Straight Women and Their Gay Hbands | Psychology Today

Contents:

• THE PROFOUND LACK OF EMPATHY MY HBAND'S NOT GAY
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• ‘MY HBAND’S NOT GAY’: MEET THE CAST OF TLC SPECIAL ABOUT 3 MORMON COUPL
• MY HBAND'S NOT GAY? LOW CHUCKL AND HARD REALY
• 'MY HBAND'S NOT GAY' STARS DEFEND TLC'S CONTROVERSIAL NEW SHOW
• WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH THE STRAIGHT-MARRIED GAYS OF MY HBAND'S NOT GAY
• MY HBAND'S NOT GAY
• WTF? TLC'S NEW SPECIAL MY HBAND'S NOT GAY IS EVEN WEIRR THAN IT SOUNDS: WATCH NOW
• QUIZ: IS MY HBAND GAY?
• 7 SIGNS YOUR HBAND IS GAY, AND 5 WAYS YOU CAN HELP HIM
• WHY TLC’S ‘MY HBAND’S NOT GAY’ IS WORTH WATCHG

THE PROFOUND LACK OF EMPATHY MY HBAND'S NOT GAY

It has started a ntroversy—one that reveals a lot about cultural tensns brilliance of the televisn special My Hband's Not Gay begs wh s name. And prompts the pable, skg feelg that the lady doth prott too much: If she has to expla that her hband's not gay, she's already admted that his attractn to her is ls than, many people are angry about My Hband's Not Gay, which is s send stroke of brilliance. The TLC show, which aired on Sunday night, follows four men who all experience "same-sex attractn, " or "SSA, " but who don't want to live "the gay liftyle" bee of their Mormon relig beliefs.

" In the lead-up to the special's premiere, more than 100, 000 people signed a petn to get ncelled, claimg promot "'reparative therapy, ' a discreded and dangero practice that falsely claims to turn gay people straight. This approach to programmg succeeds, wildly, bee 's a pure distillatn of the appeal of realy televisn: self-righteo problem, though, wh makg realy televisn about gay men who don't want to be gay is that will variably lack empathy for the pa that likely f those men's liv.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

The failure of My Hband's Not Gay is one of style, not substance; but the fact that has been protted for s substance says a lot about the cultural tensns surroundg homosexualy Ameri.

The openg of My Hband's Not Gay is a straight llback to the the openg sequence of the fictnal HBO seri Big Love, about a polygamo fay of fundamentalist Mormons. It's a bound performance of sexualy: They've stctured their relatnships so that they n exprs their feelgs of attractn and even toy wh gay inty while still settg firm lims on their behavr. Watchg My Hband's Not Gay is like the passive emotnal experience of wanrg through a low-budget rnival, gawkg at the sishow eaks for a short moment before losg attentn and movg on.

All three of the upl featured have worked wh an anizatn lled Voic of Hope, sharg their experienc on tape and speakg publicly support of "non-gay liftyl" for people who experience "same-sex attractn. " While uld fairly be lled propaganda, 's not exactly "prayg away the gay": Voic of Hope is part of the Mormon anizatn North Star Internatnal, which says on s webse that "whether or not dividuals choose to make efforts to dimish or elimate homosexual feelgs, and whether or not those efforts succeed, is ls important to North Star’s purpos. Sendg the msage that beg gay is somethg that n and ought to be changed, or that you should reject your sexual orientatn by marryg someone of the oppose sex, " the petn says.

‘MY HBAND’S NOT GAY’: MEET THE CAST OF TLC SPECIAL ABOUT 3 MORMON COUPL

By airg a televisn special about this worldview, objectors say, TLC is implicly endorsg —which is a form of will be the next great nflict surroundg gayns Ameri: between those who mand acceptance of homosexualy and those who fd morally unacceptable. Arguably, a gree of cultural civily toward the gay muny has been tablished, even among those who disagree wh homosexualy. It's a sign of jt how far gay rights have e Ameri that TLC would be lled out for even acknowledgg a worldview that isn't fully acceptg of gayns.

The objectns aren't about wng legal rights, or enanchisement, or even civily; they're about wng total cultural acceptance of homosexualy. The upl My Hband's Not Gay have created liv they say they want, liv that are tolerant of homosexualy every way except choosg, themselv, to have gay sex. Of urse, that's not what happened My Hband's Not Gay, but that probably uldn't be helped; nuance don't tend to be the tramark of realy televisn.

But if possible, My Hband's Not Gay should be treated as a varsy-level exercise fdg empathy; even for those who disagree wh the choic the upl have ma, they may still regnize the stggle. Why do some people bee so outspoken and judgmental about marriag wh one straight and one gay spoe?

MY HBAND'S NOT GAY? LOW CHUCKL AND HARD REALY

Fally, the relatnships suggt to some people “reparative therapy, ” the uhil and impossible claim that a person n be changed om gay to straight. The men this televisn program aren’t claimg to be ex-gay nor that they n change their sexual orientatn (at least not on the show). They report they are attracted to men but choose not to live as a gay man and their straight wiv accept this.

'MY HBAND'S NOT GAY' STARS DEFEND TLC'S CONTROVERSIAL NEW SHOW

There are plenty of wiv who choose to stay married even after fdg out later the marriage that their hband is gay and attracted to men.

WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH THE STRAIGHT-MARRIED GAYS OF MY HBAND'S NOT GAY

They make this choice wh open discsns, which are very paful and emotnal for both the gay man and the straight wife. ” To the man, I say, “Consir whether you n really keep your homosexual feelgs and sir check. You might be able to claim your inty by meetg ocsnally wh gay men, stayg touch on Facebook, and lettg your gay iends know that you want to rema sexually fahful to your wife.

I warn mixed-orientatn upl that he may feel differently later life and his gayns may surface more strongly and bee more of an inty for him and th bee an issue their marriage. Both straight and gay muni put enormo prsure on the man and woman a mixed-orientatn marriage, and few marriag n stand up unr this social, fay, and relig prsure.

MY HBAND'S NOT GAY

Some upl try to “live straight” and image that they will be able to not acknowledge the hband’s gayns any way. Generally, a gay man will feel a lot of emotnal distrs, grief, and prsn if he is livg so eply the closet.

If your hband says he didn’t know he was gay when he married you, he most likely didn’t know.

Most of my male clients who are gay and married to women didn’t know that their inty was gay when they married. He most likely terpreted his gay terts as sexual “kks, ” and he nvced himself they would fa away after he married. Typilly the men are homophobic and want me to reassure them and their wiv that they aren’t gay.

WTF? TLC'S NEW SPECIAL MY HBAND'S NOT GAY IS EVEN WEIRR THAN IT SOUNDS: WATCH NOW

A gay man n tly love a woman, have satisfyg and regular sex wh her, and want to stay married to her while beg unterted other women sexually.

QUIZ: IS MY HBAND GAY?

The big qutn is: How n a gay man affirm his inty wh other gay men and at the same time rema te to his wife? Matag a mixed-orientatn marriage requir endurg the strs of keepg the secrets that one of them is gay and beg discreet how they live their liv. In January, the work will air “My Hband’s Not Gay, ” which shows a different kd of Mormon marriage: men who are attracted to other men yet marry women bee of their fah.

Acrdg to the Church of J Christ of Latter-day Sats, homosexualy is a s that go agast God’s law.

7 SIGNS YOUR HBAND IS GAY, AND 5 WAYS YOU CAN HELP HIM

Hckley, the late print of the LDS Church, said a 2008 terview about the church’s stance on gay marriage.

The church was one of the major relig anizatns that fought for Proposn 8 California to elimate same-sex a separate statement, Hckley, who died 2008, said the church lov “so-lled gays and lbians” like “sons and dghters of God. 11 premiere, meet the st of “My Hband’s Not Gay”:Jeff and TanyaJeff, a Salt Lake Cy native, and Tanya, who grew up Wyomg, met on a bld date 13 years ago. GLAAD is llg TLC's My Hband's Not Gay "dangero" for the way portrays homosexualy, but should be nceled?

NEWS: Facts of Life Star: My Hband Was Gay"I get a ltle fensive when somebody lls my hband gay, " -star Tanya told ET. "Sce I'm not seekg same-sex romantic or sexual relatnships, I don't thk of myself as gay, " Jeff said. "Acrdg to Jeff, he is satisfied wh his sex life wh his Raven-Symone: Don't Label Me "Gay" or "Ain-Amerin".

WHY TLC’S ‘MY HBAND’S NOT GAY’ IS WORTH WATCHG

"NEWS: Orange Is the New Black Ws Big at GLAAD AwardsSome also believe the show uld serve as an ad for the "ex gay" dtry, which clus programs that try to change one's sexual orientatn by g procr such as psychoanalysis and extreme s electro shock. "Basilly, gay reparative therapy is the notn that you n take the gay out of somebody, which we know is not te, " Sarah Kate Ellis said.

Most prompts for gay porn, meanwhile, explibly flt to people of ambiguoly LatX scent wh an unrcut hairstyle. This time, though, that script has been rest: Relig men who are attracted to men but don't intify wh gay on one si are the "viants"; their opposn gay-intified men and anizatns, cludg. As one wife, Tera, explas, "Gay to them is a liftyle choice, and same-sex attractn is jt part of who they are.