. THOUGHT, “GAME OVER.” HE ME OUT TO HIS SISTER, HOPG SHE WOULD HELP HIM WH HIS PARENTS. “SHE SAID SHE WOULD SUPPORT ME BUT IS NOT GOG TO DO MY ‘DIRTY WORK’ FOR ME.” FALLY, K.D. TOLD HIS PARENTS HE ULDN’T MARRY, BEE HE WAS GAY. HIS MOTHER’S FIRST REACTN WAS FLAT OUT NIAL, WHERE SHE PARED HIM TO HIJRAS SHE HAD SEEN PUBLIC, MISTAKG THEM FOR HOMOSEXUAL MEN. HIS FATHER, K.D. RELLS, WHILE EXPRSG NONCHALANCE AT HIS SON’S WISH TO NOT GET MARRIED, ASKED K.D., “DO YOU NOT GET AN ERECTN?”FORTUNATELY, BY THEN, K.D. WAS LIVG BY HIMSELF AND ULD ENJOY CERTA SOCIAL EEDOMS WHOUT NEEDG HIS PARENTS’ PERMISSN. HIS MOTHER, HOWEVER, K.D. SAYS, WAS RELENTLS — SHE NSTANTLY PTERED HIM TO BE LIKE OTHER GAY MEN SHE KNEW WHO WERE OLR, HAD BEEN FORCED TO SUPPRS THEIR SEXUALY, MARRY WOMEN AND HAVE CHILDREN. THEN, K.D. RELLS, SHE NSULTED A “HOMOSEXUALY SPECIALIST,” WHO ADVISED HER TO TELL K.D. TO “NOT BE GAY” FOR TWO YEARS, AFTER WHICH K.D. WOULD BEE STRAIGHT. “SHE WAS ASKG ME TO BE CELIBATE FOR TWO YEARS. I TOLD HER, ‘I’LL BE CELIBATE FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I WILL STILL BE GAY.'” THEN, “SHE SAID, ‘YOU BE GAY; KEEP AS A HOBBY. BUT YOU GET MARRIED.'”RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:PARENTS EVERYWHERE STGGLE TO TALK TO LGBTQ KIDS ABOUT SEXWHEN K.D. TOLD HER HE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO NSUMMATE THE MARRIAGE AND THAT HE HAD NO SIRE TO ANOTHER WOMAN’S LIFE, SHE FOUND A GIRL WHO WAS OKAY WH A SEX-LS MARRIAGE AND ASKED HIM TO JT “SHOW UP” AT THE WEDDG, K.D. REUNTS, ADDG SHE TOLD HIM TO PRRIZE HER HAPPS BEE SHE HAD RAISED HIM AND PROVID HIM WH CLOTHG AND A GOOD TN. “IT’S TYPIL SI BULLSH — TREATG CHILDREN AS [AN] VTMENT. I DIDN’T REALIZE THAT THIS WAS A NTRACT OF TERMS AND NDNS,” K.D. SAID. “I WAS ALSO FEELG BAD FOR HER — THROUGHOUT ALL THE VAR TACTICS WAS HER TRYG TO MAKE SENSE OF HER LIFE. [MY SEXUALY] WAS NOT SOMETHG SHE HAD EVER THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN TO HER. SHE SAW THIS AS SOMETHG THAT WAS HAPPENG TO HER. IT WAS LIKE ‘WHY ME, WHY ME?'”AFTER YEARS OF NEGOTIATNS, DURG WHICH K.D.’S MENTAL AND PHYSIL HEALTH NSIRABLY WORSENED, HE ME TO AN AGREEMENT WH HIS MOTHER — SHE WOULD TELL EVERYONE WHO ASKED AFTER HIS MARRIAGE THAT K.D. WAS ASE AND WOULD FD SOMEONE BY HIMSELF, WHILE K.D. AGREED NOT TO DISCLOSE HIS SEXUALY TO ANYBODY THEIR CIRCLE OF IENDS.“SHE HAS BLOCKED OFF THE ORIENTATN PART; SHE HAS MA PEACE WH THE FACT THAT I’M NOT GETTG MARRIED. MY PARENTS KNOW NOTHG ABOUT MY LIFE. MY EMOTNAL SI IS NOT SOMETHG THEY ARE PRIVY TO OR TERTED .”FOR K.D., THE PERD AFTER G OUT EVENTUALLY SETTLED TO A ‘DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL’ DYNAMIC WH HIS PARENTS — A SEMI-PEACEFUL SUATN THAT AROSE AFTER YEARS OF DOG MENTAL LABOR — BOTH ON HIS, AND HIS PARENTS’, PARTS.*TANYA, 31, HAS ALWAYS HAD A CLOSE RELATNSHIP WH HER PARENTS — SHE SCRIB HER FAY AS A “STRONG, TIGHT UN.” AS A 20-YEAR-OLD, TANYA WAS HER FIRST-EVER RELATNSHIP WH A WOMAN — UNTIL THEY GOT UGHT BY BOTH OF THEIR PARENTS. “IT JT SORT OF BLEW OUT OF PROPORTN. THEY MA CHANGE OUR PHONE NUMBERS AND BANNED OM SEEG EACH OTHER.” DPE THE STRICT MEASUR, TANYA SAID HER PARENTS STILL HAD HER BACK, RELLG AN STANCE WHEN HER GIRLIEND’S MOTHER WAS TO HER, AND HER PARENTS STEPPED , CHIDG THE WOMAN FOR MISTREATG THEIR DGHTER.FOR A UPLE OF YEARS, TANYA SAYS HER FATHER CHALKED OFF HER RELATNSHIP AS A MISTAKE. DURG THAT TIME, TANYA SAYS SHE DIDN’T ENTERTA ANY RELATNSHIPS WH WOMEN — PARTLY DUE TO HER PARENTS’ REACTNS THE LAST TIME SHE HAD, AND PARTLY BEE SHE WAS STILL TRYG TO FIGURE OUT HER SEXUALY. BUT, “THERE WAS HUGE GUILT ME, THAT MY PARENTS HAD STOOD BY ME. I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT THEM THROUGH THE WHOLE ‘WHAT WOULD PEOPLE SAY’ THOUGHT PROCS. I WANTED TO BE MARRIED TO A GUY, FOR THEM.”EVENTUALLY, TANYA STARTED TO WRE FOR GAYSI, AN INDIAN QUEER MEDIA OUTLET, AND STARTED MEETG OTHER QUEER PEOPLE. WHEN SHE ATTEND HER FIRST PRI THE U.S., SHE FELT PELLED TO HAVE A NVERSATN WH HER PARENTS — WHICH EVERYONE HAD BEEN AVOIDG UNTIL THAT MOMENT. WHEN TANYA ME OUT, HER MOTHER SAID SHE WAS HEARTBROKEN; HER FATHER TOLD HER BEG GAY WAS NOTHG TO BE PROUD OF. TANYA RELLS RPONDG, “IT’S NOTHG TO BE ASHAMED OF, EHER.” SHE SAYS AFTER A FEW HOURS, WHEN HER PARENTS HAD TIME TO PROCS HER G OUT, THEY HAD SAID, “‘ARE WE ECSTATIC ABOUT THIS? NO. BUT ARE WE GOG TO GET YOUR WAY? NO.’ THEY EVEN TOLD ME TO GO TO THE U.S. BEE THEY THOUGHT LIFE WOULD BE EASIER FOR ME THERE.”SCE G OUT, TANYA HAS NCERTEDLY REVEALED TAILS ABOUT HER RELATNSHIPS TO HER PARENTS; SHE HAS HAD BAT ABOUT HOMOSEXUALY WH HER MOTHER AND HAS ATTEMPTED TO EXPLA WHY G OUT TO THE LARGER POPULATN IS ALSO IMPORTANT TO HER. “I TOLD HER, YOU DON’T NEED TO GO AND SHOUT OM THE ROOFTOPS THAT YOU’RE STRAIGHT. YOU START OM GROUND ZERO, AND WE START OM THE NEGATIVE. FOR MY RIGHT TO EXIST, TO BE ABLE TO MARRY AND HAVE CHILDREN, I NEED TO FIGHT AND SPEAK OUT ALL THE TIME.”IN HER PARENTS’ IEND CIRCL, TANYA OFTEN ENUNTERS QUEERPHOBIC AND QUEER-IGNORANT PEOPLE, SHE SAYS, BUT STRS THAT ’S NOT HER PLACE TO E OUT TO HER PARENTS’ IENDS, NOR IS HER PLACE TO SCHOOL ANYONE. “AS MUCH AS IS MY RIGHT TO MUNITE AND ACT THE WAY I WANT TO, SO IS THEIRS,” SHE SAYS, ADDG SHE N WA UNTIL THEY FEEL FORTABLE TELLG THEIR OWN CIRCLE ABOUT HER SEXUALY. IN THE MEANTIME, HOWEVER, TANYA REERAT THAT HER FAY HAS NEVER STOOD HER WAY; THAT THEY HAVE HAD HER BACK. EARLIER THIS YEAR, TANYA SAYS SHE ME OUT PUBLICLY AND EVEN APPEARED A VIO WHICH SHE TALKED ABOUT HER SEXUALY.“THEY’VE NEVER E BACK AND SAID ‘WHY DID YOU DO THIS?’ THEY’VE NEVER SAID THIS IS WRONG; THE EXTEND FAY HAS PUT SO MUCH PRSURE ON THEM, ASKG THEM ‘WHY AREN’T YOU GETTG TANYA MARRIED.’ THEY READ UP ON HOMOSEXUALY; THEY FOLLOW THE NEWS,” TANYA SAYS. “I’VE BEEN LUCKY TO BE BORN TO THIS FAY.”FOR TANYA, A SLOW AND STEADY PROCS OF ASSERTG HERSELF AND CREATG SPACE FOR HER SEXUALY HER FAY ULTIMATELY LED TO A KD OF ACCEPTANCE THAT MIGHT NOT BE FULLY RMED BUT HAS CREASGLY BEE FORTABLE TO EXIST WH.*MKAN VARMA WAS 21 WHEN HER FATHER SAT HER DOWN AND ASKED IF SHE HAD A BOYIEND. WHEN VARMA SAID NO, HER FATHER ASKED IF SHE WAS GAY. “I DODGED THE QUTN SOMEHOW. AN HOUR LATER, HE ME BACK TO ASK ME IF I HAD A GIRLIEND, WHICH I DID BACK THEN. I WAS DREADG BEE HE IS AN EX-ARMY OFFICER. BUT I WENT FOR AND ALL HE SAID WAS ‘OKAY.’ NO QUTNS ASKED…. I THK THAT WAS ONE OF THE HAPPIT DAYS OF MY LIFE.”SCE, VARMA SAYS HER PARENTS REGARD HER SEXUALY AS NO DIFFERENT OM IF SHE HAD BEEN HETEROSEXUAL, ADDG THEY ARE ALSO ACMODATG OF HER GIRLIEND. “AFTER MY LAST BREAKUP, WHICH WAS ABOUT THREE YEARS AGO, THEY HAVE BEEN WORRIED BEE WAS A BTER ONE AND I WAS QUE BROKEN; THEY HAVE SEEN ME GO THROUGH AND THEY DON’T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN AGA.”WHEN HER CURRENT GIRLIEND MET VARMA’S FATHER, VARMA RELLED HER FATHER BEG “EXTREMELY SWEET; HE ASKED HER IF SHE WANTED A DRK. HE DID ASK HER A FEW QUTNS, LIKE ANY FATHER WOULD. [HE WAS] TRYG TO UNRSTAND WHERE SHE IS G OM, TRYG TO CIPHER IF THERE ARE ANY RED FLAGS; HE FOUND NONE. THEN MY GIRLIEND AND I FLEW TO DELHI BEE SHE REALLY WANTED TO MEET MY MOTHER AND MY DOG. THAT TERACTN WAS ALSO EXTREMELY WARM; THEY BOTH SPOKE AND BOND. MY DOG LOV HER, THANK GOD.”RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:GENR AND SEXUALY TERMS: A SENSIVE GLOSSARY FOR PARENTSVARMA SAYS HER PARENTS HAVE CREATED A SPACE FOR HER AND HER GIRLIEND TO EXIST FORTABLY — “[MY GIRLIEND] IS VERY RG TOWARDS MY PARENTS; SHE MEETS MY FATHER OVER THE WEEKENDS; WE GO FOR MOVI AND GO OUT FOR LUNCH. SHE ASKS HIM HOW HE IS DOG. MY FATHER EVERY MORNG SENDS HER ‘GOOD MORNG’ MSAG, WHICH IS EXTREMELY CUTE. SHE AND MY MOTHER DO VIO LLS.”SULAGNA CHATTERJEE, 23, ALSO BOASTS OF A SIARLY WELG ATMOSPHERE AT HOME. FOR CHATTERJEE, HER MOTHER WAS A BIG PART OF THE PROCS OF HER G TO TERMS WH HER BISEXUALY. IN 2016, CHATTERJEE SAID SHE WAS STGGLG WH BEG BISEXUAL, DURG WHICH TIME HER MOTHER WAS THE GREATT SOURCE OF EMOTNAL SUPPORT. WHEN CHATTERJEE WAS FALLY READY TO OFFICIALLY E OUT — CINTALLY ON THE SAME DAY THE SUPREME COURT CRIMALIZED HOMOSEXUALY SEPTEMBER 2018 — HER MOTHER’S RPONSE WAS “ANTICLIMACTIC,” CHATTERJEE REUNTS; “SHE JT SAID, ‘COOL.'”“EVEN WHEN I WAS DATG BOYS; I TOLD [MY MOTHER] ABOUT MY FIRST KISS, MY FIRST RELATNSHIP, MY FIRST HEARTBREAK … MY MOTHER IS SOMEONE WHO GIV ME A LOT OF REALY CHECKS LIFE. … AS A QUEER WOMAN WHO IS NAVIGATG HER WAY THROUGH DATG WOMEN, WE DON’T HAVE REFERENCE POTS WHEN TO WHAT IS HEALTHY OR UNHEALTHY BEHAVR; THE ONLY NO-NO IS DON’T BE A TRASHY GUY; … WHAT WOULD A GUY DO THAT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL UNFORTABLE, DON’T DO THAT,” CHATTERJEE SAID, ADDG HER MOTHER HAS OFTEN LLED HER OUT ON UNHEALTHY BEHAVRS RELATNSHIPS.WHEN CHATTERJEE WENT THROUGH A ROUGH HEARTBREAK, SHE SAYS HER MOTHER WAS THERE FOR HER — SOMETIM WH A SHOULR TO CRY ON AND A GLASS OF VODKA AFTER. DPE THE CLOSENS, CHATERJEE ADMS, “IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO OPEN UP TO THEM EVEN THOUGH I’VE BEEN CLOSE WH THEM — THERE WAS SOME KD OF A MENTAL BLOCK FOR ME.”*WHILE G OUT AND BEG OPEN AND FORTABLE WH ONE’S OWN SEXUALY OR GENR INTY N BE NAVIGATED BY SOME, ’S ALSO NOT AN OPTN FOR MANY.“SOME OF NEGOTIATE ACCEPTANCE AND FEARS OF REJECTN MORE AMBIGUO WAYS,” G.V., 21, WHO INTIFI AS NON-BARY AND PANSEXUAL, SAID. “I THK SOME OF N’T E OUT. WE ARE ALREADY DIFFERENT THE WORLD’S EY; PEOPLE AROUND SEE , EVEN IF THEY DON’T HAVE THE VOBULARY TO REGNIZE OR UNRSTAND AT THE TIME. … INSTEAD OF DRAMATIC GS-OUT, I THK MANY OF TT THE WATERS — REJECTG CERTA FORMS OF MASCULE PERFORMANCE, FOR EXAMPLE.”IN LLEGE, G.V. WORE LIPSTICK, KAJAL AND HAD SHOULR-LENGTH HAIR — ONLY THE HAIR REMAED WHEN THEY MOVED BACK HOME. EVEN THEN, G.V. WAS TOLD BY THEIR PARENTS NOT TO “LOOK LIKE A GIRL.” “I MA A BUNDLE OF MY LIPSTICK, NAIL POLISH, AND KAJAL, AND GAVE THEM AWAY. I RETREATED TO THE STRANGE, UNCERTA SAFETY OF THE CLOSET,” G.V. SAID, ADDG THAT THEIR PARENTS HAVE HAD SPICNS OVER THE YEARS REGARDG THEIR MASCULY, WHICH THEY HAVE FEND OFF BY GROWG A MTACHE OR A BEARD.“OF URSE SO MANY OF LIVE DOUBLE LIV, LIV MANY MULTIPL,” WHICH G.V. LLS WATERTIGHT PARTMENTS. “MAYBE THEY’LL LLAPSE TO EACH OTHER SOMEDAY.”RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:CAN PARENTG LGBTQ KIDS BE 100% SUPPORTIVE INDIA?A MAJOR PART OF NOT DISCLOSG THEIR INTY TO THEIR FAY IS ALSO ABOUT G.V.’S NTEMPLATN OF MASCULY, THEY SAY. “I THK I FLED OM HETERO-ISH ENUNTERS BEE I ULD NEVER FEEL MASCULE ENOUGH. … FOR WHATEVER REASON, I’M A B SRED OF DRIVG; SO MY BROTHER DRIV, OR RIS SHOTGUN. … I DON’T KNOW IF I’M READG TO THIS, BUT I ALMOST ALWAYS KNOW THAT MY PLACE IS ALWAYS SOMEHOW GOG TO BE AS LS OF A MAN.”WHEN G.V.’S PARENTS ASK THEM IF THEY HAVE “ANY ODD TENNCI” OR IF THEY ARE “ONE OF THOSE ODDBALLS,” OR EVEN WHEN THEIR PARENTS TELL THEM THEY WOULD BE “LOVED NO MATTER WHAT” — THEIR “REACTN WAS MOSTLY KNEE-JERK NIAL.” COMG OUT IS UNRSTOOD A “PAFULLY UNIDIMENSNAL WAY,” G.V. SAYS, WHICH “RARELY ACUNTS FOR HOW THE NEWLY EMERGENT TTHS GRAPPLE WH EXISTG, AND OFTEN TOXIC, FAY DYNAMICS.”“THERE’S A WORLD OF NFED, BLEAK GREY BETWEEN THE RABOW-TTED FAY ACCEPTANCE, AND GETTG DISHERED AND THROWN OUT.”SHARE TAGS FAY | FAY MATTERS | HOMOPHOBIA | LGBTQIA+ | QUEER BEAT | SEXUALY WRTEN BY RAJVI DAI RAJVI DAI IS THE SWADDLE’S CULTURE EDOR. AFTER GRADUATG OM NYU AS A JOURNALISM AND POLICS MAJOR, SHE VERED BREAKG NEWS AND POLICS NEW YORK CY, AND DABBLED SIGN AND ENTERTAMENT JOURNALISM. BACK THE HOMELAND, SHE’S TERTED TACKLG BETY, SPORTS, POLICS AND HUMAN RIGHTS HER GENR-FOCED WRG, WHILE ALSO -MANAGG THE SWADDLE TEAM’S PODST, RPECTFULLY DISAGREE. SEE ALL ARTICL BY RAJVILATT CULTURE ARTICL WHOSE DATA IS IT?YOU OWN YOUR DATA EVEN LS NOW

Parmh, 39 | Head, Godrej India Culture Lab, and thor of Gay Bombay: Globalizatn Love and (Be)longg Contemporary IndiaThere are many g out stori my se. I cid to host the get-together at a gay bar lled The Abbey.

Most of my iends had no ia about me beg gay, or about this particular bar beg a gay one. ” They had had a bet earlier about whether I was gay or straight. His wife had said ‘gay’, and my iend had said, ‘straight but creative’.

But when she did ll, I was lerally flung out on a iend’s bed wh about ten iends—all gay, all huner, all dissectg the fer pots of the Gossip gig we’d been at the night before. She lik to pretend I’ve never been gay, and gets angry when I gently try to remd her that ’s te. I me out as gay.

INDIA'S FIRST OPENLY GAY PRCE ENDURED YEARS OF TORTURO NVERSN THERAPY. NOW, HE'S FIGHTG TO MAKE THE PRACTICE ILLEGAL.

And I was lucky, bee most of the people my llege jt shgged at the news and moved gay isn’t a big al when you’re sign school. That’s the reason I’ve never had too many gay iends, bee I was never ma to feel like an outsir amongst straight people.

THE SLOW EVOLUTN OF GAY CULTURE INDIA

Beg gay is not somethg that I would actively tell people or hi om people. That was the time I heard the terms ’gay’ and ‘lbian’. Bee people generally know about gays and lbians but they don’t know about transgenrs—and those who do thk that transgenr means hijras.

I already know so many gay people.

The Inter was new, and wh me unlimed accs to gay porn.

FIRST OPENLY GAY INDIAN PRCE TALKS ABOUT COMG OUT

He didn’t give a sh as long as I was I was around 18, the year I thought I might not be gay but maybe bisexual, I had a girliend (sort of) and I remember her beg my dad’s favoure of all the girls I brought home. Ltle did I know that this e-mail was jt gog to ph him back to the closet, which he had fally gathered the urage to unlock, if not open—I had no ia that he was gay too!

That was when our folks flipped over the thought of two gay sons, when they were maybe g to terms wh havg one. It would have also extend the opportuny to others to e out of their own closets as bigots, homophob and duplico DiFran said, “When I was four years old, they tried to tt my I.