While growg up on a Washgton state dairy farm the 1950s, Patrick Haggerty realized he was gay. In this animated feature om our partners at StoryCorps, he tells his dghter, Rob, about the day his father showed up unexpectedly to his performance at a school assembly.
Contents:
- DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR
- GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
- ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
- MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI
- WALL STREET CEOS OPEN UP ABOUT THEIR GAY SONS
- MAGIC JOHNSON ON LEARNG TO ACCEPT HIS GAY SON EJ: ‘HE CHANGED ME’
- WHAT DO THE SCHOLARLY REARCH SAY ABOUT THE WELL-BEG OF CHILDREN WH GAY OR LBIAN PARENTS?
- GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
- A GAY SON’S RELLECTN OF HIS DAD’S ADVICE ON HOW TO LIVE HIS LIFE
- THE 50 BT GAY SONGS TO CELEBRATE PRI ALL YEAR LONG
DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR
Ever sce same-sex marriage beme legal across the US, there has been a baby boom the gay muny – om New York Cy to Utah – as the touchg imag show * gay sons of *
Clton, MarylandThey are the first both their fai to bee gay fathers, and received a warm wele to parenthood.
Asbury Park, New JerseyThe most stunng takeaway om photographg gay dads is the equaly of their partnership while raisg their children. Brooklyn, New YorkWhile makg Dads I was surprised to fd out how many gay sgle dads there are creatg their fay through adoptn or surrogacy.
GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
Fathers and gay sons: A plited, vally important relatnship. * gay sons of *
Province, Rho IslandArt and Jim were one of the first gay upl to bee fathers through adoptn.
Tom and Mike wh their son Jack at a lacrosse practice at Horace Mann School, Bronx, New YorkThroughout the book the children of gay dads grow olr. Although the school and Jack’s iends know that Jack has two gay dads there was some tensn the air while posg for this photo the middle of a sports field wh all the other players around. New York CySome gay dads choose not to share who the blogil father of their children is.
Fathers many fai are myster, distant, timidatg figur—even more so for boys wh homosexual attractns.
‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
Photographer Bart Heynen set out across the untry to make a visual archive of gay fatherhood "Dads." * gay sons of *
They are the fay torchbearers of manls, and, as mal young and old know, homosexualy is nsired the dread oppose of masculy. Acrdg to Michael Kimmel, a soclogist and expert on male sex rol, men monstrate their masculy by repudiatg all that is feme and monstratg an ever-ready willgns to engage sexual terurse wh women whenever the opportuny aris- a nutshell, to prove they are not gay. To be gay is to be powerls, weak, unable to break ee om Mommy, and the characteristics are patible wh real manls.
MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI
Magic Johnson and his son EJ discs how the fay handled when EJ me out as gay 2010. * gay sons of *
Inially, the assertn that homophobia plays center stage men's mascule self-ncept may seem rather extreme. A boy growg to a gay man will get the msage loud and clear that he is weak, dirty, and, perhaps worst of all, ls than a man.
Th is no wonr that the boys the study for my book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, relled beg so reactive and fearful of the rpons of their fathers—the very people who were expectg them to receive and rry the torch of masculy. We mt remember that fathers and sons live the same world—one that teach boys that homosexualy is patible wh real masculy and, by associatn, full male adulthood. Fathers too were raised to not only look down upon homosexualy, but to fear themselv.
Th havg a gay son might feel particularly shameful for a father, as he may believe is an dictment of his own masculy.
WALL STREET CEOS OPEN UP ABOUT THEIR GAY SONS
My mother, and my (gay) self. * gay sons of *
When a father this study ially found out his son was gay, he repeated, over and over, "Do you know what two men do to each other? " Add to this shame and disappotment men's tenncy to be stoic about problems to avoid appearg petent or weak and one gets a sense why many fathers, like those of the boys prevly quoted, did not want to discs such a topic wh a stranger—a gay stranger, no ls.
MAGIC JOHNSON ON LEARNG TO ACCEPT HIS GAY SON EJ: ‘HE CHANGED ME’
The photos om Gay Sons and Mothers exemplify the posive impact mothers n have the liv of queer men. * gay sons of *
Neverthels, is important to regnize that father-son antagonism uld be particularly woundg for a gay man.
Richard Isay, a psychoanalyst who specializ work wh gay men believ that gay mal unrgo a reverse-Oedipal plex whereby, as young boys, they bee subnscly sexually attracted to their fathers (rather than their mothers).
WHAT DO THE SCHOLARLY REARCH SAY ABOUT THE WELL-BEG OF CHILDREN WH GAY OR LBIAN PARENTS?
* gay sons of *
When the boy is a toddler, the father anxly sens the sublimal sexual charge their relatnship and, bee he is socialized to be repelled and aaid of homosexualy, he nsequently disengag om his son. Oedipal issu asi, a velopg gay boy may monstrate some tradnally feme gtur or terts that forhadow an adult homosexual orientatn, which may turn make his father unfortable and want to distance.
Sadly, father-son disengagement or stra may have particularly pernic nsequenc for gay men's adult liv and relatnships. If this primary relatnship is characterized by fear, distance, and hostily durg childhood, as is for many gay men, this will no doubt terfere wh his abily to form and mata timate, mted relatnships wh male partners his future. For gay sons of all ag, but pecially those who are stgglg to tablish, fix, or strengthen their current same-sex relatnships, might be a good ia to look toward their past relatnships wh their fathers for sights and answers.
GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
Eher way, I have found my clil work wh gay men that much eful rmatn n be gaed by examg past, and even prent father-son teractns to terme what patterns are beg repeated and/or reacted to their current relatnships. Armed wh this sight, gay men n then make more rmed choic about how to teract wh the men their liv. Fathers who love their gay sons need to unrstand the unique role they play their son's self-teem and future relatnships.
Certaly all fathers need to show that they love their sons and dghters, but fathers of gay sons need to fd ways to surmount the barrier of homophobia and socially scripted queass about gay sex to show their sons that they are ed lovable and serve the love of a good man. Although I rarely remend fictn to my clients or stunts, I urge all fathers of gay sons to follow the televisn seri Glee to study the relatnship between the gay character Kurt Hummel and his dad, Burt.
A GAY SON’S RELLECTN OF HIS DAD’S ADVICE ON HOW TO LIVE HIS LIFE
Watch this very macho father reach across the great divi of sex-role expectatns to mata a relatnship wh his wonrfully "flamboyant" gay son built on unndnal love.
And also know, Dad, that there are many, many of gay men out there watchg that relatnship too—wh tears of gratu, envy, and longg. Heynen planned to photograph for a book of photography featurg gay fathers and their children.
THE 50 BT GAY SONGS TO CELEBRATE PRI ALL YEAR LONG
”Amerin culture has not been particularly starved of imag of gay fatherhood, particularly recent years.
Celebri like Anrson Cooper have helped normalize the ia of gay men raisg children, and no longer feels revelatory to see them on televisn, as did when “Morn Fay” premiered mon, Mr. Heynen said, are imag of gay fathers who aren’t Instagram ready — like two men bg their dghters’ hair or tossg a football the ont yard.