‘Happy to be Gay‘, Mart Kippenberger, 1993 | Tate

Contents:

• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
• I’M GRATEFUL TO BE GAY—OTHERWISE I MIGHT HAVE BEEN A HORRIBLE PERSON
• GAY (HOMOSEXUAL) AND GAY (HAPPY)
• AM I GAY?
• HOW TO BE HAPPY AS A GAY MAN
• ‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
• BEG GAY AND INCREDIBLY HAPPYKEAY NIGEL·FOLLOWPUBLISHED THE MEANG OF LIFE IS TO GIVE LIFE A MEANG.·8 M READ·APR 15, 2015--LISTENSHARE25 AND I’M PERHAPS AT MY HAPPIT. EVER!YOU MAY BE ASKG, WHAT’S THE BIG AL? WELL, I THK MOST PEOPLE DON’T EXPECT A GAY PERSON TO BE HAPPY. OR TO BE LEADG A LIFE THAT HE OR SHE IS SUFFICIENTLY HAPPY OR NFINT OF TO TALK OPENLY ABOUT.TOO MANY A TIME THE NEWS THAT WE HEAR ABOUT THE LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL AND TRANSGENR (LGBT) MUNY OR AN LGBT PERSON TEND TO BE SOMETHG BAD OR NEGATIVE. SUICIS, DISCRIMATN, JTICE, BULLYG, JT TO NAME A FEW. WE SELDOM HEAR SOMETHG GOOD OR POSIVE.IT IS IRONIC THAT THE WORD “GAY” ALSO MEANS CHEERFUL AND REEE, BEE MANY GAY PEOPLE ARE LIVG THE DIRECT OPPOSE.WELL, LET ME START MY STORY HERE:I WAS LTLE WHEN I BEGAN LEARNG THAT BEG EFFEMATE IS NO GOOD FOR A BOY.AT FIRST, PEOPLE HTED AT , MY LACK OF OBSSN WH TOY RS AND MY TERT DRSG UP BARBIE DOLLS. I WAS JT A CHILD AT THAT POT, SO I DIDN’T RE MUCH.BUT THEN PEOPLE STARTED DROPPG TERMS LIKE “SISSY,” “GAY” AND OTHER EQUIVALENTS. AT SOME POT, I REALISED THAT THOSE WORDS WERE ED TO SHAME MY BEHAVUR.BUT AS A KID, YOU DON’T REALLY UNRSTAND MUCH, DO YOU? YOU DON’T/N’T PROCS WHAT’S A PERSONAL ATTACK, WHAT’S A CRICISM, AND WHAT’S A HONT, SCERE ADVICE. AS A KID, WHEN SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHG THAT HURTS YOUR FEELGS, YOU JT FEEL BAD. YOU DON’T EVALUATE WHETHER ’S NSTCTIVE CRICISM OR NOT. SIARLY, WHEN SOMEONE THROWS YOU A PLIMENT, YOU FEEL GOOD AND HAPPY. YOU DON’T DOUBLE GUS OR TRY TO READ BETWEEN THE L TO SEE IF ’S SARSM OR NOT.LIFE SEEMED SIMPLER. BEE YOU WERE SIMPLER.GROWG UP, I THK WE ALL HAD OUR EQUAL SHARE OF GOOD THGS AND BAD THGS THAT HAD BEEN SAID TO . AND THE THGS HAD EHER MA FEEL GOOD OR BAD ABOUT OURSELV. THEY ARE WHAT THAT BUILT TO THE PERSON THAT WE ARE TODAY.FOR ME, A LOT OF THE THGS THAT HAD BEEN SAID TO ME THE PAST HURT ME EPLY. I DON’T BLAME WHOEVER THOUGH — I DIDN’T EXACTLY VOICE OUT WHAT WORDS HAD HURT MY FEELGS.HERE’S ANOTHER THG ABOUT KIDS — THEY DON’T OFTEN VOLISE THEIR NER WORLD METICULO TAILS. THAT DON’T MEAN THEY WILL FET ABOUT ALL THOUGH.IN MY SUBNSC, I KNEW THAT SOMETHG WAS AMISS. WHILE I NTUED DOG MY THG, PLAYG WH BARBIE DOLLS, PLAYG HOE, PLAYG PRETEND AS A MERMAID AND ETC., I STARTED TO FEEL GUILTY. I KNEW THAT I WAS BEHAVG A WAY THAT THE ADULTS EMED AS WRONG. AS APPROPRIATE. AS SHAMEFUL. AS GAY.YOU SEE, WHEN YOU’RE TOLD AGA AND AGA THAT WHAT YOU FD TO BE SO NATURAL AND SO STCTIVE TO BE WRONG AND SHAMEFUL, YOU N’T HELP BUT TO FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF. NOT JT YOUR BEHAVUR, THE THGS YOU DO, BUT ALSO, THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE.HAVE YOU EVER FAILED A TT OR AN EXAM AND FELT REALLY BAD ABOUT ? AND WHEN YOU WENT BACK HOME AND TOLD YOUR PARENTS ABOUT , THEY THEN MA WORSE BY LECTURG YOU?THERE WAS A TIME WHEN MY LIFE WAS A NEVER-ENDG, ALL DAY, 24 HOURS TT OF WHETHER I F TO GENR STEREOTYP.SOME PARENTS MAY ARGUE THAT THEM RMG OR TG THEIR CHILD ABOUT EXISTG GENR STEREOTYP IS ACTUALLY DONE GOOD FAH. IT’S TO HELP THEIR CHILD TO AVOID BULLYG. LIKE TELLG THEIR SON NOT TO TAKE ON THE ROLE OF A PRCS OR A FAIRY WHEN PLAYG PRETEND WOULD TURN HELP HIM AVOID BEG BULLIED OR DISCRIMATED AGAST.“BUT HOW LONG DO YOU TEND TO GO ON WH THIS PROTECTIVE ACT?FOREVER?”SO YOU ARE GOG TO TEACH YOUR SON OR DGHTER THAT ORR TO AVOID BEG HATED OR DISLIKED, HE OR SHE SHOULD PURSUE THE ABSOLUTE NFORMATN TO SOCIAL AND GENR STEREOTYP?AND FOR WHAT? TO BE HAPPY? TO BE ACCEPTABLE TO OTHER PEOPLE AND TURN FEEL A SENSE OF JOY ABOUT ?THAT I TELL YOU N BE ONE OF THE SADST WAYS TO LIVE: TO BASE YOUR HAPPS ON OTHERS’ OPN OF YOU, AND NOT YOUR OWN OPN OF YOURSELF.I N STILL REMEMBER A PARTICULAR CINT OM MY CHILDHOOD WHERE I WAS TOLD BY MY MOM TO STOP “WALKG LIKE A GIRL.” SHE ADD THAT ’S SHAMEFUL FOR ME TO ACT THAT WAY AND I WOULD BE LGHED AT BY OTHER PEOPLE IF I NTUED SO. I WAS OF URSE GREATLY UPSET BY THE MENT. AND GREATLY EMBARRASSED.THAT WAS ALSO ONE OF THOSE FEW MOMENTS WHERE I LEARNED SOMETHG ABOUT SOCIAL RELATNS, THAT I NEED TO ACT A CERTA WAY SO THAT I WOULD BE ACCEPTED BY OTHER PEOPLE. THAT I SHOULDN’T ACT WAYS THAT MIGHT MAKE PEOPLE REJECT ME…BUT WH THAT, I HAD ALSO STARTED TO REJECT MYSELF, SLOWLY, B BY B.I WOULD TRY TO “RRECT” MYSELF. I LEARNED TO BE HYPERCRIL OF MYSELF, TO NICK-PICK. I WOULD TRY TO INTIFY PARTS OF MYSELF THAT PEOPLE MIGHT POSSIBLY DISLIKE, EVEN BEFORE I WAS EVER TOLD THAT THEY WERE DISLIKED.THROUGH THIS PROCS, I LEARNED MUCH ABOUT TROSPECTN ED. BUT I HAD ALSO E TO BELIEVE THAT MY NATURAL SELF ULDN’T BE TSTED. IT’S GOG TO BETRAY ME ONE DAY.SO I GOT TO FIGHT . I HAD GOT TO… NOT BE MYSELF.I SPECT AT SOME POT OF MY TEENAGE-HOOD, I HAD LOST TRACK OF WHETHER SUPPRSG MY TE SELF WAS ALL DONE FOR MY OWN BENEF, OR FOR THE BENEFS OF OTHERS.I HAD STOPPED LIVG TO MAKE MYSELF HAPPY, BUT TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY.I WAS NEVER TGHT TO STAND UP TO BULLI. WELL, I NEVER TOLD MY PARENTS OR PLAED TO ANYONE THAT I WAS BULLIED SCHOOL. SO I ME UP WH MY OWN SOLUTN: I STAYED SILENT.IN FACT, I WAS ALWAYS FEAR OF SOMEONE DROPPG A HURTFUL MENT. JT SO YOU KNOW, ’S ALWAYS THE MOST NOCENT MENT DROPPED THAT HURT THE MOST — THE ARROW THAT WAS SHOT BEFORE MY FENSIVE GEAR WAS UP.I WOULD TRY TO PUT UP A BRAVE ONT, BUT ON SI I WAS CMBLG FEAR AND SHAME. AND I WOULD THEN TURN MY BACK AGAST MY OWN SELF. I WOULD PUT ON MY OWN SET OF TATED LENS, WHICH I HAD REFED B BY B THROUGH THE YEARS, AND BEE MY OWN JUDGE.I HAD THOUGHT THAT I NEED TO CHANGE THE WAY THAT I WAS SO AS TO AVOID THE HURT. THERE WAS NOTHG I ULD DO ABOUT THE BULLI; ALL I HAD TO WORK ON WAS MYSELF. AND SO I TRIED TO MAKE MYSELF SMALLER, TO STAND OUT LS. TO BE MORE… VISIBLE.IN THE END, I BEME MY OWN WORST CRIQUE.IT WAS LIKE HAVG ANOTHER VOICE MY HEAD WHICH I WAS SUPPOSED TO FEAR AND ABI TO. IT WAS MY OTHER SELF WHOM I HAD BELIEVED TO BE THE “MORE RIGHT” VERSN OF MYSELF. THE VERSN WHO WOULD BE DOG ALL THE RIGHT THGS, MAKG EVERYONE LIKE HIM. HE WHOM MY PARENTS AND RELATIV WOULD BE EXCEEDGLY PROUD OF.HE WAS THE ONE I TSTED THE MOST. AND I KNEW THAT HE’S NSTANTLY TRYG TO IMPROVE HIMSELF AT THE SAME TIME TO BE EVEN MORE SHREWD DIFFERENT SOCIAL SETTGS, AND MORE SENSIVE AND TELLIGENT PICKG UP SOCIAL CU, SO AS TO HELP ME AVOID SUATNS THAT MIGHT E ME TO EMBARRASS MYSELF.FOR YEARS I HAD LIVED LIKE THAT. AND EVEN NOW, I STILL HAVE HIM MY HEAD — THAT PART OF ME. THE ONE WHOM I THOUGHT WOULD KNOW BETTER.BUT NO.THE TTH IS, HE DON’T KNOW BETTER.HE DO NOT KNOW ANYTHG ABOUT LIVG A HONT, OPEN LIFE.HE KNOWS NOTHG ABOUT FREEDOM, OR ABOUT LIVG A LIFE WHICH IS WHOUT SHAME OR FEAR.HE IS FACT A WARD WHO N’T LIVE WHOUT PEOPLE’S APPROVAL OF HIM. THEIR S, THEIR PRAIS AND THEIR ACCEPTANCE.HE IS A PEOPLE PLEASER WHO THRIV ON OTHERS’ ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF HIM BEE HE NEVER HAD THE PACY TO LOVE HIMSELF REGARDLS.HE NEVER HAD THE URAGE TO BE WHO HE REALLY IS. BEE HE WAS NOT TGHT TO BE BRAVE. HE WAS TOLD TO FEAR NSTANTLY AND BE WARY ALWAYS.AND HE WAS ME, AND I WAS HIM.I WAS MY WORST ENEMY.I HAVE E A LONG WAY. A LONG, LONG WAY TO WHO I AM TODAY.I WAS LIVG THE FIGHT-OR-FLIGHT MO FOR AS LONG AS I N REMEMBER. IF I WASN’T FIGHTG OTHERS, I WAS FIGHTG MYSELF.BUT NOW, I AM NO LONGER AAID OF BEG LLED OUT FOR BEG GAY. YOU N PASS A JOKE ABOUT ME AND MY “GAYNS,” I DON’T RE. OR RATHER, I AM GLAD THAT YOU BOTHER TALKG ABOUT ME. BEE THAT MOMENT, I WOULD HAVE MEANT SOMETHG TO YOU. AND YOU? YOU WOULD MEAN NOTHG MORE THAN THE OLD VERSN OF ME WHOM I’VE BUT GROWN OUT OF.THE FIGHT IS OVER.TWO S WORTH OF .LIFE SUCKS SOMETIM. AND WILL BE A WHOLE LOT WORSE IF YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THE WRONGS THAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY YOU HAVE.
• “HAPPY TO BE GAY”: CELEBRATG PRI MONTH WH SISTER FRED

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

Most people the LGBTQ+ muny know om experience that acceptg your sexualy will lead to your beg a happier, more open this gui, the term gay has been ed to clu all forms of non-heterosexual attractn, whether that be people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, queer, pansexual, or otherwise not straight. Know if you are gay.

Consir takg an onle sexualy quiz, like this one, to see if intifyg as gay feels right for you. There isn't any need to change yourself - beg gay is jt another way of simply existg, and there is nothg wrong wh at all.

Neher is there anythg wrong wh you for beg gay.

I’M GRATEFUL TO BE GAY—OTHERWISE I MIGHT HAVE BEEN A HORRIBLE PERSON

The fact that I am gay is jt another facet of who I am, jt as beg creative, or optimistic, or havg brown ey is. Remember that beg gay do not require you to nform to typil gay stereotyp. Most people who are gay are distguishable om those that aren't.

Beg gay do not necsarily make you any ls mascule or feme, and there is no need or prsure to nform to stereotyp that don't feel right to you - bee you are who you are. You do not need to f to the gay muny jt as much as you don't need to f to the straight muny. In 100 years, "gay" will be an entirely different ncept.

There is no evince that "helpg gay people to bee heterosexual" is possible. Homosexualy is not viewed as an illns and short, won't be treated as such.

GAY (HOMOSEXUAL) AND GAY (HAPPY)

There are many, many gay people all sorts of muni, and there are many people there for you when you need support. Fd a group or a hangout where you feel fortable, and where there will be other gay people to talk wh. If you were raised an environment that owns on homosexualy, you are not worth any ls.

The laws the Bible were maly for health purpos - shunng homosexualy is right next to not gettg tattoos, not eatg pork, and not wearg mixed lens, but you n bet your bottom dollar all your neighbors do those thgs. Your iends and fay love "you, " not straight you or gay you, they love you.

AM I GAY?

Unrstand that a person who is gay is no different om any other person.

Like everyone else, gay people have dreams and goals and want pannship and love jt like anyone else you know.

If you are the USA, there is the Gay-Straight Alliance.

HOW TO BE HAPPY AS A GAY MAN

What if my whole fay is agast homosexualy?

I don't want to e out bee my siblgs may get bullied for havg a gay brother. It is important to note that the Amerin Psychologil Associatn has clared that groups claimg to cure homosexualy are dangero and unhealthy.

If you are still beg supported by parents whom you are que sure would disown you for beg gay, may be pnt to wa to tell them until you are pennt. You may regret the acceptance of your orientatn the future, pecially if you're a part of the world where the gay muny is beg prosecuted by a specific culture.

‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’

Article SummaryXIf you stggle wh acceptg your attractn to the same sex, know that beg gay is pletely normal and you n be proud of who you are by fdg support and embracg your dividualy. It’s also important to unrstand that you don’t need to nform to gay stereotyp or tl, as they are artificial social nstcts.

Beg discrimated agast boosts gay people’s sense of empathy. I was ially enthiastic about the ia of wrg a piece explag why I’m grateful to be gay, bee offered me the opportuny to wre about my favore subject. ) Soon, however, I grew anx, bee, upon further reflectn, I realized I wasn’t sure that I was grateful to be gay.

BEG GAY AND INCREDIBLY HAPPYKEAY NIGEL·FOLLOWPUBLISHED THE MEANG OF LIFE IS TO GIVE LIFE A MEANG.·8 M READ·APR 15, 2015--LISTENSHARE25 AND I’M PERHAPS AT MY HAPPIT. EVER!YOU MAY BE ASKG, WHAT’S THE BIG AL? WELL, I THK MOST PEOPLE DON’T EXPECT A GAY PERSON TO BE HAPPY. OR TO BE LEADG A LIFE THAT HE OR SHE IS SUFFICIENTLY HAPPY OR NFINT OF TO TALK OPENLY ABOUT.TOO MANY A TIME THE NEWS THAT WE HEAR ABOUT THE LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL AND TRANSGENR (LGBT) MUNY OR AN LGBT PERSON TEND TO BE SOMETHG BAD OR NEGATIVE. SUICIS, DISCRIMATN, JTICE, BULLYG, JT TO NAME A FEW. WE SELDOM HEAR SOMETHG GOOD OR POSIVE.IT IS IRONIC THAT THE WORD “GAY” ALSO MEANS CHEERFUL AND REEE, BEE MANY GAY PEOPLE ARE LIVG THE DIRECT OPPOSE.WELL, LET ME START MY STORY HERE:I WAS LTLE WHEN I BEGAN LEARNG THAT BEG EFFEMATE IS NO GOOD FOR A BOY.AT FIRST, PEOPLE HTED AT , MY LACK OF OBSSN WH TOY RS AND MY TERT DRSG UP BARBIE DOLLS. I WAS JT A CHILD AT THAT POT, SO I DIDN’T RE MUCH.BUT THEN PEOPLE STARTED DROPPG TERMS LIKE “SISSY,” “GAY” AND OTHER EQUIVALENTS. AT SOME POT, I REALISED THAT THOSE WORDS WERE ED TO SHAME MY BEHAVUR.BUT AS A KID, YOU DON’T REALLY UNRSTAND MUCH, DO YOU? YOU DON’T/N’T PROCS WHAT’S A PERSONAL ATTACK, WHAT’S A CRICISM, AND WHAT’S A HONT, SCERE ADVICE. AS A KID, WHEN SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHG THAT HURTS YOUR FEELGS, YOU JT FEEL BAD. YOU DON’T EVALUATE WHETHER ’S NSTCTIVE CRICISM OR NOT. SIARLY, WHEN SOMEONE THROWS YOU A PLIMENT, YOU FEEL GOOD AND HAPPY. YOU DON’T DOUBLE GUS OR TRY TO READ BETWEEN THE L TO SEE IF ’S SARSM OR NOT.LIFE SEEMED SIMPLER. BEE YOU WERE SIMPLER.GROWG UP, I THK WE ALL HAD OUR EQUAL SHARE OF GOOD THGS AND BAD THGS THAT HAD BEEN SAID TO . AND THE THGS HAD EHER MA FEEL GOOD OR BAD ABOUT OURSELV. THEY ARE WHAT THAT BUILT TO THE PERSON THAT WE ARE TODAY.FOR ME, A LOT OF THE THGS THAT HAD BEEN SAID TO ME THE PAST HURT ME EPLY. I DON’T BLAME WHOEVER THOUGH — I DIDN’T EXACTLY VOICE OUT WHAT WORDS HAD HURT MY FEELGS.HERE’S ANOTHER THG ABOUT KIDS — THEY DON’T OFTEN VOLISE THEIR NER WORLD METICULO TAILS. THAT DON’T MEAN THEY WILL FET ABOUT ALL THOUGH.IN MY SUBNSC, I KNEW THAT SOMETHG WAS AMISS. WHILE I NTUED DOG MY THG, PLAYG WH BARBIE DOLLS, PLAYG HOE, PLAYG PRETEND AS A MERMAID AND ETC., I STARTED TO FEEL GUILTY. I KNEW THAT I WAS BEHAVG A WAY THAT THE ADULTS EMED AS WRONG. AS APPROPRIATE. AS SHAMEFUL. AS GAY.YOU SEE, WHEN YOU’RE TOLD AGA AND AGA THAT WHAT YOU FD TO BE SO NATURAL AND SO STCTIVE TO BE WRONG AND SHAMEFUL, YOU N’T HELP BUT TO FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF. NOT JT YOUR BEHAVUR, THE THGS YOU DO, BUT ALSO, THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE.HAVE YOU EVER FAILED A TT OR AN EXAM AND FELT REALLY BAD ABOUT ? AND WHEN YOU WENT BACK HOME AND TOLD YOUR PARENTS ABOUT , THEY THEN MA WORSE BY LECTURG YOU?THERE WAS A TIME WHEN MY LIFE WAS A NEVER-ENDG, ALL DAY, 24 HOURS TT OF WHETHER I F TO GENR STEREOTYP.SOME PARENTS MAY ARGUE THAT THEM RMG OR TG THEIR CHILD ABOUT EXISTG GENR STEREOTYP IS ACTUALLY DONE GOOD FAH. IT’S TO HELP THEIR CHILD TO AVOID BULLYG. LIKE TELLG THEIR SON NOT TO TAKE ON THE ROLE OF A PRCS OR A FAIRY WHEN PLAYG PRETEND WOULD TURN HELP HIM AVOID BEG BULLIED OR DISCRIMATED AGAST.“BUT HOW LONG DO YOU TEND TO GO ON WH THIS PROTECTIVE ACT?FOREVER?”SO YOU ARE GOG TO TEACH YOUR SON OR DGHTER THAT ORR TO AVOID BEG HATED OR DISLIKED, HE OR SHE SHOULD PURSUE THE ABSOLUTE NFORMATN TO SOCIAL AND GENR STEREOTYP?AND FOR WHAT? TO BE HAPPY? TO BE ACCEPTABLE TO OTHER PEOPLE AND TURN FEEL A SENSE OF JOY ABOUT ?THAT I TELL YOU N BE ONE OF THE SADST WAYS TO LIVE: TO BASE YOUR HAPPS ON OTHERS’ OPN OF YOU, AND NOT YOUR OWN OPN OF YOURSELF.I N STILL REMEMBER A PARTICULAR CINT OM MY CHILDHOOD WHERE I WAS TOLD BY MY MOM TO STOP “WALKG LIKE A GIRL.” SHE ADD THAT ’S SHAMEFUL FOR ME TO ACT THAT WAY AND I WOULD BE LGHED AT BY OTHER PEOPLE IF I NTUED SO. I WAS OF URSE GREATLY UPSET BY THE MENT. AND GREATLY EMBARRASSED.THAT WAS ALSO ONE OF THOSE FEW MOMENTS WHERE I LEARNED SOMETHG ABOUT SOCIAL RELATNS, THAT I NEED TO ACT A CERTA WAY SO THAT I WOULD BE ACCEPTED BY OTHER PEOPLE. THAT I SHOULDN’T ACT WAYS THAT MIGHT MAKE PEOPLE REJECT ME…BUT WH THAT, I HAD ALSO STARTED TO REJECT MYSELF, SLOWLY, B BY B.I WOULD TRY TO “RRECT” MYSELF. I LEARNED TO BE HYPERCRIL OF MYSELF, TO NICK-PICK. I WOULD TRY TO INTIFY PARTS OF MYSELF THAT PEOPLE MIGHT POSSIBLY DISLIKE, EVEN BEFORE I WAS EVER TOLD THAT THEY WERE DISLIKED.THROUGH THIS PROCS, I LEARNED MUCH ABOUT TROSPECTN ED. BUT I HAD ALSO E TO BELIEVE THAT MY NATURAL SELF ULDN’T BE TSTED. IT’S GOG TO BETRAY ME ONE DAY.SO I GOT TO FIGHT . I HAD GOT TO… NOT BE MYSELF.I SPECT AT SOME POT OF MY TEENAGE-HOOD, I HAD LOST TRACK OF WHETHER SUPPRSG MY TE SELF WAS ALL DONE FOR MY OWN BENEF, OR FOR THE BENEFS OF OTHERS.I HAD STOPPED LIVG TO MAKE MYSELF HAPPY, BUT TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY.I WAS NEVER TGHT TO STAND UP TO BULLI. WELL, I NEVER TOLD MY PARENTS OR PLAED TO ANYONE THAT I WAS BULLIED SCHOOL. SO I ME UP WH MY OWN SOLUTN: I STAYED SILENT.IN FACT, I WAS ALWAYS FEAR OF SOMEONE DROPPG A HURTFUL MENT. JT SO YOU KNOW, ’S ALWAYS THE MOST NOCENT MENT DROPPED THAT HURT THE MOST — THE ARROW THAT WAS SHOT BEFORE MY FENSIVE GEAR WAS UP.I WOULD TRY TO PUT UP A BRAVE ONT, BUT ON SI I WAS CMBLG FEAR AND SHAME. AND I WOULD THEN TURN MY BACK AGAST MY OWN SELF. I WOULD PUT ON MY OWN SET OF TATED LENS, WHICH I HAD REFED B BY B THROUGH THE YEARS, AND BEE MY OWN JUDGE.I HAD THOUGHT THAT I NEED TO CHANGE THE WAY THAT I WAS SO AS TO AVOID THE HURT. THERE WAS NOTHG I ULD DO ABOUT THE BULLI; ALL I HAD TO WORK ON WAS MYSELF. AND SO I TRIED TO MAKE MYSELF SMALLER, TO STAND OUT LS. TO BE MORE… VISIBLE.IN THE END, I BEME MY OWN WORST CRIQUE.IT WAS LIKE HAVG ANOTHER VOICE MY HEAD WHICH I WAS SUPPOSED TO FEAR AND ABI TO. IT WAS MY OTHER SELF WHOM I HAD BELIEVED TO BE THE “MORE RIGHT” VERSN OF MYSELF. THE VERSN WHO WOULD BE DOG ALL THE RIGHT THGS, MAKG EVERYONE LIKE HIM. HE WHOM MY PARENTS AND RELATIV WOULD BE EXCEEDGLY PROUD OF.HE WAS THE ONE I TSTED THE MOST. AND I KNEW THAT HE’S NSTANTLY TRYG TO IMPROVE HIMSELF AT THE SAME TIME TO BE EVEN MORE SHREWD DIFFERENT SOCIAL SETTGS, AND MORE SENSIVE AND TELLIGENT PICKG UP SOCIAL CU, SO AS TO HELP ME AVOID SUATNS THAT MIGHT E ME TO EMBARRASS MYSELF.FOR YEARS I HAD LIVED LIKE THAT. AND EVEN NOW, I STILL HAVE HIM MY HEAD — THAT PART OF ME. THE ONE WHOM I THOUGHT WOULD KNOW BETTER.BUT NO.THE TTH IS, HE DON’T KNOW BETTER.HE DO NOT KNOW ANYTHG ABOUT LIVG A HONT, OPEN LIFE.HE KNOWS NOTHG ABOUT FREEDOM, OR ABOUT LIVG A LIFE WHICH IS WHOUT SHAME OR FEAR.HE IS FACT A WARD WHO N’T LIVE WHOUT PEOPLE’S APPROVAL OF HIM. THEIR S, THEIR PRAIS AND THEIR ACCEPTANCE.HE IS A PEOPLE PLEASER WHO THRIV ON OTHERS’ ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF HIM BEE HE NEVER HAD THE PACY TO LOVE HIMSELF REGARDLS.HE NEVER HAD THE URAGE TO BE WHO HE REALLY IS. BEE HE WAS NOT TGHT TO BE BRAVE. HE WAS TOLD TO FEAR NSTANTLY AND BE WARY ALWAYS.AND HE WAS ME, AND I WAS HIM.I WAS MY WORST ENEMY.I HAVE E A LONG WAY. A LONG, LONG WAY TO WHO I AM TODAY.I WAS LIVG THE FIGHT-OR-FLIGHT MO FOR AS LONG AS I N REMEMBER. IF I WASN’T FIGHTG OTHERS, I WAS FIGHTG MYSELF.BUT NOW, I AM NO LONGER AAID OF BEG LLED OUT FOR BEG GAY. YOU N PASS A JOKE ABOUT ME AND MY “GAYNS,” I DON’T RE. OR RATHER, I AM GLAD THAT YOU BOTHER TALKG ABOUT ME. BEE THAT MOMENT, I WOULD HAVE MEANT SOMETHG TO YOU. AND YOU? YOU WOULD MEAN NOTHG MORE THAN THE OLD VERSN OF ME WHOM I’VE BUT GROWN OUT OF.THE FIGHT IS OVER.TWO S WORTH OF .LIFE SUCKS SOMETIM. AND WILL BE A WHOLE LOT WORSE IF YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THE WRONGS THAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY YOU HAVE.

But I’m also not a gay triumphalist; I’m not nvced that gay people are herently superr to straight people. Given this sudn uncertaty, I cid to simply make a list of all the reasons I like beg gay. Already I had two reasons to be grateful to be gay.

What if, given the privilege of heterosexualy, I turned agast all the vulnerable and disadvantaged people, who, as a gay man, I herently empathize wh? Bee I am gay, is basilly impossible for me to bee one of the people.

“HAPPY TO BE GAY”: CELEBRATG PRI MONTH WH SISTER FRED

Gay people are born wh empathy for the unrdog, whether we like or not. And I am grateful that, as a gay man, there was and is absolutely no chance that I uld fall to whatever p of paranoid fury leads some people’s empathy to bee whered and warped.

There are, no doubt, a number of downsis to beg gay: Your life is herently polil, and your moraly is nstantly impugned by those who claim to speak the holy wr.