Tommy Bahama Marl Bar's Pri Weekend - Gay Dert Gui Palm Sprgs

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* IS TOMMY BAHAMA GAY

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persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg fgMkJI social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"><li class="SocialInsListItem-mbhR gQILrJ social-ins__list-em social-ins__list-em--facebook social-ins__list-em--has-background"><a aria-label="Share on Facebook" class="external-lk SocialInExternalLk-huuzOU jnBiMh social-ins__lk social-ins__lk--facebook" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"><div class="SocialInContaer-huXzUC pMzVC social-ins__in-ntaer"><svg class="SocialInNetworkInComponent-cZaKGz dlOAhZ in in-facebook" focable="false" 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fill-le="evenodd"></path></svg></div></a></li></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kAwnHf article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP bwyLBj"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dDxGlf body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>H. wasn’t the first girliend I asked to take me to dner at Tommy Bahama, but she was the first who said y. From the street the rtrant looked like any storeont downtown Palm Sprgs. Skny fan palms amed a wi, curved pat. Droopy pk flowers baked ncrete pots. When H. asked where I wanted to s, I poted to the Marl Bar. The high metal stool scraped the floor when I phed back. I plopped down wh a satisfied sigh. The man next to me a hibisc shirt said, “Easy stg, easy livg.” I looked at H. and she looked at me, and we sed at him. “I like easy,” I said. At least I thought I did.</p><p>Above the crack of cktail shakers, Bg Crosby sang, “Where the palm tre sway.” I asked H., “Where?” She said, “Right here.” I looked around: the palm tre outsi were, fact, swayg. The flower my piña lada shudred every time the overhead vent blasted. I took a sip. The m ma the hairs on my arms stand up. I looked out past the palms to the packed pat where a banner read, “Paradise Is Open for Takeout.” I unrstood the pat’s pull. Wh 160 stor and 14 rtrants across the globe, Tommy ow his populary to more than breathable fabrics and tenr shrimp. Tommy promis easy pleasure and the thrill of pe whout travel. Here paradise is a sand-lored screen where you n project whatever ia you have of the good life and see reflected back at you. As Tommy knows, the richt of all pleasur are often the on that exist, one-sid, our mds.</p><p>On the stool I slurped down my drk, shovg the straw ep the ice, searchg for one last pocket of boozy cream. The room, wh s smell of nut, flood me wh memori of W. When we met she worked at a Tommy Bahama the mall. A former Burner, she ed her employee disunt to swap her feathers and flar for a new look: hibisc blo and polarized shas. Whenever I saw a silk floral shirt I thought of her. Tommy’s Marl Bar was full of silk shirts.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>When H. asked if I wanted tas or a bowl, I snapped out of my reverie. We had been datg long-distance for over a year, when, the early months of the panmic, I moved to her ty home Morongo, keepg my apartment L.A. while we experimented wh habatn. H. spl her time between the sert and the cy, remotely producg live streams of mic performanc for pop stars and dirt bikg her ee time. On the weekends we often drove the 20 to Palm Sprgs for dat. I phed the menu away. “Tas,” I said. Though I knew didn’t matter what I ate. My tert Tommy Bahama was metaphysil. More than a place, Tommy Bahama was a portal to my own imaged paradise.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>Buzzed om the m, we wanred to the attached store behd the bar, weavg between racks of len drs and jute to earth ton. H. held a polo shirt to her cht and turned toward me. “Very cute,” I said. She sed. “This old thg?” She leaned over to kiss me. After over a year together, her touch still gave me goosebumps. I strolled past more products: The Easy Breezer Long Sleeve Shirt. The Easy In Easy Out Chair. The Easy Zip Cardigan, which me only black or whe, elimatg the burn of choosg a lor.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="if8xmt"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="0j17w3"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dDxGlf body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>I slipped on a pair of polarized wraps, the same shas W. always wore. I grned at myself the mirror. Then I glanced at the whe ticket danglg om the bridge: $329. I put them back on the rack and walked out to the blazg sert sun. I uldn’t afford them, but I still wanted them. I was bad at leavg thgs behd.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="91osek"></div></div><hr/><p>Like most of my iends om Geia, I lost touch wh W. when I moved to Southern California for grad school. Although I had dreamed and raved about the move for months, I soon found myself rearchg how to drop out. I wanted to tell W., who I thought might enurage me to move back, but she kept askg about beach and dispensari stead.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>In the months before I left, W. and I grew close as iends. I admired her souciance. Her days spent foldg shirts nut-scented air and teachg the ocsnal English posn class looked idyllic. At the time I worked as a nanny and spent most nights readg and schemg up ways to leave. When W. asked why I wanted to move to L.A., I said, “The beach.” I said this to anyone who would listen. Still, I envied W.’s rootedns. She was satisfied wh her life. I was tryg to flee me.</p><p>We wrote to each other often durg those first weeks L.A. For her I nstcted a fantasy of my new life: tall boys sipped the sha of a Mexin fan palm. “Nothg but sun.” “Love wakg up wh sand my hair.” I hadn’t yet set foot on a sgle beach, uldn’t even afford the gas to drive there. “Send me pictur of your lair,” she said. Instead, I sent a closp of the jaranda tree outsi my bedroom wdow. The purple flowers phed agast the mh screen, obscurg the sky above and the clogged street below. Exactly as I preferred.</p><p>As September burned to October, we rarely texted. Whenever W.’s name flashed my notifitns, I set my phone on the bed screen-si down. I wanted her memory of me to be fixed: palm tre and saltwater. How uld I show her my bare stud, empty of furnure, save a bed and a bookshelf? I didn’t tst myself to answer W.’s sual “how are you” text thentilly. I refed to adm to her, much ls anyone else, that my new life was no better than the one I left. The fantasy was easier to mata than nontg the realy of my unhapps.</p><p>W. also liked to perform. Her stage: my porch. Back then she’d e over after work. A six-pack of beer her purse. On the railg cronella ndl sweated t pots. She mped out on the top step, next to the big yellow ashtray I’d ma Ceramics 101. She tapped her jot agast s chipped lip to punctuate her stori. I watched the ash fall neat sleev. W. said, “My date last night wore red wboy boots to the bar.” W. tapped her jot. “I asked her to go home.” Tap. “She ied me eggs the morng.” Tap, tap, tap. Her stori spotlighted her sctns. I listened wh keen tert, wantg to know every tail about her dat, maly if they were funnier or smarter than me.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="6at04l"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="RecircMostPopularWrapper-bRuGTi jkTTgR recirc-most-popular-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="pglh"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dDxGlf body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>I was nursg a csh on her but didn’t know yet. If she obssed over one girl for too long, my jealoy flared, and I would ask her a qutn about her past.</p><p>We time-traveled together as she talked. She told stori wh enough tails to make me feel like I was bi her, experiencg all. We drank beer wh her brother a tck before W.’s prom. We ate soggy sandwich wh her father ep woods. In the stori he was variably aimg a bow at a turkey or a er. “So big you uld mount ,” she said, tappg the jot then relightg . I never asked to see pictur of the taxirmied mammals her livg room. Back then didn’t matter to me if the tal she told were te. If we both believed her story, we were bond.</p><hr/><p>The last text I ever sent W. was om the parkg lot of a Tommy Bahama Newport Beach. It had been over a year sce we last spoke and a few months sce H. and I started datg. When I saw the rtrant on the map, I asked H. if she wanted seafood. “Sure,” she said. We were the area to explore a hidn sea ve Laguna. From the highway the rtrant was impossible to spot. Ntled on the edge of a massive shoppg center, looked intil to the beige buildgs that flanked .</p><p>H. circled the lot. Out the wdow I spied the signature gold logo. I opened the mera on my phone and zoomed . The picture was gray, but I sent to W. anyway. “Wanna get wild?” I asked her, then waed for her name to light up the screen. When I looked up, the r was park. My phone buzzed. “Adjunctg is hell. Maybe I should go back to the Bahama,” she said. I typed, “Tell me about ,” then leted . I typed, “Where are you teachg this year,” then leted .</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>“Where’s the spot?” H. asked. I hated, then squted the distance, pretendg I uldn’t see the gold cursive letterg. “Isn’t there somewhere better we n go,” I imaged H. askg me, as every other lover had done. They all had good reasons for avoidg Tommy Bahama. The food was overpriced and likely bland. I didn’t know how to expla that I didn’t want better. I wanted faiar.</p><p>Our memori don’t re about athetics. Our memori choose the important tails for . In this way, nostalgia n be bewilrg. The objects and experienc that spire the feelg are often unpredictable. Somewhere along the way my longg for W. and the life I left behd Geia beme synonymo wh Tommy Bahama.</p><p>I didn’t ask H. to go to Tommy Bahama that day; I didn’t want to blur the le. Instead, I poted to the grocery store across the parkg lot. “Piic?” I asked. Later, at a beach Laguna, we unwrapped chee and avodo sandwich the sha of a bluff. We drank Svignon Blanc om ty paper cups. As the sun sunk behd a cloud, I blew smoke rgs and traced H.’s name the sand wh my fger. A halo of hand-drawn hearts and stars amed our tattered towels. </p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="fxr88b"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="RecircMostPopularWrapper-bRuGTi jkTTgR recirc-most-popular-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="ojvcpa"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dDxGlf body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>It was easy to fet why I had wanted to go to Tommy Bahama the first place. As easy as fettg to text W. back. My attentn was out to sea. I wad through the hollowed rocks. Foam dappled my legs. I amed snapshots of H. silhouetted agast a dirty peach sky.</p><hr/><p>On our third and most recent vis to the Marl Bar, we s on the pat. It’s late afternoon and every table view has two or more cktails sweatg on ty whe napks. In between b of crispy nut shrimp and soft jerk chicken tas, I look around at the other tabl—snng for remrs; for one last jolt of nostalgia—then refoc on H., who is tellg me about the Whney Hoton bgraphy she’s readg. </p><p>I keep my gaze on her face. I no longer want a portal to the past. And yet, while there are untls bars on the strip where we n drk iced mai tais unr limp palm onds, I keep takg her to the Marl Bar bee the space is a psychic remr that the thrill of tung to the prent always tmps the dull fort of nostalgia. Paradise is not a far-off statn my md, a faiar story I tell to nsole myself. Not anymore.</p><p>To enjoy Tommy Bahama I’ve learned that one mt m to the b. If everyone the bar entertas , the illn be realy. Yet ’s easier for some to buy than others. Dpe Tommy’s prottatns, we n’t fully eva the outsi world or the tat of our personal histori, even our fantasi. Especially our fantasi. As I disver, there is nothg tly easy about enjoyg myself here. But what if I no longer need <em>easy</em>?</p><p>When we pay the check, we walk to a gay bar down the street. Insi, the surfac are sterile: all metal and glass. Blue light emanat om the bar the center of the bright room. We s on imatn crodile booths the lor of Tang. It’s over 107 gre and the misters create a th veil around . When I e out of the bathroom, H. is talkg to a man dolph shorts about a Real Hoewife dicted for d. Today I’m not on vatn, or an pe missn. I lean closer to H. I don’t know what she’ll say next, but I want to fd out.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="tx6cbf"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier article__body"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"><asi class="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper-iBnuqk lfXXa-D" data-ttid="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper"><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-le-barrier" role="prentatn" aria-live="pole" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--paywall-le-barrier"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></asi></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ContentWrapperGrid-fvkmBv brYtrA grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__ntaer"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"></div></div></div></div></div></div></article><div class="ContentFooterWrapper-jVNdRG dTJkpP ArticlePageContentFooterGrid-ccsXYy eMZRHU article-body__footer"><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs 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class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu rponsive-image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz iqnk"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="What I Eat as a 28-Year-Old Field Scientist Makg $30K/Year a Natnal Park Washgton" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></div></div></picture></span><div class="OverlaySummaryItemContent-ddGOWz fHZSgO"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX iSnBVu bric bric--wh-bg BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemRubric-bFqsqT iUEiRd cXBHvq cvqxGA"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">culture</span></div><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemHed-cljMtD iUEiRd fXpcja cRpZRn">What I Eat as a 28-Year-Old Field Scientist Makg $30K/Year a Natnal Park Washgton</div></div></div><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl OverlaySummaryItemByl-bogcUE fjwtNK"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH bcuCFc byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd fSwhbU gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Bon Appét Contributor</span></span></p></div></div></a></li><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ eaTIGr"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB kDhJhl summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa 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class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl OverlaySummaryItemByl-bogcUE fjwtNK"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH bcuCFc byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd fSwhbU gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Lley Enston</span></span></p></div></div></a></li><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--read-more"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--read-more" data-no-id="7q570h"></div></div><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ eaTIGr"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB kDhJhl summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa 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