What to Do When Your Child Says: "I'm Gay" | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WISNS MIDDLE SCHOOL FEATUR 'THIS BOOK IS GAY' LIBRARY, STIRRG ONLE OUTRAGE
• REPORT REVEALS HOW TWO GAY MEN ALLEGEDLY VICTIMIZED THEIR ADOPTED SONS FOR YEARS
• THE CHILDREN OF GAY PARENTS SPEAK FOR THEMSELV
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
• LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG
• 10 THGS YOU’LL ONLY KNOW IF YOU’VE GROWN UP WH GAY PARENTS
• I TRIED TO STOP MY SON FROM BEG GAY. I WISH I HADN'T
• MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI
• GAY PARENTS RAISG KIDS: HOW WILL THEY FARE?
• KIDS OF GAY PARENTS FARE WORSE, STUDY FDS, BUT REARCH DRAWS FIRE OM EXPERTS
• ADULT CHILDREN OF GAY AND LBIAN PARENTS: RELIGN AND THE PARENT-CHILD RELATNSHIP
• GAY PARENTS LLED 'RAPISTS' AND 'PEDOPHIL' AMTRAK CINT
• ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
• FOR GAY MEN, HAVG A BLOGIL CHILD N BE PLITED
• GAY CONNECTICUT UPLE ACCED OF RAPG ADOPTED CHILDREN WILL FACE TRIAL
• GAY UPLE ACCED OF MOLTG TWO OF THEIR 9 ADOPTED CHILDREN WHDRAW GUILTY PLEA AND CI TO GO ON TRIAL TO FIGHT ALLEGATNS
• 10 TIPS FOR PARENTS OF GAY KIDS
• DEAR PARENT OF A GAY CHILD
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• SON OF IOWA LBIANS FIGHTS GAY MARRIAGE BAN
• MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?
• ASK AMY: PARENT PRSUR GAY SON TO CHANGE
• I DON'T WANT MY TEEN HANGG AROUND GAY PARENTS
• SUPPORT YOUR CHILDREN IF THEY ARE GAY, POPE TELLS PARENTS
• EVANGELILS WH GAY CHILDREN CHALLENGE CHURCH
• DEBATE ON A STUDY EXAMG GAY PARENTS
• GAY UPLE CHARGED WH MOLTG THEIR ADOPTED SONS ALSO PIMPED THEM OUT TO PEDOPHILE RG, REPORT CLAIMS

WISNS MIDDLE SCHOOL FEATUR 'THIS BOOK IS GAY' LIBRARY, STIRRG ONLE OUTRAGE

Unlike heterosexual parents and their children, however, lbian and gay parents and their children are often subject to prejudice bee of their sexual orientatn that n turn judg, legislators, profsnals, and the public agast them, sometim rultg negative out, such as loss of physil ctody, rtrictns on visatn, and prohibns agast adoptn (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Appell, 2003; Patterson, Fulcher, & Waright, 2002). Three ncerns have historilly been associated wh judicial cisn makg ctody ligatn and public polici erng foster re and adoptn: the belief that lbians and gay men are mentally ill, that lbians are ls maternal than heterosexual women, and that lbians' and gay men's relatnships wh sexual partners leave ltle time for ongog parent-child teractns (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Falk, 1989, 1994; Patterson et al., 2002; Patterson & Reddg, 1996).

There is no reliable evince that homosexual orientatn per se impairs psychologil functng, although the social and other circumstanc which lbians and gay men live, cludg exposure to wispread prejudice and discrimatn, often e acute distrs (Cochran, 2001; Freedman, 1971; Gonsrek, 1991; Hart et al., 1978; Hooker, 1957; Meyer, 2003; Reiss, 1980). Certaly, rearch has found no reasons to believe lbian mothers or gay fathers to be unf parents (Armto, 2002; Barret & Robson, 1990; Bigner & Bozett, 1990; Bigner & Jabsen, 1989a, 1989b; Bos et al., 2003, 2004; Bozett, 1980, 1989; Patterson, 1997; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Sbordone, 1993; Tasker & Golombok, 1997; Victor & Fish, 1995; Wton, 1991).

REPORT REVEALS HOW TWO GAY MEN ALLEGEDLY VICTIMIZED THEIR ADOPTED SONS FOR YEARS

Three aspects of sexual inty are nsired the rearch: genr inty, which ncerns a person's self-intifitn as male or female; genr-role behavr, which ncerns the extent to which a person's activi, occupatns, and the like are regard by the culture as mascule, feme, or both; and sexual orientatn, which refers to a person's choice of sexual partners, who may be homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual (Money & Ehrhardt, 1972; Ste, 1993). Subjects evaluated vigt pictg eher a gay male uple or heterosexual uple and their adopted son along the dimensns of parentg abily, gree to which the child's problems were attributable to the parental relatnship, distrs of the child (cludg genr and sexual inty nfn), and the extent to which ctody reassignment was perceived to be beneficial. A review of rearch on children of lbian and gay parents intifi some of the sourc of diversy wh lbian and gay parentg muni / prent rearch on those who beme parents the ntext of heterosexual relatnships, before g out as lbian or gay / scribe studi of lbians who beme parents after g out [prent] rearch on children born the ntext of heterosexual relatnships...

THE CHILDREN OF GAY PARENTS SPEAK FOR THEMSELV

The paper foc on (a) methodologil problems rearch on homosexualy; (b) studi parg adjtment levels of male homosexuals and male heterosexuals, effemate and noneffemate male homosexuals, and female homosexuals and female heterosexuals; (c) the relatnship between gree of homosexualy and adjtment; (d) homosexual subculture; and (e) the relatnship between homosexualy and psychopathology. (From the chapter) social science theory and empiril rearch to scribe and expla psychologil heterosexism the US today / addrs the attudal and belief ponents of psychologil heterosexism, wh special attentn to gnive and motivatnal procs / behavral aspects of psychologil heterosexism-specifilly, acts of vlence agast lbians and gay men-are discsed / the nsequenc of psychologil heterosexism are nsired. (From the chapter) child ctody / sexual orientatn and liftyle on their children / ctodial gay fathers / children's reactns to havg a gay father / social ntrol strategi / boundary ntrol fluencg factors / mutualy / father's reactns / protective strategi / role molg / children's velopment of sexual inty / homonegative reactns of children.

(From the chapter) gay fatherhood has emerged to public awarens and brought qutns / who are gay fathers, and how do they bee parents / what kd of parents do gay men make, and how do their children velop / what special challeng and strs do gay fathers and their children face daily life, and how do they pe wh them / what n acquatance wh gay fathers and their children offer to the unrstandg of parenthood, child velopment, and fay life / although rearch leratur bearg on such qutns are que new and relatively sparse, existg studi addrs some issu raised by the existence of gay fathers. “The Amerin Psychologil Associatn plor all public and private discrimatn such areas as employment, hog, public acmodatn, and licensg agast those who engage or have engaged homosexual activi and clar that no burn of proof of such judgment, pacy, or reliabily shall be placed upon the dividuals greater than that imposed on any other persons.

The days, gay parents are no novelty: We see them strollg through our neighborhoods, participatg our PTA meetgs, and, perhaps most notably, appearg on our TV screens: Mchell and Cam, fathers to Lily, on the ratgs smash Morn Fay; Glee’s Sue Sylvter, expectant mom to a baby nceived wh an as-yet-unrevealed sperm donor, and Rachel’s dads, played wh humor and grace by Jeff Goldblum and Brian Stok.

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

The followg them emerged om phenomenologil analysis of the terviews: (a) fay break-up more difficult than the parents’ g out; (b) disvery that parent was gay or lbian; (c) ial shame over havg gay or lbian parent; (d) posive aspects of havg a gay or lbian parent; (e) refed relatnship wh relign; and (f) impact of culture on how gay and lbian dividuals are viewed. Over the years, rearchers have started to vtigate the perspectiv of adult children who have been raised by gay and lbian parents (Bailey, Bobrow, Wolfe, & Mikach, 1995; Tasker & Golombok, 1995), and the foc has moved beyond explorg stigma to unrstandg their long-term experienc greater pth (Goldberg, 2007a, 2007b) children may have been raised by an tact gay or lbian uple sce fancy, but others may have to balance relatnships wh both gay and heterosexual parents. Conversely, when dividuals and fai are able to rolve the apparent nflict between acceptg a gay or lbian fay member and relig homonegative msag, the out n eventually be more posive (Lease & Shulman, 2003) discsed below, the impact on fai occurs over time, and relatnships wh the fay as well as wh their relign may change as children are able to reflect on their experienc and mature themselv.

LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG

Therefore, the goal of the current study was to exame the perceived role of relign over time the parent-child relatnships of adult children wh a gay or lbian parent and a heterosexual Out to ChildrenWhen gay and lbian parents e out after they have tablished fai a heterosexual relatnship, the g out procs affects the entire fay (Armto, 2002; Beeler & DiProva, 1999; Bozett, 1980; Van Voorhis & McCla, 1997).

In addn, fai often create their own l about discsg homosexualy and/or may experience negative emotns followg the g out procs (Beeler & DiProva, 1999), Gillis, and Cogan (2009) found that gay, lbian, and bisexual dividuals who were more relig had higher sr on the Revised Internalized Homophobia Sle (IHP-R), suggtg that ternalized heterosexism or self-stigma was posively related to relig-based homonegative msag. However, Hunsberger (1996) found that fundamentalist Christian, Jewish, Mlim, and Hdu nomatns were all generally tolerant toward gay and lbian dividuals, regardls of their to the homonegative msag, gay and lbian dividuals may believe that they have to ci between their relig inty and intifyg as gay or lbian, and the dividuals may rema celibate if they choose their relign (Rter & O’Neill, 1989).

In one of the few articl that nsired the relativ of gay and lbian dividuals, Lease and Shulman (2003) found that fay members ed strategi such as focg on relig msag that facilated their acceptance, adjted their level of volvement when relign imped their acceptance, and advoted for acceptance wh their relig muny, to rencile their relig inty wh acceptg LGB fay gays and lbians of lor, the challeng bee more plex, as a ls tolerant culture may further impe the g out procs for people of lor (Merighi & Grim, 2000).

10 THGS YOU’LL ONLY KNOW IF YOU’VE GROWN UP WH GAY PARENTS

Bee of the plex teractns of multiple inti, gay and lbian dividuals may stggle between g out to a muny that is unsupportive whout the guarantee of acceptance to the larger gay and lbian muny due to racism (Smh et al., 2008) summary, although the negative associatn between relign and sexual orientatn has been addrsed, rearch regardg other aspects of relig fluence on gay and lbian dividuals is limed.

I TRIED TO STOP MY SON FROM BEG GAY. I WISH I HADN'T

Participants have the followg current relig inti: Jewish (2), Catholic (3), Prottant (1), Mennone (1), nfed (1), and two participants no longer have an intifyg 1Participant DemographicsNameSexAgeFay RelignCurrent RelignRace/ EthnicyGay or Lbian ParentSexual OrientatnMariaF29Catholic- PentestalConfedLataFatherHeterosexualAmyF19LutheranMennoneWheFatherUnknownRogerM30CatholicCatholicWheFatherUnknownNancyF30JewishJewishWheMotherHeterosexualSarahF43Roman CatholicRoman CatholicWheFatherHeterosexualShellyF33CatholicNoneWheFatherHeterosexualAlexM23JewishNoneWhe/ Native AmerinMotherHeterosexualRachelF34JewishJewishWhe/ JewishMotherHeterosexualVictoriaF28CatholicCatholicWheFatherHeterosexualTammyF28ChristianChristianWhe/ ItalianMotherLbianNe participants were raised the ntext of heterosexual relatnships that dissolved, and one dividual was born to the ntext of a same-sex relatnship that dissolved when one of the participants’ mothers entered a heterosexual relatnship and ntued to intify as heterosexual while the other mother ntued to intify as lbian.

ProcrThe terview protol was veloped by the first and send thors based on an extensive lerature review and was foced to answer the followg rearch qutn: How do adult children wh both a gay or lbian parent as well as a heterosexual parent retrospectively perceive the impact of relign on their relatnships wh both their heterosexual and gay or lbian parents?

MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI

Also, bee of the potential tersectn of relig and ethnic inti (Greene, 1997), we asked about ethnic inty and how the participant’s ethnic muny views gay and lbian recg participants, two volunteers who met the study creria but were not part of the study participated terviews and provid feedback on both the mographic qutnnaire and terview protol for this study.

The semi-stctured terview was also ed to ga more rmatn regardg how the parent-child relatnship may differ between the adult child and her or his gay or lbian parent and heterosexual first thor utilized bracketg before the study began, and wrote about her personal experience and knowledge of this phenomenon to bee more aware of her prenceptns. Rndant statements were exclud as meangs were rived om the signifint statements by rereadg through the statements to unver meangs that uld have been ncealed (Crwell, 1998, 2007) anizatn started by clterg the statements to intify the major them related to how relign impacts the parent-child relatnships of adult children wh a gay or lbian parent.

Personal relatnships wh gay parents who are accepted as full members of this muny have led her to believe that tegratn of relign wh sexual mory stat is possible, and that the impact on children do not have to be third thor was a Psychology Major and was enrolled a bed bachelors and masters program at a private religly affiliated universy the northeast.

GAY PARENTS RAISG KIDS: HOW WILL THEY FARE?

RultsThe followg six them emerged om the terviews: (a) fay break-up more difficult than parents’ g out; (b) disvery that parent was gay or lbian; (c) ial shame over havg a gay or lbian parent; (d) posive aspects of havg a gay or lbian parent; (e) refed relatnship wh relign; and (f) impact of culture on how gay and lbian dividuals are viewed.

KIDS OF GAY PARENTS FARE WORSE, STUDY FDS, BUT REARCH DRAWS FIRE OM EXPERTS

Wh my dad, I’ve gotten a lot closer, he feels like he n be himself now, and he is happier many ways so, he seems lighter and I feel like I know him better, and so we talk a lot more than we ed to and we do thg together whout my mom which we never did participants reported that although the layed disclosure may have been upsettg, also gave them time to procs how they felt about havg a gay or lbian parent. Some of the major them prented are ngent wh prev rearch while other them addrs new ncepts that may spire future scholars, to date, have explored the adult perspective of children wh gay or lbian parents (Goldberg, 2007a; Patterson, 2005), and the thors of this study were the first to explore relign as a factor the parent-child relatnships of adult children wh both a gay or lbian parent as well as a heterosexual parent.

ADULT CHILDREN OF GAY AND LBIAN PARENTS: RELIGN AND THE PARENT-CHILD RELATNSHIP

In this study, adult children wh a gay or lbian parent discsed the impact of their fay’s break-up, disvery that parent was gay or lbian, ial shame, relign, and culture had on their parent-child relatnships addn to the posive aspects of havg a gay or lbian fdgs of this study have implitns for practice, rearch, and rmg judicial cisns regardg children wh a gay or lbian parent. The fdgs were nsistent wh Lease and Shulman’s (2003) study on the role of relign acceptg a relative’s sexual orientatn, which found that fay members of gay and lbian dividuals e relign to eher assist or impe their relatnships wh their gay or lbian relativ, and that dividuals tend to differentiate between what their personal experience has been parison to their broar relign.

And om March 17 through April 6, Fox News aired 170 segments on transgenr issu and regularly characterized the legislatn’s opponents as “groomers” and “predators, ” acrdg to a report by Media Matters for Ameri, a liberal nonprof media word “groomg” has long been associated wh mischaracterizg LGBTQ people, particularly gay men and transgenr women, as child sex abers and had, at least the past , appeared to be relegated to the margs of the far-right and Broverman said this was not the first time their fay has had hate directed at them public. 'They took turns rapg me': New claims of child sex abe revealed as gay uple acced of moltg two of their 9 adopted children whdraw guilty plea and ci to go to trial A same-sex uple acced of sexually abg their adopted children are facg trial after whdrawg om a plea agreement as they are facg new allegatns of Harasz and Douglas Wirth, of Glastonbury, were set to be sentenced Friday Hartford Superr Court unr a al llg for spend prison sentenc and the men stead whdrew om the agreement. "The rourc n help:PFLAG: The untry’s largt anizatn ung parents, fai, and alli wh people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and Spectm: Offers groups, trag, and rourc promotg genr sensivy and cln for all youthGLBT Natnal Rource Database: LGBTQ+ digal directory of rourcNatnal Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: Directory of therapists/unselors who are people of lorNatnal LGBTQ Task Force: The progrsive advocy arm of the LGBTQ+ movementDurg LGBTQ Pri Month, TODAY is sharg the muny’s history, pa, joy and what’s next for the movement.

Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups. 3, 2011— -- The latt Inter hero is Zach Wahls, a 19-year-old Universy of Iowa engeerg stunt and Eagle Sut whose parents are gave a three-mute speech Tuday before Iowa legislators urgg them not to pass a nstutnal amendment that would ban gay marriage and civil words went viral across the Inter and had nearly a half ln hs on YouTube today.

GAY PARENTS LLED 'RAPISTS' AND 'PEDOPHIL' AMTRAK CINT

Three Democrats joed 59 Republins to vote favor of amendg the Constutn to ban gay marriage, which passed by a 62-37 approved by legislators and voters 2013, the amendment to the nstutn would ban gay marriage, civil unns, domtic partnerships and any ernment regnn of gay and lbian upl the stateGay Marriage Is Legal Six StatThe year his parents wed, the Iowa Supreme Court unanimoly legalized gay marriage, makg the third state and the first heartland state to allow same-sex upl to marriage is now legal New Hampshire, Massachetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont and Washgton, D.

VATICAN CITY, Jan 26 (Rters) - Pope Francis said on Wednday that parents of gay children should not nmn them but offer them spoke unscripted ments at his weekly dience reference to difficulti that parents n face raisg issu clud "parents who see different sexual orientatns their children and how to handle this, how to acpany their children, and not hi behd an attu of nmnatn, " Francis has prevly said that gays have a right to be accepted by their fai as children and has also said that while the Church nnot accept same-sex marriage n support civil unn laws aimed at givg gay partners jot rights areas of pensns and health re and herance issu.

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

3 billn-member Church have said the pope - who has sent not of appreciatn to prits and nuns who mister to gay Catholics - is givg mixed signals on homosexualy, nfg some of the month, a Vatin partment apologised for "g pa to the entire LGBTQ muny" by removg om s webse a lk to rource material om a Catholic gay rights advocy group preparatn for a Vatin meetg 2023 on the Church's future directn.

And the last few years, high-profile s of proment Christian parents embracg their gay children dite a change is occurrg beyond a few isolated Brownson, a New Ttament scholar at Wtern Theologil Semary, a Michigan school affiliated wh the Reformed Church Ameri, last year published the book "Bible, Genr, Sexualy, " advotg a re-examatn of what Scripture says about same-sex relatnships. "I thk at some pot moms and dads are gog to say to their pastors and church learship that you n't tell me that my child is not loved unndnally by God, " said San Shopland, the dghter of a Prbyterian missnary who, along wh her gay son, is active wh the Gay Christian Baldock, a Christian who advot for gay acceptance through her webse, said evangelil parents are speakg out more bee of the example set by their children.

AdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENTDebate on a Study Examg Gay ParentsJune 11, 2012Young adults om broken hom which a parent had had a same-sex relatnship reported mostly more psychologil and social problems their current liv than peers om other fai that had experienced divorce and other disptns, a new study has found, stirrg bter bate among partisans on gay study unted parents as gay or lbian by askg participants whether their parents had ever had a same-sex relatnship; the parents may not have intified themselv as gay or lbian.

FOR GAY MEN, HAVG A BLOGIL CHILD N BE PLITED

The Mama Bears — nsistg of over 35, 000 members, many of whom unrwent the same spirual and emotnal journey that Christa Pierce did — may pot to some a queer person myself, I felt some hatn when I ially joed the Mama Bears Facebook group several months ago, and read post after post om parents scribg “grief” after a child me out as gay or trans.

At the time, as gay nversn therapy was g unr broad public attack (the major evangelil ex-gay mistry, Exod Internatnal, fally shut down 2013 after s lears admted that efforts to “pray away the gay” were harmful), was beg more acceptable certa circl for nservative Christians and even evangelils to be openly LGBTQ while remag the church. See also J Millbank, ‘Regnn of Lbian and Gay Fai Atralian Law – Part Two: Children’, Feral Law Review, vol 34, no 2, 2006, p206, referencg M Pts et al, ‘Private Liv: A Report on the Health and Wellbeg of GLBTI Atralians’ (2006); Victorian Law Reform Commissn, Assisted Reproductive Technology and Adoptn Posn Paper Two: Parentage, (July 2005), para 3.

[24] J Millbank, ‘Regnn of Lbian and Gay Fai Atralian Law – Part Two: Children, Feral Law Review, vol 34, no 2, 2006, p248: In footnote 245, Millbank not that ‘the Northern Terrory troduced a change to refe the child born to one party a facto relatnship as a ‘step-child’ as a prumptive stat the same way that the child of a party to a legal marriage would be: see Interpretatn Act 1978 (NT), s 19A(4).

GAY CONNECTICUT UPLE ACCED OF RAPG ADOPTED CHILDREN WILL FACE TRIAL

GAY UPLE ACCED OF MOLTG TWO OF THEIR 9 ADOPTED CHILDREN WHDRAW GUILTY PLEA AND CI TO GO ON TRIAL TO FIGHT ALLEGATNS

10 TIPS FOR PARENTS OF GAY KIDS

DEAR PARENT OF A GAY CHILD

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

SON OF IOWA LBIANS FIGHTS GAY MARRIAGE BAN

MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

ASK AMY: PARENT PRSUR GAY SON TO CHANGE

I DON'T WANT MY TEEN HANGG AROUND GAY PARENTS

SUPPORT YOUR CHILDREN IF THEY ARE GAY, POPE TELLS PARENTS

EVANGELILS WH GAY CHILDREN CHALLENGE CHURCH

DEBATE ON A STUDY EXAMG GAY PARENTS

GAY UPLE CHARGED WH MOLTG THEIR ADOPTED SONS ALSO PIMPED THEM OUT TO PEDOPHILE RG, REPORT CLAIMS