Carolyn Hax: Homophobic-joke-tellg iend has son who might be gay - The Washgton Post

Contents:

• I TRIED TO STOP MY SON FROM BEG GAY. I WISH I HADN'T
• MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?
• IS MY SON GAY? PARENTS CAN LEARN A LOT FROM A GOOGLE SEARCH.
• HOW DO I KNOW IF MY SON IS GAY?
• THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• A GAY MAN'S MASS EMAIL TO HIS FAY MANDG THEY STOP VOTG FOR REPUBLINS WENT VIRAL. HIS DAD SAID HELPED CHANGE HIS MD.
• YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?
• IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?
• CAROLYN HAX: FRIEND WHO TELLS HOMOPHOBIC JOK HAS A SON WHO MIGHT BE GAY
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY

I TRIED TO STOP MY SON FROM BEG GAY. I WISH I HADN'T

By now u probably have an ia of what i am about to I am gayRyan: i n’t believe i jt told youMom: Are you jokg? Ryan: i know i amRyan: i don’t like hannahRyan: ’s jt a ver-upMom: but that don’t make you gay…Ryan: i knowRyan: but u don’t unrstandRyan: i am gayMom: tell me moreRyan: ’s jt the way i am and ’s somethg i knowRyan: u r not a lbian and u know that. Ryan: i am jt gayRyan: i am thatMom: I love you no matter whatRyan: i am whe not blackRyan: i knowRyan: i am a boy not a girlRyan: i am attracted to boys not girlsRyan: u know that about yourself and i know thisMom: what about what God thks about actg on the sir?

MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

Not that we didn’t know and love gay people — my only brother had e out to several years before, and we adored him.

IS MY SON GAY? PARENTS CAN LEARN A LOT FROM A GOOGLE SEARCH.

I tried to pray the gay away wh my teenage son.

The feelgs you’ve had for other guys don’t make you gay. So please don’t tell anyone that you ARE gay. Your inty is not that you are gay — is that you are a child of love you.

HOW DO I KNOW IF MY SON IS GAY?

He read all the Christian books that explaed where his gay feelgs me om and dove to unselg to further disver the orig of his unwanted attractn to other guys.

And we lost the abily to love our gay son, bee we no longer had a gay son.

THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

What we had wished, prayed and hoped for — that we would not have a gay son — me te.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

But not at all the way we had, when I thk back on the fear that erned all my reactns durg those first six years after Ryan told he was gay, I crge as I realize how foolish I was.

Now, whenever Rob and I jo our gay iends for an eveng, I thk about how much I would love to be visg wh Ryan and his partner over dner.

Dave, I have a 17-year-old son, and I am fairly sure he is gay.

A GAY MAN'S MASS EMAIL TO HIS FAY MANDG THEY STOP VOTG FOR REPUBLINS WENT VIRAL. HIS DAD SAID HELPED CHANGE HIS MD.

I psed on our lol PBS affiliate, where a huge choir was sgg, and after a few sends I realized was the Gay Men's Chos of some cy or another dog a fundraisg ncert. At this time my life, I was 99 percent certa I was gay, though nowhere near ready to sprg on my parents. We had no gay people our liv back then, no way to gge my fay's level of tolerance.

And here was: the most passive, least urageo way I uld drag the topic to the fay room, kickg and had no gay people our liv back then, no way to gge my fay's level of watched as they livered a rendn of what I remember as "Somewhere Over the Rabow, " bee eher they or my memory are unfivably basic.

Stirrg and brave and subversive, g as did a time before marriage equaly was on the map, a time when you only saw gay people on the news. But stands as evince that sometim sayg nothg is the stronger on you for not pot-blank askg your son whether he's gay.

YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

It means one simple, pable thg: Once you have told your dad you're gay, there is no gog back. Right now, he has to be secretive, not bee he's gay, but bee he's 17.

I'd love to say that you should do a big, showy "Hey, I sure do like those gay people" at the dner table.

IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

I wish were as simple and CBS-smy as ve the gay guy om work to fay bowlg night. 5 tim more often if their kids are male — he had another qutn: How often do parents ask Google if their kids are gay?

Bridg disvered that parents were Googlg “Is my son gay? When boys crossdrs, play wh dolls, and socialized wh more girls than boys, they are more likely to grow up to be gay or trans, acrdg to a review of scientific studi.

CAROLYN HAX: FRIEND WHO TELLS HOMOPHOBIC JOK HAS A SON WHO MIGHT BE GAY

Given that, seems like would be reasonable to thk that there might be behavral signs of homosexualy observable children. The problem wh the premise of “prehomosexualy, ” an outdated field of quiry popular the 1980s and 1990s, isn’t that rrelatns are impossible to unrstand. Essentially, the attempt to figure out if young kids are gay is a stereotype-fueled fool’s errand at bt and a stigmatizg act of secury at is probably not a cince that the top search rankg for “Is My Son Gay?

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY

That’s partially why experts warn that there’s one sign of homosexualy parents should look out for.

It’s when a kid says, “I’m gay. After Bridg first started lookg at search volum for “Is my son gay? People even typed “Is he gay?

” — a fairly bizarre search — to Google more monly than “Is she gay? “We fd that people ask Google whether their sons are gay about twice as monly as whether their dghters are gay or lbian, ” Mishel told Fatherly.