Learn how to help your child pe wh the challeng of beg raised by gay parents. Fd out everythg you need to know about parentg. " emprop="scriptn
Contents:
- PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
- PARENTG A GAY CHILD
- 10 TIPS FOR PARENTS OF GAY KIDS
- DEAR PARENT OF A GAY CHILD
- GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
- OPEN LETTER TO PARENTS OF GAY KIDS: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU
- SUPPORT FOR PARENTS OF CHILD WHO SAYS HE’S GAY
- MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
- GAY PARENTS
- ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
Parents of gay children may go through an adjtment perd when they fd out their child is gay, but there is support for parents of gay children. * parent of gay son *
But providg support isn't always easy — pecially if you are the parent of a lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr or qutng (LGBTQ) child. Advote for a gay-straight alliance (GSA), which has been shown to make schools safer and boost amic performance among LGBTQ stunts.
Team up wh a pediatrician, a unselor at school, close fay members and even muny anizatns — for example, Parents, Fai and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG) — if you’re havg trouble gog alone. Parents of gay children may be shocked when their kids e out of the closet, but once the dt settl, most parents realize that their child is the same one they have loved and red for all their liv, they jt happen to be gay.
PARENTG A GAY CHILD
Whatever fears parents have about sayg the wrong thgs or makg the wrong cisns, Greg and Lynn McDonald will not be shocked at all. By their own acunt, they ma every mistake possible when they learned their 17-year-old son, Greg Jr., is gay. * parent of gay son *
It may be that the child bucks tradnal genr stereotyp or they may not show attentn to the oppose sex; but are the signs of a gay child? So, for example, boys that play wh dolls and have primarily girliends or girls who are tomboys and prefer to play wh guns may have an creased likelihood of growg up to be gay. There also appears to be a relatnship where the more a child shows genr-nonnformg characteristics, the greater the chance that they may grow up to be gay.
While knowg your child is gay may help you ease the transn to adulthood, 's cril to remember that a gay child is jt a child like any other and a parent of gay child is jt a parent, like any other. I grew up outsi of New York Cy, the meltg pot, attend llege and worked New York, yet when I found out my son, Jam, age 13, was gay, I reverted to "not my backyard.
When I terviewed straight parents for When Your Child Is Gay, they ed words such as fear, shock, helplsns, strs, and extreme sadns to scribe their experienc wh nial. Why do parents who are normally acceptg of their children go to the nial zone upon learng that their child is gay, bisexual, even transgenr?
10 TIPS FOR PARENTS OF GAY KIDS
My mother, and my (gay) self. * parent of gay son *
However, be sure you pick a gay-iendly one om an anizatn such as the Amerin Associatn of Psychiatrists that has a divisn of gay therapists om which to choose. They will be empathetic and unrstandg and turn will ntribute to your unrstandg of what means to be the parent of a gay child.
I uldn't be around people who judged me, thought beg gay was a "liftyle" that uld be changed or thought that homosexualy was wrong. You may say that parentg is parentg, but the straight parent of a gay child has to al wh addnal issu such as bullyg, possible low self-teem of their child, discrimatn, to name a few.
DEAR PARENT OF A GAY CHILD
Beg a man often signifi adherence to social dictat that expect men to be physilly strong, self-reliant, rilient, tough and emotnally tached even if this is achieved at the expense of close and meangful relatnships. Dissatisfactn wh this type of tradnal masculy has mounted prsure to reevaluate what f masculy efforts to addrs genr equaly and assert the diverse needs of men and women. Perceptns around the masculy of gay persons and the disurs that associate homosexualy wh a “weak” manhood are also beg qutned. We prent a study that exam perceptns that Malte parents of gay sons hold on masculy and how the might affect their relatnship wh each other. The quiry foc on whether g out has affected the perceptns of parents of gay sons on masculy, as scribed by them. We em this rearch qutn important bee parents’ perceptns on masculy might affect their relatnship wh their children. The fdgs that nveyed through qualative terviews dite that the embodiment of masculy norms was acunted for var fay dynamics and relatns and shaped how the parents reacted to their son’s g out and eventual acceptance of his sexualy. Although some aspects of tradnal masculy were held place even after g out, the parents were able to shift their perceptns to clu a more prehensive ia about what “beg a man” means. This impli that nceptualizatns on lived masculi are movg away om social nstcts that fe as unary, stable and unntted. * parent of gay son *
The gay child has most likely gone through the same issu that you are now experiencg: nial, fear, guilt, shame, anger, loss, to arrive at acceptance.
Don't: Ignore ItSo, your kid told you they were gay, lbian, bisexual, transgenr, or a member, some way, of the LGBTQ+ muny.
Ask them about other kids they know who they n talk to about their qutns, and what thgs are like at their school (is there a Gay-Straight Alliance? "Maybe you always had an klg that your kid was gay or transgenr, maybe you noticed your kid's affectn for a certa someone before they even regnized what those feelgs were, or you noticed certa role mols that they chose and ma some assumptns about what that meant about their inty...
GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
Many parents stggle for years to adjt after learng child is gay, acrdg to a new study om Gee Washgton Universy public health rearchers. * parent of gay son *
DANNIELLE OWENS-REID and KRISTIN RUSSO are the founrs of the LGBTQ youth anizatn Everyone Is Gay as well as s pann se for fay members of LGBTQ people, The Parents Project.
This September they released their first book, This Is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids: A Qutn & Answer Gui for Everyday Life (Chronicle, 2014). You may have grown up thkg that gay people f to a certa five mold, and your child acted “straight” through the years, only to seemgly sudnly reveal their same-sex attractn. Others entst only their parents wh their secret until the timg is right to tell may feel happy, relieved, sad, sred, angry, nfed, or all of the above when you fd out your child is gay.
I reached out to my lol PFLAG — a natnwi group that holds regular meetgs for parents of gay children (no matter the age). It was a wonrful experience to meet all the other fay members and hear their stori and learn om a parent n be very sry, pecially today’s tumultuo a parent to a gay child n often add an extra layer of worry and fear.
OPEN LETTER TO PARENTS OF GAY KIDS: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU
Strong Fay Alliance is a non-prof providg support and rourc to parents of LGBT (gay, trans, etc.) kids g out. Save liv. Prerve fai. * parent of gay son *
Whether you are gay, straight, bi, pan, asexual, or everythg parents, ntu to be our job to love and protect and support our children. Was a young child, his parents observed he was different than other boys ways that ma them wonr if he might be gay, which horrified them.
“The thg you n be assured of is that J says to love our neighbors as ourselv — and that clus our children, straight or gay. Lynn, a breast ncer survivor, likens the shock of learng your child is gay or bisexual or transgenr to the shock of gettg a hard-to-hear medil diagnosis.
SUPPORT FOR PARENTS OF CHILD WHO SAYS HE’S GAY
If you are a Christian parent, fay member or iend to whom your loved one has e out as gay or lbian, then this is for you. As a younger Christian, tght that homosexualy is a s, I believed that trma somewhere someone’s past ed homosexualy, even if they didn’t remember . To my surprise, God pletely shifted my unrstandg and revealed to me the many people who had a great childhood are still gay.
MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
But please unrstand that even if we disagree, nothg chang regardg our rponsibily, our blsg as a Mom or a Dad to unndnally love, accept and affirm our gay children – as God has done wh . This was found to be te for many of the mothers and sons I terviewed for the study scribed the book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child (). Neverthels, this closens uld have a downsi, at least temporarily, as many mothers ially blame themselv and the close relatnships for their sons' homosexualy.
So, perhaps is not pletely surprisg that once they learned their sons were gay, some of the mothers I terviewed felt that they had done somethg to damage them. For a long time, the psychiatric profsn blamed overly close maternal relatnships for g the "disease" of male homosexualy.
Even though rearch sce the 1950's has bunked , this theory persists people's mds and rears s ugly head for mothers when they ially learn their sons are gay. Fortunately, for many mothers of gay son—wh time and tn, they learn that the ia that they had somehow ma their son gay is ad wrong This was te of the mothers my study who also me to see the benefs havg a gay son as will be scribed later this post. My rearch, clil and personal experienc suggt that there is ed a al lk between male homosexualy and a close maternal relatnship but flows the oppose directn than what was prevly thought.
GAY PARENTS
The young gay mal this study relled sharg terts mon wh their mothers, such as fashn and okg, and were also sensive to their feelgs.
I thk personally [beg gay] ma me a more emotnal person, more sensive, more touch wh both the male and female sis of myself, but allowg me to even acknowledge that other si ma me closer to my mother. Once mothers this study got over their feelgs of guilt and got ed to the ia that their sons were gay, they were able to regnize the benefs of havg a gay son. However, we get to hot water when we allow stereotyp to get the way of unrstandg the uniquens of dividuals and their circumstanc—so is important to remember that not all mothers and gay sons are close.
Sadly, some mothers simply nnot adjt to their sons' homosexualy, due to their guilt, relig ncerns, or abily to "let go" and accept the ways they live their liv.
‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
While science may not have ssed out exactly how the gen work together yet, there is one thg we do know: You did not make your child gay. Your child is perfect exactly the way they on HuffPost:16 Celebri wh LGBTQ ParentsRelatedparentg adviceParentg Gay Childrengay kidsqueer voic.