A gay son’s rellectn of his dad’s advice on how to live his life | PBS News Weekend

Contents:

• DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR
• GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
• ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
• MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI
• WALL STREET CEOS OPEN UP ABOUT THEIR GAY SONS
• MAGIC JOHNSON ON LEARNG TO ACCEPT HIS GAY SON EJ: ‘HE CHANGED ME’
• WHAT DO THE SCHOLARLY REARCH SAY ABOUT THE WELL-BEG OF CHILDREN WH GAY OR LBIAN PARENTS?
• GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
• A GAY SON’S RELLECTN OF HIS DAD’S ADVICE ON HOW TO LIVE HIS LIFE
• THE 50 BT GAY SONGS TO CELEBRATE PRI ALL YEAR LONG

DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR

Clton, MarylandThey are the first both their fai to bee gay fathers, and received a warm wele to parenthood. Asbury Park, New JerseyThe most stunng takeaway om photographg gay dads is the equaly of their partnership while raisg their children. Brooklyn, New YorkWhile makg Dads I was surprised to fd out how many gay sgle dads there are creatg their fay through adoptn or surrogacy.

Province, Rho IslandArt and Jim were one of the first gay upl to bee fathers through adoptn. Tom and Mike wh their son Jack at a lacrosse practice at Horace Mann School, Bronx, New YorkThroughout the book the children of gay dads grow olr.

GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG

Although the school and Jack’s iends know that Jack has two gay dads there was some tensn the air while posg for this photo the middle of a sports field wh all the other players around. New York CySome gay dads choose not to share who the blogil father of their children is. Fathers many fai are myster, distant, timidatg figur—even more so for boys wh homosexual attractns.

They are the fay torchbearers of manls, and, as mal young and old know, homosexualy is nsired the dread oppose of masculy. Acrdg to Michael Kimmel, a soclogist and expert on male sex rol, men monstrate their masculy by repudiatg all that is feme and monstratg an ever-ready willgns to engage sexual terurse wh women whenever the opportuny aris- a nutshell, to prove they are not gay.

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

To be gay is to be powerls, weak, unable to break ee om Mommy, and the characteristics are patible wh real manls.

Inially, the assertn that homophobia plays center stage men's mascule self-ncept may seem rather extreme. A boy growg to a gay man will get the msage loud and clear that he is weak, dirty, and, perhaps worst of all, ls than a man.

Th is no wonr that the boys the study for my book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, relled beg so reactive and fearful of the rpons of their fathers—the very people who were expectg them to receive and rry the torch of masculy. We mt remember that fathers and sons live the same world—one that teach boys that homosexualy is patible wh real masculy and, by associatn, full male adulthood. Fathers too were raised to not only look down upon homosexualy, but to fear themselv.

MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI

Th havg a gay son might feel particularly shameful for a father, as he may believe is an dictment of his own masculy.

When a father this study ially found out his son was gay, he repeated, over and over, "Do you know what two men do to each other? " Add to this shame and disappotment men's tenncy to be stoic about problems to avoid appearg petent or weak and one gets a sense why many fathers, like those of the boys prevly quoted, did not want to discs such a topic wh a stranger—a gay stranger, no ls.

Neverthels, is important to regnize that father-son antagonism uld be particularly woundg for a gay man. Richard Isay, a psychoanalyst who specializ work wh gay men believ that gay mal unrgo a reverse-Oedipal plex whereby, as young boys, they bee subnscly sexually attracted to their fathers (rather than their mothers).

WALL STREET CEOS OPEN UP ABOUT THEIR GAY SONS

When the boy is a toddler, the father anxly sens the sublimal sexual charge their relatnship and, bee he is socialized to be repelled and aaid of homosexualy, he nsequently disengag om his son.

Oedipal issu asi, a velopg gay boy may monstrate some tradnally feme gtur or terts that forhadow an adult homosexual orientatn, which may turn make his father unfortable and want to distance. Sadly, father-son disengagement or stra may have particularly pernic nsequenc for gay men's adult liv and relatnships. If this primary relatnship is characterized by fear, distance, and hostily durg childhood, as is for many gay men, this will no doubt terfere wh his abily to form and mata timate, mted relatnships wh male partners his future.

MAGIC JOHNSON ON LEARNG TO ACCEPT HIS GAY SON EJ: ‘HE CHANGED ME’

For gay sons of all ag, but pecially those who are stgglg to tablish, fix, or strengthen their current same-sex relatnships, might be a good ia to look toward their past relatnships wh their fathers for sights and answers. Eher way, I have found my clil work wh gay men that much eful rmatn n be gaed by examg past, and even prent father-son teractns to terme what patterns are beg repeated and/or reacted to their current relatnships. Armed wh this sight, gay men n then make more rmed choic about how to teract wh the men their liv.

Fathers who love their gay sons need to unrstand the unique role they play their son's self-teem and future relatnships. Certaly all fathers need to show that they love their sons and dghters, but fathers of gay sons need to fd ways to surmount the barrier of homophobia and socially scripted queass about gay sex to show their sons that they are ed lovable and serve the love of a good man. Although I rarely remend fictn to my clients or stunts, I urge all fathers of gay sons to follow the televisn seri Glee to study the relatnship between the gay character Kurt Hummel and his dad, Burt.

Watch this very macho father reach across the great divi of sex-role expectatns to mata a relatnship wh his wonrfully "flamboyant" gay son built on unndnal love. And also know, Dad, that there are many, many of gay men out there watchg that relatnship too—wh tears of gratu, envy, and longg.

WHAT DO THE SCHOLARLY REARCH SAY ABOUT THE WELL-BEG OF CHILDREN WH GAY OR LBIAN PARENTS?

Heynen planned to photograph for a book of photography featurg gay fathers and their children. ”Amerin culture has not been particularly starved of imag of gay fatherhood, particularly recent years.

Celebri like Anrson Cooper have helped normalize the ia of gay men raisg children, and no longer feels revelatory to see them on televisn, as did when “Morn Fay” premiered mon, Mr. Heynen said, are imag of gay fathers who aren’t Instagram ready — like two men bg their dghters’ hair or tossg a football the ont yard.

It’s an unrstandable impulse, which he attribut to a sire among gay parents to feel “normal” after havg their pabili as parents ntually lled to qutn. Heynen said, but rather a celebratn of the day-to-day liv of gay Jt for the YoungCly Rose, 61, and Ryan, 12Cly Rose, who liv Manhattan, was first photographed for “Dads” three years ago after meetg Mr.

GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?

Heynen at an event at the Lbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgenr Communy Center New York Cy. Heynen “a lot of cred” for cludg a father like him — a sgle dad his 60s — sce he said there is often a lack of reprentatn of olr gay people art and media, which tends to foc on young, f men. Such a photograph would have been extraordarily rare jt s ago, but now is one of many published the book “Dads, ” a four-year visual archive of gay fatherhood across Ameri that began 2016.

“I felt a ltle b lonely as a gay dad – although there are two of – but lonely the sense that all the other fai I knew were straight parents, ” Heynen said a vio ll, explag why he began photographg the seri. For Heynen, they reprent addnal love and re and help illtrate some of the cisn-makg that, though not exclive to them, all gay fathers mt ntend wh.

“Most of the women are Mormon, and Mormons don’t believe gay marriage and gays havg kids. Heynen, as well as the fathers he photographed, hope that the photographs “Dads” will dispel some of the hurtful stereotyp that still lger around gay fatherhood. Abplanalp never knew when he was younger that fatherhood would be possible for him as gay man.

A GAY SON’S RELLECTN OF HIS DAD’S ADVICE ON HOW TO LIVE HIS LIFE

Hosted by Wt Hollywood uple Yan and Alex, the dads e each episo to chat parentg and relatnships, and lately have been focg each episo on the gay rights and fatherhood pathways by untry, and vg a gay father om each lotn on as a gut. Patrick, who played a terracial gay uple who eventually marry and adopt two children.

This YA g-of-age novel follows high schooler Sal, who was adopted to a lovg Mexin Amerin fay by his gay father, when he begs to qutn his inty and place the world durg his senr year. This one-hour documentary followed the fay liv of four gay fai and the legal and cultural hurdl the men faced to bee fathers. The director and producer is Johnny Symons, himself a gay father of an adopted son wh his partner the Bay Area.

THE 50 BT GAY SONGS TO CELEBRATE PRI ALL YEAR LONG

Savage beme an ternatnally regnized sex lumnist and activist the 1990s and ’00s for his ank cultural sight to gay relatnships and inty.

Cookie, the matriarch of a powerful fay at the center of Fox's Empire, is fiercely protective and supportive of her gay son, Jamal.