100 Years of Photographs of Gay Men Love

Contents:

• WATCH: THIS SHORT FILM ABOUT A GAY TEEN LOVE WILL MELT YOUR HEART
• 100 YEARS OF PHOTOGRAPHS OF GAY MEN LOVE
• ‘I FELL FOR THE SON OF A PREACHER MAN’: A FORBIDN GAY LOVE VIO GO VIRALLOVE STORYSGER-SONGWRER TOM GOSS AND DIRECTOR MICHAEL SERRATO REIMAGE DTY SPRGFIELD’S ‘SON OF A PREACHER MAN’ AS A TALE OF A TEENAGE GAY LOVE—AND ’S ROOTED PAFUL REALY FOR BOTH MEN.TIM TEEMANSENR EDOR AND WRERUPDATED APR. 13, 2017 4:31PM EDT / PUBLISHED MAR. 17, 2016 12:01AM EDT VIA YOUTUBEWHEN YOU LISTEN TO THE DTY SPRGFIELD ORIGAL OF “SON OF A PREACHER MAN,” FALLG FOR THE SAID-SON SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF FUN—“THE ONLY BOY WHO ULD EVER TEACH ME/WAS THE SON OF A PREACHER MAN”—WH ALL THOSE JOYO TMPETS, THE CLARN ENURAGEMENT OF SPRGFIELD’S BACKG SGERS, AND THE LIC PROMISE OF “STEALG KISS WH ME ON THE SLY.”IN SGER-SONGWRER TOM GOSS’S MOVG AND BETIFULLY POSED TORCH-SONG REVERSNG OF “PREACHER MAN,” THE SONG TAK ON A DARKER HUE FEATURG A FORBIDN GAY LOVE AFFAIR. THE SONG IMMEDIATELY ED AN ONLE FLURRY OF MENT WHEN SURFACED A UPLE OF DAYS AGO.HERE, FALLG FOR THE PREACHER’S SON MEANS TWO TEENAGE BOYS N SMACK UP AGAST VIC, EVANGELIL HOMOPHOBIA. THE VIO TAK YOUNG LOVE, ATTEMPTED SUICI, PARENTAL REJECTN, RELIG JUDGMENT, AND—HURRAH—UPLIFTG SURVIVAL. THE VIO’S DIRECTOR, MICHAEL SERRATO, REALLY DID FALL LOVE WH THE PREACHER’S SON, WHILE GOSS TRIED TO M SUICI. HERE THE TWO MEN TALK ABOUT THEIR DRAMATIC, VERY REAL EXPERIENC BEHD THIS REIMAGED CLASSIC. MICHAEL SERRATOTHE DAILY BEAST: YOU REALLY DID FALL LOVE WH THE SON OF A PREACHER MAN?MICHAEL SERRATO: Y, I GREW UP WH AN EVANGELIL CHURCH LONG BEACH, SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. MY DAD RAN THE SPORTS MISTRY AND PRISON MISTRY: HE WAS A TOUGH DU. I WASN’T. I DID FALL LOVE WH THE SON OF A FAIRLY FAMO PREACHER THE AREA—BUT WE DID NOT HAVE THE BIG HUGE MOMENT THE BOYS HAVE THE VIO. OUR RELATNSHIP WAS MORE PUBCENT AND SECRETIVE. I DON’T THK HE’S EVEN OUT OF THE CLOSET NOW.HOW WAS GROWG UP?VERY TRMATIC. MY DAD VIEWED MY MASCULY, OR LACK THEREOF, A VERY NEGATIVE WAY. HE WAS VLENT, I WAS IGHTENED OF HIM. I WOULD LOVE TO SAY THIS BOY AND I RAN OFF TO THE SUNSET TOGETHER, BUT THE REALY WAS THAT I THOUGHT LIFE WOULD BE OVER IF ANYONE EVER FOUND OUT ABOUT MY RELATNSHIP, OR WHAT I PERCEIVED AS A RELATNSHIP. HE WAS FELY ONE OF MY BT IENDS AND A SWEET GUY.HOW OLD WERE YOU?I’M 45 NOW, AND 13/14 THEN. AT THE TIME AIDS WAS STARTG TO BEE A HEADLE. AT OUR CHURCH WAS A BIG TOPIC, WH TALK OF “SEXUAL VIANTS.” HONTLY I WAS TERRIFIED. IT WAS ALMOST LIKE, BEG GAY, I WAS WALKG AROUND WH THIS NCERO TUMOR I ULDN’T SHAKE. THAT’S WHY WAS SO IMPORTANT TO DO THIS VIO: I WANTED TO TELL GAY KIDS, “YOU’RE FE. YOU’RE GOG TO BE OK.” THERE WAS NOTHG LIKE THAT WHEN I WAS A KID. I ME OUT AT 19, AND TOOK SO MUCH TIME TO SHAKE OFF THE SELF-LOATHG, SHAME, AND GUILT THAT I WAS RAISED . IT WAS BILATG. I WAS NSTANTLY TRYG TO FD APPROVAL BEE I FELT SO REPULSIVE AS A PERSON.WHAT DID YOUR DAD DO TO YOU?I REMEMBER GETTG H BEE I FOLD TOWELS “LIKE A GIRL.” I WAS WASHG DISH ONE DAY, BUT I WASN’T WASHG DISH “LIKE A MAN,” AND DAD STABBED ME WH A FORK. I WAS TERRIFIED ALL THE TIME. I WOULD ASK MYSELF, “AM I DOG THIS LIKE A MAN?” EVEN AS AN ADULT GUY NOW, I’M NOT AN CREDIBLY FLAMBOYANT PERSON—BUT I FELT SO SQUASHED THEN. I FELT LIKE AT EVERY TURN, “THERE’S THIS THG ABOUT ME THAT THEY HATE.” IT REALLY TOUCHED ALL ASPECTS OF MY LIFE. I ULDN’T BE TOO CLOSE TO MY MOM, BEE OF “TUGGG AT HER APRON STRGS.” I WAS GROWG UP AS NOT WHAT THEY THOUGHT A BOY SHOULD BE LIKE.YOU WERE SRED OF YOUR DAD?I FELY FELT PHYSILLY AAID. I WAS JT TERRIFIED WHEN HE ME HOME. ALL I ULD THK WAS, “DO I LOOK LIKE A GUY?” AT THE SAME TIME I WANTED TO PUT ON SHOWS AND WEAR STUM. I THK A LOT OF YOUNG GAY BOYS END UP SEARCHG FOR WHO THEY ARE NOT. I REMEMBER PLAYG EVERY ANIZED SPORT AND JT MISERABLY, NSTANTLY FAILG.DID YOUR FAY REJECT YOU?Y, MY MOTHER AND FATHER WERE BOTH VASTATED WHEN I ME OUT. WE SPENT A GOOD 10 YEARS WH LTLE OR NO MUNITN. ONE OF THE THARTIC THGS WAS MY SISTER RAISG A GENR-FLUID SON, WHICH SHE WROTE A BOOK ABOUT, RAISG MY RABOW.MY PARENTS LOVED MY NEPHEW SO MUCH. THAT HELPED THEM GROW A LOT. MY MOM DIED SADLY THIS YEAR, AND WH A LOT OF GUILT I THK. RIGHT BEFORE SHE DIED, SHE SENT ME A RD SAYG, “I MA A LOT OF MISTAK.” I FEEL SO BAD FOR HER. SHE REALIZED HOW MUCH THEY FUCKED UP. I THK THE GUILT SNAPPED HER A B. I TALK TO MY DAD, BUT KEEP HIM AT AN ARM’S DISTANCE… PARENTS SHOULD BE AWARE THAT IF THEY’RE HURTG THEIR KIDS, THEY’RE HURTG THEMSELV. HOW DID YOU PE AS A KID?AS AN ADULT, FDG MY ARTISTIC VOICE HELPED. AS A KID, I WAS THE FUNNY GUY, THE STORYTELLER. IT WAS A FENSE MECHANISM. I WAS SO SPERATE TO BE LIKED. I WAS NSTANTLY THE CLASS CLOWN. I FELT SO HATED AT HOME, I THOUGHT, “WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO BE LOVED?”WHAT ABOUT YOUR ATTU TO FAH NOW?I FELY FEEL SPIRUALLY EMPTY. I WENT THROUGH THE FUCKG WRGER, SO I FEEL LEERY OF ALL. I THK, “I WAS A FUCKG KID, WHAT WERE YOU DOG TO ME?” AFTER I ME OUT, I GOT MORE NFINCE, ALTHOUGH TOOK ME A WHILE TO REALIZE, WH THERAPY, HOW MUCH ABE I HAD SUFFERED.WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO OTHER GAY KIDS GROWG UP NOW?I WOULD SAY THAT I KNOW PEOPLE SAY, “STAY THE CLOSET.” I’M SO GLAD I DIDN’T MARCH DOWN THAT PATH, BEE—NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT IS—BEG MYSELF AND FDG MYSELF WASN’T SO BAD.HOW ARE YOU AND YOUR DAD NOW?HE HASN’T SAID SORRY. HE TELLS ME HE LOV ME NOW, AND NEVER DID AS A KID. I’VE DONE SOME STUFF ON TV, AND HE LIK THE CELEBRY ASPECT OF THAT. I THK HE’S PROUD OF ME. HE’S PROUD OF HOW STRONG MY SISTER AND I ARE.WE DON'T HAVE THE BT RELATNSHIP—NOT THAT ’S BAD, THERE’S NO YELLG… I THK HE WOULD LIKE TO BE CLOSER. BUT I HAVE BIG TST ISSU WH HIM, AND I DON’T KNOW IF THAT WILL EVER CHANGE. IT WAS VERY PAFUL. I’VE FELY FIVEN HIM, BUT I N’T FET . IT WAS HORRIBLE. I WANT KIDS TO KNOW THAT BEG GAY IS AWOME. THERE ARE A LOT OF HORRIBLE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO SAY ’S WRONG, BUT YOU’RE GOG TO BE OK.TOM GOSSDB: YOU’VE HAD QUE THE RPONSE TO THIS VIO.TOM GOSS: YEAH, I’M REALLY RELIEVED PEOPLE HAVE RPOND SO POSIVELY.YOU KNEW THE ORIGAL DTY SPRGFIELD SONG?YEAH, I GREW UP SOUTHEASTERN WISNS, AND LISTENED TO “THE OLDI” ALL DAY WH MY MOTHER. THEY HAVE A LOT OF CHERISHED MEMORI FOR ME. I DIDN’T REALIZE WHAT THE SONG WAS ABOUT BACK THEN OF URSE. YOU’RE JT SGG ALONG, WHEN THAT IS A MUNAL, FUN, FAY THG TO DO.HOW DID THIS VERSN E ABOUT?THE VIO AND VIO NCEPT, WHICH WE TALKED ABOUT FOR A YEAR AND A HALF, WAS DONE LONG BEFORE THE SONG. I WANTED TO REVENT THE SONG A WAY THAT PAID HOMAGE TO THE ORIGAL, BUT WAS ALSO DIFFERENT AND UNIQUE AND OF SELF.HOW IS TOBGRAPHIL FOR YOU?MY EXPERIENCE WAS OF BEG SOMEBODY WHO AS A YOUNG MAN FELT SO MISUNRSTOOD, UNHEARD, UNLOVED, THAT I ATTEMPTED SUICI AT AROUND 13.JT AS ONE OF THE BOYS ATTEMPTS THE VIO. WHY DID YOU ATTEMPT ?I THK I ALWAYS FELT DIFFERENT. LOOKG BACK ON , SEXUALY FELY HAD A ROLE TO PLAY, FEELG AS IF I WAS BEG TREATED DIFFERENTLY AS A RULT OF , NOT UNRSTANDG WHY THAT WAS, FEELG LIKE “THE OTHER” A LOT, FEELG LIKE BEG PART OF THE MARGS. THAT’S REALLY HARD AS A KID. IT WAS A REALLY ROUGH PERD OF MY LIFE. MY PARENTS DIVORCED. I GOT REALLY UPSET ABOUT THAT, AND EVERYTHG SNOWBALLED.HOW DID YOU ATTEMPT SUICI?I CID TO KILL MYSELF BEE I FELT NOBODY WOULD MISS ME. IT WAS A VERY DARK MOMENT. I REMEMBER THKG, “I’M GOG TO TAKE THIS BOTTLE OF PILLS, THEN I’M GOG TO CUT MYSELF.” WE HAD A VERY TALL HOE, SO I PLANNED TO JUMP OUT OF THE WDOW AT THE TOP OF THE HOE. I REMEMBER THKG, “I’M SO CLEVER. PEOPLE WILL BE SO BY TENDG TO MY WOUNDS, THEY WON’T KNOW I’M DYG SLOWLY OM THE SI OUT.” THKG ABOUT NOW MAK ME WANT TO CRY FOR THAT PERSON.HOW FAR DID YOU GO WH THE PLAN?I TOOK A BOTTLE OF PILLS, AND THEN PRETTY MUCH ALMOST IMMEDIATELY REGRETTED , AND UNRSTOOD THE WEIGHT OF WHAT I HAD JT DONE AND TOLD MY MOM, AND WENT TO THE HOSPAL, AND GOT MY STOMACH PUMPED. THEN THEY PUMPED CHARAL TO MY STOMACH AFTER THEY TOOK ALL THE FLUIDS OUT. I SPENT A UPLE OF DAYS HOSPAL.AND THEN THERAPY?I WAS LOT OF THERAPY. TO BE HONT, WAS ONLY WHEN I PICKED UP A GUAR AND STARTED WRG SONGS WHEN I WAS 18 THAT THE REAL THERAPY BEGAN.UNTIL THAT POT, MY MONS WERE MANIFTG ANGER, FIGHTG A LOT, GETTG ARRTED A LOT. I GOT EXPELLED OM 9TH GRA. I WAS A GYMNAST, THEN A WRTLER, AND I GOT A LOT OF AGGRSN OUT THAT WAY. BUT I WAS VERY TROVERTED. WHEN I PICKED UP A GUAR I STARTED PROCSG SO MANY THGS. I WRTLED RIGHT THROUGH LLEGE, AND I WAS HANGG AROUND WH A LOT OF SNTILY-CLAD MEN ALL THE TIME BUT WASN'T FDG MYSELF ATTRACTED TO THEM.SO, HOW WAS YOUR SEXUALY AWAKENED?I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS ASEXUAL FOR A LONG TIME, UNTIL I CID TO BE A CATHOLIC PRIT. I DIDN’T THK BEG CELIBATE WOULD BE A BIG AL AS I WAS ALREADY ASEXUAL. AT SEMARY I FELL LOVE WH ONE OF MY CLASSMAT. FALLG LOVE WAS AND IS AND WILL NTUE TO BE ONE OF THE MOST BETIFUL AND POWERFUL THGS THAT N EXIST THE WORLD. IT’S HEALED ME MORE WAYS THAN I N SAY.THAT CERTALY THROUGH THE VIO TO THE SONG.I LOVE THAT THE KIDS THE VIO ARE LOVE, AND ’S PURE AND NOCENT AND WHOLOME AND ’S UPLIFTG, AND ’S ALL THOSE THGS EVEN AS PEOPLE ARE TRYG TO TEAR THAT APART.AND THE KIDS LIVE AND LOVE AT THE END.ABSOLUTELY. THAT IS THE FUTURE WE WANT TO BE PATG. IT’S HARD. THERE HAVE BEEN MANY LGBT KIDS WHO HAVE MTED SUICI. BUT MANY KIDS HAVEN’T. MANY HAVE FALLEN LOVE AND FOLLOWED LOVE. THAT’S THE STORY WE WANTED TO TELL. WE BROUGHT THE (LGBT YOUTH SUPPORT ANIZATN) TREVOR PROJECT BEE WE DIDN’T WANT TO TRIGGER ANYTHG BAD, AND WE ALSO WANTED TO SHOW THE PA PEOPLE GO THROUGH. AND WE WANTED TO BE POSIVE.HOW DID YOU NVCE THE CHURCH THE VIO TO LET YOU FILM THERE?IT’S THE LTLE WHE CHAPEL BURBANK. I SPOKE TO THE PASTOR AND TOLD HIM WHAT WE WERE DOG. IT’S A WELG AND AFFIRMG CHURCH, AND HE KNEW WHAT WE WERE DOG AND WAS SUPPORTIVE. THE SONG AND VIO’S MSAGE IS TO TST THE LOVE THAT YOU HAVE. LOVE WHO YOU LOVE REALLY STRONGLY, EVEN IF THE ODDS ARE AGAST YOU.HOW RELIG WERE YOU?I HAD A MEDIUM-RELIG HOEHOLD. MY CATHOLIC EXPERIENCE WAS VERY LIBERAL. I NEVER GOT THE KD OF SERMON YOU SEE THE VIO. I FELT MARGALIZED FEELG ASEXUAL. IT MAY BE HARD BEG GAY, BUT AT LEAST THERE’S A MUNY OF THAT. IF YOU’RE ASEXUAL, YOU’RE THIS ROBOT THAT NOBODY UNRSTANDS. AND WH ME, I WAS ATTRACTED TO BEARS [OLR, HAIRY, BIGGER GUYS]. PART OF MY SLOWNS G TO THIS WAS THAT I WAS HANGG AROUND WH THE SUPER-YOUNG, SUPER-F WRTLERS, BUT I WASN’T ATTRACTED TO THEM BEE THEY WERE NOT THE KD OF MEN I WAS ATTRACTED TO.AND SO THE CLASSMATE AT SEMARY…?Y, HE WAS A BEAR. WE FELL LOVE, AND MANY WAYS WAS—LIKE THE VIO—SO NOCENT AND PURE AND WE WERE BOTH VIRGS. I WAS 23 AND HE WAS 38. HE WAS FELY MORE REPRSED. HE HAD HELD ALL AT BAY, WHILE I HAD WANRED THROUGH LIFE IGNORANT.I DIDN'T HAVE LOT OF TURMOIL AROUND . I JT THOUGHT, “WOW, THIS AMAZG, WHY WOULD GOD NOT WANT THIS MY LIFE?” I THK I LEFT MY SPIRUAL SI BEHD. BUT I WANTED TO BEE A PRIT TO WORK AROUND RENCILIATN, AND I HOPE MY WORK, THIS VIO, HELPS RENCILE PEOPLE WH THEIR OWN PASTS.WHAT ABOUT YOUR LIFE NOW?I’M MARRIED TO MIKE, MY HBAND OF 10 YEARS. HE’S VERY PROUD OF ME, AND WHOUT DOUBT MY BIGGT SUPPORTER.WHAT’S BEEN THE MOST SURPRISG RPONSE TO THE VIO SO FAR?I GOT AN EMAIL OM ONE OF DTY SPRGFIELD’S BACKG SGERS TODAY. THEY SAID THEY HAD SUNG FOR HER FOR YEARS, AND THAT SHE WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS, AND END BY SAYG “THANK YOU.” IT JT BLEW MY MD.AT THE END, THE BOYS HEAD OFF TO THE SUNSET, THEN MORPH TO BEG ADULTS STILL HAND--HAND.ONE OF THOSE GUYS IS ME, SO I IMAGE (LGHS) THAT ONE OF THEM GO OFF TO PLAY GUAR. IN MY STORY THEY LEARN TO TEGRATE SPIRUALY AND SEXUALY. THEY FALL LOVE WH EACH OTHER EPER AND EPER. TIM TEEMAN

WATCH: THIS SHORT FILM ABOUT A GAY TEEN LOVE WILL MELT YOUR HEART

Funny and erotic, Benjam tells a memorable story on a mimal budget—one which will feel very te to life to many gay viewers. We want to give a special shout-out to The Capote Tap, director Ebs Burnough’s documentary about Tman Capote’s lost fal novel; The Obuary of Tun Johnson, the story of an Ain-Amerin gay man relivg his own ath over and over; Breakg Fast, the Haaz Sleiman-led queer romantic edy (which jt picked up the prtig Audience Award at aGLIFF, no ls), and Cured, a fascatg new documentary about the queer activists who lobbied the APA to classify homosexualy as an illns.

Gay Erotic Stori. Seventeen-year-old Kim Ho was one of the wners of the 2012 monologue petn Love Byt, held by Frh Ink, a velopment program for emergg playwrights om the Atralian Theatre for Young one of the petn's wners, Kim was assisted wh transformg his origal three-mute vio entry, Transcennce -- which tells the story of a young gay teen stgglg wh his sexualy and the love he feels for a boy his French class -- to the betiful ne-mute short film The Language of Love.

100 YEARS OF PHOTOGRAPHS OF GAY MEN LOVE

"Homosexualy is still a sensive topic, and I immediately felt prsured to wre somethg that was ndid but not disrpectful to the LGBT muny, " Ho explas on the Frh Ink webse. However, seemed like I was fdg some of the boys sexy and appealg and wh time I knew that I was gay. Also, he was the first to unrstand that I was gay, whout me ever tellg him and I rpected the fact that he never forced me to discs the matter.

‘I FELL FOR THE SON OF A PREACHER MAN’: A FORBIDN GAY LOVE VIO GO VIRALLOVE STORYSGER-SONGWRER TOM GOSS AND DIRECTOR MICHAEL SERRATO REIMAGE DTY SPRGFIELD’S ‘SON OF A PREACHER MAN’ AS A TALE OF A TEENAGE GAY LOVE—AND ’S ROOTED PAFUL REALY FOR BOTH MEN.TIM TEEMANSENR EDOR AND WRERUPDATED APR. 13, 2017 4:31PM EDT / PUBLISHED MAR. 17, 2016 12:01AM EDT VIA YOUTUBEWHEN YOU LISTEN TO THE DTY SPRGFIELD ORIGAL OF “SON OF A PREACHER MAN,” FALLG FOR THE SAID-SON SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF FUN—“THE ONLY BOY WHO ULD EVER TEACH ME/WAS THE SON OF A PREACHER MAN”—WH ALL THOSE JOYO TMPETS, THE CLARN ENURAGEMENT OF SPRGFIELD’S BACKG SGERS, AND THE LIC PROMISE OF “STEALG KISS WH ME ON THE SLY.”IN SGER-SONGWRER TOM GOSS’S MOVG AND BETIFULLY POSED TORCH-SONG REVERSNG OF “PREACHER MAN,” THE SONG TAK ON A DARKER HUE FEATURG A FORBIDN GAY LOVE AFFAIR. THE SONG IMMEDIATELY ED AN ONLE FLURRY OF MENT WHEN SURFACED A UPLE OF DAYS AGO.HERE, FALLG FOR THE PREACHER’S SON MEANS TWO TEENAGE BOYS N SMACK UP AGAST VIC, EVANGELIL HOMOPHOBIA. THE VIO TAK YOUNG LOVE, ATTEMPTED SUICI, PARENTAL REJECTN, RELIG JUDGMENT, AND—HURRAH—UPLIFTG SURVIVAL. THE VIO’S DIRECTOR, MICHAEL SERRATO, REALLY DID FALL LOVE WH THE PREACHER’S SON, WHILE GOSS TRIED TO M SUICI. HERE THE TWO MEN TALK ABOUT THEIR DRAMATIC, VERY REAL EXPERIENC BEHD THIS REIMAGED CLASSIC. MICHAEL SERRATOTHE DAILY BEAST: YOU REALLY DID FALL LOVE WH THE SON OF A PREACHER MAN?MICHAEL SERRATO: Y, I GREW UP WH AN EVANGELIL CHURCH LONG BEACH, SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. MY DAD RAN THE SPORTS MISTRY AND PRISON MISTRY: HE WAS A TOUGH DU. I WASN’T. I DID FALL LOVE WH THE SON OF A FAIRLY FAMO PREACHER THE AREA—BUT WE DID NOT HAVE THE BIG HUGE MOMENT THE BOYS HAVE THE VIO. OUR RELATNSHIP WAS MORE PUBCENT AND SECRETIVE. I DON’T THK HE’S EVEN OUT OF THE CLOSET NOW.HOW WAS GROWG UP?VERY TRMATIC. MY DAD VIEWED MY MASCULY, OR LACK THEREOF, A VERY NEGATIVE WAY. HE WAS VLENT, I WAS IGHTENED OF HIM. I WOULD LOVE TO SAY THIS BOY AND I RAN OFF TO THE SUNSET TOGETHER, BUT THE REALY WAS THAT I THOUGHT LIFE WOULD BE OVER IF ANYONE EVER FOUND OUT ABOUT MY RELATNSHIP, OR WHAT I PERCEIVED AS A RELATNSHIP. HE WAS FELY ONE OF MY BT IENDS AND A SWEET GUY.HOW OLD WERE YOU?I’M 45 NOW, AND 13/14 THEN. AT THE TIME AIDS WAS STARTG TO BEE A HEADLE. AT OUR CHURCH WAS A BIG TOPIC, WH TALK OF “SEXUAL VIANTS.” HONTLY I WAS TERRIFIED. IT WAS ALMOST LIKE, BEG GAY, I WAS WALKG AROUND WH THIS NCERO TUMOR I ULDN’T SHAKE. THAT’S WHY WAS SO IMPORTANT TO DO THIS VIO: I WANTED TO TELL GAY KIDS, “YOU’RE FE. YOU’RE GOG TO BE OK.” THERE WAS NOTHG LIKE THAT WHEN I WAS A KID. I ME OUT AT 19, AND TOOK SO MUCH TIME TO SHAKE OFF THE SELF-LOATHG, SHAME, AND GUILT THAT I WAS RAISED . IT WAS BILATG. I WAS NSTANTLY TRYG TO FD APPROVAL BEE I FELT SO REPULSIVE AS A PERSON.WHAT DID YOUR DAD DO TO YOU?I REMEMBER GETTG H BEE I FOLD TOWELS “LIKE A GIRL.” I WAS WASHG DISH ONE DAY, BUT I WASN’T WASHG DISH “LIKE A MAN,” AND DAD STABBED ME WH A FORK. I WAS TERRIFIED ALL THE TIME. I WOULD ASK MYSELF, “AM I DOG THIS LIKE A MAN?” EVEN AS AN ADULT GUY NOW, I’M NOT AN CREDIBLY FLAMBOYANT PERSON—BUT I FELT SO SQUASHED THEN. I FELT LIKE AT EVERY TURN, “THERE’S THIS THG ABOUT ME THAT THEY HATE.” IT REALLY TOUCHED ALL ASPECTS OF MY LIFE. I ULDN’T BE TOO CLOSE TO MY MOM, BEE OF “TUGGG AT HER APRON STRGS.” I WAS GROWG UP AS NOT WHAT THEY THOUGHT A BOY SHOULD BE LIKE.YOU WERE SRED OF YOUR DAD?I FELY FELT PHYSILLY AAID. I WAS JT TERRIFIED WHEN HE ME HOME. ALL I ULD THK WAS, “DO I LOOK LIKE A GUY?” AT THE SAME TIME I WANTED TO PUT ON SHOWS AND WEAR STUM. I THK A LOT OF YOUNG GAY BOYS END UP SEARCHG FOR WHO THEY ARE NOT. I REMEMBER PLAYG EVERY ANIZED SPORT AND JT MISERABLY, NSTANTLY FAILG.DID YOUR FAY REJECT YOU?Y, MY MOTHER AND FATHER WERE BOTH VASTATED WHEN I ME OUT. WE SPENT A GOOD 10 YEARS WH LTLE OR NO MUNITN. ONE OF THE THARTIC THGS WAS MY SISTER RAISG A GENR-FLUID SON, WHICH SHE WROTE A BOOK ABOUT, RAISG MY RABOW.MY PARENTS LOVED MY NEPHEW SO MUCH. THAT HELPED THEM GROW A LOT. MY MOM DIED SADLY THIS YEAR, AND WH A LOT OF GUILT I THK. RIGHT BEFORE SHE DIED, SHE SENT ME A RD SAYG, “I MA A LOT OF MISTAK.” I FEEL SO BAD FOR HER. SHE REALIZED HOW MUCH THEY FUCKED UP. I THK THE GUILT SNAPPED HER A B. I TALK TO MY DAD, BUT KEEP HIM AT AN ARM’S DISTANCE… PARENTS SHOULD BE AWARE THAT IF THEY’RE HURTG THEIR KIDS, THEY’RE HURTG THEMSELV. HOW DID YOU PE AS A KID?AS AN ADULT, FDG MY ARTISTIC VOICE HELPED. AS A KID, I WAS THE FUNNY GUY, THE STORYTELLER. IT WAS A FENSE MECHANISM. I WAS SO SPERATE TO BE LIKED. I WAS NSTANTLY THE CLASS CLOWN. I FELT SO HATED AT HOME, I THOUGHT, “WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO BE LOVED?”WHAT ABOUT YOUR ATTU TO FAH NOW?I FELY FEEL SPIRUALLY EMPTY. I WENT THROUGH THE FUCKG WRGER, SO I FEEL LEERY OF ALL. I THK, “I WAS A FUCKG KID, WHAT WERE YOU DOG TO ME?” AFTER I ME OUT, I GOT MORE NFINCE, ALTHOUGH TOOK ME A WHILE TO REALIZE, WH THERAPY, HOW MUCH ABE I HAD SUFFERED.WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO OTHER GAY KIDS GROWG UP NOW?I WOULD SAY THAT I KNOW PEOPLE SAY, “STAY THE CLOSET.” I’M SO GLAD I DIDN’T MARCH DOWN THAT PATH, BEE—NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT IS—BEG MYSELF AND FDG MYSELF WASN’T SO BAD.HOW ARE YOU AND YOUR DAD NOW?HE HASN’T SAID SORRY. HE TELLS ME HE LOV ME NOW, AND NEVER DID AS A KID. I’VE DONE SOME STUFF ON TV, AND HE LIK THE CELEBRY ASPECT OF THAT. I THK HE’S PROUD OF ME. HE’S PROUD OF HOW STRONG MY SISTER AND I ARE.WE DON'T HAVE THE BT RELATNSHIP—NOT THAT ’S BAD, THERE’S NO YELLG… I THK HE WOULD LIKE TO BE CLOSER. BUT I HAVE BIG TST ISSU WH HIM, AND I DON’T KNOW IF THAT WILL EVER CHANGE. IT WAS VERY PAFUL. I’VE FELY FIVEN HIM, BUT I N’T FET . IT WAS HORRIBLE. I WANT KIDS TO KNOW THAT BEG GAY IS AWOME. THERE ARE A LOT OF HORRIBLE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO SAY ’S WRONG, BUT YOU’RE GOG TO BE OK.TOM GOSSDB: YOU’VE HAD QUE THE RPONSE TO THIS VIO.TOM GOSS: YEAH, I’M REALLY RELIEVED PEOPLE HAVE RPOND SO POSIVELY.YOU KNEW THE ORIGAL DTY SPRGFIELD SONG?YEAH, I GREW UP SOUTHEASTERN WISNS, AND LISTENED TO “THE OLDI” ALL DAY WH MY MOTHER. THEY HAVE A LOT OF CHERISHED MEMORI FOR ME. I DIDN’T REALIZE WHAT THE SONG WAS ABOUT BACK THEN OF URSE. YOU’RE JT SGG ALONG, WHEN THAT IS A MUNAL, FUN, FAY THG TO DO.HOW DID THIS VERSN E ABOUT?THE VIO AND VIO NCEPT, WHICH WE TALKED ABOUT FOR A YEAR AND A HALF, WAS DONE LONG BEFORE THE SONG. I WANTED TO REVENT THE SONG A WAY THAT PAID HOMAGE TO THE ORIGAL, BUT WAS ALSO DIFFERENT AND UNIQUE AND OF SELF.HOW IS TOBGRAPHIL FOR YOU?MY EXPERIENCE WAS OF BEG SOMEBODY WHO AS A YOUNG MAN FELT SO MISUNRSTOOD, UNHEARD, UNLOVED, THAT I ATTEMPTED SUICI AT AROUND 13.JT AS ONE OF THE BOYS ATTEMPTS THE VIO. WHY DID YOU ATTEMPT ?I THK I ALWAYS FELT DIFFERENT. LOOKG BACK ON , SEXUALY FELY HAD A ROLE TO PLAY, FEELG AS IF I WAS BEG TREATED DIFFERENTLY AS A RULT OF , NOT UNRSTANDG WHY THAT WAS, FEELG LIKE “THE OTHER” A LOT, FEELG LIKE BEG PART OF THE MARGS. THAT’S REALLY HARD AS A KID. IT WAS A REALLY ROUGH PERD OF MY LIFE. MY PARENTS DIVORCED. I GOT REALLY UPSET ABOUT THAT, AND EVERYTHG SNOWBALLED.HOW DID YOU ATTEMPT SUICI?I CID TO KILL MYSELF BEE I FELT NOBODY WOULD MISS ME. IT WAS A VERY DARK MOMENT. I REMEMBER THKG, “I’M GOG TO TAKE THIS BOTTLE OF PILLS, THEN I’M GOG TO CUT MYSELF.” WE HAD A VERY TALL HOE, SO I PLANNED TO JUMP OUT OF THE WDOW AT THE TOP OF THE HOE. I REMEMBER THKG, “I’M SO CLEVER. PEOPLE WILL BE SO BY TENDG TO MY WOUNDS, THEY WON’T KNOW I’M DYG SLOWLY OM THE SI OUT.” THKG ABOUT NOW MAK ME WANT TO CRY FOR THAT PERSON.HOW FAR DID YOU GO WH THE PLAN?I TOOK A BOTTLE OF PILLS, AND THEN PRETTY MUCH ALMOST IMMEDIATELY REGRETTED , AND UNRSTOOD THE WEIGHT OF WHAT I HAD JT DONE AND TOLD MY MOM, AND WENT TO THE HOSPAL, AND GOT MY STOMACH PUMPED. THEN THEY PUMPED CHARAL TO MY STOMACH AFTER THEY TOOK ALL THE FLUIDS OUT. I SPENT A UPLE OF DAYS HOSPAL.AND THEN THERAPY?I WAS LOT OF THERAPY. TO BE HONT, WAS ONLY WHEN I PICKED UP A GUAR AND STARTED WRG SONGS WHEN I WAS 18 THAT THE REAL THERAPY BEGAN.UNTIL THAT POT, MY MONS WERE MANIFTG ANGER, FIGHTG A LOT, GETTG ARRTED A LOT. I GOT EXPELLED OM 9TH GRA. I WAS A GYMNAST, THEN A WRTLER, AND I GOT A LOT OF AGGRSN OUT THAT WAY. BUT I WAS VERY TROVERTED. WHEN I PICKED UP A GUAR I STARTED PROCSG SO MANY THGS. I WRTLED RIGHT THROUGH LLEGE, AND I WAS HANGG AROUND WH A LOT OF SNTILY-CLAD MEN ALL THE TIME BUT WASN'T FDG MYSELF ATTRACTED TO THEM.SO, HOW WAS YOUR SEXUALY AWAKENED?I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS ASEXUAL FOR A LONG TIME, UNTIL I CID TO BE A CATHOLIC PRIT. I DIDN’T THK BEG CELIBATE WOULD BE A BIG AL AS I WAS ALREADY ASEXUAL. AT SEMARY I FELL LOVE WH ONE OF MY CLASSMAT. FALLG LOVE WAS AND IS AND WILL NTUE TO BE ONE OF THE MOST BETIFUL AND POWERFUL THGS THAT N EXIST THE WORLD. IT’S HEALED ME MORE WAYS THAN I N SAY.THAT CERTALY THROUGH THE VIO TO THE SONG.I LOVE THAT THE KIDS THE VIO ARE LOVE, AND ’S PURE AND NOCENT AND WHOLOME AND ’S UPLIFTG, AND ’S ALL THOSE THGS EVEN AS PEOPLE ARE TRYG TO TEAR THAT APART.AND THE KIDS LIVE AND LOVE AT THE END.ABSOLUTELY. THAT IS THE FUTURE WE WANT TO BE PATG. IT’S HARD. THERE HAVE BEEN MANY LGBT KIDS WHO HAVE MTED SUICI. BUT MANY KIDS HAVEN’T. MANY HAVE FALLEN LOVE AND FOLLOWED LOVE. THAT’S THE STORY WE WANTED TO TELL. WE BROUGHT THE (LGBT YOUTH SUPPORT ANIZATN) TREVOR PROJECT BEE WE DIDN’T WANT TO TRIGGER ANYTHG BAD, AND WE ALSO WANTED TO SHOW THE PA PEOPLE GO THROUGH. AND WE WANTED TO BE POSIVE.HOW DID YOU NVCE THE CHURCH THE VIO TO LET YOU FILM THERE?IT’S THE LTLE WHE CHAPEL BURBANK. I SPOKE TO THE PASTOR AND TOLD HIM WHAT WE WERE DOG. IT’S A WELG AND AFFIRMG CHURCH, AND HE KNEW WHAT WE WERE DOG AND WAS SUPPORTIVE. THE SONG AND VIO’S MSAGE IS TO TST THE LOVE THAT YOU HAVE. LOVE WHO YOU LOVE REALLY STRONGLY, EVEN IF THE ODDS ARE AGAST YOU.HOW RELIG WERE YOU?I HAD A MEDIUM-RELIG HOEHOLD. MY CATHOLIC EXPERIENCE WAS VERY LIBERAL. I NEVER GOT THE KD OF SERMON YOU SEE THE VIO. I FELT MARGALIZED FEELG ASEXUAL. IT MAY BE HARD BEG GAY, BUT AT LEAST THERE’S A MUNY OF THAT. IF YOU’RE ASEXUAL, YOU’RE THIS ROBOT THAT NOBODY UNRSTANDS. AND WH ME, I WAS ATTRACTED TO BEARS [OLR, HAIRY, BIGGER GUYS]. PART OF MY SLOWNS G TO THIS WAS THAT I WAS HANGG AROUND WH THE SUPER-YOUNG, SUPER-F WRTLERS, BUT I WASN’T ATTRACTED TO THEM BEE THEY WERE NOT THE KD OF MEN I WAS ATTRACTED TO.AND SO THE CLASSMATE AT SEMARY…?Y, HE WAS A BEAR. WE FELL LOVE, AND MANY WAYS WAS—LIKE THE VIO—SO NOCENT AND PURE AND WE WERE BOTH VIRGS. I WAS 23 AND HE WAS 38. HE WAS FELY MORE REPRSED. HE HAD HELD ALL AT BAY, WHILE I HAD WANRED THROUGH LIFE IGNORANT.I DIDN'T HAVE LOT OF TURMOIL AROUND . I JT THOUGHT, “WOW, THIS AMAZG, WHY WOULD GOD NOT WANT THIS MY LIFE?” I THK I LEFT MY SPIRUAL SI BEHD. BUT I WANTED TO BEE A PRIT TO WORK AROUND RENCILIATN, AND I HOPE MY WORK, THIS VIO, HELPS RENCILE PEOPLE WH THEIR OWN PASTS.WHAT ABOUT YOUR LIFE NOW?I’M MARRIED TO MIKE, MY HBAND OF 10 YEARS. HE’S VERY PROUD OF ME, AND WHOUT DOUBT MY BIGGT SUPPORTER.WHAT’S BEEN THE MOST SURPRISG RPONSE TO THE VIO SO FAR?I GOT AN EMAIL OM ONE OF DTY SPRGFIELD’S BACKG SGERS TODAY. THEY SAID THEY HAD SUNG FOR HER FOR YEARS, AND THAT SHE WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS, AND END BY SAYG “THANK YOU.” IT JT BLEW MY MD.AT THE END, THE BOYS HEAD OFF TO THE SUNSET, THEN MORPH TO BEG ADULTS STILL HAND--HAND.ONE OF THOSE GUYS IS ME, SO I IMAGE (LGHS) THAT ONE OF THEM GO OFF TO PLAY GUAR. IN MY STORY THEY LEARN TO TEGRATE SPIRUALY AND SEXUALY. THEY FALL LOVE WH EACH OTHER EPER AND EPER. TIM TEEMAN

A Gay Man Speaks Out. As the only out young gay kid at my school, I took the advancement of my sexual experienc to my own hands and I did what we all do: I bought a fake ID and h the gay clubs.

While I knew wouldn’t be like a gay llege eroti I’d read on (gay non, really), I rather naively wasn’t expectg the fall out. I realize I fell to that old gay adage of placg my feelgs on a person who, for whatever reason, was never gog to vt them back me. Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memori of those first tim marred how I would approach sex for years.It was listeng to Years & Years’ new song “Sanctify,” and seeg the band’s out gay sger Olly Alexanr talk about how the song was spired his sexual trysts wh straight men, that I realized that the feelgs are way more mon than people let on.

Sure, I know all about gay guys havg sex wh straight guys, but felt reassurg to see him scribe the “sat and sner role” he embodied durg those experienc, and to hear the uncertaty and melancholy weaved to the song.More than anythg though, was the repeated lyril mantra of “I won’t be ashamed.” Bee as queer people, we’re buried lifetime’s worth of shame so vivid and searg that oftentim ’s cripplg. The global panmic has ma this Valente's Day the perfect opportuny to curl up at home for an eveng wh a good gay movie and there's tons of optns.