Jaguars assistant is first male NFL ach to e out as gay - Los Angel Tim

Contents:

• HOW GAY IS YOUR FOOD?
• THE 'GAY DIET'
• DO EATG SHI FOR LUNCH GIVE YOU THE GAY?
• UN SNA GAY à PARIS ? Où ALLER POUR LA RéOUVERTURE
• L TABL GAY IENDLY
• JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN IS FIRST MALE NFL ACH TO E OUT AS GAY

HOW GAY IS YOUR FOOD?

The New York Tim wh the help of Barney's creative ambassador Simon Doonan has cid this week that your food n be gay or article is om the archive of our partner New York Tim wh the help of Barney's creative ambassador Simon Doonan has cid this week that your food n be gay or straight. Apparently, a "gay" food isn't jt a potato that seeks marriage equaly, remds you was born this way, or owns a summer share on Fire Island. Acrdg to Doonan, his new (satiril) book Gay Men Don't Get Fat and his terview wh The Tim today, gay food is lighter, brighter, more artistic, art-directed--food that you'd fd where health and athetics tersect (and that's very different than what Doonan labels "lbian food"--"Organic olive oil, thick porridge, heapg helpgs of wheat germ, " and s ilk).

" We enjoyed Doonan's sweepg gay food generalizatns so we put them to the unscientific, anecdotal tt, assigned them a rpective Ksey ratg and me up wh your (pletely unscientific) gui to the sexualy of food, om gayt to straightt:What is: Shi; Sashimi; Cdo; Seafood Tartare; Ceviche What Doonan Says: "Japane food — that is some serly gay food... Basilly, you’re takg sloppy bs of fish and makg them to the exquise ltle bonbons, and that seems ordately gay to me.

THE 'GAY DIET'

" What Ksey Says: The Ksey 6 is "exclively homosexual" What We Say: That sort of mak sense. You'd only eat this food a rtrant servg an assortment Doonan's other gay foods, whether 's an appetizer at an Italian rtrant or a ma at a Japane rtrant--the place probably serv lighter, stylized fare on stunng, perhaps over-worked plat. The Outlier: Spicy Mayo Anythg Rolls; Supermarket Shi; Any roll wh more than three gredients or one ied object What is: Marons What Doonan Says: "The maron craze is the ne pl ultra of gay foorie.

" What Ksey Says: The Ksey 5 is "predomantly homosexual, only cintally heterosexual" What We Say: Though they look like lorful cheeburgers, y, all tak is an "cintal" n- wh Cool Whip to that gay credibily.

" What Ksey Says: The Ksey 4 is "predomantly homosexual, but more than cintally heterosexual" What We Say: Clearly this isn't the first pairg between the black bean soup and the sour-cream pairg.

DO EATG SHI FOR LUNCH GIVE YOU THE GAY?

" What Ksey Says: The Ksey 3 is "equally heterosexual and homosexual" or more simply, bisexual. What We Say: Dpe s fat ntent, Doonan mentns that Caar salad and certa pi may tilt more gay than you'd thk.

There are novelty mach ma pecially for pani-makg and grillg and certaly has more flair than a ham and chee on wheat bread--Doonan refers to wheat bread as "ferocly lbian and wildly heterosexual"--but all the hidn meats and chee certaly make this food an equal straddler of gay-straight le. " What Ksey Says: The Ksey 2 is "predomantly heterosexual, but more than cintally homosexual" What We Say: The Tim wrer nces that although the meatloaf is unrelentgly heterosexual, non-potato-based sis like a salad substute n go a long way temperg the Burt Reynolds-ns of this dish. ’" What Ksey Says: The Ksey 1 is "predomantly heterosexual, only cintally homosexual" What We Say: Doonan explas that baked chips are herently gay...

" What We Say: Burros are the clearly the hate crime of the gay food world and brg together Doonan's unholy try of meat, chee, and avodo (along wh that dodge-worthy sour cream).

UN SNA GAY à PARIS ? Où ALLER POUR LA RéOUVERTURE

Simon Doonan has jt wrten a new book lled Gay Men Don't Get Fat. Doonan's text is more of an arch and wty disurse on aspects of gay and straight life, wrten a gossipy, ivolo and ultimately rather lovable style. "Gay foods are fiddly and foofy...

Shi may well be the gayt food on earth. How gay, right?... Readg that sectn, I was remd of the moment Sacha Baron Cohen's Bno character meets pastor Qun om Ltle Rock, Arkansas, who unts prayg away the gay among his passnate duti.

Qun bewilrgly tells him that such excs mt be forbidn "if fact you are dog bee that's part of a homosexual liftyle" Bno, Doonan sentially equat gay food wh girly food, and straight wh blokey. (This is, of urse, an lite and old-fashned simplifitn of gayns, but bear wh him.

L TABL GAY IENDLY

Men and women are also said to treat food differently when unr strs: women eat more, while men often avoid food has an tertg riff on high-end food, which he f as herently gay. "When the dish arrived, my gay nerv jt about snapped. The plate was triangular (gay) and the raw (!

) sard were cut to narrow, perfectly rectangular strips (so gay) and arranged to an abstract basket-weavg pattern (Liberace gay)... Only a straight chef uld have taken a nice, wholome, hetero sarde and transformed to somethg so explosively gay.

JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN IS FIRST MALE NFL ACH TO E OUT AS GAY

"He prefers to eat "a healthy bo of both the gay and straight food groups". Gay- or straight- or girl- or guy- food: whether or not there is any tth the labels, a mixture of all is a good ia: one should eat the u of all the tre the garn of the world, as Osr Wil put .

Bee if eatg shi for lunch don’t give you the gay at the very least mak you a chick right? If you eat Shi for lunch your 23% homo.

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