Si Guys: Thkg Beyond Gay Male "Tops" and "Bottoms" | Psychology Today

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• HOW GAY COUPL WH THE SAME POSNAL PREFERENC MAKE IT WORK"I’M CERTALY NOT TOPPG, SO WHAT ARE WE GOG TO DO?"{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}LIFEBY BOBBY BOXMARCH 4, 2021/1:27 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:3840PX;WIDTH:5760PX;}GETTY3D RENRG, BANANAS WH FAKE EYELASH AND A UPLE BACKWARDS POSNBY BOBBY BOXMARCH 4, 2021 / 1:27 PM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"HOW GAY COUPL WH THE SAME POSNAL PREFERENC MAKE IT WORK","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2021-03-04T18:27:58.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2021-03-04T18:27:58.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"BOBBY BOX","KEYWORDS":"LOVE AND SEX","ARTICLESECTN":"LIFE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}PICTURE THIS: YOU’RE ON A DATE THAT IS GOG EXTRAORDARILY WELL. THE CHEMISTRY IS PALPABLE, AND YOU’RE EXCED TO BRG THEM BACK TO YOUR APARTMENT, WHICH YOU’VE CLEANED FOR THE OCSN. OVER DNER, HOWEVER, YOU NOTICE THEY HAVEN’T TOUCHED THEIR FOOD, ELECTG TO MUNCH ON THE ICE CHIPS THEIR GLASS STEAD. THAT’S WHEN HS YOU: YOUR POTENTIAL SOULMATE IS A BOTTOM — AND SO ARE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}POSNAL POLICS N BE A TERMG FACTOR QUEER RELATNSHIPS, SOMETHG MOST HETEROSEXUAL PEOPLE N'T RELATE TO (ALTHOUGH AS PEGGG BE MORE NORMALIZED THANKS TO MEDIA LIKE BROAD CY, THE L ARE BEG BLURRED AS WELL). UNLS EXPLICLY STATED ON AN APP OR PERSON, WE HAVE NO WAY OF TERMG WHETHER SOMEONE PREFERS TO PCH, TCH, OR {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SO, WHAT DO ONE DO SUCH A PREDIMENT? DO YOU GIVE UP AND GHOST OR GAMBLE AND EXPLORE THE CHEMISTRY FURTHER? I POSED THIS QUTN ON TWTER, AND OF THE 200-PL VOTERS WHO RPOND, 75% SAID THAT THEY WOULD SERLY NSIR DATG SOMEBODY WH WHOM THEY SHARED A POSNAL {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;} .TWTER-TWEET-RENRED, {M-WIDTH:65%;WIDTH:TO !IMPORTANT;} {WIDTH:100%;} {MARG-LEFT:TO !IMPORTANT;MARG-RIGHT:TO !IMPORTANT;} IMG{MAX-WIDTH:100%;WIDTH:100%;} > IAME{BORR:NONE;MAX-WIDTH:100%;} > *{MAX-WIDTH:NONE !IMPORTANT;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}“I WOULD NEVER DATE ANOTHER BOTTOM UNLS THEY’VE CHECKED OFF ALL OF THE OTHER BOX I REQUIRE A MAN,” ZACH, A 30-YEAR-OLD BOTTOM WHO VOTED NO, TELLS NEWNOWNEXT. “SEX IS IMPORTANT TO ME A RELATNSHIP, AND I’M CERTALY NOT TOPPG, SO WHAT ARE WE GOG TO DO?”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SAM, 29, HAS A MORE VALIER ATTU. “I’VE SPENT THE LAST 12 MONTHS WH NOTHG BUT TOYS, SO I’M PRETTY SURE I ULD PE,” HE SHAR. “PERATIVE SEX ISN’T ALL THAT ANYWAYS.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}TODD BARATZ, A LICENSED DIVIDUAL AND UPL' THERAPIST, AGRE. “THERE IS SO MUCH FOC ON PERATN, AND ’S OFTEN AT THE EXPENSE OF A VARIETY OF DIFFERENT PLEASURABLE SEXUAL EXPERIENC, OM MUTUAL MASTURBATN TO ORAL,” HE TELLS NEWNOWNEXT. “SOMETIM ’S NOT POSSIBLE TO FUCK (FOR A NUMBER OF REASONS), AND SOMETIM WE FALL LOVE WH SOMEONE WHO HAS A SIAR PERATIVE PREFERENCE.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}PIERCE, 25, AND ROBERT, 23, WHO BOTH INTIFY AS TOTAL TOPS, ARE PRIME EXAMPL. THE PAIR MATCHED ON TR DURG THE PANMIC AND DATED VIRTUALLY FOR A FEW MONTHS BEFORE THEY FELT WAS SAFE TO MEET PERSON. WHILE THEIR PERATIVE PREFERENCE WAS NOT MENTNED EHER OF THEIR PROFIL, THE TWO HAD TALKED ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PROCLIVI PRR TO MAKG THGS {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}“ROBERT EXPLAED WHY HE WAS UNFORTABLE BOTTOMG AND TOOK ME TO A TRMATIC PLACE WHERE I WAS FORCED TO BOTTOM WHEN I DIDN’T WANT TO. AFTER WE EXCHANGED THIS VULNERABLE RMATN WH EACH OTHER, OUR PRRI SHIFTED, AND WE CID THAT OUR MUTUAL FORT WAS MOST IMPORTANT,” PIERCE TELLS NEWNOWNEXT. “I’LL ADM I HAD A DIFFICULT TIME CUMMG AT FIRST AND STILL DO OM TIME TO TIME. I’M JT NOT ED TO FOREPLAY LEADG TO — WHAT I NSIRED AT THE TIME — JT MORE FOREPLAY.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}GIVEN THAT PERATN WAS OFF THE TABLE, THE TWO ACTIVELY EXPLORED EACH OTHER’S KKS. PIERCE DISVERED THAT HE BEME REALLY TURNED ON WHEN ROBERT TOOK ON THE DOMANT ROLE AND WAS RELIEVED TO FD THAT THIS DYNAMIC ULD BE ACHIEVED WHOUT PERATN. "I’VE GROWN TO REALIZE THAT PERATIVE SEX DON’T HAVE TO BE A HUGE PART OF PHYSIL ATTRACTN,” HE SAYS, “AND WE’VE MANAGED TO SHOW OUR LOVE AND AFFECTN THROUGH OTHER MEANS.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}HAMPTON, 26, MET JARED, 27, AT A HOLIDAY PARTY HOSTED BY A MUTUAL IEND MORE THAN TWO YEARS AGO. AFTER A NIGHT OF HEAVY FLIRTG, THE TWO SCHLED A DATE THE NEXT DAY AND HAVE BEEN TOGETHER EVER SCE. BOTH INTIFY AS TOPS BUT SIST THAT HAS NEVER BEEN AN ISSUE THEIR {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}“HE’S BOTTOMED FOR ME A UPLE OF TIM AND I’VE TRIED TO BOTTOM FOR HIM, BUT J, HE’S TOO BIG,” HAMPTON ADMS. “WE STILL HAVE FUN TRYG. WE’VE MA A HAB OF MUNITG OUR SEXUAL NEEDS WH EACH OTHER AND ENJOY OTHER WAYS OF GETTG OFF TOGETHER, WHETHER THAT’S MUTUAL MASTURBATN, THREOM, AND SO ON.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SIAR TO PIERCE, JARED HELPED HAMPTON EXPAND HIS MD BEYOND THE LIMATNS OF PERATIVE SEX. “HE MA CLEAR THAT DATG SOMEONE WHO IS A BOTTOM IS LS IMPORTANT THAN FDG SOMEONE HE TLY LIK AS A PERSON AND WANTS TO DATE,” HE SHAR. “HE’S SHOWED ME THERE ARE MANY WAYS TO HAVE FUN SEX THAT DON’T REQUIRE PERATN.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}“I LIKE TO ENURAGE PEOPLE TO HAVE A DIVERSE VTMENT STRATEGY THEIR SEXUALY,” ADDS BARATZ, THE LICENSED THERAPIST. “THE MORE THGS YOU ENJOY, THE MORE EXPANSIVE YOUR SEXUALY N BE. HOT SEX ISN’T BASED ON THE SEXUAL ACT. IT’S BASED ON SEXUAL CHEMISTRY, NNECTN, EROTICISM, AND MORE. YOU N HAVE PERATIVE SEX AND N BE REALLY BORG, SO ’S NOT THE END-ALL BE-ALL.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}ALL OF , REGARDLS OF SEXUAL ORIENTATN, HAVE TERNALIZED SCRIPTS ABOUT PERATN BEG THE NCLUDG SEXUAL ACT. BUT THE SCRIPTS STEM OM CISGENR, HETEROSEXUAL TERURSE THAT PRRIZ PROCREATN. WHEN QUEERS CENTER OR FE OUR SEXUALY AROUND PERATN, WE PERPETUATE THE LIMG AND OUTDATED NOTNS OF WHAT SEX “SHOULD” LOOK LIKE EVEN IF WE DON’T MEAN TO.GETTY IMAGPHOTO TAKEN GRANADA, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WHEN WORKG WH UPL WHO SEEK ALTERNATIV TO PERATIVE SEX, BARATZ URG EACH PERSON TO MAKE AN EFFORT TO BETTER UNRSTAND THEIR PARTNER’S TURN-ONS (SOMETHG HE SAYS MANY UPL DON’T KNOW, BUT THK THEY DO) SO THEY N BETTER PLEASURE THEM OTHER WAYS. “TAKE TURNS GIVG, RECEIVG, AND TAKG PLEASURE — WH NSENT, OF URSE,” HE SAYS. “EXPLORE FANTASI, MASSAGE, ROLE-PLAY, AND WHATEVER ELSE YOU BOTH FD EROTIC AND EXCG.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IF WORKG ON THGS WH THE RELATNSHIP STILL ISN’T HTG THE MARK, NSENSUAL NON-MONOGAMY IS ANOTHER OPTN. REARCH HAS FOUND MORE THAN 40% OF GAY MEN HAVE AN AGREEMENT THAT SEX OUTSI OF THEIR RELATNSHIP IS PERMISSIBLE PARED TO LS THAN 5% OF HETEROSEXUAL AND LBIAN {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}“AS I EVOLVED TO POLYAMORY, POSNAL PREFERENCE ISN’T MUCH OF AN ISSUE WHEN FDG A PARTNER. IT’S ACTUALLY PRETTY LOW ON MY LIST,” ROBBIE, 35, TELLS NEWNOWNEXT. “THE BT WAY AROUND THE ISSUE OF TWO TOPS IS TO BE OPEN AND TO SHARE A BOTTOM, OR VICE VERSA. ONCE YOU REMOVE SEX OM BEG THE FOUNDATN OF A RELATNSHIP, YOU’RE ABLE TO SEE MORE CLEARLY AND NNECT ON EPER LEVELS.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WHEN TO ANY PREFERENCE RELATNSHIPS, ’S BT TO BE FLEXIBLE AND ALLOW ROOM FOR OUR PARTNER’S PREFERENC EVEN IF THEY ARE AT ODDS WH OUR OWN. “IF I DIDN’T LIKE BASEBALL AND MY PARTNER WAS OBSSED, I’D PROBABLY GO TO A GAME OR TWO WH THEM,” BARATZ SAYS. “SEX IS NO DIFFERENT. PLEASE YOUR PARTNER! NOT ONLY IS A GREAT WAY TO NNECT, BUT YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED AND HAVE SOME FUN ALONG THE WAY.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}LOVE AND {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS
• SI GUYS: THKG BEYOND GAY MALE "TOPS" AND "BOTTOMS"
• GAY MEN'S PREFERENC FOR "TOP" VS. "BOTTOM" CAN BE JUDGED BY THEIR FACE
• GEICS MAY DETERME IF GAY MEN ARE TOPS OR BOTTOMS
• SI GUYS: THKG BEYOND GAY MALE "TOPS" AND "BOTTOMS"
• IT'S TIME TO STOP PIGEONHOLG GAY MEN AS TOPS AND BOTTOMS
• HOW TO HAVE A GAY OR LBIAN RELATNSHIP
• SEXUAL PATIBILY AMONG GAY MEN

HOW GAY COUPL WH THE SAME POSNAL PREFERENC MAKE IT WORK"I’M CERTALY NOT TOPPG, SO WHAT ARE WE GOG TO DO?"{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}LIFEBY BOBBY BOXMARCH 4, 2021/1:27 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:3840PX;WIDTH:5760PX;}GETTY3D RENRG, BANANAS WH FAKE EYELASH AND A UPLE BACKWARDS POSNBY BOBBY BOXMARCH 4, 2021 / 1:27 PM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"HOW GAY COUPL WH THE SAME POSNAL PREFERENC MAKE IT WORK","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2021-03-04T18:27:58.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2021-03-04T18:27:58.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"BOBBY BOX","KEYWORDS":"LOVE AND SEX","ARTICLESECTN":"LIFE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}PICTURE THIS: YOU’RE ON A DATE THAT IS GOG EXTRAORDARILY WELL. THE CHEMISTRY IS PALPABLE, AND YOU’RE EXCED TO BRG THEM BACK TO YOUR APARTMENT, WHICH YOU’VE CLEANED FOR THE OCSN. OVER DNER, HOWEVER, YOU NOTICE THEY HAVEN’T TOUCHED THEIR FOOD, ELECTG TO MUNCH ON THE ICE CHIPS THEIR GLASS STEAD. THAT’S WHEN HS YOU: YOUR POTENTIAL SOULMATE IS A BOTTOM — AND SO ARE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}POSNAL POLICS N BE A TERMG FACTOR QUEER RELATNSHIPS, SOMETHG MOST HETEROSEXUAL PEOPLE N'T RELATE TO (ALTHOUGH AS PEGGG BE MORE NORMALIZED THANKS TO MEDIA LIKE BROAD CY, THE L ARE BEG BLURRED AS WELL). UNLS EXPLICLY STATED ON AN APP OR PERSON, WE HAVE NO WAY OF TERMG WHETHER SOMEONE PREFERS TO PCH, TCH, OR {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SO, WHAT DO ONE DO SUCH A PREDIMENT? DO YOU GIVE UP AND GHOST OR GAMBLE AND EXPLORE THE CHEMISTRY FURTHER? I POSED THIS QUTN ON TWTER, AND OF THE 200-PL VOTERS WHO RPOND, 75% SAID THAT THEY WOULD SERLY NSIR DATG SOMEBODY WH WHOM THEY SHARED A POSNAL {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;} .TWTER-TWEET-RENRED, {M-WIDTH:65%;WIDTH:TO !IMPORTANT;} {WIDTH:100%;} {MARG-LEFT:TO !IMPORTANT;MARG-RIGHT:TO !IMPORTANT;} IMG{MAX-WIDTH:100%;WIDTH:100%;} > IAME{BORR:NONE;MAX-WIDTH:100%;} > *{MAX-WIDTH:NONE !IMPORTANT;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}“I WOULD NEVER DATE ANOTHER BOTTOM UNLS THEY’VE CHECKED OFF ALL OF THE OTHER BOX I REQUIRE A MAN,” ZACH, A 30-YEAR-OLD BOTTOM WHO VOTED NO, TELLS NEWNOWNEXT. “SEX IS IMPORTANT TO ME A RELATNSHIP, AND I’M CERTALY NOT TOPPG, SO WHAT ARE WE GOG TO DO?”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SAM, 29, HAS A MORE VALIER ATTU. “I’VE SPENT THE LAST 12 MONTHS WH NOTHG BUT TOYS, SO I’M PRETTY SURE I ULD PE,” HE SHAR. “PERATIVE SEX ISN’T ALL THAT ANYWAYS.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}TODD BARATZ, A LICENSED DIVIDUAL AND UPL' THERAPIST, AGRE. “THERE IS SO MUCH FOC ON PERATN, AND ’S OFTEN AT THE EXPENSE OF A VARIETY OF DIFFERENT PLEASURABLE SEXUAL EXPERIENC, OM MUTUAL MASTURBATN TO ORAL,” HE TELLS NEWNOWNEXT. “SOMETIM ’S NOT POSSIBLE TO FUCK (FOR A NUMBER OF REASONS), AND SOMETIM WE FALL LOVE WH SOMEONE WHO HAS A SIAR PERATIVE PREFERENCE.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}PIERCE, 25, AND ROBERT, 23, WHO BOTH INTIFY AS TOTAL TOPS, ARE PRIME EXAMPL. THE PAIR MATCHED ON TR DURG THE PANMIC AND DATED VIRTUALLY FOR A FEW MONTHS BEFORE THEY FELT WAS SAFE TO MEET PERSON. WHILE THEIR PERATIVE PREFERENCE WAS NOT MENTNED EHER OF THEIR PROFIL, THE TWO HAD TALKED ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PROCLIVI PRR TO MAKG THGS {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}“ROBERT EXPLAED WHY HE WAS UNFORTABLE BOTTOMG AND TOOK ME TO A TRMATIC PLACE WHERE I WAS FORCED TO BOTTOM WHEN I DIDN’T WANT TO. AFTER WE EXCHANGED THIS VULNERABLE RMATN WH EACH OTHER, OUR PRRI SHIFTED, AND WE CID THAT OUR MUTUAL FORT WAS MOST IMPORTANT,” PIERCE TELLS NEWNOWNEXT. “I’LL ADM I HAD A DIFFICULT TIME CUMMG AT FIRST AND STILL DO OM TIME TO TIME. I’M JT NOT ED TO FOREPLAY LEADG TO — WHAT I NSIRED AT THE TIME — JT MORE FOREPLAY.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}GIVEN THAT PERATN WAS OFF THE TABLE, THE TWO ACTIVELY EXPLORED EACH OTHER’S KKS. PIERCE DISVERED THAT HE BEME REALLY TURNED ON WHEN ROBERT TOOK ON THE DOMANT ROLE AND WAS RELIEVED TO FD THAT THIS DYNAMIC ULD BE ACHIEVED WHOUT PERATN. "I’VE GROWN TO REALIZE THAT PERATIVE SEX DON’T HAVE TO BE A HUGE PART OF PHYSIL ATTRACTN,” HE SAYS, “AND WE’VE MANAGED TO SHOW OUR LOVE AND AFFECTN THROUGH OTHER MEANS.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}HAMPTON, 26, MET JARED, 27, AT A HOLIDAY PARTY HOSTED BY A MUTUAL IEND MORE THAN TWO YEARS AGO. AFTER A NIGHT OF HEAVY FLIRTG, THE TWO SCHLED A DATE THE NEXT DAY AND HAVE BEEN TOGETHER EVER SCE. BOTH INTIFY AS TOPS BUT SIST THAT HAS NEVER BEEN AN ISSUE THEIR {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}“HE’S BOTTOMED FOR ME A UPLE OF TIM AND I’VE TRIED TO BOTTOM FOR HIM, BUT J, HE’S TOO BIG,” HAMPTON ADMS. “WE STILL HAVE FUN TRYG. WE’VE MA A HAB OF MUNITG OUR SEXUAL NEEDS WH EACH OTHER AND ENJOY OTHER WAYS OF GETTG OFF TOGETHER, WHETHER THAT’S MUTUAL MASTURBATN, THREOM, AND SO ON.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SIAR TO PIERCE, JARED HELPED HAMPTON EXPAND HIS MD BEYOND THE LIMATNS OF PERATIVE SEX. “HE MA CLEAR THAT DATG SOMEONE WHO IS A BOTTOM IS LS IMPORTANT THAN FDG SOMEONE HE TLY LIK AS A PERSON AND WANTS TO DATE,” HE SHAR. “HE’S SHOWED ME THERE ARE MANY WAYS TO HAVE FUN SEX THAT DON’T REQUIRE PERATN.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}“I LIKE TO ENURAGE PEOPLE TO HAVE A DIVERSE VTMENT STRATEGY THEIR SEXUALY,” ADDS BARATZ, THE LICENSED THERAPIST. “THE MORE THGS YOU ENJOY, THE MORE EXPANSIVE YOUR SEXUALY N BE. HOT SEX ISN’T BASED ON THE SEXUAL ACT. IT’S BASED ON SEXUAL CHEMISTRY, NNECTN, EROTICISM, AND MORE. YOU N HAVE PERATIVE SEX AND N BE REALLY BORG, SO ’S NOT THE END-ALL BE-ALL.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}ALL OF , REGARDLS OF SEXUAL ORIENTATN, HAVE TERNALIZED SCRIPTS ABOUT PERATN BEG THE NCLUDG SEXUAL ACT. BUT THE SCRIPTS STEM OM CISGENR, HETEROSEXUAL TERURSE THAT PRRIZ PROCREATN. WHEN QUEERS CENTER OR FE OUR SEXUALY AROUND PERATN, WE PERPETUATE THE LIMG AND OUTDATED NOTNS OF WHAT SEX “SHOULD” LOOK LIKE EVEN IF WE DON’T MEAN TO.GETTY IMAGPHOTO TAKEN GRANADA, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WHEN WORKG WH UPL WHO SEEK ALTERNATIV TO PERATIVE SEX, BARATZ URG EACH PERSON TO MAKE AN EFFORT TO BETTER UNRSTAND THEIR PARTNER’S TURN-ONS (SOMETHG HE SAYS MANY UPL DON’T KNOW, BUT THK THEY DO) SO THEY N BETTER PLEASURE THEM OTHER WAYS. “TAKE TURNS GIVG, RECEIVG, AND TAKG PLEASURE — WH NSENT, OF URSE,” HE SAYS. “EXPLORE FANTASI, MASSAGE, ROLE-PLAY, AND WHATEVER ELSE YOU BOTH FD EROTIC AND EXCG.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IF WORKG ON THGS WH THE RELATNSHIP STILL ISN’T HTG THE MARK, NSENSUAL NON-MONOGAMY IS ANOTHER OPTN. REARCH HAS FOUND MORE THAN 40% OF GAY MEN HAVE AN AGREEMENT THAT SEX OUTSI OF THEIR RELATNSHIP IS PERMISSIBLE PARED TO LS THAN 5% OF HETEROSEXUAL AND LBIAN {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}“AS I EVOLVED TO POLYAMORY, POSNAL PREFERENCE ISN’T MUCH OF AN ISSUE WHEN FDG A PARTNER. IT’S ACTUALLY PRETTY LOW ON MY LIST,” ROBBIE, 35, TELLS NEWNOWNEXT. “THE BT WAY AROUND THE ISSUE OF TWO TOPS IS TO BE OPEN AND TO SHARE A BOTTOM, OR VICE VERSA. ONCE YOU REMOVE SEX OM BEG THE FOUNDATN OF A RELATNSHIP, YOU’RE ABLE TO SEE MORE CLEARLY AND NNECT ON EPER LEVELS.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WHEN TO ANY PREFERENCE RELATNSHIPS, ’S BT TO BE FLEXIBLE AND ALLOW ROOM FOR OUR PARTNER’S PREFERENC EVEN IF THEY ARE AT ODDS WH OUR OWN. “IF I DIDN’T LIKE BASEBALL AND MY PARTNER WAS OBSSED, I’D PROBABLY GO TO A GAME OR TWO WH THEM,” BARATZ SAYS. “SEX IS NO DIFFERENT. PLEASE YOUR PARTNER! NOT ONLY IS A GREAT WAY TO NNECT, BUT YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED AND HAVE SOME FUN ALONG THE WAY.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}LOVE AND {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS

LGBT is still a popular term ed to discs genr and sexual mori, but all GSRM are wele beyond lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr people who nsent to participate a safe space. Rearch has found more than 40% of gay men have an agreement that sex outsi of their relatnship is permissible pared to ls than 5% of heterosexual and lbian upl. Go to AskGaybrosOver30.

r/AskGaybrosOver30. AskGaybrosOver30 is a place for supportive and iendly nversatns between over 30 adults.

Legend would have you believe that once you’ve earned your gay rd, a Harry Potter–like ceremony occurs where, stead of the Sortg Hat, a giant magil butt plug divis all gay men to two ho: tops or is clearly not the se, pecially for those people who nsir themselv versatile (HIYA). The two subdivisns have their own l, stereotyp, and -jok, and n sometim seem as if they’re at war wh each other, rather than both workg together for mutual sexual of this n make tryg different thgs dntg, pecially if you’re a baby gay venturg to this world for the first time. ”Miller argu that gay men should exame their relatnship wh power.

SI GUYS: THKG BEYOND GAY MALE "TOPS" AND "BOTTOMS"

But I believe that many gay men pick one si, stick to , and that some of those dividuals choose toppg—you’ll have seen their profil markg them as “masc dom tops” on the apps—bee of s ti to tradnal Miller explas, there are outsi forc that, datg back to the ancient Greeks, have prevented gay men om tly diggg to what sexual behavrs we might actually enjoy.

“What I mean by that, ” he says, “is that cultural forc wh the gay muny prize toppg over bottomg. “Wh bottomg there is the perceptn that you're givg up your masculy bee receivg a penis is somethg that women do, ” Miller Chris Whe, an expert health promotn and the director and prcipal vtigator of the Safe and Supportive Schools Project at the Gay-Straight Alliance Network San Francis, tak this one step further.

”To be (fucked) or not to be (fucked) shouldn’t always be the qutnAcrdg to a 2011 study by The Journal of Sexual Medice that surveyed 25, 000 gay men Ameri about their last sexual enunters, only 36 percent said they had bottomed and 34 percent said they had, realy, we’re not actually fuckg all that much. When public cisg and park sex were mon featur of gay life (the 70s, 80s), was impossible to know if the hot guy you followed to the bh was a top or bottom. Bizarrely, a time when gay and lbian sexual inti have expand to ls labeled, more flexible terms -- queer, fluid, and so on -- sex rol have never been more rigid, thanks to apps.

GAY MEN'S PREFERENC FOR "TOP" VS. "BOTTOM" CAN BE JUDGED BY THEIR FACE

An entire cleanls and douchg dtry has spng up the last forty years that has preyed heavily on the fears and exploed them -- you n fd many douchg products marketed exclively to gay men. Anecdotally, seems gay men Europe are ls sh-phobic than Amerin guys, and gay men of a certa age (anyone who fucked around the 70s and 80s) remember a time when gay men didn't really douche often, so they re ls about makg a ltle ms, particularly if means havg lots of fun.

Lucky for gay/bi men, there are que a number of who know exactly how that feels. It seems like every gay guy out there is a bottom, and when you thk you've met someone who's fely a He too is a bottom. Gay men who intify as a "si".

GEICS MAY DETERME IF GAY MEN ARE TOPS OR BOTTOMS

When to sex, whether you’re gay, bi, or straight, we’ve all been a ltle brawashed to believg that there is this thg lled “normal. In the gay male muny, ually, you’re eher nsired to be a “top, ” the perator, or a “bottom, ” the perated, or you’re versatile (n go eher way).

SI GUYS: THKG BEYOND GAY MALE "TOPS" AND "BOTTOMS"

For stance, thk about datg apps for gay men. But what if you’re a gay man who don’t enjoy anal sex or fds anal peratn paful, don’t like the feelg or the troublome amount of preparatn and cleang up need for to be a pleasurable experience, or simply don’t experience anal sex as erotic?

IT'S TIME TO STOP PIGEONHOLG GAY MEN AS TOPS AND BOTTOMS

That’s why a 2013 article I wrote for Huffgton Post, "Guys on the ‘Si’: Lookg Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms, " I began workg on popularizg the term “si” orr for the gay men to have the language to exprs their sexual and erotic preference.

Sis often suffer the accatns of other gay men, such as:. I’ve seen gay male clients who rry a load of shame about not likg or wantg to get or give anal sex.

There are straight men who like havg anal sex and/or beg perated wh a dildo, and there are gay men who don’t. It’s been known for a while that tak ls than a send for people to e their ternal “gaydar” to ci if they thk a man is homosexual or heterosexual, and such snap judgements tend to be right. But n facial differenc be ed to distguish between different typ of gay men — specifilly, those who fe themselv as “tops” vers “bottoms”?

HOW TO HAVE A GAY OR LBIAN RELATNSHIP

The participants were asked to look at 200 photographs of gay men found on an onle datg se (100 tops, 100 bottoms) and tegorize them as tops or bottoms. ”Accurate Intifitn of a Preference for Insertive Vers Receptive Interurse om Static Facial Cu of Gay Men“In terurse between men, one of the partners typilly assum the role of an sertive partner (top) while the other assum a receptive role (bottom). Although some rearch suggts that the perceptns of potential partners’ sexual rol gay men’s relatnships n affect whether a man will adopt the role of top or bottom durg sexual terurse, remas unclear whether sexual rol uld be perceived accurately by naïve observers.

Across much of the gay and bisexual male rearch on sexual posn self-label (i. In rponse, we explored the role of self-label over sexual and relatnship satisfactn among gay and bisexual partnered men. Regnn and Constctn of Top, Bottom, and Versatile Orientatns Gay/Bisexual Men.

SEXUAL PATIBILY AMONG GAY MEN

Top/Bottom Sexual Self-labels and Empathizg-Systemizg Cognive Styl Among Gay Men Cha. The fluence of physil body tras and masculy on anal sex rol gay and bisexual men. The Effects of Prostate Cancer Treatment on Role-In-Sex Gay and Bisexual Men: Mixed Methods Rults om the Rtore-1 and Rtore-2 Studi.