Gay Men and Their Fathers: Hurt and Healg | Psychology Today

Contents:

• 10 THGS YOU’LL ONLY KNOW IF YOU’VE GROWN UP WH GAY PARENTS
• I HATED GROWG UP WH GAY PARENTS
• GROWG UP WH A GAY FATHER – CONFSNS OM A STRAIGHT SON
• ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
• KIDS OF GAY PARENTS FARE WORSE, STUDY FDS, BUT REARCH DRAWS FIRE OM EXPERTS
• GROWG UP WH GAY PARENTS: WHAT IS THE BIG AL?*
• GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
• ‘I’M A HOMOPHOBE AND MY SON IS GAY’: DAD’S EMOTNAL REDD NFSN
• GAY PARENTS AS GOOD AS STRAIGHT ON

10 THGS YOU’LL ONLY KNOW IF YOU’VE GROWN UP WH GAY PARENTS

Like I said, I'm relatively young, and my md may change on whether or not I want kids, but I'm terted as of now, and I've been wonrg what 'd be like not only to raise a kid, but how kids that have grown up wh gay dads feel about . Super vulnerable post here, but I (24M) started spectg that my dad was gay when I was around 12 years old. It’s really trmatizg growg up wh a gay dad a relig anizatn that don’t value him.

I HATED GROWG UP WH GAY PARENTS

Before you ask, this breaks down as: my blogil father; my stepdad (his partner, y, my dad’s gay); my other stepdad (my mum’s partner); my father--law and my hband (the father of my two children). But what you and everyone else wants to know is what is really like growg up wh gay parents?

While I was open about my parents spltg up, I knew the real reason behd the break-up uldn’t be talked about; the part where my dad me out as gay.

GROWG UP WH A GAY FATHER – CONFSNS OM A STRAIGHT SON

I thk their parents were sred they’d tch the ‘gay bug’ off my dads or me (I might rry too!

Sadly, there is a really difficult si to havg gay parents – homophobia – which isn’t down to your fay, ’s society’s flt.

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

If ’s not bad enough hearg people e ‘gay’ as a scribg word, there’s a really nasty dark si that I endured. I tried to protect my dad, and not tell him about what was happeng at first, until I received answer phone msag at home om the bulli g homophobic slurs. I felt guilty for puttg my parents through all, and I also hated myself for not pg – I wasn’t gay, so how uld I feel so cshed by homophobia?

Throughout my late teens and early twenti, I attend Gay Pri events wh my dads, I mpaigned for LGBT issu and I ma a pot about beg wh my wonrful fay. If anythg, even though I’m straight, havg gay parents ma me more fortable wh people the LGBTQ+ scene. LGBT is still a popular term ed to discs genr and sexual mori, but all GSRM are wele beyond lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr people who nsent to participate a safe space.

KIDS OF GAY PARENTS FARE WORSE, STUDY FDS, BUT REARCH DRAWS FIRE OM EXPERTS

Growg up wh a gay father, particularly one who was aaid to e out, prented challeng our abily to get emotnally close. From my earlit memori of my Dad around age 5, I thk I always knew my dad was gay. To hear both of them tell , my Dad beg gay wasn’t a factor the spl.

After all, he was the son of a Baptist Preacher and there would not have been much tolerance the 1940’s or 50’s for him to e out as gay.

GROWG UP WH GAY PARENTS: WHAT IS THE BIG AL?*

In talkg to both of them over the years, they both claim they had no ia my Dad was gay. In retrospect, the fact that he was a cheerlear his bt iend was a male hairdrser (who was openly gay) that my Uncle Buddy nicknamed him “Percy” (which my Dad hated) and that my Dad went on to open a home furnishgs store might have been a clue.

GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG

Realizg his sexualy and beg a gay father the late 1960s, pecially wh me a long way away, mt have been really transformative for my Dad.

‘I’M A HOMOPHOBE AND MY SON IS GAY’: DAD’S EMOTNAL REDD NFSN

He lived and around the Oak Lawn area of Dallas (long a predomantly gay or at least gay-iendly neighborhood). He was meetg lots of openly gay people & gog to clubs where was OK to be openly gay.

My Dad, of urse, was sistent that no one would obvly know he was gay (which also ma Tom and I lgh). In Loren’s se, he didn’t e to terms wh beg gay until the age of 40 and was married wh children at the time. The one benef to always knowg I had a gay father is that there was never I time I rell thkg was wrong.

I first realized my Dad was gay when I was around 7 or 8, and I have no rellectn of him beg wh my Mom. Almost all his iends were gay as were most of his employe (those 2 groups pretty much beg the same people). That beg said, I was probably spared a lot of bullyg at school sce no one there knew I had a gay father.

GAY PARENTS AS GOOD AS STRAIGHT ON

I feel que sure I got lucky this regard and that many kids wh a gay father were picked on for their parent’s sexualy. I’m proud of the fact that I and their mother have raised our dghters to not qutn or judge my Dad or Tom beg gay. Our girls simply accept them for who they are, jt as they do all their other fay members who happen to not be gay.

I always knew he was gay and never had that “my Dad is gay” aha moment of realizg I had a gay father. Together we learned how to be a father and son a day and age where beg a gay father was most certaly owned upon.

If you are a gay father or the child of a gay father (or mother), and your relatnship isn’t all that uld be, don’t wa until ’s too late to fix . [Gay Pri Para Rally Dallas] – This photograph is part of the llectn entled: LGBT Collectns and one other and was provid by UNT Librari Special Collectns to Digal Library. If you uld give advice to other kids who have a gay/lbian/ bisexual/transgenr parent or relative, what would be?