Gay Men and Their Mothers: Is There a Special Closens? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?
• MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• MY SON IS GAY
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY
• I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY
• MY SON IS GAY
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?
• GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

They immediately clocked as gay, while we immediately clocked them as we warmed up to another, one mom anxly said: "I have a qutn: I am pretty sure my son is gay, but I don't know what to do.

"For example, if someone the word "gay" place of "stupid, " remd them that the two are not terchangeable, and suggt they should say what they actually mean stead. "The rourc n help:PFLAG: The untry’s largt anizatn ung parents, fai, and alli wh people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and Spectm: Offers groups, trag, and rourc promotg genr sensivy and cln for all youthGLBT Natnal Rource Database: LGBTQ+ digal directory of rourcNatnal Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: Directory of therapists/unselors who are people of lorNatnal LGBTQ Task Force: The progrsive advocy arm of the LGBTQ+ movementDurg LGBTQ Pri Month, TODAY is sharg the muny’s history, pa, joy and what’s next for the movement.

You might ask how long he or she has known, and why he feels he is gay, bi, or trans, suggts Jonathan Tobk, M.

MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

D., a psychiatrist private practice New York Cy and the -thor of When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need to Know. PFLAG, or Parents for Lbians and Gays, which now has a group for transgenr youth, and holds natnwi chapters and meetgs;. I psed on our lol PBS affiliate, where a huge choir was sgg, and after a few sends I realized was the Gay Men's Chos of some cy or another dog a fundraisg ncert.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

At this time my life, I was 99 percent certa I was gay, though nowhere near ready to sprg on my parents.

We had no gay people our liv back then, no way to gge my fay's level of watched as they livered a rendn of what I remember as "Somewhere Over the Rabow, " bee eher they or my memory are unfivably basic. Stirrg and brave and subversive, g as did a time before marriage equaly was on the map, a time when you only saw gay people on the news.

I'd love to say that you should do a big, showy "Hey, I sure do like those gay people" at the dner table.

MY SON IS GAY

When parents learn that their child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, they n experience a range of emotns. As a matter of fact, you might someday look back and fd that you are grateful for the experience of havg a gay or lbian child. Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups.

If you jt found out your child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, you may be thkg that such ias are prepostero. The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life.

I have plenty of gay and lbian iends and is certaly no big al however I am upset as I was not expectg this and his future as I expected has gone.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY

I won't be a grandma ( he is an only child) I worry about him anyway but more so if he's gay due to the news we hear alot about homophobic asslts etc.

How Olr Brothers Influence HomosexualyHomosexualy might be partly driven by a mother’s immune rponse to her male fet—which creas wh each son she MacGregor / RtersHere’s what we know: Homosexualy is normal.

Between 2 and 11 percent of human adults report experiencg some homosexual feelgs, though the figure vari wily pendg on the survey. Homosexualy exists across cultur and even throughout the animal kgdom, as the thors of a mammoth new review paper on homosexualy wre.

I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY

Female Japane maqu will even pete tersexually wh mal for exclive accs to female sexual ’s what we don’t know: What, specifilly, someone to bee gay, straight, or somethg between. Part of the explanatn is geic, but bee most intil tws of gay people are straight, heredy don’t expla “why” qutn is important bee “there is a strong rrelatn between beliefs about the origs of sexual orientatn and tolerance of non-heterosexualy, ” acrdg to the report thors, who are om seven universi spanng the globe.

(When Atlantic ntributor Chandler Burr proposed his 1996 book, A Separate Creatn, that people are born gay, Southern Baptists lled to boytt Disney films and parks prott agast the publisher, Disney subsidiary Hypern.

MY SON IS GAY

) It shouldn’t matter whether people “choose” to be gay, but polilly, do—at least for of the most nsistent environmental explanatns for homosexualy is lled the “aternal birth orr effect. Studi have found that a man whout olr brothers has about a 2 percent chance of beg gay, but one wh four olr brothers has a 6 percent chance.

Average prevalence 2013 (Sav-Williams and Vrangalova)Acrdg to the report, Blanchard now plans to tt mothers of gay and straight men for the prence of the antibodi. But gaps will rema, such as why some firstborn sons are gay, why some intil tws of gay sons are straight, and why women are gay, to name jt a review-paper thors do le out one explanatn for homosexualy, however: That tolerance for gay people enurag more people to bee gay.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

“Homosexual orientatn do not crease equency wh social tolerance, although s exprsn ( behavr and open intifitn) may do so, ” they reasong—that a tolerant society somehow enurag homosexualy to flourish—has been ed to support anti-gay legislatn Uganda, Rsia, and elsewhere. So below I've provid a better list of ways to tell if your son is a gay person who is you e home om work and you hear nois upstairs and you go up to vtigate and your son's door is open and you tch him "hookg up" (as kids ll today) wh his iend Michael, and you quickly turn around and walk back downstairs and later that night over dner you say "You know, honey, if there's ever anythg you need to tell me...

IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

" and he says "Mom, I'm gay, " then your son is your son has recently gone to llege and hasn't been touch much and you figure hey he's new to llege, he's by makg iends and whatnot, and then late one night he lls you on the phone soundg upset about somethg and you ask him what's wrong and he's quiet for a while and then says "Nothg's wrong, really, I'm jt... Dad, I'm gay, " then your son is your son ever been on a long drive to one of your dghter's swim meets wh you and when stopped at a red light he's turned to you and said "Mom, I feel like I owe to you and dad to tell you that, well, Donald is my boyiend.

Chanc are that if you are on your athbed and your tranged son to vis you the middle of a ray night and he ss by your bed quietly until he begs to cry and clutch your hand and says "I wish I'd told you sooner that I'm gay" and then you both stay there silence, you pretendg to be asleep, the only noise the beepg of the mach that will only keep you alive for a ltle while longer, your son is you and your spoe are ever visg your son the big cy he now liv wh all his fancy iends and fancy rtrants and you're out to an awkward lunch before your tra home and you three get to another potls fight about years-old stuff and 's really unfortable and fally you or your spoe says "Well, if you'd jt settle down wh the right girl, I thk-" and then your son terpts you by yellg "Guys, I'm GAY.

" and then you lgh and ms his hair and the livg room your hband shows your son's boyiend his mol ships, then your son is probably gay, though he might be bisexual, so be reful about your son ever says "Oh my goodns, " when surprised or when openg a gift, well then yeah, he probably gay. He me home one weekend to expla to me and my hband that he has been livg wh his partner for three months and has known he was gay sce he was 17. UPSET: Mary n't e to terms wh the fact that her son is gay / pic posed by molsI was vastated and me as a shock bee Gav has the past brought girliends home to meet .

GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?

Perhaps is ls difficult than once was bee there is ls secrecy and ls opprobrium surroundg homosexualy but is still hard bee upsets all your expectatns about your mt have been very difficult for Gav to e home and tell you this. Wh gay marriage makg headl around the world, parents are lookg for helpful ways to intify wh children, iends, and fay members who intify as homosexual or same-sex attracted.

"Our church never warned to thk through how you would want to rpond if your son tells you he's gay. In our discsns about Jordan, she has been very firm her belief that the Bible says homosexualy is a choice.

As I listened to them dialogue about that, I started to see that "choice" is probably not the bt word to e when talkg wh those stgglg wh homosexualy. Statg that homosexualy is a choice n make perfect sense to those of not alg wh the issue, but for those the church today who are tryg to figure out why they are havg same-sex attractns, I n see how uld be hugely trimental and create far more pa than hope and healg. If our words are drivg our sons and dghters toward those the gay muny who "better unrstand" their stggl, then I believe we are also beg ceived about the way God would sire we share the gospel.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

I feel like many dividuals the church who are stgglg wh homosexualy tend to feel that their only optns are to hi the tense battle they're wagg ternally, move to the gay muny for acceptance, or m suici.

From what I'm told, there are many the church, like my son, who say they have homosexual attractns, but are choosg not to act on that s and stead, to live a chaste life servg the Lord.

Jordan has shared several horrible stori about stunts he has known om Christian hom—some wh parents mistry—who have been beaten and abed by their parents when they tried to talk wh them about beg gay. Here are a few thgs I've learned on how to cultivate a healthy rponse to my son's nfsn of homosexualy:. My hband wisely unseled me to only share Jordan's revelatn wh a tsted and select few, so that if his homosexualy ed others to treat him differently, me om him sayg somethg and not .