The show "My Hband’s Not Gay” has ed an uproar.
Contents:
- GAY MARRIAGE QUANDARY: AM I THE BRI OR GROOM?
- GAY MARRIAGE QUTN: ARE THEY BOTH LLED "WIFE" OR "HBAND"?
- HOW TO INTRODUCE A MARRIED GAY COUPLE
- STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
- I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN
- IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
- IS IT GAY HBAND? LBIAN WIFE? OR WHAT?
- THE LANGUAGE OF GAY MARRIAGE
GAY MARRIAGE QUANDARY: AM I THE BRI OR GROOM?
As New York gay and lbian upl prepare to sh for marriage licens, the cy may be unprepared for genr qutns. * gay marriage wife husband *
"Clerks at cy hall told baffled upl to wa until onle applitn forms uld be adjted to acmodate same-sex upl, who ptured the right to marry July 24 after New York joed five other stat and the District of Columbia to legally sanctn gay the right to marry gas momentum across the Uned Stat, same-sex upl are refg the tradnal rol of hband and wife, and burecrats are scramblg to keep pace wh the social revolutn.
"This kd of thg don't set well wh [Mayor] Michael Bloomberg, " said Richard Soris, print of the natnal advocy group Equaly Matters and former advisor to Print Bill Clton on issu affectg gays and only took Bloomberg -- one of the most vol supporters of the gay marriage bill -- 24 hours to straighten out the ms, orrg the cy clerk to update the onle applitns to rephrase the personal rmatn tegori to "Bri/Groom/Spoe A" and "Bri/Groom/Spoe B. ""I thk 's important not to try to put gay upl tradnal heterosexual married rol, " said Soris.
"But even as morn heterosexual upl are movg beyond stereotyp, cultural perceptns of gay upl -- one is assertive and mascule, the other more feme and submissive -- still persist. "Stonewall Uprisg Refed Gay MovementHistorilly, same-sex upl lived on the g of Amerin society and never thought they uld aspire to maral rights. All that changed after the Stonewall Uprisg, the 1969 police raid of Greenwich Village's Stonewall Inn and the six-day vlent street protts that that, gay upl "anized themselv along heterosexual genr l, " acrdg to New York Cy psychiatrist Jack Drcher.
GAY MARRIAGE QUTN: ARE THEY BOTH LLED "WIFE" OR "HBAND"?
Rourc for stunts and psychologists to ga a better unrstandg of issu that may affect the straight spoe when a wife or hband out as lbian, gay, bisexual or transgenr. * gay marriage wife husband *
" "Gay upl talked about their stggl that emerged out of not havg clear genr guil, " said Drcher. "But today, both heterosexual and homosexual relatnships, there is a "blurrg of the boundari, " he said. Men are creasgly takg on childrearg rponsibili that were once legated to gay upl marry the stat were is legal -- Connecticut, Vermont, Iowa, Massachetts, New Hampshire, District of Columbia and now New York -- they have more choic, llg themselv, "wife and wife" or "hband and hband, " or the ntral term, "spoe.
"I hear of people referrg to themselv as hbands and wiv, and even though I am gay myself 's somethg that startl me, " he said. "In the early psychiatric lerature, one of the early crics of homosexualy was a major theorizer about homosexualy as an illns, like a lot of 20th century thkg, " said Drcher. "Instead, both gays and straights, genr rol overlap.
Many lbian, gay, bisexual or transgenr people e out years after they have been married to an oppose-sex heterosexual wife or hband.
HOW TO INTRODUCE A MARRIED GAY COUPLE
So, I was workg on a tax return for a gay uple (I'm an acuntant). Now, assume that they were married and was two men, would they say "This is my... * gay marriage wife husband *
24, 2013Every other Tuday, Steven Petrow, the thor of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners” (Workman, 2011), addrs qutns about gay and straight etiquette for a boomer-age dience.
Send qutns for Civil Behavr to Dear Civil Behavr: I’m a sergeant the Army, and my girliend and I are to meet wh a married gay uple (he’s an officer).
” This year, thanks to the Supreme Court’s double punch June — guttg the feral Defense of Marriage Act and dismissg California’s Prop 8 — the floodgat have opened and gay upl are shg to take advantage of this momento time. ’ ”Ined, etiquette n sometim seem like a strajacket (“do this, not that”), but also sets out protol, as this suatn, that simply mak for fewer missteps or fx that said, I know om iends and my own recent marriage that changg monikers tak some gettg ed to — by both gays and straights.
STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
An Army sergeant asks how to troduce his girliend to a married gay uple, one of whom is an officer. * gay marriage wife husband *
For stutns still adaptg to openly gay service members, the chang etiquette mt seem head-spng ed. My Hband’s Not Gay, a show on TLC, has ed an uproar. Why do some people bee so outspoken and judgmental about marriag wh one straight and one gay spoe?
Fally, the relatnships suggt to some people “reparative therapy, ” the uhil and impossible claim that a person n be changed om gay to straight. The men this televisn program aren’t claimg to be ex-gay nor that they n change their sexual orientatn (at least not on the show). They report they are attracted to men but choose not to live as a gay man and their straight wiv accept this.
I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN
* gay marriage wife husband *
People seem to get up arms when a man says he is not gay but rather simply attracted to men. In our culture, we intify ourselv via a sexual-attractn bary: gay or straight.
Later, their gay sexual inti surface and here they are—heterosexually married wh children. Many straight women married to gay men nscly choose to do so wh their ey wi open. There are plenty of wiv who choose to stay married even after fdg out later the marriage that their hband is gay and attracted to men.
They make this choice wh open discsns, which are very paful and emotnal for both the gay man and the straight wife. ” To the man, I say, “Consir whether you n really keep your homosexual feelgs and sir check. You might be able to claim your inty by meetg ocsnally wh gay men, stayg touch on Facebook, and lettg your gay iends know that you want to rema sexually fahful to your wife.
IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
Is my hband gay? is an unthkable qutn to many wiv, and some hbands do turn out to be gay. Learn the signs of a gay hband. * gay marriage wife husband *
I warn mixed-orientatn upl that he may feel differently later life and his gayns may surface more strongly and bee more of an inty for him and th bee an issue their marriage. Both the gay man and the straight spoe share the risk of stayg married.
IS IT GAY HBAND? LBIAN WIFE? OR WHAT?
Follow a gay uple’s lead as to how to refer to one spoe. And when doubt, “partner” ually satisfi everyone. * gay marriage wife husband *
Both straight and gay muni put enormo prsure on the man and woman a mixed-orientatn marriage, and few marriag n stand up unr this social, fay, and relig prsure. Some upl try to “live straight” and image that they will be able to not acknowledge the hband’s gayns any way.
Generally, a gay man will feel a lot of emotnal distrs, grief, and prsn if he is livg so eply the closet. This will happen even if, or maybe I should say pecially if, he is nial about his gayns. If your hband says he didn’t know he was gay when he married you, he most likely didn’t know.
Most of my male clients who are gay and married to women didn’t know that their inty was gay when they married. They often don’t know their inty is gay when they first e to see me. He most likely terpreted his gay terts as sexual “kks, ” and he nvced himself they would fa away after he married.
THE LANGUAGE OF GAY MARRIAGE
Typilly the men are homophobic and want me to reassure them and their wiv that they aren’t gay. I’ve heard more than once, “I’m not gay.
” The gay men intify their behavr as “only sexual. A gay man n tly love a woman, have satisfyg and regular sex wh her, and want to stay married to her while beg unterted other women sexually. That is, the man is still gay, and he lov you.
She may fear that bee he is gay, he will leave her. He may fear that if he adms he is gay, she will leave him.