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- The Magaze.The world's first fe art photography magaze dited to queer and gay photography.Volume 2 - the Pri Issue featur ten photographers om ne untri: AY (UK), David Charl Colls (Atralia), Matthew Fley (USA), Ashish Gupta (India), Manuel Monyo (Mexi), Juan Anton Papagni Me (Argenta), Sebastian Perotti (Argenta), Mric A. It cis wh the lnch of new onle art platform -- the home of queer and gay photography.Available June om all good book stor or to preorr now om .Image: "Ragazzo Rosso" (c) Domeni Cennamo"A & M Wrtlg" (c) Birk Thomassen"A Moment Was All We Had" (c) Lus Murnaghan"A Portra of Lemmie wh Green Velvet" (c) David Charl Colls"Boy In a Magnolia Tree: (c) Alexandre Haefeli"Boys" (c) Gerardo Vizmanos"CORSO SEMPIONE" (c) Sam Stt Schiavo"Cowboy" (4) (c) Le Smhers"Drift Ashore" (c) Ruben van Schalm"Eric" (c) Stephane Gizard"Horizon" (c) AY"Rh of Water" (c) Ruben van Schalm"Hugo" (c) Pl McDonald"It's Personal" (II) (c) Manuel Monyo"Jock" (c) Florian Hetz"Le Prce" (c) Nicholas Efimtcev"Lo tidiano" (c) Serge Le Hidalgo"Louis" (c) Richard Kranz"Masssallah" (c) Sarp Kerem Yavuz"Red Fish" (c) Babak Haghi"Amerin Jockstrap" (c) Florian Hetz"Sans Tre" (c) Thiblt Gaetan Dubro"SHADE IN THE BATHTUB" (c) Tyler Udall"Victor" (c) Michael Sonrgaard"When They Come Alive" (c) Michael Jam O'Brien"Bryce (iii)", 2017 (c) Stuart Sandford"Glance" (c) Shen Wei "Unr Veil" (c) Michael Sonrgaard. Through this reflectn, I arrive at the ncln that the time was right for an agg twk performer to be hened-up by a transn to bareback—siar transns of which have bee wispread across the gay porn landspe the terveng years between the 2015 Johnny Rapid Go Bareback event and the prent day, thanks no small part to advancements HIV preventn technologi.

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Keywords: Agg, Bareback, Cultural studi, Gay-for-pay, Gay pornography, Johnny RapidIntroductnJohnny Rapid began his porn reer at the start of the 2010s as a h-faced 18-year-old, shootg scen wh Boys First Time and Bkake Boys before signg wh Men as an exclive and releasg his first scene November 2011. 1 He was also named as the send most searched for gay porn star Pornhub’s 2017 “Year Review” annual analytics report (beaten to the top spot by relative new-er William Seed, also a Men exclive)2 and was the 2017 recipient of Str8UpGayPorn’s Bt Gay-4-Pay Performer award.

Through reflectn, I arrive at the ncln that the time was right for an agg twk performer to be hened-up by a transn to bareback; siar transns of which have bee wispread across the gay porn landspe the years that have ticked over sce the 2015 Johnny Rapid Go Bareback event and our prent day (see Brennan, 2020a)—due to the wispread mastreamg of bareback mercial gay porn, which has been buoyed no small part by advancements HIV preventn Rapid Go BarebackJohnny Rapid’s bareback but served as the lnch event for Bromo; a se that shared a parent pany (MdGeek) wh Sean Cody and Men, the latter two s that 2018 held the distctn of beg the first and send most equented sourc of gay porn on the web, rpectively (Brennan, 2018).

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I observe that while Rapid’s first-time bareback performance is marketed as a up for viewers, the general nsens among Str8UpGayPorn’s rearship is more my readg of the disurse will show, the largt proportn of those mentg on the mpaign exprsed a cidly negative viewpot. Especially as this trend relat to the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback Barebackg CoupAnalysis of viewer receptivens to the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback mpaign offers particular sights to the functn of ‘bareback event marketg, ’ and wh the impact that the movement towards a “state of ndomlsns” (Brennan, 2020a, 131) gay porn has had on dience expectatns around what nstut a newsworthy performance—together wh dience views on the ethics of ndomls promotn self. Jt as the 2010s hered the equent prentatns of acts that would have been nsired extreme pornography a earlier—such as anal creampi—on s that are generally nsired “vanilla” gay porn (Kiss Nielsen & Kiss, 2015, 132), Morris has himself been forced to gravate towards more extreme portrayals orr to mata his radil reputatn.

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Consirg first the reactns to the news of Rapid’s bareback performance, the failure of Bromo to stir up tert—and for s tend msage to land wh Str8UpGayPorn rears—is surmised by two them; namely: bareback as self now mundane, and Rapid’s bareback but as dangero. ’” (C55) The more plited of the two them that emerged the wake of the announcement is the healthism 2: As DangeroOf urse, bareback sex was once the norm gay pornography—before the HIV/AIDS era—, and was mpaigns of another kd—namely for safer sex—that have created the opportuni for harsh judgement, even censure, here and more broadly. 21 We turn now to viewer asssment of the scen of Rapid’s barebackg but, such asssments that were thored the ments sectns of Str8UpGayPorn’s of the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback CampaignFour scen were released as part of the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback mpaign—one per week begng on Augt 6, 2015.

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It is a view that regniz the potential of the ter promotg certa sexual practic (see Rosenberger et al., 2011); but also, pots to the “risky bs” of a regrsive trajectory followg a perceived cle the threat of HIV—whereby “agast all good medil advice, ” the porn dtry is puttg profs ahead of muny health by “showg healthy lookg people engagg unhealthy behavr, ” and “sendg a bad msage, pecially to young gay men, ” for many of whom porn, is assumed, plays an important role their inty formatn. Not only do nfirm abundant e of pornography by gay men (also see Duggan & McCreary, 2004), but also, of the 20 participants who took part the study, three quarters of those terviewed attributed gay pornography as their primary means of learng about gay sex durg adolcence (Elr et al., 2015, 951) foregog viewer ment is ak to what Alex Carballo-Diéguez and José Bermeister (2004) found their paratively early ntent analysis of ments for and agast barebackg. Mercer mak the pot that while a theme of homophobia may be seen to unrsre certa scenars—such as sex prison (and perhaps hazg and gay-for-pay narrative settgs as well)—, to label such scenars as homophobic is “far too simplistic and rctive to acunt for the relatively plex range of disurs at play.

Scene 3 b an alleged misogynist (Rapid) wh a perceived homophobe (Black) a pairg that those mentg regnize as a meetg of ntroversi:One asshole gettg FUCKED by another how origal (C20)The only upg scene I’d be terted watchg featurg Vadim Black (don’t that make him sound like some chey vampire? (C29)32In addn to offensive signifieds that adjo the performers’ off-screen liv, one mentator also labels the men as probable racists, prumably le wh the whe-washed nature of much of gay porn:33 “As much as I dislike both of their personali, and that they both might be potentially racist as well, I’m watchg this maly for Vadim.

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However, what n be gleamed om the disurse regardg class is that Rapid’s gay-for-pay porn inty, bed wh his reputed treatment of women, merg wh his “power bottom” performanc to create a distctly workg-class nstctn that was central to his narrative at the time. ” (C5) Yet the nsens seems to be that Rapid’s bareback but as an ‘event’ is the scene self together wh the promotnal imag that acpany are cricized as overly staged—“There’s some[thg] cidly unsexy about a group of guys stoppg to pose for the mera mid-fuck” (C14)—, unr erotic—“he’s the most borg and passnls gay porn performer I’ve ever seen, no matter how many dicks he n take at the same time. For Mark Kiss ( Nielsen & Kiss, 2015) the performance of “double anal peratns, ” and even “graphic cream pi, ” while once an ditor of “‘extreme’ gay pornography” and “relegated to shady, dim backrooms studs” such as TIM, “are now somewhat mon place; perhaps even yawn worthy to pecially jad gay porn nnoissrs.

” ( Nielsen & Kiss, 2015, 126) In other words, for many there is a sire for specific and personally-practised gay sex acts to be exaggerated follows that if bareback is sirable, or perhaps practised as part of a nsumer’s sex life—as recent advanc HIV preventative technologi have ma possible whout beg necsarily acts of ristance—then there is an expectatn that pornography will take this portrayal further.

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In fact, Mercer (2017) nomat Rapid as one of three performers who typify “the specific physily and athetic of the boy-next-door and the sexy kid” (85) his monograph on gay porn, which serv to illtrate how Rapid, aged c25 at time of Mercer’s monograph, ntu to enjoy “kid”-oriented appreciatns, spe his age. I acknowledge that the reason Rapid’s reer survived while Lyons’ flounred and soon ceased is likely attributable to a number of factors—cludg a ntued fatuatn wh “straight-actg” performers over more gay-intifiable/effemate on such as Lyons and Lyons’ movement to watersports—erotic ure play—around the same time (an area of gay porn need of greater rearch). As another study of me—to the bareback transns of the most popular sourc of gay porn (see Brennan, 2020a, 131)—reveals, 2010 falls jt shy of a number of high profile bareback adoptns that would e between the Lyons and Rapid buts: late 2011 (Sean Cody and Corb Fisher) and late 2013 (Lus Entertament and Next Door Studs).

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Those who objected to the practice on ethil grounds viewed as ak to celebry endorsements of potentially harmful practic (such as smokg or alhol nsumptn), th nnectg wh a health disurse that is pecially potent given the historilly-charged nnectn between the gay muny and HIV/AIDS.

Rather than rcg this to an example of reckls abandon—a posn wh s own pleasur —, I believe that unrstandg n be reached through ntextualizatn and acunt for the cultural formatns and practic that have bee embedd gay culture, and which were shaped by so-lled unsafe sexual practic of the past. Mowlaboc, for example, argued 2007—a time when risk bareback was perceived by gay men as much more real than is today—for the importance of a “fully ntextualized” (218) unrstandg of disurs on bareback—both the hedonistic eedoms felt by proponents and practners of , as well as the rhetoric of s tractors. ” (218)The succs—and srs—rema today  my native Atralia of other ‘event marketg’—the public service mpaigns particularly, such as the 1987 Natnal Advisory Commtee on AIDS’ Grim Reaper39—that, my readg, bled gay men-as-origal-disease-rriers wh reapers strikg at the heart of everyday cizens—children clud.

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Ltle wonr, therefore, that the apparent vanquishg of HIV via pre- and post-exposure technologi has served as a rapture event; one that, but sign, keeps lser risks the shadow of public enemy number one—for gay men’s health and their standg the muny at large. Rapid’s ntued populary at time of wrg (and ls so, but still popular, at time of publitn) is signifint bee bucks received wisdom on the reer trajectory of bottom twks—who tend to retire or fa to obscury by their mid-twenti, pecially when they reprent a certa workg classns (as opposed to performers like Brent Corrigan, whose dtry savvy and nnectedns wh gay culture has assured his ntued relevance).

As HIV and AIDS has bee more of a ‘chronic’ health ndn, and as meditns that seemgly prevent HIV have bee more available and popular, gay men may have re-claimed bareback sex as a sexual practice—certaly, gay pornography has [see, for example, my (Brennan, 2020a) discsn of the change-of-heart, return-to-beg-a-bareback-stud progrsn of dtry heavyweights like Michael Lus, of Lus Entertament (143–145)].

Lookg beyond 2015, exampl of a revalized reer n be found Rapid’s leadg role ‘mastream’ gay porn parody films released the wake of his bareback turn—cludg parodi of Pokémon42 and Jt Bieber43 2016, and Pirat of the Caribbean44 and Jtice League45 2017, for example (for a readg of Rapid’s portrayal of the Flash the last of the parodi, see Brennan, 2020b, 279–281). In nyg the creampie  2015, was Rapid effectively ristg the “ejaculative evince of the vlence enacted by the phall” (Semerene, 2021, 202); and wh a val—pecially gay—mment to kship and a return-to-bareback practice among gay men; somethg shown the disappotment of those viewg the seri when their hope of beg privy to an pecially timate event by, arguably, the bt-known performer at that time fell short? Each time, however, Rapid has transned a mercially-viable manner that, if anythg, falls behd the momentum of bareback wh mercial gay porn; a momentum that accelerat all of viewg this ntent towards timaci— the receptivens to ejaculat pecially, and personal practic, possibly—more extreme.

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BEFORE COMMENTING READ THISABOUT ABE!! Abe posted his origal vio on July 7, 2009. This box last updated Feb 2013 KIDS: I don't know Abe and nnot put you touch wh him; if you are lookg to meet other kids there is a se that is pretty safe, lled the Queer Youth Communy, Open to 13-21 but the foms are open to kids as young as 11. But wh ANY se please e re! DON"T BOTHER POSTING IF YOU WANT TO SAY: - Gay is sful - Gay is a choice - He is sick - ‘faggot’ or siar ments - He is too young to know he is gay - Make ments not appropriate to a chld of 12 ======== FOR EVERYONE: Frequently Anticipated Qutns: How n I ntact him? – Origally on YouTube he is no longer there. I nnot lk you to him, ntact him, etc. I never had any DIRECT ntact wh him but he has given permissn for this to appear by passg a msage through a third party. He fely do not want people to ntact him. Please accept the gift of this vio om him and leave him be. If I gave his ntact the poor guy would have 50,000 people msagg him at least. Oh and I am pretty sure he says "I jt like the avert to the girls." I thk he means "avert" [uh-vurt] verb (ed wh object) to turn away or   anyway... a·vert asi: to avert one's ey. In this vio Abe is a cute kid, if you want to say that you n. Abe might seem sexy to you, but if you go beyond a general nocuo ment of that type I'm likely to block you. I make no judgments, if he's your cup of tea, if you'd like to sweep him off his feet, marry him, whatever, I don't re but DO NOT post your feelgs here!! Now if you are 11 or 12 and want to say he's hot, I n live wh that. I do not have that kd of channel and I don't want to have that kd of channel. I rpect gay kids and teens, and for that matter, men, women, and straight youth. Abe do not portray himself a sexualized way, and you should not e this blog to treat him as a sexualized adult/adolcent. Are we clear? Are we crystal clear? Is he really gay? --DId you watch?? Of COURSE he is! Y he STILL is. Isn't this jt a phase he's gog th? No. En Oh. He lik guys always he wanted to have a bf 4th gra. Would you ask that of a 12 yo boy who said he lik girls? NO, EN OH, NO! Oh his brac are off now * gay porn teens cute *

”40See Fiske and Hartley, 1978, 176 for a discsn of exnomatn, the evacuatn of a privileged term om the bary system—admtedly, a loose f here, yet one that do help to expla how, through an obssive pursu of HIV (through health mpaigng, and both ternal to and as an opprsive force onto the gay muny) other health risks of ndomls anal sex between men uld be bbed out of nscns, and stay fad, even today.

The play, often dismissed by mastream crics but hailed as "funny, sexy, and important" by the gay prs, ran for 140 performanc off-Broadway, then toured to eight ci over ne months, and returned to Broadway starrg the legendary adult film star Casey Donovan the lead role.

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Dpe s unprecented succs and acclaim, the play was not officially published until wh the but publitn of the script of the play, this edn clus a foreword by Jordan Schildcrout tled "Tubstrip and The Erotic Theatre of Gay Liberatn", which exam the signifince of the play as one of a wave of erotic gay plays (most of them fotten or lost) that emerged between 1969 and 1974. Is a project by The Ltle Black Gallery, curated by -founr Ghisla Pasl, to promote queer and gay now reprents more than 60 photographers om 25 untri - cludg Cha, India, Iran, Poland, Rsia and Turkey where gay rights are reprsed and queer liv unr nstant threat. 'Authentilly myself'Ray said he had also stggled growg up gay the 1970s and 80s England, which was "tough" said his relig school "dmmed to you, 'you are gog to hell'" Adam returned home to Sdi Arabia, spe beg more than 3, 000 apart and later rtricted by the Covid-19 panmic, they kept touch daily and the romance years ago, Ray proposed on a vio ll and after succsfully applyg for a UK fiancé visa, Adam moved to Manchter December 2022.

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Adam said he had been aaid to even wear lours his home untry so the first thg he did when he moved was start to "grow my mullet, got my ears pierced and booked appotments for tattoos" relled how, ntrast, one of his gay iends Sdi had been forced to marry a woman, addg: "It has ed not only his life but the life of his wife.

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Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memori of those first tim marred how I would approach sex for was listeng to Years & Years’ new song “Sanctify, ” and seeg the band’s out gay sger Olly Alexanr talk about how the song was spired his sexual trysts wh straight men, that I realized that the feelgs are way more mon than people let on.

Sure, I know all about gay guys havg sex wh straight guys, but felt reassurg to see him scribe the “sat and sner role” he embodied durg those experienc, and to hear the uncertaty and melancholy weaved to the than anythg though, was the repeated lyril mantra of “I won’t be ashamed. But, thankfully, we're now livg a world wh more openly gay celebri than ever celebratn of the progrs our society has ma, let's take a look back at how far some of the biggt out actors the bs have e—evolvg om cute kids to hunky Hollywood heartthrobs before our very ey. They claim the rat was first dumped near their back door by rtrant employe, and Mike was returng the favor.(Front Porch Market and Grill)What’s more, the Washers say, the ad rat was jt one more sult that the uple, who once planted an “all liv matter” sign their ont yard, have endured sce movg next door to a rtrant owned by a gay uple.

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The flag is a symbol of Waybourn’s solidary wh the LGBTQ+ muny, which he has nurtured — and fought for — sce the 1980s.Waybourn was print of the Dallas Gay Alliance when sued Parkland Memorial Hospal for failg to provi readily available medic to AIDS patients.

“I have que a few gay iends, clients and a fay member, and I have patronized a gay-owned rtrant for years,” he emailed.Asked whether the Washers are tryg to remake The Plas to their image of Ameri — Whe, nservative, Christian — Melissa said, “I n see where you’re g om.”But, she add, “this, to me, is not polil. 10, 2000See the article s origal ntext om December 10, 2000, Sectn 6, Page 110Buy ReprtsTimMache is an exclive benef for home livery and digal the summer of 1999, when he was 15, a youth I will refer to by only his first name, Jefey, fally admted to himself that he was gay.

It was around this time that Jefey first typed the words ''gay'' and ''teen'' to a search enge on the puter he'd gotten several months before and was staggered to fd himself aswirl a teemg onle gay world, replete wh rource centers, articl, advice lumns, personals, chat rooms, msage boards, porn s and -- most ccially -- thoands of closeted and anx kids like himself.

SEE 50 GAY MALE ACTORS WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGMATT BOMER WENT OM SHARG A SWEET SE TO SHOWSG A {FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}CELEBRIBY ADAM SALANDRANOVEMBER 30, 2017/12:54 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:574PX;WIDTH:1020PX;}YOUTUBE/MIKTERZ 2ND CHANNELBY ADAM SALANDRANOVEMBER 30, 2017 / 12:54 PM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"SEE 50 GAY MALE ACTORS WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2017-11-30T17:54:06.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2017-11-30T17:54:06.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"ADAM SALANDRA","ARTICLESECTN":"CELEBRI"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THERE WAS A TIME, NOT THAT LONG AGO, THAT G OUT OF THE CLOSET WAS LOOKED AT AS A REER KILLER THE ENTERTAMENT DTRY. BUT, THANKFULLY, WE'RE NOW LIVG A WORLD WH MORE OPENLY GAY CELEBRI THAN EVER {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IN CELEBRATN OF THE PROGRS OUR SOCIETY HAS MA, LET'S TAKE A LOOK BACK AT HOW FAR SOME OF THE BIGGT OUT ACTORS THE BS HAVE E—EVOLVG OM CUTE KIDS TO HUNKY HOLLYWOOD HEARTTHROBS BEFORE OUR VERY EY.YOUTUBE/MIKTERZ 2ND {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}A VIO BY LGBT WORLD CHANNEL THAT WAS POSTED BY YOUTUBER MIKTERZ PROVIS A HIGHLIGHT REEL OF CELEB PHOTOS OM THEN AND NOW, FOR THE ULTIMATE GAY #TBT.YOUTUBE/MIKTERZ 2ND {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WHO EXPERIENCED A GLOW UP? WHO HAD THEIR GOOD LOOKS SCE CHILDHOOD? AND WHO LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME? FD OUT {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;POSN:RELATIVE;PADDG-BOTTOM:56.49999999999999%;} .TWTER-TWEET-RENRED, {M-WIDTH:65%;WIDTH:TO !IMPORTANT;} {WIDTH:100%;} {MARG-LEFT:TO !IMPORTANT;MARG-RIGHT:TO !IMPORTANT;} IMG{MAX-WIDTH:100%;WIDTH:100%;} > IAME{BORR:NONE;MAX-WIDTH:100%;} > *{MAX-WIDTH:NONE !IMPORTANT;POSN:ABSOLUTE;HEIGHT:100% !IMPORTANT;WIDTH:100% !IMPORTANT;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS

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) This way, no one om his ''straight life'' n track his forays to the onle gay world g the ''lote'' feature on Ameri Onle, for example, which allows subscribers to fd onle ''buddi'' whatever public chat room or other AOL area they happen to be visg -- a potential disaster for gay teenagers. He said he me om a rich fay, drove a BMW, had killer good looks and was 18 -- old enough to cise the adult gay chat as his onle iendships epened, the phony elements of Jefey's story began to opprs him: ''I was like, I n't be myself real life, and I e on the Inter and I still n't be myself.

Isolatn and shame persist among gay teenagers, of urse, but now, along wh the hospable fai and towns which many fd themselv marooned, there exists a parallel onle muny -- real people like them cyberspace wh whom they n chat, exchange msag and even engage (onle) sex. What was most cril to the gay kids I spoke wh was the simple, revelatory disvery that they were not, gay teenagers surfg the Net n fd Web s packed wh rmatn about homosexualy and about lol gay support groups and unselg servic, along wh g-out ttimonials om young people around the world.

Cal Ryan, a clil social worker and the thor of ''Lbian and Gay Youth: Care and Counselg, '' says, ''Today, youths are g out right the middle of high school or earlier, and I thk the Inter is playg an important role that bee 's providg rmatn to help them label those feelgs and figure out who they really are. Type the words ''gay'' and ''teen'' to virtually any search enge, and you'll fd yourself circlg among terlockg porn s, some featurg ''twks, '' or boys of allegedly legal age who appear to be younger (and some s obvly are), and other s hawkg lbian scen that clearly ter to heterosexual men.

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To unrstand the texture of this onle loerg, I got the hab of askg gay teenagers what they had on their screens at a particular moment -- was ually some batn of homework, e-mail, gam, browser search, chat rooms and, most of all, stant-msagg ssns -- often several at one time. It uld have been eher; teenage boys often vis adult chat rooms to meet olr men (a number mentned to me a wish to fd an olr gay man who would serve as a mentor or a role mol), and olr men notorly troll the teen chat rooms, sometim pretendg to be teenagers themselv.

And lbian teenage chat rooms, there is a recurrent spicn that fellow ''teenagers'' might actually be straight men seekg out lbian gay teenage boys, the attu toward olr men (known as oldi or sugar daddi) rang om amement to weary tratn over the fact that, rather than servg as iends and guis, the men seem to re only for sex. ''In fact, there are excellent reasons for Kyle's reluctance, and Web s geared toward gay youth abound wh preutns for those who sist on meetg face to face wh people they know only through the Net: be sure to meet a public place; take a iend along or make sure someone knows where you're gog; never get anyone's r.

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class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut paywall-bar__nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-bar-ll-to-actn" role="prentatn" aria-live="pole" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--paywall-bar-ll-to-actn"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></asi><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--cm-riser" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--cm-riser"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><div class="StickyHeroAdWrapper-eNLJUc gStsdY ad-stickyhero ad-stickyhero--standard ad-stickyhero-enable-mobile should-hold-space"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--hero"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--hero" data-no-id="fcwqqo"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-hero" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-hero"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><ma id="ma-ntent" tabx="-1" class="BasePageMaContent-kFvAuh ewPCZH page__ma-ntent"><article class="article ma-ntent" lang="en-US"><div class="ArticlePageLeBackground-EufvU tFsh"><hear class="ContentHearWrapper-clujbs kaZCaf ntent-hear article__ntent-hear"><div data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp cCntXd"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT eRFpQc"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kpuNXj bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fTtYjx bric__lk" href="/culture"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Culture</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd jPOabC BjYFU">I Lost My Virgy to a Straight Boy</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ eASNBN">There’s a way to burst through the shame gay men are ma to feel about homosexualy.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH gtxxjM byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fhQbnq dzFUnH eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/alim-kheraj">Alim Kheraj</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2018-09-27T08:00:00-04:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd ivrQAn cZpOSL">September 27, 2018</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP fEknXh lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc Grck lead-asset--width-fullbleed" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz bDeLJQ"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="I Lost My Virgy to a Straight Boy" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span></div></figure></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg ctaZl social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP eRxRjL"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>I was 19 when I first had full-on sex wh another man. I was at llege, livg dorms, and the experience—asi om the ual horrifyg awkwardns and somewhat spontaney of the ocsn—was pletely and utterly unremarkable asi om one thg: the guy I slept wh intified as straight.</p><p>The whole thg went down near the end of my hman year at a party, at which people om the whole dorm floor were dnk and celebratg, relsly streamg and out of each other’s rooms, followg the var different pop songs until one room took their fancy. I n remember, although I'd had some drks, stg alone my iend’s room on a sgle bed, the mattrs overly sprgy and wh a arse plastic atg, attemptg to stream a song over our dorm’s spotty Inter nnectn.</p><p>It was late (or early, pendg on your outlook on the world) when I was joed by the boy who was livg the room next to me, way back on the other si of the buildg. He was clearly toxited, but was a party after all and who was I, <em>que</em> dnk myself, to judge. The mutiae of exactly how thgs veloped om beg together that room to havg slightly unsuccsful sex a bathroom a <em>different</em> rridor have sce ped me. All I know is that one moment we were talkg and the next mute, well... we weren’t. I didn’t tell him that I’d never had sex wh someone before; stead, saturated wh vodka and flated by nerv, I was swept up the motns.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Before that night, I had hardly been a nun. When I was a teenager, I was prec and rtls. As the only out young gay kid at my school, I took the advancement of my sexual experienc to my own hands and I did what we all do: I bought a fake ID and h the gay clubs. Out on the scene I had thrillg and, now lookg back, prer hook ups wh guys, gog far but never all the way. I know now as LGBTQ people we n fe exactly what nstut sex for ourselv, but when you’re young and your only sex tn the shape of illegally download Sean Cody vios, peratn seems like the end all be all.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>Still, as I grew to my late-teens, venu started to crack down harr on unrage drkg, and soon beme creasgly difficult to go and hook up wh guys much olr than myself. I felt, my creasgly anx and flated state, that I was beg left behd. My first year at llege, apart om beg gelg mentally, was hardly a sexual smasbord of one-night-stands and hook-ups. Instead, I reverted to my teenage years, pg after straight boys who I knew I had no chance hell wh... <em>until</em> that night.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="88evpe"></div></div><p>I’d love to say that I felt empowered by fuckg my first guy, but the whole experience left a lot to be sired. While I knew wouldn’t be like a gay llege eroti I’d read on (gay non, really), I rather naively wasn’t expectg the fall out. The boy told his then-girliend (who I knew about), sayg I had e on to him but that nothg had really happened. Although one thg I n <em>vividly</em> remember was that was que lerally the other way around, the visceral shock of beg somewhat shoved back the closet and nied the celebratory expungement of my virgy was palpable.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="ze0xz"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="1ljkbg"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>For the next year, we’d hook-up on and off, ually at 3 a.m. after we’d been out partyg. We’d meet surreptly dark and make out the ld Brish weather on a park bench before venturg back to his place to have sex. And while at the begng I felt like I had the upper hand the suatn—I was the one who was out and fortable my sexualy, right?—after each time we met beme more secretive and more dirty, I began to feel secretive, dirty, and most of all <em>shameful</em>. I’m not sure whether I really fell for the guy or not, but I do know that at the end of he was jt g me to get off.</p><p>I never learned whether the boy I lost my virgy to was stgglg wh his sexualy. I thk, when I look back now and ocsnally fd myself tumblg through his Facebook page, that he wasn’t. I believe was jt sex, or at least that’s what I have tell myself now to avoid slippg to a memory duced k-hole. I realize I fell to that old gay adage of placg my feelgs on a person who, for whatever reason, was never gog to vt them back me. Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memori of those first tim marred how I would approach sex for years.</p><p>It was listeng to Years & Years’ new song “Sanctify,” and seeg the band’s out gay sger Olly Alexanr talk about how the song was spired his sexual trysts wh straight men, that I realized that the feelgs are <em>way</em> more mon than people let on. Sure, I know all about gay guys havg sex wh straight guys, but felt reassurg to see him scribe the “sat and sner role” he embodied durg those experienc, and to hear the uncertaty and melancholy weaved to the song.</p><p>More than anythg though, was the repeated lyril mantra of “I won’t be ashamed.” Bee as queer people, we’re buried lifetime’s worth of shame so vivid and searg that oftentim ’s cripplg. Burstg through that shame is our badge of honor, our betifully uned experience. And maybe, like the song says, that do sanctify our sex liv and mak jt a ltle b holy.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="0xy1ao"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier article__body"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"><asi class="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper-iBnuqk lfXXa-D" data-ttid="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper"><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-le-barrier" role="prentatn" aria-live="pole" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--paywall-le-barrier"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></asi></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ContentWrapperGrid-fvkmBv brYtrA grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__ntaer"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"></div></div></div></div></div></div></article><div class="ContentFooterWrapper-jVNdRG dTJkpP ArticlePageContentFooterGrid-ccsXYy eMZRHU article-body__footer"><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div 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It's Time for a Rensiratn." class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></div></div></picture></span><div class="OverlaySummaryItemContent-ddGOWz fHZSgO"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX hXmUmf bric bric--wh-bg BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemRubric-bFqsqT iUEiRd bGlCJj cvqxGA"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Culture</span></div><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemHed-cljMtD iUEiRd hNEuYK cRpZRn">2008’s <em>Indiana Jon and the Kgdom of the Crystal Skull</em> Got Terrible Reviews. It's Time for a Rensiratn.</div></div></div><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl OverlaySummaryItemByl-bogcUE fjwtNK"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH bfGBQB byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>A.A. 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