This Is What It Feels Like When Your High School Csh Might Be Gay

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* GAY WHEN HIGH

Here’s Why Pretendg to Be Straight High School Was a Big Mistake for Me</tle><meta name="tle" ntent="Here’s Why Pretendg to Be Straight High School Was a Big Mistake for Me" /><meta name="scriptn" ntent=""The bety was that once I me out, I disvered that people loved me for me."" /><meta name="keywords" ntent="Raymond Brn,lgbtq,lgbtq issu,advice, gay, queer, tips, g out, g out gay as a teen, trans" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="webse" /><meta name="theme-lor" ntent="#000000" /><lk href="/_assets/sign-tokens/seventeen/static/imag/" rel="in" /><meta property="og:se_name" ntent="Seventeen" /><meta name="fb:app_id" ntent="112965278727107" property="fb:app_id" /><meta name="article:publisher" ntent=" property="article:publisher" /><meta name="fb:pag" ntent="8028997215" property="fb:pag" /><meta name="twter:se" ntent="@seventeen" /><meta name="google-se-verifitn" ntent="uQMdsrh02fvs6lNVGcB04v0iEtK1MpGMQ3UF-Fy0RVI" /><meta property="og:tle" ntent="Here's Why Pretendg to Be Straight High School Was a Big Mistake for Me" /><meta property="og:scriptn" ntent=""The bety was that once I me out, I disvered that people loved me for me."" /><meta name="robots" ntent="max-image-preview:large,max-snippet:-1,max-vio-preview:30" /><lk rel="apple-touch-in" href="/_assets/sign-tokens/seventeen/static/imag/" /><meta property="og:image" ntent="" /><meta property="og:image:width" ntent="1200" /><meta property="og:image:height" ntent="600" /><meta name="thumbnail" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent=" /><meta name="twter:image" ntent="" /><meta ntent=" property="og:url" /><meta name="to-publish" ntent="evergreen" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="article" /><meta name="twter:rd" ntent="summary_large_image" /><meta name="article:opn" property="article:opn" /><meta ntent="Life" property="article:sectn" /><meta ntent="2021-09-20T23:32:11Z" property="article:modified_time" /><meta ntent="2018-01-18T16:15:00Z" property="article:published_time" /><meta name="sailth.excerpt" ntent="I ed to HATE my name. 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ease--out;cursor:poter;background-lor:transparent;lor:#fff;}.submenu-open {-webk-transform:rotate(45g);-moz-transform:rotate(45g);-ms-transform:rotate(45g);transform:rotate(45g);}.submenu-closed {-webk-transform:rotate(-45g);-moz-transform:rotate(-45g);-ms-transform:rotate(-45g);transform:rotate(-45g);}</style><button role="button" tabInx="0" aria-expand="false" class="css-pjjyzu eqt11jm7"></button><style data-emotn="css 1t2le0x animatn-1dfsy">{posn:relative;list-style:none;marg:0rem;paddg:0rem;max-height:0rem;-webk-transn:max-height 0.3s cubic-bezier(0, 1, 0, 1),opacy 0.2s lear 0.15s,marg 0.3s lear;transn:max-height 0.3s cubic-bezier(0, 1, 0, 1),opacy 0.2s lear 0.15s,marg 0.3s lear;height:unset;overflow:hidn;opacy:0;visibily:hidn;-webk-animatn:1s animatn-1dfsy;animatn:1s animatn-1dfsy;-webk-animatn-fill-mo:forwards;animatn-fill-mo:forwards;width:lc(100% + 2rem);marg-left:-1rem;background-lor:#F5F5F5;lor:#000;}.submenu-open 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class="css-zxq36b e9l0kn01"><a emProp="em" href="/lgbtq-teen-life/" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Beg an LGBTQ Teen" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10asp0m e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Beg an LGBTQ Teen</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="2" /></li><style data-emotn="css huh8md">{display:none;}{paddg:0.25rem;ntent:">";}</style><li emProp="emListElement" emSpe emType=" class="css-huh8md e9l0kn01"><a emProp="em" href="/life/a33852/raymond-brn-seventeen-lgbtq-ntributor/" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Here's Why Pretendg to Be Straight High School Was a Big Mistake for Me" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10asp0m e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Here's Why Pretendg to Be Straight High School Was a Big Mistake for Me</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="3" /></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css 1rvucsk">{font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.5rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.625rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.25rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><h1 class="css-1rvucsk exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>Here's Why Pretendg to Be Straight High School Was a Big Mistake for Me<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 1fyfv5q">{font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;marg-bottom:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.375rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.5rem;le-height:1.2;}} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-1fyfv5q exadjwu8"><p>"The bety was that once I me out, I disvered that people loved me for me."</p></div><style data-emotn="css 7lmlrx">{marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;letter-spacg:0.05em;text-transform:upperse;} span{le-height:1.6;}</style><div class="css-7lmlrx exadjwu7"><style data-emotn="css rkt8">{font-style:normal;paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;letter-spacg:0.05em;text-transform:upperse;}</style><addrs class="css-rkt8 ehvvd9m2"><style data-emotn="css q8brce">{paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;letter-spacg:0.05em;text-transform:upperse;}</style><span class="css-q8brce ehvvd9m1">By Raymond Brn</span><style data-emotn="css w0ebia">{display:le-block;text-transform:upperse;marg-left:0.625rem;}</style><time class="css-w0ebia exadjwu6">Published: Jan 18, 2018</time></addrs></div></div></div></hear><style data-emotn="css k008qs">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;}</style><div class="css-k008qs ewisyje0"><style data-emotn="css 7ce51e">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{max-width:lc(100vw - (1rem * 2));marg-left:1rem;marg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(-1 * 1rem);}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc((100vw - (lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 2 * 1rem)) / -2);}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem) and (max-width: 90rem){{max-width:lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem);marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);paddg-left:1rem;paddg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / -2) - 1rem);}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 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a{posn:absolute;}</style><div class="css-p7qblm ewcw41w0"><style data-emotn="css 335qep">{posn:relative;width:100%;height:100%;object-f:ver;vertil-align:top;}</style><img fetchPrry="high" alt="Black, Clothg, Jacket, Outerwear, Leather, Leather jacket, Sleeve, Shoulr, Photography, Textile, " tle="Black, Clothg, Jacket, Outerwear, Leather, Leather jacket, Sleeve, Shoulr, Photography, Textile, " width="980" height="991" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-335qep exi4f7p0" /><style data-emotn="css 1i6sckr">{background:#c92228;bottom:0;paddg:.5rem;right:0;}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg:0.39rem;}}</style><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="//" class="ptert css-1i6sckr e1c1bym14"><style data-emotn="css 1l3i1cl">{display:block;height:1rem;width:1rem;}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:1.063rem;height:1.063rem;}}</style><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div></div><style data-emotn="css 285vyd">{le-height:1;}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0;}}</style><figptn class="css-285vyd enfs9c50"><span class="css-q8brce e6iqd2">Seventeen</span></figptn></div></div><style data-emotn="css woto36">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.5rem;paddg-right:3.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:45.25rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body standard-body-ntent css-woto36 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css aeyldl">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I ed to HATE my name. Raymond. <br /></p><p data-no-id="1" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I remember stg at the kchen table one eveng while my mom was stirrg pasta sce and askg her if I uld change my name. I loved Michael; sound strong when I said out loud. Or John. (It probably wasn't a cince that Michael and John were two of the ol kids my elementary school.)</p><p data-no-id="2" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">My mom gave me a puzzled exprsn that flashed equal parts amed and hurt. Why would I want to change my betiful name that was so uniquely me?</p><div data-no-id="3" data-teractive="WatchNext-1" class="journey-unblur-ntent css-0 e10xr3vp6"><style data-emotn="css 1ujafpv">{clear:both;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;paddg:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:25rem;float:left;marg-right:1.25rem;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{marg-left:0;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{marg-left:max(512px - 50vw, -5%);paddg:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{marg-left:max(590px - 50vw, -20%);}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{marg-left:-40%;}}</style><div data-embed="watch-next" class="css-1ujafpv e10xr3vp5"><style data-emotn="css upp71m">{text-align:left;marg:0 to;max-width:60rem;borr:th solid #CDCDCD;}</style><div class="css-upp71m e10xr3vp4"><style data-emotn="css 1ocka91">{marg-bottom:0rem;paddg:0.625rem;}</style><div class="css-1ocka91 e10xr3vp3"><style data-emotn="css g8jkq0">{marg:0rem;font-weight:bold;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.2;letter-spacg:0.05rem;text-transform:upperse;}</style><h6 class="css-g8jkq0 e10xr3vp2"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><span class="css-0 e10xr3vp1">More From Seventeen</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css 19idlm5">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;lor:#000000;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-weight:bold;-webk-box-pack:left;-ms-flex-pack:left;-webk-jtify-ntent:left;jtify-ntent:left;marg:0rem;marg-bottom:0.3125rem;marg-top:0.625rem;m-height:2.4rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.125rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:1rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.125rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><h6 class="css-19idlm5 e10xr3vp0"> </h6></div><style data-emotn="css 1ui7hop">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;--aspect-rat:56.25%;}</style><div class="__rp-ntaer css-1ui7hop e6l0f0"><style data-emotn="css 1yu8e3d">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;width:100%;height:100%;} .__rp-ntaer{height:to;}</style><div data-embed="embed-vio" class="vio-player css-1yu8e3d e1ou1fny0"><style data-emotn="css 1uds6oo">{height:100%;width:100%;posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><style data-emotn="css w2pm9t">{background-lor:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.4);borr:.1875rem solid whe;borr-radi:50%;lor:#fff;cursor:poter;height:3.75rem;left:50%;posn:absolute;-webk-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-moz-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-ms-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-webk-transn:all 0.4s;transn:all 0.4s;width:3.75rem;z-x:1;}.e1f7ylgd6:hover {background-lor:rgba(33, 150, 245, 0.8);lor:#ffffff;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{top:26%;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{top:29.5%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{top:32.5%;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{top:34.5%;height:5.625rem;width:5.625rem;borr:.28125rem solid whe;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{top:35%;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{top:35.8%;}}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-w2pm9t e1f7ylgd1"><style data-emotn="css 1lhf7lq">{fill:#ffffff;height:1.4rem;vertil-align:middle;width:1.45rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:2.3125rem;height:3rem;}}</style><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" style="fill: var(--primary, #000);" role="img" tle="Play" class="css-1lhf7lq e1f7ylgd2"><tle>play in.