Open Letter to Parents of Gay Kids: This Is Not About You | HuffPost Voic

Contents:

• 'RETURN THE KEY': THE PARENTS WHO REJECT THEIR GAY CHILDREN
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
• 10 TIPS FOR PARENTS OF GAY KIDS
• HOW ONE MOTHER’S LOVE FOR HER GAY SON STARTED A REVOLUTN
• “MOM, DAD… I’M GAY.” A CHRISTIAN PARENT’S RPONSE
• PARENTS WHO SAY GAY SON WAS BULLIED AT EVERETT SCHOOL FILE $20M CLAIM
• PARENTG A GAY CHILD
• WHY -- AND HOW -- WE ACCEPT OUR GAY SON AS DEVOUT MORMON PARENTS
• THE UGANDAN MUM WHO WAS ONCE ASHAMED OF HER GAY SON
• I TRIED TO STOP MY SON OM BEG GAY. HERE’S WHAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN
• GAY PARENTS
• ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
• LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG
• HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS
• “COMG OUT” AS A PARENT OF A GAY CHILD
• DAD'S LOVE LETTER TO GAY TEENAGE SON GO VIRAL
• OPEN LETTER TO PARENTS OF GAY KIDS: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU
• THE CHILDREN OF GAY PARENTS SPEAK FOR THEMSELV
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
• HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR GAY CHILD
• AFTER GAY SON’S SUICI, MOTHER FDS BLAME HERSELF AND HER CHURCH
• EVANGELILS WH GAY CHILDREN CHALLENGE CHURCH
• FATHER'S LETTER DISOWNG GAY SON JAM AFTER COMG OUT GO VIRAL
• SHOULD CHRISTIANS “DISOWN” GAY SONS AND DGHTERS?
• GAY PARENTS LLED 'RAPISTS' AND 'PEDOPHIL' AMTRAK CINT
• “IT’S ALMOST LIKE GAY SEX DON’T EXIST:” PARENT-CHILD SEX COMMUNITN ACRDG TO GAY, BISEXUAL, AND QUEER ADOLCENT SONS
• LBIANS, GAY MEN, AND THEIR PARENTS: FAY THERAPY FOR THE G-OUT CRISIS
• WHY LANCE BASS WAS TERRIFIED TO E OUT AS GAY TO HIS PARENTS
• COMG OUT: A PARENTS GUI TO SUPPORTG YOUR GAY TEEN

'RETURN THE KEY': THE PARENTS WHO REJECT THEIR GAY CHILDREN

Celebry stori of heartbreakg parental rejectn are also November, the Amerin thor and producer Robyn Crawford released a book nfirmg she had had a romantic relatnship wh Whney Hoton – but had to abandon out of fear of the repercsns om Hoton’s by Oprah Wey if would have bothered her if her dghter was gay, Cissy Hoton said “Absolutely.

It was a wonrful experience to meet all the other fay members and hear their stori and learn om them.Beg a parent n be very sry, pecially today’s tumultuo tim.Beg a parent to a gay child n often add an extra layer of worry and fear.Discrimatn is real many plac, and there is more work to be done.

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

"Maybe you always had an klg that your kid was gay or transgenr, maybe you noticed your kid's affectn for a certa someone before they even regnized what those feelgs were, or you noticed certa role mols that they chose and ma some assumptns about what that meant about their inty... They asked if they uld kiss her; they asked if she would talk to their parents; they told her that they uldn’t image their own mothers and fathers supportg them so publicly, or supportg them at woman’s name was Jeanne Manford, and she was marchg alongsi her twenty-one-year-old gay son, Morty. Polil anizg was virtually impossible—one early gay-rights group that attempted to officially rporate New York was told that s mere existence would vlate state sodomy laws—and posive cultural reprentatn was all but nonexistent; there were no openly gay or lbian policians, punds, relig lears, actors, athlet, or micians the mastream.

In the sprg of 1972, the New York Daily News ran an edorial, headled “Any Old Jobs for Homos?, ” that referred to “fairi, nanc, swish, fags, lezz” and mend the Supreme Court for cidg that a public universy uld rcd a job offer to a man who applied for a marriage license wh his male partner. To reach parents directly, the Manfords placed an ad the Village Voice; to reach them directly, through their children, Morty and the lbian activist Barbara Love scend on New York Cy’s gay hangouts wh fifteen hundred signs and leaflets, handma and posssg somethg of the timate, supplint look of lost-pet posters. When the prcipal of the elementary school where she worked told her that people were startg to talk and asked her to be more discreet, Jeanne rmed the woman that her profsnal life was one thg and her private life was another and that she would do as she, though, the people who reached out to the Manfords and to Parents of Gays were lookg for help or muny or a balm for heartbreakg pa.

10 TIPS FOR PARENTS OF GAY KIDS

That was not bee she craved the attentn—“There was nothg pretent about her, nothg fortune-seekg, no love of the spotlight, ” her granddghter Avril told me—but bee she was one of the few people willg to speak out public on behalf of their gay this time, Jul was one of those people, too. EVERETT — The parents of a gay, 13-year-old stunt who was allegedly bullied for more than a year, g him to e home cryg and eventually to leave school, have filed a $20 ln claim agast Everett Public Evergreen Middle School seventh grar was ntually subject to homophobic slurs and twice beaten up fights viotaped and upload onto an Instagram page voted to brawls at the school, acrdg to his parents, Nile and Doug. Acrdg to Pew Rearch, 1985, 89% of parents said they'd be upset if their child me out as homosexual and jt 9% said they would not 2015, 37% of parents said they'd be upset and 57% said they wouldn't public opn is clearly gog the right directn, there is still a lot of work to be done.

Seegher rearch helped give the urage and permissn to celebrateWill for the credibly strong and brave person that he is -- exactlyas he FAP is releasg a new versn of the origal pamphlet thathelped , Supportive Fai, Healthy Children, aimed specifilly at LDSfai of lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr (LGBT) pamphlet enabl LDS fai to keep their foc on thewell-beg of their kids by lettg them know the nsequenc of thetheir acceptance or lack thereof, wrten language that will befaiar to LDS rears.

Unlike heterosexual parents and their children, however, lbian and gay parents and their children are often subject to prejudice bee of their sexual orientatn that n turn judg, legislators, profsnals, and the public agast them, sometim rultg negative out, such as loss of physil ctody, rtrictns on visatn, and prohibns agast adoptn (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Appell, 2003; Patterson, Fulcher, & Waright, 2002). Three ncerns have historilly been associated wh judicial cisn makg ctody ligatn and public polici erng foster re and adoptn: the belief that lbians and gay men are mentally ill, that lbians are ls maternal than heterosexual women, and that lbians' and gay men's relatnships wh sexual partners leave ltle time for ongog parent-child teractns (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Falk, 1989, 1994; Patterson et al., 2002; Patterson & Reddg, 1996).

HOW ONE MOTHER’S LOVE FOR HER GAY SON STARTED A REVOLUTN

There is no reliable evince that homosexual orientatn per se impairs psychologil functng, although the social and other circumstanc which lbians and gay men live, cludg exposure to wispread prejudice and discrimatn, often e acute distrs (Cochran, 2001; Freedman, 1971; Gonsrek, 1991; Hart et al., 1978; Hooker, 1957; Meyer, 2003; Reiss, 1980). A recent study of 256 lbian and gay parent fai found that, ntrast to patterns characterizg the majory of Amerin parents, very few lbian and gay parents reported any e of physil punishment (such as spankg) as a disciplary technique; stead, they were likely to report e of posive techniqu such as reasong (Johnson & O'Connor, 2002). Certaly, rearch has found no reasons to believe lbian mothers or gay fathers to be unf parents (Armto, 2002; Barret & Robson, 1990; Bigner & Bozett, 1990; Bigner & Jabsen, 1989a, 1989b; Bos et al., 2003, 2004; Bozett, 1980, 1989; Patterson, 1997; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Sbordone, 1993; Tasker & Golombok, 1997; Victor & Fish, 1995; Wton, 1991).

Three aspects of sexual inty are nsired the rearch: genr inty, which ncerns a person's self-intifitn as male or female; genr-role behavr, which ncerns the extent to which a person's activi, occupatns, and the like are regard by the culture as mascule, feme, or both; and sexual orientatn, which refers to a person's choice of sexual partners, who may be homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual (Money & Ehrhardt, 1972; Ste, 1993). Although some children have scribed enunters wh anti-gay remarks om peers (Gartrell et al., 2005), young adult offsprg of divorced lbian mothers did not rell beg the targets of any more childhood teasg or victimizatn than did the offsprg of divorced heterosexual mothers (Tasker & Golombok, 1995, 1997). Subjects evaluated vigt pictg eher a gay male uple or heterosexual uple and their adopted son along the dimensns of parentg abily, gree to which the child's problems were attributable to the parental relatnship, distrs of the child (cludg genr and sexual inty nfn), and the extent to which ctody reassignment was perceived to be beneficial.

A sgle qutn on relatnship satisfactn revealed no signifint difference between groups reported satisfactn, while the 32-em DAS revealed the gay parentg upl to be signifintly more satisfied wh their relatnships than the heterosexual upl, pecially the area of dyadic hn and affective exprsn. A review of rearch on children of lbian and gay parents intifi some of the sourc of diversy wh lbian and gay parentg muni / prent rearch on those who beme parents the ntext of heterosexual relatnships, before g out as lbian or gay / scribe studi of lbians who beme parents after g out [prent] rearch on children born the ntext of heterosexual relatnships... The amework foc on (1) whether selectn effects produced by homophobia acunt for associatns between parental sexual orientatns and child out; (2) the role of parental genr vis-à-vis sexual orientatn fluencg children's genr velopment; and (3) the relatnship between parental sexual orientatns and children's sexual preferenc and behavrs.

“MOM, DAD… I’M GAY.” A CHRISTIAN PARENT’S RPONSE

Although is clear that homosexualy is not and of self related to psychopathology, there are persistent suggtns that the particular strs endured by gay men and lbians, pecially adolcence and young adulthood, may e an upsurge attempted suici and perhaps chemil abe, perhaps temporary or perhaps a segment of homosexuals. The paper foc on (a) methodologil problems rearch on homosexualy; (b) studi parg adjtment levels of male homosexuals and male heterosexuals, effemate and noneffemate male homosexuals, and female homosexuals and female heterosexuals; (c) the relatnship between gree of homosexualy and adjtment; (d) homosexual subculture; and (e) the relatnship between homosexualy and psychopathology.

(From the chapter) social science theory and empiril rearch to scribe and expla psychologil heterosexism the US today / addrs the attudal and belief ponents of psychologil heterosexism, wh special attentn to gnive and motivatnal procs / behavral aspects of psychologil heterosexism-specifilly, acts of vlence agast lbians and gay men-are discsed / the nsequenc of psychologil heterosexism are nsired. (From the chapter) child ctody / sexual orientatn and liftyle on their children / ctodial gay fathers / children's reactns to havg a gay father / social ntrol strategi / boundary ntrol fluencg factors / mutualy / father's reactns / protective strategi / role molg / children's velopment of sexual inty / homonegative reactns of children. This text featur iativ to improve the procs of clil re for gay and lbian dividuals and their fai, as well as the muny as a whole; mon scenars enuntered clil practice, along wh a discsn of their meang and re; and explic suggtns for child health profsnals to direct efforts to change the ntext of medil tn.

PARENTS WHO SAY GAY SON WAS BULLIED AT EVERETT SCHOOL FILE $20M CLAIM

Divid to three segments, the book tak an unflchg and entirely new look at motherg: "New Lsons" exam the way which sons of lbians grow up to be different men; "Makg a Fay" looks at fay nstcts and "Facg Loss" reveals the heart-breakg realy that many women have had to nont when their fai were threatened by homophobic urts and tradns. (From the chapter) gay fatherhood has emerged to public awarens and brought qutns / who are gay fathers, and how do they bee parents / what kd of parents do gay men make, and how do their children velop / what special challeng and strs do gay fathers and their children face daily life, and how do they pe wh them / what n acquatance wh gay fathers and their children offer to the unrstandg of parenthood, child velopment, and fay life / although rearch leratur bearg on such qutns are que new and relatively sparse, existg studi addrs some issu raised by the existence of gay fathers.

“WHEREAS, The legislative protectn afford to children of parents homosexual relatnships vari om state to state, wh some stat enactg or nsirg legislatn sanctng -parent or send parent adoptn by partners of the same sex, several stat clg to nsir legislatn, and at least one state altogether banng adoptn by the send parent; and. “Homosexualy per se impli no impairment judgment, stabily, reliabily, or general social and votnal pabili; Further, the Amerin Psychologil Associatn urg all mental health profsnals to take the lead removg the stigma of mental illns that has long been associated wh homosexual orientatns.

PARENTG A GAY CHILD

“The Amerin Psychologil Associatn plor all public and private discrimatn such areas as employment, hog, public acmodatn, and licensg agast those who engage or have engaged homosexual activi and clar that no burn of proof of such judgment, pacy, or reliabily shall be placed upon the dividuals greater than that imposed on any other persons. “WHEREAS people who also experience discrimatn based on age, race, ethnicy, disabily, genr and genr inty, relign, and socenomic stat may pecially benef om accs to marriage for same-sex upl (Divisn 44/Commtee on Sexual Orientatn and Genr Diversy Jot Task Force on Guil for Psychotherapy wh Lbian, Gay, and Bisexual Clients, 2000);.

“WHEREAS there is no scientific evince that parentg effectivens is related to parental sexual orientatn: Lbian and gay parents are as likely as heterosexual parents to provi supportive and healthy environments for their children (Patterson, 2000, 2004; Perr, 2002; Tasker, 1999);. “WHEREAS rearch has shown that the adjtment, velopment, and psychologil well-beg of children is unrelated to parental sexual orientatn and that the children of lbian and gay parents are as likely as those of heterosexual parents to flourish (Patterson, 2004; Perr, 2002; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001);. They believe that if you experience same-sex attractns, then you're gay, " Doyle told the negative rpons parents have, acrdg to Doyle, are avoidg the issue by barrg their child om talkg about SSA or their gay inty; believg that 's a passg phase; or threateng to kick their olr teen or 20-somethg child out of the hoe.

WHY -- AND HOW -- WE ACCEPT OUR GAY SON AS DEVOUT MORMON PARENTS

"We know, our clil rearch over the last 25 years, that fay culture, environment and other non-blogil factors play a signifint role the velopment of same-sex attractn, " he asserted, addg that parents shouldn't seek therapy as an attempt to change their the book, Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Fay Healg, wrten by Richard Cohen, executive director of IHF, Doyle said 12 prcipl are discsed to help fai navigate through SSA and s .

"Regardg sleepovers and big life events such as parents' attendg a child's same-sex weddg ceremony, Doyle suggted that parents treat their homosexual child the same as they would their heterosexual the se of sleepovers, parents should mata the same standards for every child and not allow their gay intified or SSA child to have somone they're attracted to spend the night wh them. "The same l should apply to heterosexual upl and homosexual upl, " he when down to attendg a child's gay weddg ceremony, Doyle suggted that attendg the ceremony don't necsarily reflect that the parents agree wh same-sex marriage, their prence merely shows their love for their child. “As long as I am upright, I will fight [so] that Sam and everyone’s children and grandchildren and sisters and brothers will be protected every state of the Uned Stat, ” Sally Field said of her son, Sam Greisman, who is gay — and why she’s a part of the Human Rights Campaign’s work towards the Equaly Act.

”The study found that Ain Amerin and Lato parents have a harr time acceptg their lbian, gay and bisexual children, as do the parents of children who e out at a later study, which surveyed a much larger sample size than prev studi, nfirmed smaller studi that showed parents’ negative reactns tend to ease over time; the first two years are the harst for were no signifint differenc reactns between mother and father, the age of the parent, or the genr of the child. The parents have only recently started fdg each other onle and through fah-oriented anizatns for gays and lbians such as the Gay Christian Network, The Reformatn Project and The Mar Lda Robertson, who blogs about her son at, said a private Facebook page she started last year for evangelil mothers of gays has more than 300 members. And the last few years, high-profile s of proment Christian parents embracg their gay children dite a change is occurrg beyond a few isolated Brownson, a New Ttament scholar at Wtern Theologil Semary, a Michigan school affiliated wh the Reformed Church Ameri, last year published the book "Bible, Genr, Sexualy, " advotg a re-examatn of what Scripture says about same-sex relatnships.

THE UGANDAN MUM WHO WAS ONCE ASHAMED OF HER GAY SON

"I thk at some pot moms and dads are gog to say to their pastors and church learship that you n't tell me that my child is not loved unndnally by God, " said San Shopland, the dghter of a Prbyterian missnary who, along wh her gay son, is active wh the Gay Christian Baldock, a Christian who advot for gay acceptance through her webse, said evangelil parents are speakg out more bee of the example set by their children.

I TRIED TO STOP MY SON OM BEG GAY. HERE’S WHAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN

At the time, he was his fal semter at the Universy of Texas and cid he had hidn his sexualy om his fay long was 1999, well before Mehta beme Barack Obama’s first liaison to the LGBT muny – the first of three Indian Amerins to eventually hold that post – and before his current appotment as chief of staff to the new surgeon general, Vivek those days Indian Amerins were eply nial about homosexualy, so when Mehta told his parents he was gay, he was worried they would sever all ti to him.

Dpe his imprsive crentials, he said he was “misrmed” about homosexualy until Parag forced the issue by g said was only after reviewg the scientific lerature immediately after his son me out, hop of fdg a medil “cure” for homosexualy, that he realized there was nothg to be cured.

GAY PARENTS

“There is a shame that’s associated wh this, ” pecially among the olr generatn, who are all too willg, he said, to get their gay children married off to members of the oppose sex, simply to mata Mehta had been warned by one iend that publicizg his son’s gayns uld prompt a quiet backlash, rultg some fai qutng whether the Mehta home was safe for their children. It’s not merely the fact that their parents are gettg to know each other, but that they’re posg for pictur together, vg the evable probg qutns om domtic workers and even before the two started datg, Parag’s father had taken the unual step (by si standards) of tryg to play matchmaker for his gay son. S., thoands of moms have picked up the torch that Manford igned 1972 — nnectg through social media, formg alns and nonprofs, speakg at events, marchg paras, standg at weddgs, and embroilg themselv polil Dyer, an admistrative assistant who liv the Dallas-Fort Worth area, said she stggled after her son, Nick, me out as gay 2007.

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

It’s not like an eleven-year old who feels pletely nfint mom and dad’s love turns twelve or thirteen, tells mom and dad he’s gay, listens to them object morally but experienc their ntued affirmatn of him otherwise, will then ci that they don’t fact love him and try to hurt himself. And om March 17 through April 6, Fox News aired 170 segments on transgenr issu and regularly characterized the legislatn’s opponents as “groomers” and “predators, ” acrdg to a report by Media Matters for Ameri, a liberal nonprof media word “groomg” has long been associated wh mischaracterizg LGBTQ people, particularly gay men and transgenr women, as child sex abers and had, at least the past , appeared to be relegated to the margs of the far-right and Broverman said this was not the first time their fay has had hate directed at them public.

Wh lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and queer (LGBTQ) dividuals disclosg their sexual orientatn at younger ag than prev horts of LGBTQ people (Calzo, Antonucci, Mays & Cochran, 2011; Mart & D’Augelli, 2009) and early self-intifitn as LGBTQ beg associated wh greater morbidy (Remafedi, 2008; D’Augelli & Herschberger, 1993), the role of parents as HIV risk rctn agents is pecially important for this populatn.

Gay youth who bee aware of their same-sex attractns and disclose their orientatn earlier have been found to be more likely than gay youth who reach the sexual inty ton at a later age to experience forced sex and gay-related harassment durg adolcence and HIV fectn durg adulthood (Friedman, Marshal, Stall, Chng & Wright, 2008). From qualative studi, parental disfort when to HIV-related munitn wh gay and bisexual adolcent mal om the northeast US has been noted (LaSala, 2014), along wh limed availabily of clive health rmatn specific to young men who have sex wh men (YMSM) and their parents (Rose, Friedman, Annang, Spencer, & Ldley, 2014). Hence, no sgular system n be unrstood isolatn om the others (Gavazzi, 2011) and events that occur one system n fluence what happens another system (Ragber, 2014) this study, sex munitn the home is nceptualized as a proximal procs between parents and gay, bisexual, and queer (GBQ) adolcent mal for the exchange of rmatn about sex throughout childhood and early adulthood.

LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG

HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS

“COMG OUT” AS A PARENT OF A GAY CHILD

DAD'S LOVE LETTER TO GAY TEENAGE SON GO VIRAL

OPEN LETTER TO PARENTS OF GAY KIDS: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU

THE CHILDREN OF GAY PARENTS SPEAK FOR THEMSELV

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR GAY CHILD

AFTER GAY SON’S SUICI, MOTHER FDS BLAME HERSELF AND HER CHURCH

EVANGELILS WH GAY CHILDREN CHALLENGE CHURCH

FATHER'S LETTER DISOWNG GAY SON JAM AFTER COMG OUT GO VIRAL

SHOULD CHRISTIANS “DISOWN” GAY SONS AND DGHTERS?

GAY PARENTS LLED 'RAPISTS' AND 'PEDOPHIL' AMTRAK CINT

“IT’S ALMOST LIKE GAY SEX DON’T EXIST:” PARENT-CHILD SEX COMMUNITN ACRDG TO GAY, BISEXUAL, AND QUEER ADOLCENT SONS

LBIANS, GAY MEN, AND THEIR PARENTS: FAY THERAPY FOR THE G-OUT CRISIS

WHY LANCE BASS WAS TERRIFIED TO E OUT AS GAY TO HIS PARENTS

COMG OUT: A PARENTS GUI TO SUPPORTG YOUR GAY TEEN