6 Steps Towards Whole-Heartedly Lovg Yourself as a Feme Gay Man - Everyday Femism

Contents:

• WHY EFFEMATE GAYS ARE FABULO
• THERE ARE SOME BEAUTIFUL FEME GAY MEN OUT THERE.
• THE ‘GAY GLASS CEILG’ IS REAL: HERE’S WHY FEME MEN GET OVERLOOKED FOR LEARSHIP ROL, REARCHERS SAY
• 6 STEPS TOWARDS WHOLE-HEARTEDLY LOVG YOURSELF AS A FEME GAY MAN
• GAY MEN DISCRIMATE AGAST FEME GAY MEN, NEW STUDY FDS
• GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN PREFER MASCULE-PRENTG GAY MEN FOR A HIGH-STAT ROLE: EVINCE FROM AN ELOGILLY VALID EXPERIMENT
• GAY STEREOTYP: ARE THEY TE?

WHY EFFEMATE GAYS ARE FABULO

Problematic statements like “no fems, ” “no queens” or “masc4masc” equently ed on datg apps only foreground the need to challenge the prejudice faced by mp, feme gay men om members of their own muny. In an overwrought attempt to pe such negative nnotatns of femy appears that, many gay men (and ed men general) have ventured too far the oppose directn, supprsg the feme sis of their nature the procs. Once we realise that femy and mpns aren’t flaws or weakns, that homosexualy is not e for shame, that masculy isn’t exclive to straight men and femy isn’t exclive to straight women, that genr is more fluid than rigid bary norms lead to thk, we will stop discrimatg agast those we should be showg solidary towards stead.

From there, they were spl to three subgroups: those who sired to be more feme, those who wanted to be ls feme, and those who were happy the way they the participants, 80% were gay, 17% were bisexual, and 2.

THERE ARE SOME BEAUTIFUL FEME GAY MEN OUT THERE.

”The survey asssed negative attus towards effemacy, ternalized homophobia, and outns and found that negative attus toward effemacy n e shame, self-hatred, and hostily towards others, while ternalized homophobia n e mental health issu like anxiety, prsn, and low self teem.

Internalized homophobia also wh “elements of sexism, prejudice agast women and femy, ” acrdg to sum, the men who sired to be more mascule had the most negative attus toward effemacy, srg over 10 pots higher than their effemate peers.

“Those who are not fortable wh how effemate they are and would like to be or appear more mascule (even if they publicly intify themselv as non-effemate) also tend to have higher rat of ternalized homophobia, ” Ramos told them. ”Rearchers are fdg that racism, petn, and a fixatn on sex wh the gay and bi muny are drivg anxiety and thors note that the study ntaed some bld spots, sce looked only at Brazilian men, and attus around genr n vary between cultur and ethnici.

THE ‘GAY GLASS CEILG’ IS REAL: HERE’S WHY FEME MEN GET OVERLOOKED FOR LEARSHIP ROL, REARCHERS SAY

In Lat Ameri and particularly Brazil, “ is very mon that, om the pot of view of those who exprs prejudice, social norms related to genr overlap norms related to sexualy, ” said Costa claimed the LGBTQ+ muny has done a “great job” at rcg prejudice around sexualy, has yet to grapple wh genr “hierarchi” that overvalue mascule exprsn and value those that are seen as feme, he explaed, addg that the stereotyp are often “reified” through media everyone, not jt queer people, needs to play a role rcg ternalized homophobia, acrdg to Ramos. I remember growg up, my sister always thkg I was gay bee I’ve always had a feme speech and posture; the “limp wrist” as people ll , I always cross my legs right when I s and re very much about my fashn choic, etc.

That means a person of any genr n be attracted to someone who intifi as female or who exprs feme sexual orientatn terms such as “homosexualy” or “heterosexualy, ” gynosexualy do not specify the person’s own genr relatn to their sexual orientatn. I often thought (and have said) would have been better for me to live te to my genr variance if I had been ‘gay’ bee then I would f a socially accepted and promoted stereotype and my genr bendg would be expected— I unrstand there are problems, and assumptns wh that statement but my young thkg, I though that maybe beg gay would afford me some license wh a clearly fed inty where I uld be feme or drs and prent as a woman and nobody would thk ngo. To be clear, I am no way claimg would be easy to be gay this society, I’d have a whole other set of cultural bias and gntlets to overe but the thoughts were a large part of tryg to figure out where I f.

6 STEPS TOWARDS WHOLE-HEARTEDLY LOVG YOURSELF AS A FEME GAY MAN

Had I been allowed and enuraged to exprs when I first experienced at age 2+ years when I began playg my mother’s makp, would have grown to an obssn or ever manifted as ternalised homophobia and transphobia wh me the way once did? ’ As we’ve recently seen played out aga the news, even somethg as nocuo as the UK’s Prce Gee dog ballet or a celebry’s young son havg long hair is relentlsly shamed and mocked on social, wh mal like me, and ’s puzzlgly shockg to learn of ourselv, there is sometim a certa unrpng of homophobia hched TO transphobia our fear of g out.

It is often eply ternalized as a misplaced rentment bee we somehow blame femely flamboyant gay men for havg exclive rights on male femy and that our het-femme experience is pletely mimized, rid and waved off as nial of our ‘te’ sexualy by those we hoped would be our alli. It’s not jt heterosexuals who believe this, eher; plenty of crossdrsers n tell you how difficult is to nvce a gay man that jt bee they like to wear drs don’t mean they don’t also like to date women. The belief that genr normative = heterosexual (and s verse, that genr variant = homosexual) is so tense that any man “who acts feme is immediately labeled a fag, and so fac the discrimatn gay men face, and likewise for any woman who is perceived as mascule.

After all, my father's masculy is all she has ever known to expect om the male speci, and I'm sure my effemacy was strange to tly strange thg is my prized mascule father has never brought up my effemacy or gayns.

GAY MEN DISCRIMATE AGAST FEME GAY MEN, NEW STUDY FDS

Dpe prentg effective “feme” learship tras like empathy, nurturance, and terpersonal sensivy, flamboyant gay men are more likely to be passed up for learship rol, acrdg to a Universy of Sydney study. The study, published the journal Sex Rol, explas that this uld be down to negative stereotyp that still exist today that gay men are “feme and are therefore perceived as ls equipped to occupy higher-stat posns social hierarchi, such as the workplace.

The rearchers also found that for heterosexual men, antigay sentiments fluenced their preference for a mascule-prentg gay ndidate; meanwhile, sexism fluenced both heterosexual and gay participants’ vot. This unfound and sexist belief system rewards tradnal mascule men wh more rpect and higher stat, while “gay men who fail to sufficiently project tradnal mascule tras are at particular risk of stat penalti. As well as beg ls likely to be promoted to posns of power, openly gay men are also ls likely to get terviews, are rated ls posively, and are offered lower salari than their straight male unterparts.

GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN PREFER MASCULE-PRENTG GAY MEN FOR A HIGH-STAT ROLE: EVINCE FROM AN ELOGILLY VALID EXPERIMENT

I loathe g the word victim, but seems the most accurate terms of the young, feme gay male experience – an experience which we’re never even given a shot to love ourselv bee we’re told not to om the start.

GAY STEREOTYP: ARE THEY TE?

Bee men are limed to a ually very toxic performance of masculy as the flt genr exprsn, they are prevented om explorg a full range of exprsns – which is where the non-unpacked jealoy of feme gay men om.

In the world of cis, gay mal this system promot, empowers, and otherwise glorifi those who are able to mimic heteronormative standards (as , folks AMAB should be mascule, mcular, and heterosexual). Unrstandg that homonormativy do not serve queer people, but rather discrimat and ps them agast one another, showed me that society wanted me to be more like them, which only ma me want to be more like myself. Meetg other feme gay men has allowed me to bee the most fully realized versn of myself – a person who wears their femy wh pri, a person who regniz how strong they are for growg up a “glass closet, ” and a person who is open to new people and new experienc – not jt those approved by a homonormative queer society.